Against the Odds
by knicnort3
Summary: When her brother Emmett is diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia, Bella attempts to save him by secretly embarking on a radical scheme involving his best friend Edward. As their plan proceeds, Bella and Edward must deal with the repercussions of their actions and a love they were never expecting. A/H
1. Prologue

Against the Odds

Description: When her brother Emmett is diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia, Bella attempts to save him by secretly embarking on a radical scheme involving his best friend Edward. As their plan proceeds, Bella and Edward must deal with the repercussions of their actions and a love they were never expecting.

AH, Angst/Romance, HEA

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A/N: I'm not claiming to know anything about leukemia or bone marrow transplants, so if you're close to the topic or are in the medical field and can't suspend reality for fiction, then this may not be the story for you.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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Prologue

I tried to hold it in. I tried to ignore the torturous burning from the pressure he was creating. But my knuckles felt like they were going to tear right through my skin from how tightly I was grasping on to the covers below me, and I knew I couldn't hold on for a moment longer...

My screams were muffled by my own pillow after my trembling hands failed to stay attached to their positions and moved to hide my face in a last ditch effort to stay quiet, and that was his breaking point.

"What are you doing?" I cried out as I felt him back away from me. When I pulled the pillow off my face and sat up to look at him, he was on the other side of the room fastening his pants. "That's it? You're just done?"

"This is wrong," he replied. His voice was strained with the guilt and frustration that he was obviously feeling from the event. "We can't do this. I can't believe I even let it go this far."

"We have to do this!" I replied angrily. "You can't just walk away now."

"Yes, I can," he said sternly before grabbing his shoes and heading for the door.

"Edward, I need you," I said desperately.

He turned back to me slowly. "No, what you _need_ is to forget about all of this. It wouldn't have worked anyway."

"You don't know that," I argued with tears streaming down my face. "How will we ever know if we don't try?"

"We did try. _This_ was trying," he said while gesturing towards the bed. "It's not going to work so we need to just…stop."

"How can you say that? After everything he's done for you, how can you just….give up? He'd never give up on you, and you know that!" I argued emotionally.

He froze in shock as if I just slapped him across the face. "That's not fair," he said slowly. "I'd do anything for him."

"Obviously not," I challenged.

He shook his head. "This won't work. Even if we went through with it, the chances of it actually helping him are slim, and then what? You're stuck living with this for the rest of your life."

I huffed. "We already talked about this. I understand what you're saying, but I think I know myself a little better then you do. I won't let it affect me, but if I sit back and do nothing when there is even the slightest chance that I can save him…._that's_ something I'd never forgive myself for, and trust me, you won't either."

He was quiet as he considered everything I was saying, and then he sighed in defeat. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll live," I replied meaningfully. "But if we don't do this….he doesn't even have a chance."

I could see the conflict burning in his eyes, but I knew he would ultimately agree to it. The consequence to our decision could never outweigh the alternative, and we were both unwilling to give up without a fight….

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*****A/N: I got the idea for this from watching a TLC documentary. LOL. I have no idea why, but I've been thinking about it for a while now. I hope it's obvious where this is headed so you know it's definitely not going to be a light and fluffy story. But if anyone is interested in reading more, please let me know with a review.**

**I have a couple chapters in the works, but I also have ideas for a few other stories and I just wasn't sure which to proceed with at this time. I may decide to write more than one, so if this isn't a plotline for you perhaps my next story will be **

**If you do decide to read this, try not to get caught up in the **_**whys**_**. It's not really about the reason behind what's going to happen, it's the relationship that develops between them as a result. I definitely don't want to open a moral debate with this, so just remember that people don't always think rationally in events such as these, and it is **_**fiction**_**.**

**Thanks for giving it a chance either way, I really appreciate the support.  
~KC**


	2. Ch1 Never the Same

Chapter 1 – Never the Same

**Two Years Prior  
**

"Ok, you have got to be the luckiest girl in school," Rose said excitedly to me on the morning of the big homecoming game.

"Why?" I asked, though I was pretty sure I already knew what she was going to say.

"Your brother is the hottest guy in school. I can't imagine what it's like to wake up in the same house as the captain of the varsity football team."

"I don't exactly think of my brother that way," I pointed out.

"Oh, right…. I guess I don't wish I was you. But you do get to be home when all the other players come over to hang out. I mean, you can't crush on Emmett, but Edward and some of the others are almost as sexy."

I rolled my eyes - the mere mention of Edward automatically gave me that reaction. It wasn't that I thought he was ugly, but I supposed I just knew him too well to think of him as anything other than disgusting.

Edward Masen was my brother's long time best friend. The two of them were inseparable, and as much as I didn't get along with my brother, I got along with Edward even less. It was bad enough having to deal with the smelly unhygienic oaf that I was related to, but to deal with his 'wing man' as Emmett called him, was definitely worse. The fridge was always raided, the stench of sweat and BO coming from Emmett's room would leak into mine, and the toilet seats were always left up with urine and unidentified pubic hairs sprinkled all over the place. It didn't matter how recently the house was stocked and cleaned, the guys dirtied it in inhuman speed.

"Well you're more than welcome to my life," I said to Rose carelessly.

"Oh, come on. I mean, you can't really hate living in the center of the varsity team's social headquarters. Your house is the coolest place in town."

"_Cool_ is in the eye of the beholder," I told her. "I think Jane Austen and William Shakespeare are cool, not brawny boys who enjoy getting their heads bashed in. I always tell Emmett that he's going to end up brain dead from playing football, but he never listens."

"Oh Bella," Rose said with a sigh while draping her arm over my shoulder. "If I didn't love you so much I'd probably call you a nerd."

"Thanks," I said carelessly.

Rosalie and I had been friends for as long as I could remember, but somewhere around the sixth grade we started growing apart. She grew breasts and discovered that boys didn't actually have coodies, and I grew mosquito bites and discovered that boys in real life would never measure up to the ones in classic fairy tales. For whatever reason however, we always stayed friends. I'd help her with her homework and staying on track, and she helped me loosen up a bit and force me to have a life outside of books.

The thing was, Rose was really my_ only _friend and as I got older, I became more and more resistant of school 'life'. I wasn't very outgoing and I definitely wasn't athletic, but I wasn't particularly smart either so I didn't even have the more intellectual kids to socialize with. In fact, I wasn't really good at anything; I didn't have that_ one_ thing I excelled in that most people seemed to have. I just floated about my life without any particular direction. I supposed I had time to figure it all out, but I just knew I'd wake up one day and realize my time was up and I still didn't have any plans.

I refused to admit it out loud, but a part of me was jealous of my brother. Football was stupid and it was wrong that his teachers would fix grades for him to play, but at least he knew what he wanted out of life. He was going to get to handpick which college he went to and then probably be drafted into the NFL after that. It just wasn't fair.

"So I'll see you at the game tonight?" Rose asked me before we parted ways.

"Ugh….I guess so," I whined, really not wanting to go but not wanting her to show up at my house regardless and drag me there.

"Don't sound so unhappy about it; we're in high school now Bella, these are supposed to be the best years of our lives. I'll see you later," she said with a smile and a wave.

I waved back grudgingly. If these were the best years of our lives, my life was seriously going to be pathetic.

….

God, I hated football. I mean, I_ really_ hated it…like with a passion. The entire town was there to cheer on the team as my brother led them towards the regional championship.

My parents were sitting four rows below me, all decked out in our school colors and waving their team flags as if it was some kind of national holiday. And then the crowd started chanting… "Swan, Swan, Swan…" It was rather embarrassing.

Emmett had the ball and was looking for someone open, and of course, because they were so freaken in-sync, Edward suddenly appeared down the field ready to receive. But suddenly there was an odd change in the play and Edward moved away.

"What's he doing?" I asked myself, as if I actually cared.

The other team closed in on Emmett, so he threw it in Edward's general direction right before he was tackled. Luckily Edward switched course once again, and was able to catch the ball and run it into the end zone for the win.

The crowd went wild and even I had a hint of a smile on my lips; it was hard not to be sucked in by the elated energy around me. But everyone was so excited that they didn't seem to notice the way Emmett took longer than usual to get up after his hit.

"Something's wrong with Emmett," I said, mostly to myself.

"He looks fine to me," Rose replied as we watched my brother slowly climb to his feet.

"I don't know. He's never taken so long to recover from a blow before."

"Oh, he's probably just taking his time to gloat. That game was amazing."

The team split up to grab both Emmett and Edward, and hoisted them up on their shoulders to celebrate. Emmett was laughing and cheering along with them, so I figured that I must have just imagined his off behavior and chose to forget about it.

Most of the town went out to party afterwards; I, of course, went home and finished reading my latest book from the library. And because I went to bed early, I was awake before anyone else the next morning, which proved to be an issues just as it often was.

"Turn off the lights," Edward croaked from the living room couch. I was in the kitchen making myself some breakfast and had flipped on the lights because it was still dark out, but I guess that was unacceptable.

"I can't see without the lights on," I told him.

"It's six in the morning, for crying out loud, go back to bed," he replied agitated.

"Why are you even here anyway; don't you have a home of your own?" I asked. It was actually a rhetorical question which I asked him just about every week. Edward was always crashing on our couch, and despite my protests, my parents never sent him home.

"If I went home you'd miss me," he joked as he rolled off the couch and headed into the kitchen.

"Oh please don't get up on my account," I said with a wrinkled nose.

He ignored me and went into the fridge to grab the orange juice, which he drank straight from the carton, and then he burped loudly without even attempting to cover his mouth or apologize. It was utterly disgusting, and the only thing I could think of was what Rose would say if she could see him and Emmett the way that I did.

"So what's on your busy schedule for the day?" he asked mockingly knowing I probably had no plans. "Make your bed, read a book, then watch a marathon of the week's soap operas on DVR?"

"Yep, that exactly what I plan to do," I said sarcastically. "You know me so well."

"It's a gift, what can I say."

I rolled my eyes at him. "And what's on your busy calendar for the day? Eat all our food, follow Emmett around like a lost puppy, and wind up crashing some party to get drunk and sleep with random girls?"

He looked at me with faux dramatic astonishment. "Wow, and I thought I was the one who could read minds."

"Oh, you read minds now, do you?" I said slightly amused. "What am I thinking right now?"

"Nope, sorry, it doesn't work on you," he said casually while grabbing some leftovers from the fridge and taking it to the table.

"Uh huh, and why not?"

"Because your brain works on a different frequency then the rest of us; one that can only be heard by the aliens on your home planet."

"Oh right, you claim to read minds but I'm the alien?"

"Maybe if you didn't spend all you time reading, you'd actually make some friends and your brain would fix itself."

"Whatever. If you can read other people's minds, then why don't you tell me what my parents are dreaming about upstairs, or Emmett?" I asked, wondering why the hell I was continuing with the nonsense.

"Your parents aren't dreaming…they're going at it like rabbits but your dad is imagining a super model in your mom's place. And Emmett is dealing with his morning wood."

I scrunched my face and had to fight the urge to vomit. "You are…."

"Adorable, I know."

"You think pretending to be able to read people's minds when they're doing nasty things is adorable?" I said incredulously. "And people think_ I'm_ off."

"No, people think you're off because you think things like sex and masturbation are 'nasty'. Don't worry about it though, you're still young; I'm sure even you will grow up and think sex isn't such a bad thing….whether it be with a woman or a man, you'll get there eventually."

"Oh, now I'm a lesbian? I'm not even fifteen yet; I think it's fine that I've never had a boyfriend. And it is perfectly normal to find the idea of my parents having sex disturbing."

"I didn't say you were a lesbian, only that if you were it would be perfectly fine and not completely unexpected. In fact, I bet Emmett would prefer it so he didn't have to kick the ass of whatever loser you end up dating."

"You're a moron," I said bitterly, unable to think of a better comeback. The entire conversation had quickly surpassed being absurd and I was done wasting my breath on it. I just really couldn't wait until that summer when Edward and Emmett would graduate and hopefully leave town for a while. I was a freshman and would only spend that one year with them in school, but that was way more than enough for me. I was already so tired of being known as Emmett's little sister….I'd much prefer to not be known at all.

I grabbed my breakfast and a book, and escaped Edward's appalling presence to go watch the sun rise on the front porch swing.

A little while later, Emmett and Edward came barreling out of the house headed to wherever the day's big social gathering was being held, and for a moment, just a brief second, I wished I could go with them. Perhaps I was a little lonely; perhaps I was so closed off because deep down I was slightly jealous that they always had somewhere to go and people to see. I wasn't outgoing, and for the most part I was comfortable in my life, but I did momentarily wonder what it would be like to be them.

"Bella, what are you doing out here?" my dad asked me as he walked out of the house carrying his fishing gear.

I held up my book to show him.

He huffed. "It's Saturday, why don't you go do…something? Go hang out with friends, go shopping, anything is better than what you're doing."

I rolled my eyes. "Most parents would prefer their teen daughter staying out of trouble."

"A little trouble never hurt anyone."

"Right, tell that to Mr. Stanley," I said with a laugh.

"Just because Jessica is pregnant, doesn't mean all teen girls get into that much trouble," Charlie replied, slightly irritated. Jessica Stanley getting pregnant while in high school was our small town's biggest scandal. It practically made headlines in the newspaper. Every parent kept their teens at arm's length for a few months after word first got out; I sort of wished someone else would get pregnant as well, just to go back to everyone being on lock down. High school sucked the most when the kids felt like they could get away with anything.

"Well, I still don't feel like doing anything other than what I'm doing," I told him.

"I just worry about you Bella. I don't want you to shun the world and one day wake up and realize your life has passed you by."

I huffed. I was already questioning my existence, I really didn't need my dad to lay it on as well.

"I know, I know," Charlie responded to my obvious disapproval of his comment. "How about you spend the day with your old man fishing?"

"Thanks, but no thanks," I said with a smirk, knowing all too well he already knew my answer before he asked the question.

"You know, apart from socially, a little sunshine might do you some good."

"Not interested," I reiterated.

He mumbled something under his breath before finally saying goodbye and leaving for the day.

I felt like an utter loser. Even my own father thought so, which made me all that much more irritated, both with myself and everyone else. Was it so bad that I saw the world differently than most kids my age? I really should have been born in a different century.

But that brief talk with my father was definitely a changing point for me. I suddenly became determined to make a few new friends that year and to force myself to enjoy living company for a change, instead of just the company of sorted words in classic novels. If for no other reason, a fuller social life would get my family off my back. Maybe I just wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it, that my antisocialism was self-appointed and not because I was weird or too odd for other people to get along with.

I called Rose. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"Uh…who is this?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's Bella."

"Yeah, I saw the caller ID, but I still don't know if I believe it."

"Ha, ha, very funny. So what's going on? Any parties or get-togethers?"

"I can call around and find out…but why do you want to go to one?"

I hesitated. _Why did I want to go to one?_ – "Just…because." I couldn't give her a better answer because I just didn't have one. If I told her that my dad, and well, Edward, made me feel bad about myself so I was going to prove that I could, she'd probably think I was an even bigger loser than she already did.

"O-kay," she said, probably thinking if she questioned me too much on the subject I'd change my mind. "I'll pick you up around seven."

"Ok."

"Oh, and Bella, wear something sexy."

I rolled my eyes at her again and seriously wished she could see me.

I didn't own anything sexy…sexy wasn't me…but I dutifully went to my closet to see what I could find.

"Ugh, I have absolutely nothing to wear!" I shouted in frustration. I didn't care about impressing anyone, but I didn't want to look like the uptight prude that I was either. I guess a part of me just wanted to be different. Just for the night, I wanted to be someone other than me and actually fit in.

So I did the unthinkable….I went into my mother's closet and borrowed one of her outfits. Renee had once commented on how she wished we were close enough to share clothes and tell each other all our secrets, but I always resisted the notion. She was a socialite and dressed the part of a desperate housewife – it was always embarrassing to me. It was bad enough having all the girls in my school drooling over my brother, but to have all the guys in town drooling over my mother was more than disturbing. I'd never understand how her and my humble, low-profile, father ever got together in the first place.

I picked out one of her tightest black cocktail dresses, and reluctantly brought it back to my room to put it on. I looked in the mirror and was actually pleasantly surprised by the way it clung to my body in all the right places, it even made me look like I had bigger boobs….but then I huffed and took it off, instead settling on jeans and a tank top. That dress just wasn't me, so it was really pointless to even try.

Rose and her older friend Maggie arrived early at six thirty, and they honked the car horn impatiently when I took too long to come out.

"Jeeze, what took you so long?" Rose asked frustrated as she got out of the passenger seat to let me crawl in the back.

"You said seven," I said defensively.

"So, you should have been ready at five…I was."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Sorry, next time I'll keep my purse on my shoulder all afternoon and make sure to leave my house keys in the lock so all I have to do is turn it and leave."

"Ok," she said seriously.

"Why do you lock your front door when you leave anyway; your dad is the police chief, who would break into your house?" Maggie asked.

"Anyone who hates the police chief."

She thought about it for a moment. "Oh…right."

By the time we got to the house party there were so many cars that we had a hard time finding a place to park, and I found myself wondering what the safety code was in that area for such a thing…_God, I was such a loser. _

When we finally found a spot and got out of the car, Rose noticed my attire. "What the hell are you wearing? I told you to dress sexy."

"This tank is tight," I argued. Usually I only wore it as an undershirt, so at least I didn't throw on my flannel over it like I would have preferred.

Rose huffed but otherwise dropped the subject.

"Hey look, your brother's here," Maggie said as we walked towards the house. Emmett's jeep was unmistakable with his raised monster tires and woman silhouette mud-flaps; everyone always knew when Emmett was around.

"Great," I said sarcastically, but I was actually glad he was there. He'd get a chance to see me with 'friends' so perhaps he'd mention it to my parents and they'd all get off my back.

The party was everything I was expecting – loud, crowded, and full of alcohol and people smoking pot. After five minutes I was already regretting my decision to go.

"Bella?" Emmett asked when we crossed paths. He had a drink in one hand, and a wasted chick hanging on his other. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Partying," I said flatly.

"Shouldn't you be home knitting or something?" he asked.

"I don't knit," I said annoyed. I curiously found myself looking around for Edward; even though I'd never admit it, I wanted him to see me there so he'd stop thinking I was a loser as well. "Where's your lackey?"

"Huh?" Emmett asked, having a hard time focusing on anything at the moment.

"Edward. I'm not used to seeing you without him; usually you're joined at the hip."

"Oh, he's probably off somewhere getting laid. That's what parties are for," he said with a laugh, but then suddenly became serious. "You need to go home."

Suddenly someone banged into me from behind, which practically knocked me over. "Whoa," I said, trying to regain my composure.

"What the hell, fuck-tart!" Emmett yelled at the guy. "Watch where you're going, that's my sister!" he said protectively. Emmett preferred to not acknowledge me in public for the most part, but when someone messed with me, even accidently, he wasn't about to stand by and let it go.

"For heaven's sake, he didn't do it on purpose!" I yelled at my brother.

"No one pushes you around," he said sternly. "Now, go home. You don't belong here."

"I'm not leaving! I'm just trying to have fun just like everyone else here," I said irritated. But I didn't go there to hang out with my brother, so I turned and walked away from him.

I searched for Rose, but when I found her she was making out with some random guy so I decided to leave her alone. God, I just wanted to go home. Who was I kidding anyway - everyone who glanced at me as I walked around aimlessly knew I didn't belong there. But since I came with Rose and Maggie, and it didn't look like they would be ready to leave any time soon, I decided to just sit on the front porch and read one of my e books on my phone.

I got through two chapters when suddenly there was some commotion inside the party, and then a group of people stumbled out. I was surprised to see Emmett in the center of them; he was slouched over Edward and another guy's shoulders as they made their way to Em's jeep.

"What's going on?" I asked as I hurried to catch up to them.

"Nothing, he's just had a little too much to drink," Edward said dismissively. But Emmett looked more than a little wasted….he was completely out of it.

"A _little_ too much?" I asked incredulously. I hadn't been outside all that long, so I was surprised that he was able to get that wasted in such a short amount of time.

"Nah, he's fine," Edward insisted.

But Emmett wasn't fine. All of a sudden he started shaking and his eyes rolled behind his head. The other guy automatically let him go and Edward wasn't strong enough to hold his massive frame alone as he convulsed, but he refused to let him go regardless. The two of them fell to the ground as I watched helplessly confused. "Oh my god!"

"Emmett!" Edward shouted at him as he continued to hold his head up to the best of his ability. "Emmett, come on man!"

"What's happening?" I screamed.

"I don't know!" Edward said in a panic. "Go get help idiot!" he yelled at the other guy there.

"We can't call 911," the guy told him. "The police will come and there's a ton of pot in there."

"_Jesus Christ_," Edward mumbled to himself. "I don't give a shit, call a fucking ambulance!"

But then, as quickly as it came on, Emmett's shaking stopped and he regained consciousness….well, sort of. "What's going on?" he asked groggily.

Edward let out a laugh of relief. "Man, I think you got some bad alcohol or something."

"Ugh, I feel like shit," Emmett mumbled.

"Yeah, you look like shit too. We better get you to the hospital to make sure you're ok," Edward told him.

"Nah, I'm fine," Em said while trying to sit up, but he was still so woozy that he laid right back down again.

"Dude, you could have alcohol poisoning or something, I mean you were throwing up and then started shaking…" Edward shook his head slowly. "That aint right, you need to go get checked out."

"My dad is going to kill me," Emmett huffed weakly. "I'm still in hot water from the last party I went to."

"I'll cover for you," I said, surprising them as well as myself. He scared me more than I'd care to admit so I guess I was sort of feeling charitable at the moment. "I'll just tell him you guys were at home. Mom and dad don't care as much if you're drinking at home, right?"

"They still care, but not as much…thanks Bella," Emmett replied quietly.

I decided sitting in an ER waiting room for hours was better than hanging at that noisy party all night, so I decided to go with them. Edward was going to drive Emmett's jeep there and I hopped in back, but it was quite a struggle to get Em up into the passenger seat. I had to admit, I laughed a little as it took three guys to push him up inside. Served him right for never being satisfied with the rise in the thing in the first place.

Edward drove like a bat out of hell towards Forks Mercy, and sitting in the back seat of that thing had to be the bounciest ride I had ever been on. "Slow down!" I shouted at him.

"This is an emergency Bella, people go fast in emergencies," Edward replied evenly.

Emmett groaned.

"See, you're making him sick!" I argued.

"He's already sick, which is why I'm trying to get him to the hospital as fast as possible. You should have just stayed at the party if you were so nervous about fast driving."

"There is no way in hell I would have left my fourteen year old sister there," Emmett grumbled weakly.

I couldn't see Edward's face, but I was sure he rolled his eyes at his comment.

After arriving at the hospital, we escorted Emmett to the ER and I was shocked by just how pale he was. He kept his arm draped over Edward's shoulder for support and was semi walking, but he still looked horrible.

I stood by and listened to Emmett and Edward describing his symptoms to the processing nurse, and I was surprised when they mentioned that he'd been feeling sick off and on for a few weeks - though I figured they were just elaborating the truth a bit just so they wouldn't automatically assume it was alcohol related. They were idiots. They should have realized that doctors could figure it out if they were lying.

After they took Emmett in the back, Edward and I sat in the waiting room in awkward silence. I knew it would take a while, so I pulled my phone back out and started reading my book again. I never thought to call my parents, but when they came walking into the room about an hour later, I felt slightly guilty for not thinking about them sooner. The hospital must have called them.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Mom asked me, surprised that I was there.

"Oh, well I was with Emmett when he got sick," I explained vaguely.

"Well, there's no sense in you hanging out any longer, it's late," my dad said, and then he looked at Edward. "Do you mind taking her home?"

"Sure Charlie, no problem," Edward replied.

Edward still had Emmett's keys so he drove us home, figuring that my parents would just take Em home in a few hours after they figured out what was wrong with him, unless…

"Do you really think he has alcohol poisoning?" I asked Edward quietly as he pulled onto my home street.

He shrugged. "He hasn't been feeling all that great lately, maybe he has the flu."

"If you really only thought he had the flu then why'd you insist on taking him to the hospital?" I questioned.

Edward pulled into my driveway and turned off the jeep's engine. "Well, to be honest, I never saw anyone shake like that before, and it kind of freaked me out a bit."

I nodded. "Yeah that was pretty scary." I admitted. "If it is alcohol poisoning…what will happen to him?"

"I have no idea….but your dad is going to kill him."

"That's if he even survives," I said absently.

"He's going to be fine," Edward said assuredly. "Hospitals know how to treat alcohol poisoning. It's your dad that's the real threat."

"Please," I said sarcastically. "Emmett is my parent's pride and joy; he never gets into real trouble for anything. My dad may yell at him, but I doubt you have to worry about your drinking buddy being out of commission for very long. I don't think he's ever been grounded a day in his life."

"Well I hope not, drinking is never as fun without him," he joked, though I was fairly certain he was serious at the same time.

I just shook my head at him and then got out of the car. "You don't have to come in for my benefit," I said irritated when Edward followed me up to the door.

"Nah, I'm just going to crash here tonight," he said casually.

"Don't your parents ever miss you?" I asked bitterly.

"I don't think anyone could miss me as much as you would if I wasn't here," he teased.

When we got inside I decided it had been a long enough evening so I headed to bed. Edward, assumedly, slept on the couch.

I was surprised when my parents weren't home when I woke up in the morning. "Did my dad call?" I asked Edward. He was already raiding the refrigerator, which I didn't even care about at the moment.

"No, haven't heard from them," he said casually.

"Gosh, that's weird."

I decided to call my mom, but when it went straight to voicemail I texted her.

Still, no response.

Two hours later, the door opened and my dad walked in looking absolutely horrible.

"Hey, where are mom and Emmett?" I asked him, wondering why he was alone.

"They're still at the hospital. I'm going back soon, I just came home to check on you," he said vacantly. Something was definitely wrong.

"Charlie, what's going on?" Edward asked.

Charlie turned his head towards me and shook his head slowly.

"Dad?" I asked concerned.

And then he lost it. I had never seen my father cry, but he broke down and sobbed louder than I had ever heard anyone cry before. Edward and I glanced at each other completely horrified, and then I rushed to my father's side and held him as he let it all out.

I didn't understand exactly what was happening, but I had a sinking feeling that our lives would never be the same again….

* * *

*****A/N: Thanks so much for the interest, I'm very excited to begin another story and I hope you enjoy it! This is definitely going to be a controversial subject so please just remember it's not real, and allow me a little creative freedom. Thanks again, I really appreciate it! :)  
~KC**


	3. Ch2 Silences

Chapter 2 - Silences

I couldn't believe it.

It just couldn't be real.

Emmett was such a big strong guy, so full of life, how could he possibly have _leukemia_?

And that was the moment when time stopped.

It was like we all stopped breathing and made a silent vow to not begin again until Emmett was healthy.

After my dad forced himself to calm down, he seemed to have a new determination to not show his emotions again, at least not around me. He was always the rock of our family, and he had to keep it together for all of our sakes.

He gave me some money to order a pizza for dinner that night, and then he went back to the hospital, leaving Edward and me home alone once again. But for the first time, we didn't fight. We didn't bicker, he didn't make fun of me, and I didn't even mind him being there. In fact, I was actually grateful that I wasn't alone in that awful moment of confusion and helplessness.

But we didn't speak at all. We just sat in the living room for an indefinite amount of time, frozen in place, just staring blankly at the flat screen before us. _Was it even on? I couldn't be sure_.

I had no idea how long we sat there for, but when the phone rang I suddenly jumped up without thinking or even telling my body to do so. I wasn't really awake from the nightmare, but the ringing was definitely like an alarm clock, forcing me to move after being nothing more than a living statue for so long.

"Hello?" I asked. I didn't even look at the caller ID, I just answered automatically, hoping it was one of my parents with some better news. The diagnosis was just some horrible mistake, or they got Emmett's test results mixed up with someone else's. That was what I honestly expecting to hear.

"Bella…how are you doing?" My dad's voice came through the phone sounding rough and strained. "It's dad," he said unexpectedly, as if I wouldn't already recognize his voice….but maybe he was saying it more for himself, to force himself back into some form of reality after such a horribly surreal day.

"I know dad, how's Em?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "He's ok," he said, and my heart sped. _I knew it, I knew he was ok_.

"So when are you guys coming home?"

"In a little bit. We've been in testing, and meetings all day about moving forward."

"Moving forward? I don't understand."

"With treatment," he explained. "Our plan to fight this thing."

"But….But you just said he was ok?" I questioned.

"He's ok at the moment, but… it's not good Bella… It's definitely not good."

And just like that, I was back to feeling completely hopeless again.

"Look, I gotta get back, we'll be home a little later," he said, and then he hung up without giving me a chance to ask anything else or even say goodbye. I had so many questions, and with no answers I just felt so lost.

"What did he say?" Edward asked me anxiously. I didn't even know he was standing there until he spoke.

"He didn't say much," I told him.

"Well, what _did_ he say?" he asked again.

"Not much," I repeated. I couldn't even wrap my brain around anything to make sense of it.

"You spoke with him for like two minutes, what did he say, Bella?" Edward asked, getting irritated with my lack of information.

"He didn't say anything!" I shouted at him, and despite the numbing haze I was lost in, I could feel myself begin to tremble.

He stared at me for a moment, and just when I was sure he was about to press the subject some more, he surprised me by nodding slowly and then walking back to the couch to return to his former frozen state…. And I followed his lead and did the same.

The room somehow grew dark, as if the world was still spinning despite time standing still, and then the front door handle started jiggling before it opened slowly.

Edward and I both robotically turned our heads towards the sound.

"Hey," Charlie said quietly as he stepped inside.

"Dad, hey, how's…." But I didn't need to ask Charlie how Emmett was, because he and our mother walked through the door right behind him.

"Go right on up to bed," Mom told Emmett quietly.

"I'm not a fucking child, mom," Emmett replied bitterly.

"It's been a very long day and you need your rest," Renee insisted.

"I have been resting!" he snapped at her. "Now I'm all rested and I need some fucking fresh air." Emmett turned around without another word, and walked right back out the door. Charlie glanced at Edward in an almost pleading way, and Edward responded by jumping off the couch and following Emmett out.

"Charlie, stop him!" Renee said angrily.

He took a deep breath. "Let him go."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "He's sick."

"Yes, he's sick…. And he's just going to get sicker. Let him go out while he still can. Edward is with him, he'll make sure he's ok."

"Oh, right, Edward is the epitome of responsibility," she spat.

"Renee, look, I know you're scared right now, God knows I am too, but we can't keep him from living while he's…." Charlie glanced at me and let his sentence trail off. He closed his eyes tightly, assumedly to try to control his emotions, and then he looked right back at Renee. "As of right now, he's allowed to go out. Anything that can get his mind off of this is more than fine by me." – And the discussion was over. Charlie walked up the stairs and I heard the shower turn on.

Renee was still fuming next to me, and then turned her anger and frustrations to the only one around…me.

"Why is this house such a mess? What have you been doing all day?"

"I…uh…"

"Don't give me attitude!" she yelled at me.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Get it cleaned up now! Then get ready for bed; you have school tomorrow."

School? It seemed almost like a foreign concept at that point.

"Ok," I said no louder than a whisper. The house wasn't really a mess, Renee was just freaking out and I understood it, so I decided to let it go and agree to whatever she wanted at that moment.

Emmett didn't come home that night, but he did show up at school the next morning, and he and Edward acted like nothing was different. At break I found them laughing and joking around with their other friends in their normal spot, but I decided to follow my father's lead and leave him alone. I was worried about him, but I wasn't about to start nagging him the way my mother did, and it was somewhat of a relief to see him acting so normally.

The next few weeks were strange. Life went on normally – my parents worked a lot, Emmett and Edward partied and messed around, and I spent my free time reading. But I just didn't understand any of it. If Emmett was so sick, why wasn't he in the hospital getting treatment, and why weren't we all by his bedside praying for his safe recovery?

But then I began noticing subtle differences in Emmett's appearance. His skin was blotchy and he began to look almost puffy.

"So…is anyone going to tell me what's going on?" I asked during a rare family dinner. I couldn't remember that last time we all sat down together, and to be honest, it was kind of freaking me out a bit.

"Nothing is going on, I just wanted to have a nice family dinner," Renee said with faux casualness.

I turned to Emmett. "Where's Edward? He's always here around dinner time?"

"It's a _family_ dinner, Bella," Renee jumped on me. "Why can't we have a dinner with just the four of us?"

"We can, I was just wondering," I mumbled apologetically. My mother was definitely on edge, and it was best not to piss her off even more.

We all sat with the sound of our forks scraping and clattering against our plates as the only noise in the room. Every once in a while my father would huff, and my mother would sigh, and even Emmett would moan out a quiet complaint, but no one spoke until the meal was just about finished.

But I couldn't take it for a moment longer.

"Why won't anyone tell me what's happening with Emmett's leukemia?" I asked frustrated. It wasn't a question directed towards anyone in particular, but they all knew so much more than I did and I was left completely in the dark.

My parents turned and glared at me as if I just said a bad word, and I guess 'leukemia' had become a bad word in my family since Emmett's diagnosis.

"I have Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia," Emmett said unexpectedly. "I've been taking medications that have _this_ as a side effect," he said while gesturing to the blotches and puffiness of his face. "But the good news is that if I'm lucky I'll live another five years."

"Emmett!" mom, chided him emotionally.

"No mom, Bella is right. Why can't we talk about it? Why haven't we told her anything? It's stupid. Saying it out loud isn't going to make it any more real. The disease is there whether any of us want to admit it or not."

"Wait, what did you mean about the five years thing?" I asked confused.

"It doesn't mean anything," mom said quickly. "Those are just random numbers that doctors throw out to scare people."

"Mom," Em said irritated.

"Renee, Bella is old enough to know the truth," Charlie told her.

She fought back tears as she shook her head. "Well, I'm not going to sit here and listen to this right now. I can't. It's just…." She let her sentence trail off as she got up from the table and went upstairs.

Emmett and Charlie both had a mix of annoyance and sympathy as they watched Renee leave, and then my brother took a deep breath and continued to explain his condition.

"Well, it's definitely not the most common type of leukemia, so that…sucks, and without treatment I can only expect to live five years at the longest, but at least it's more of a slow moving form of the disease so I have some time to take care of some things before…"

"But you're getting treatment," I cut him off. "You just said you're taking medication, right?"

"Yes, he's taking medication, and hopefully it'll work," Charlie said.

"But what if it doesn't?" I asked, suddenly concerned by the way Charlie said '_hopefully_ it'll work', as in, it wasn't certain.

"Then we try something else…and then something else until something does work," Charlie said confidently.

"But we only have five years?" I questioned.

"It's just a general time frame," Charlie said quickly. "Emmett will be better by then."

"Yeah, don't sweat it," Em said casually, and then he shoved me in the side. "Since when do you care about me so much anyway?"

"You're my brother," I said simply.

He nodded in understanding. "No, I gotcha. Thanks sis, but you don't need to worry. I'm going to be fine, wait and see."

I felt a little better about the situation, but strangely felt worse at the same time, especially when Emmett took his barely touched plate of food and dumped it into a tupperwear container.

"Not hungry?" I asked as Charlie shot him a disapproving glare.

"It's just hard to eat with this medicine sometimes," he explained dismissively. He put the tupperwear into a plastic bag and then turned to leave.

"Where are you taking that, to a homeless shelter?" I joked.

"Nah, Edward is waiting outside."

"Well, give him some garlic bread too," Charlie told him.

"Ok, see ya," Emmett said after grabbing the bread and tossing it into the bag and then leaving.

"Is he really going to be ok?" I asked my dad after a few moments of heavy silence.

"We have to believe he will be," Charlie replied.

I nodded. "What's up with Edward hanging out outside?"

Charlie shook his head. "Your mother wanted a 'family dinner'; a lot of good it was with her running off upstairs like that," he grumbled.

"Why doesn't Edward just eat at his home?" I asked.

"Not everyone is as good of a cook as Renee is," Charlie joked, and then stood to clean off the table.

"It's still weird," I mumbled, mostly to myself. Come to think of it, I didn't really know anything about Edward's home or family. He was always just an obnoxious presence at our house for as long as I could remember, and I never even thought seriously about it. You would think his parents would want him home from time to time, but then again, my family hadn't been big on family time lately either, so I supposed I had no room to talk.

As much as I tried not to worry about Emmett, I couldn't help it. It didn't matter that we weren't close as siblings, he was still my brother and I couldn't imagine my life without him. Whether the medications worked or not, suddenly our lives seemed to be moving at a rapid pace. We had five years. Five years to get Emmett better before we lost him forever.


	4. Ch3 Having Fun

Chapter 3 – Having Fun

"So, I was thinking about taking you to dinner tonight," Emmett said unexpectedly before school one morning. "Just the two of us."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "Why? What about mom and dad?"

"Well, they're both working and I thought it would be kind of fun for us."

"Uh…ok," I said reluctantly. The truth was that I really didn't want to go, not because I disliked him the way I used to, but simply because we still weren't close and I had no idea what we'd talk about. Emmett and I never did anything with just the two of us, and since he'd been sick I was trying extra hard to be nice, but without bickering there just wasn't much to say at all, and I knew we were in for an awkward time.

I spent most of the day hoping for a reason to back out of my unexpected dinner date with my brother, but as the afternoon came to a close, I knew there was no getting out of it.

"Where are we going?" I asked that evening as he drove us in the opposite direction of the diner.

"Chuck E Cheese!" he said with an excited grin.

I scrunched my face. "You're kidding?"

"No, why would I kid about that?"

"Um, maybe because we're not kids anymore."

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun… For old time's sake?" he asked, hoping I wouldn't refuse and ruin whatever plan he had for the evening.

I shrugged. "Ok, I guess it really doesn't matter to me."

I felt absolutely ridiculous as I stood there and waited for Emmett to order us a pizza and buy some tokens for the games. We had to be the only people there without kids with us, and I couldn't help but wonder what Emmett was possibly thinking for bringing us there.

"What do you want to play first?" Emmett asked me as we searched for a table. "I got twenty bucks worth of tokens." We put our coats down to save our table, and set out amongst all the kids to the rows of arcade games. "I bet I'll win more tickets than you."

"You always did," I said, slightly bitter. He was better than me at everything, which definitely included video games of all kind.

"If you actually tried to have fun, maybe you'd win some," he encouraged.

"It's not about having fun, it's just that you're so competitive with everything, I don't stand a chance."

"Nah, I'm going to go play that zombie game over there, which only gives out a few tickets per win; why don't you go play Ski Ball that way you can have a head start."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'll meet you back at the table after we're done."

As much as I loathed the place, at least we weren't sitting at a stuffy restaurant trying to think of things to say to each other.

After three games of Ski Ball, I took my winning tickets back to our table and was glad when the pizza arrived. I hadn't realized just how hungry I was until that moment.

"How many did you win?" Emmett asked excitedly like a little kid.

"Uh…" I counted them quickly. "Fifteen."

"Wow, good job. I got thirty two."

"What? I thought you said that game didn't give many?"

"Yeah, well I'm just really good at it. Edward and I play like twice a week."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah, well, we don't come here, but he has the PlayStation version at his place."

"I thought you guys never hung out at his place?" I asked.

"We do to play PlayStation," he replied casually.

"So, what made you want to come here tonight?" I asked, trying to avoid that awkward silence I had been fearing all day as we ate our pizza_….well, I ate pizza, he hardly ate much anymore so he kind of just picked at his slice._

"I thought it would be fun. We used to come here all the time when we were kids," he replied.

"That's what kids do…and then they grow up and stop coming."

"Yeah well, sometimes you need to remember that you are still a kid, and it's important to have fun," he said, taking me aback.

And then I got a little angry. "Were you and dad gossiping about me not having a life?" I asked, remembering the conversation I had with my father a few months prior. "Because I don't need you or anyone else thinking they need to force me to have your version of fun."

"No. I don't care what you do in your free time," he replied sincerely. "I just realized that I really don't know you very well, and I wanted to spend some time with you."

"Why?" I asked while swallowing roughly as my stomach tied into a giant knot. I had always figured that my brother and I would have a better relationship when we were older with families of our own, but perhaps we would never get that chance and Emmett knew more than what he was saying. "The medication isn't working, is it?"

He sighed. "I think we're going to have to move on to Plan B," he admitted.

"What's Plan B?"

"Chemotherapy," he said quietly.

"How effective is it?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't want you to worry, but…this is going to be rough on me and I wanted to hang out with you before it makes me too sick to go anywhere."

"What if it doesn't work?"

"It will," he said unconvincingly.

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we move on to Plan C."

"Which is?"

He took another deep breath. "One step at a time, little sis. We'll talk about what comes next if it becomes necessary. Right now, all I want to think about is Air Hockey. Will you play me?"

I huffed. "Sure."

I had actually forgotten how much fun Air Hockey was. Emmett was unsurprisingly better than me, but out of the five games we played, I won two of them…though he may have gone easy on me for those. We laughed and shouted at each other when the other would score, and I found myself actually wishing we could stay longer when we ran out of tokens.

"Thanks for taking me, that was fun," I said when we got in the car to drive home.

"Well, thanks for coming, we should do it again."

"Yeah," I said enthusiastically.

We headed home, but then Emmett turned towards the opposite side of town. "I'm just going to drop off the rest of this pizza real quick," he explained when he saw my confused expression.

"Drop it off where?" I asked clueless.

"Edward's."

"Why? Is he really incapable of getting his own dinner?"

Emmett sighed. "You should really be grateful for the things you have, Bella," he replied solemnly. I was going to question him more, but then he pulled into what had to be the worst trailer park in the area.

"Edward lives in here?" I asked horrified. The place was known for being the town slums; drug labs and whore houses, drive-byes and gangbanger headquarters. The low of the low lived in that trailer park, and I never imagined I'd know someone there.

"Yeah, well his old man hasn't worked in decades and they live off of his grandma's retirement. It's all they can afford."

I sunk lower in my seat as we drove through the streets. The people hanging outside were terrifying and glared at us as we passed. It was definitely a terrible place.

We pulled up in-front of a small yellow trailer with fake plants on the porch, and several pink flamingo lawn statues sprawled around the tiny yard. I almost wanted to laugh at the way it was exactly a stereotypical 'white trash' kind of place, but I thought better of it.

"Wait here," Emmett instructed as he grabbed the pizza box and got out of the car. I locked the door behind him.

I watched as he knocked and waited for Edward to come out…but it wasn't Edward. The older man at the door was wearing a white wife beater tank and ripped jeans, and had what looked like a joint in his fingers. I couldn't hear what Emmett was saying to him, but neither of them looked too happy. The man refused to take the pizza and began shouting at Emmett, so he turned around and came back to the car.

"What's going on?" I asked baffled.

Emmett sighed angrily. "That bastard is such a jackass. I can't wait until Edward is eighteen and never has to go back."

"Was that his dad?"

"Yeah, and the prick is wasted like usual. He wouldn't let Edward come out."

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because he's a prick. He doesn't want Edward to become anything better than what he is, so he gets drunk and mean. I know they don't have any food in the house, but he'd rather they all starve then accept our leftovers."

"Is that why Edward usually eats at our place?" I asked, suddenly feeling bad for always telling him to go home.

"If your house was like that, wouldn't you want to spend as little time there as possible?"

"I guess so," I admitted quietly.

Emmett put the car into reverse, but just as he began to back up a kid ran behind us forcing him to slam on the breaks.

"You fucking idiot, watch where you're going before you get cut!" the kid shouted at us. He looked no older than ten which caused my mouth to drop open in shock by his vulgarity. Then the kid kicked the back of the car before continuing on his way.

Emmett shook his head. "See that, Bella? That kid is going to grow up to be just like all the other people around here…Disrespectful and crude. The kids learn from their parents, and then they grow up into horrible adults and have kids of their own. It's a vicious cycle. Most of these people will never break free from it."

I didn't know how to respond to that, and I had no idea why he even said it to me. Was he trying to teach me about empathy? I just didn't understand, and I didn't want to either. I didn't need Emmett to teach me about anything; he was my brother not my father. I just wanted to get away from that horrendous trailer park and never have to go back.

…

Emmett didn't talk to me much much more about his illness or his treatment, and when I'd asked him about it, he'd just shrug it off and say he was doing fine. But then it was impossible not to notice how sick he looked. It seemed like his weight just melted off him, and he spent a lot of time vomiting in the bathroom. But he still didn't just stay home and dwell on it. He kept up with his social life as much as possible, and a couple weeks later I came home from school to a curious scene. Emmett and Edward were in the hall bathroom, giggling like a couple of school girls.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" I asked as I peeked in through the partially opened door.

"Oh, Bella, you're just in time," Edward said with a chuckle. "Emmett is next."

"Next for what?" I asked confused, but then I saw it. Edward was holding an electric razor in his hands and had just shaved half of his own head. "Oh my god, what are you doing?" I asked shocked.

"We're getting rid of all our hair…cuz it's so hot out," Edward joked. It was definitely not hot that time of year, in fact the snow on the ground outside made their little haircuts that much more senseless.

"The chemo is starting to make my hair fall out, but I'm too much of a chicken to cut it all off so Edward decided to cut his," Emmett explained.

"Why would you cut _your_ hair, are you sick too?" I asked Edward jokingly. "Or just tired of washing it."

"Neither," Edward replied casually while bringing the razor back up to his head to finish the job. "I'm just proving to Emmett that it's not so bad."

When Edward was finished shaving his head, he got out a straight blade and shaved the hair completely gone until there was nothing left…. Well almost nothing.

"How does it look?" Edward asked with a cheesy grin.

I giggled at him. "You look like Mr. Clean….but you missed a few spots."

"Really, where?" he asked as he looked back into the mirror.

"Here, here, and here," I said as I poked each of his spots of hair.

"Crap," he said while rubbing it with his hand.

"Why don't you help him," I said to Emmett with a laugh.

"I don't want any part of this," Emmett said teasingly.

"Don't think you're getting out of it now," Edward warned him.

Emmett whined. "I'm too pretty to be bald."

Edward struggled to get his spots he missed, so because Emmett refused to help him, I decided to. "Here," I said while taking the razor from him. "Sit down so I can reach."

Edward hesitantly sat on the toilet and froze while I brought the blade to his scalp. "Emmett, there is something seriously wrong about this situation," he said while moving nothing except his lips. "If she kills me, it'll be your fault." He honestly looked and sounded scared shitless.

"Relax, I'm not going to cut you," I said annoyed.

"Just keep that thing away from my neck. You don't have the best coordination."

I rolled my eyes despite the fact that he was right.

I put my left hand on top of his head to steady myself, and the feeling of his skin under my palm was so odd that it made me pause. It was obviously smooth from just being shaved, but there was something else, some internal feeling that I couldn't describe. I shrugged off the thought and brought the blade back to his skin to finish the job.

After successfully removing the three patches of hair he had missed, I stepped back to admire my work. "All done."

Edward looked in the mirror again. "Am I bleeding anywhere?" he asked as he examined his head.

"Nope, she actually did a good job," Emmett said, impressed.

I smiled sadistically at my brother. "Your turn."

"No, I still haven't accepted the necessity of it yet."

"Are you seriously going to let your best friend shave his head for nothing?" I asked incredulously.

"He already did it. And I have no control over what he does anyway."

"Stop being a pansy and shave your head," Edward goaded. "It's all going to fall out anyway, might as well take control of the situation."

"Yeah, but I don't want to look like an idiot like you," Em joked.

"I have a nice oval shaped head; you, on the other hand, have a head that looks like a bowling ball."

"Which is exactly why I don't want to shave it," Em said quickly.

"Oh, come on, I'm only kidding. Just do it and get it over with."

"Yeah Em, we'll only make fun of you a little," I said as seriously as possible. "Besides, Edward might have a nicely shaped head, but you have better features to pull off the look."

"Screw you," Edward replied, pretending to be offended.

"Hey, don't say the words 'screw you' when directed towards my little sister," Emmett warned him.

"Oh come on bro, I just ate," Edward whined.

I didn't really understand what they were talking about, but I didn't care either. "Just get over here and let me cut your damn hair off," I said to my brother irritated.

When Emmett still didn't move, Edward grabbed him in a headlock and wrestled him to the toilet so he could sit while I shaved him. Emmett was normally much stronger than Edward, but with his illness Edward didn't seem to have a problem overpowering him; of course, Em didn't put up much of a fight – he knew it needed to be done.

Emmett whined a little more, but otherwise let me do it. As Edward predicted, his head looked like a bowling ball, but I honestly thought the look was better on him than Edward; his soft rounded features complimented the new hairless dome better than Edward's angular ones. Edward without hair was sort of like seeing a stranger without an ear; it just wasn't right, like he was missing an important part of his face.

My brother and his best friend laughed and made fun of each other, and I found myself laughing with them. Regardless of how goofy they looked, it was fun to see them do something so drastic together. Forks wasn't like the rest of the country, people didn't shave their heads like that for fun, and I knew it was going to be a big deal when people saw them at school the next day. But they weren't worried about it at the moment. They were just joking around and enjoying their time together… Time which may run out in the near future, and their bald heads was just one more painful reminder of that fact.


	5. Ch4 Alone

***A/N: Please remember that Bella is only fourteen/fifteen. She's young and naive, give her some slack :) We're speeding through time a little here, just to keep the momentum going. Thanks for reading!

* * *

Chapter 4 – Alone

My relationship with Emmett had definitely improved since our Chuck E Cheese visit, and I was trying extra hard to tolerate Edward, but sometimes I just couldn't control my irritation with him.

"What is going on?" I asked confused as I walked into the house one afternoon. Emmett had been missing quite a lot of school since starting chemo; he was just so sick all the time that it was hard for him to go. Edward acted like he was sick as well and never showed unless Emmett was there, which was fairly ridiculous. Usually when I got home Em would be sleeping and Edward was often sitting on the couch lazily watching TV, but that day was a completely different story.

The entire house was full of foul smelling smoke, and the giggling in the kitchen made it clear what was happening. I marched straight in there, and was absolutely appalled.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked irately. Emmett and Edward were passing a joint between them, and they weren't even trying to hide it.

"Welcome home Bella!" Emmett said theatrically while waving his arms in front of himself like a moron.

"Why did you give him pot?" I shouted at Edward. "He's sick, you moron!"

"Pot?" Emmett said with a giggle before running over to the cabinet and pulling out a cooking pot. "Pot. Get it, Bella? Pot."

"Yes, I get it," I said irritated, and then turned back to Edward. "What the hell is wrong with you? Something like this has to be horrible for his disease. How could you be so, so…stupid!"

"Whoa Bella, I have no idea what you're talking about," Edward replied slowly and slightly slurred. "You're speaking way too fast for me to understand."

"My dad is seriously going to kill you, and he's going to be home anytime now," I told Edward.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…Hey, your name has the word 'Bell' in it," Emmett said with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes, and then went to open the windows wider. "Get rid of that crap before dad gets here."

"Relax, little sis," Emmett said, finally seeming to have a somewhat coherent thought. "Everything is fine."

"Everything is not fine! You have cancer; the last thing you need is your idiot best friend getting you high." And then I heard my father's cruiser pull up out front. "Great, now dad is going to see this," I said concerned.

I did my best to wave the smoke out of the window, but it was too late, my father walked in and looked at us all sternly.

_Crap!_

"Damn it, Emmett! I told you to keep it away from Bella," Charlie said unexpectedly. "And for crying out loud, do it outside!"

"Hold on, you knew he was smoking pot and you're actually ok with it?" I asked confused.

Edward and Emmett both started cracking up, but Charlie and I ignored them.

"It's medical marijuana, he has a prescription from his doctor to help him with the side effects of chemo," dad explained. "Of course, he was supposed to do it _outside_."

"It's raining out," Emmett said between his giggles.

Charlie shook his head. "I guess we'll have to get you an air filter for your room…Not for the _kitchen_," he said suggestively. "And your prescription was not meant to be shared," he added before taking the joint out of Edward's hand.

"Aw man, getting high alone isn't fun," Emmett complained.

"It's not supposed to be fun, son," he replied, and then turned back to Edward. "No more. Especially not in my house."

"Better just arrest him now, dad," Emmett joked. "There's no way Edward can quit."

Charlie just rolled his eyes, and then went to the fridge to look for a snack.

"That's it?" I asked incredulously. "You don't even care that they're doing drugs?"

"Bella, it's medical," he repeated.

"But not for Edward." I wasn't trying to pressure him into arresting Edward or anything; I was just legitimately shocked by my father's lack of care on the subject. He was the _police chief, for gosh sakes!_

"He's not going to do it again," Charlie assured me. "This is his first _and only_ warning."

"Scout's honor," Edward said with a cheesy grin. "Not in your house."

Emmett laughed. "Yeah, we'll just go outside next time…Oh, maybe in the car."

Charlie grumbled something unintelligibly, but otherwise let their comments go. I just couldn't believe it.

"You're such a moron," I mouthed to Edward behind my father's back, but he just responded by laughing even more.

….

Over the next few months, Emmett seemed to be doing better. He got his energy back and even returned to school long enough to graduate. I had to admit, I was definitely proud of my brother. It couldn't have been easy keeping up with his grades while undergoing treatment, but somehow he managed. Edward even graduated, which I couldn't help but wonder if Emmett had let him cheat somehow; he never seemed to go to school enough to have the credits, and he didn't have the excuse of being sick the way Emmett did.

But at the end of that summer, Emmett's disease took an aggressive turn. The chemo wasn't working, and it seemed I'd get my old wish of him going away after graduation. It was a wish that I wished I could take back. My parents decided it would be a good idea to send Emmett to a cancer center in Phoenix.

"It's the best in the country," Charlie told Emmett.

"But dad, I don't want to be so far from home. Who knows how long I'll be there. I read on the web site that one chick was there for six years."

"You're an adult now Emmett, so it's your decision, but this place has the best percentage of patients going into remission. Just think about it. You were planning to go away for college anyway, just pretend that's what this is."

"Pretend? Sure," Emmett said sarcastically. "I'm not mom; I can't close my eyes and believe I'm invisible."

"I didn't mean it like that," Charlie said defensively. "But it's not like you were planning to stay in Forks forever."

"No, Edward and I were planning to move to Vegas and gamble for a living," Em joked.

"Just think about it for a while. You can do whatever you want after you go into remission, but until then, you need to concentrate on getting better."

"I don't want to be…_alone_," Emmett finally admitted emotionally.

"Oh, son, you won't be," Charlie choked before wrapping his arms around him, and holding him tightly.

Watching their exchange definitely got to me, and I found myself crying with them. None of it was fair. Emmett should be packing for college, not packing for some cancer treatment center. He should be working out and getting stronger, not losing weight and getting so weak that it was hard for him to get out of bed in the mornings. I never thought I'd see my brother so frail, and it scared me to death.

Emmett ended up agreeing to leave, but it was hard… for all of us.

"I hate that I'm not going to be here to scare off any boys that might look your way," Emmett said to me as he was getting ready to go.

I smiled. "I have no interest in dating," I said honestly.

"Maybe not yet….but you're a sophomore now; you're growing up and once you realize that you've past your duckling phase, you'll get a lot more confident in yourself."

"Duckling phase?" I asked confused. "Oh…Swan, I get it," I said with a laugh.

"It's not a joke," Em joked. "All Swans are beautiful, Bella."

"Emmett, this is a really cheesy conversation."

He laughed. "I know. But I am serious about you growing up. It's only a matter of time before boys line up at the door to date you…and none of them will ever be good enough."

I smiled despite myself. "Thanks."

We hugged, and then I watched him get into my father's cruiser and disappear down the street. I didn't expect to feel that way. I never thought having my brother leave would be so heart-wrenching, but it definitely was. I couldn't even properly describe the way in made me feel. Hollow, incomplete - words just didn't seem fit. Nothing would seem right again until he was better and back home.

…..

I started school the following week, but it was strange. The school itself wasn't different, but everything in my life had changed so drastically that I just couldn't look at anything the same. But my home life was the biggest change. My parents took turns staying with Emmett in Arizona, and they were gone for weeks at a time which meant when they were home they spent even more hours working than normal to make up for their absence.

With my parents working and staying in Arizona, I was virtually left alone; even Edward stopped coming by, _not that I expected him to without Emmett_, but it was still odd never seeing him anymore. I hardly saw anyone anymore.

But I didn't mind being alone. I had all the time I wanted to read and do my homework in peace, and it was nice to never have to worry about the toilet seat being left up or my favorite snacks being dumped into Emmett and Edward's bottomless stomachs. I was happy in my solitude, so happy in fact that I stopped hanging out with my friends in school as well. I liked spending my time by myself, not having to worry about pretending to be normal. It was better that way….at least, that's what I told myself.

On my fifteenth birthday, my parents surprised me by both being home at the same time. I huffed and grumbled about the fuss they were making, but the truth was that I was actually really happy to see them together; I only wished Em was able to come home with them.

But my happiness was short lived, because that night, after they thought I went to bed, I overheard them talking.

"What if they can't find a donor?" my mother asked.

"They will," Charlie replied.

"Stop that!" Renee yelled. "Stop being so optimistic, because everything you said would happen hasn't. The medication didn't help, and now the chemo isn't working anymore either. So don't tell me again how something is going to work, when it probably won't."

"I have to stay positive, Renee. _We_ have to stay positive. If only for Emmett's sake, we have to believe that this next step will work. If we just give up, then what's the point?"

"I never said I was giving up, I just don't want to hear your overconfidence when there is nothing to back it up."

"I have faith," Charlie said quietly.

"Yeah, well I had faith before all of this, now I'm not so sure anymore," Renee replied bitterly. "You heard what they said about an unrelated donor. Ethnicity plays a part, and with you being Italian-German, and me being Spanish and French, Emmett doesn't have a chance finding a donor with all of those backgrounds."

"Bella…Bella will be a match."

"What if she's not?"

"She has to be."

The next morning my parents took me to the hospital. They said I needed to be tested to see if I was a possible tissue match for my brother, and in the back of my mind I wondered if that was the real reason why they were both there and it had nothing to do with my birthday after all. It was fine by me either way, I was just grateful to see them regardless.

After being tested, I was surprised that both my parents stayed home for the next week while awaiting the results. I guess they were just too anxious to travel or work, and as a result, the tension in the house was definitely thick. They were both on edge, and every night when I went to bed, I laid awake listening to them fight about anything and everything. One night they even argued about which way was best to wash a dish.

I could feel it building, and I prayed our family wouldn't implode.

….

And then the worst thing imaginable happened…

"I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Swan, but your daughter isn't a match."

I had a one in four chance, and I failed. And I felt like a failure too. It was nothing I could control, and yet I just felt so guilty for not being able to save my brother that it was almost too much to bare.

What were we supposed to do now? We burned through Plans A, B, and C…what was Plan D?

"We're going to have another baby," my mom said unexpectedly.

"You're pregnant?" I asked shocked.

"No… not yet, but I will be," she replied with determination.

"Renee, I got a vasectomy," my dad told her.

"So, you'll get it reversed."

"If we had another child, it would still only be a one in four chance of matching Emmett."

"That's more of a chance than he has now," Renee argued. "Besides, we can do genetic counseling that can pick the embryo with the best chance."

"Whoa, hold on, do you realize how expensive that sort of thing is?" Charlie asked.

"I don't care about the price."

"I don't either, but if we don't have the money then what can we do? We've already maxed out our credit cards and taken second and third mortgages out of our house to pay for the center and our trips to Arizona. We just don't have the money."

"We can try to raise the money," I told them. "I don't know, fund raisers and such. I can wash cars and have bake sales."

My dad looked at me, and then smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "That's sweet honey, but it's just not going to be enough."

"Fine, you'll get the reversal and we'll just have a baby the old fashion way," Renee said slowly. "It's still a twenty five percent chance it'll be a match."

Charlie took a deep breath. "Ok, I'll call my doctor and set up the surgery."

Whether the baby turned out to be a match for Emmett or not, I was going to have a new sibling. It was surreal, to say the least.

But even after my father's surgery, and my parents began doing…._it_, the tension between them only increased. The more they were forcing themselves to be together, the more they seemed to truly hate one another. I actually missed when they took turns being home, at least I didn't have to hear them fight all the time.

"Dad, when can I visit Emmett?" I asked one afternoon.

"Well, I was thinking we could all have Christmas with him in Arizona."

"Really?" I asked enthusiastically. It had quickly become November, so the idea of seeing my brother in a month was very exciting.

When Christmas vacation arrived, I eagerly packed for our trip but was stunned when a familiar face showed up at the door with a duffle bag of his own.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Edward curiously. Even though I'd never admit it out loud, I was actually glad to see him… I may have even missed him a little…a very little.

As if he could read my mind, he said, "You missed me, didn't you?"

I laughed. "Oh yeah, totally," I said in a joking way, even though I wasn't actually joking at all.

Edward reached over to me and ruffled my hair as if I was a little kid, and then he walked past me and straight into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge.

I followed him; I couldn't help it. I even enjoyed watching him stuff his face with salami, just like old times. "So, are you crashing our trip?" I asked him, a little more hopeful than I intended.

"Your dad figured there couldn't be a better Christmas gift for Emmett then me," he replied smugly.

"Well, I bet Emmett will be glad to see you," I said sincerely.

Edward and I were forced to sit next to each other on the plane, and despite wondering what he had been doing for the past several months since Em had been away, I never asked him and I wasn't really sure why. Instead, that time was spent by him teasing me about boys and the fact that I filled out my clothes more than before. It was strange, but it almost felt like he was trying to play the protective older brother card like Emmett had done before leaving, except because he wasn't my brother, he did it in a joking and condescending way. It was rather annoying.

Edward and I argued playfully for the entire two hour car ride to the center as well, and in a way, I think I missed that kind of banter, but when we finally got there, nothing prepared us for the state Emmett was in. If I thought he was thin and frail before, I was wrong. He looked horrible, almost ghostly. Edward looked just as shocked as I was by my brother's appearance; in fact, he almost looked devastated, but he sucked it up and put on a happy face for his best friend.

"Hey man, you look like shit," Edward said to Emmett with a hug and a hand shake.

"Thanks, bro. It's good to see you too," Emmett croaked back. Then he looked back at me. "Hey there, little sis."

"Hi," I replied with a forced smile. "How are you?" I asked stupidly. What did I expect him to say? Obviously he wasn't doing well at all, and I shouldn't have even asked.

"I'm cool," he lied. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I told him.

We were given a private room where we were able to have some family time and open Christmas gifts. It was great being all together again, but the fact that Em was still so sick without a cure in sight, weighed heavily on our spirits. Would this be our last Christmas as a family? I couldn't believe that, and I wouldn't. Emmett had said he had five years without a cure, so we had that at least, didn't we? From the looks of him now, I wasn't so sure.

We spent every day together for a week and a half, and then my father escorted Edward and I back to Forks, leaving my mother to stay with Em a little longer.

…..

Spring was supposed to be a time of hope and renewal, but the week before Easter we had another horrible set back.

I walked into the living room to see my mother crying hysterically on the couch, and my heart sank.

"What's wrong?" I asked, knowing something awful had happened.

My mother didn't answer me; she just got up and ran up the stairs. I looked to my dad questionably.

"Your mother had a miscarriage," he said solemnly.

"She was pregnant? Why didn't you tell me?"

"She has some medical problems…nothing life threatening or anything, but the doctor said it would be difficult to carry the baby to term. But she wanted to try anyway, and now…." He took a deep breath. "The doctor said she won't be able to get pregnant again."

And just like that, Plan D disappeared like a rain drop in the ocean, and once again we were left dangling in limbo.

"So, what does that mean, what's Plan E?" I asked terrified.

Charlie shook his head slowly. "I don't know," he said, sounding defeated. "I just don't know."

"They could still find a donor, right? Some stranger could be a match?"

Dad nodded. "Definitely. We just have to keep him going long enough to find someone, anyone. In the meantime, he's going to go on radiation and just try to keep the leukemia from spreading. He's strong Bella, if not physically anymore, he still has such a strong will to live. He's going to make it."

I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, and rested my head against his temple. "He has to make it," I whispered. "We need him too much not to."


	6. Ch5 One Step Closer

***A/N: I have no idea why I'm posting this so early, but it was just sitting on my computer so I thought, _what the hell_. LOL

**Just a little clarification. In the _Twilight_ series, Bella is seventeen for her junior year of high school and turns eighteen during her senior year. I have a problem with that since my birthday is also in September and I didn't turn eighteen until after I graduated. So either Bella in _Twilight_ flunked, or different states have different rules about the birthdate cut off in starting school. Either way, it's hard for me to write Bella as an eighteen year old senior if she was born in September. So for this story, she is sixteen as a junior, and will be seventeen as a senior. That's just my choice, hope you can accept it :)

* * *

Chapter 5 – One Step Closer

Since losing hope of conceiving a tissue match for Emmett, my parents began spending even longer spans of time in Arizona. It was as if they had accepted the fact that he may not make it, and they wanted to spend as much time with him as possible while they still could. But since I was only fifteen, someone had to always be home with me, which only created that much more strain between them. They hated being so far from him, and I understood that.

Summer came back around, and since I didn't have school, we spent most of our time in Arizona. Em was only allowed two visitors at a time because of his current state of health, so basically I spent most of that summer alone in the hotel room. My parents discussed selling the house in Forks and enrolling me in school there, but they were so upside down in the loan that it was next to impossible to get out of, especially if they wanted any extra money to buy something new.

"Forks is our home, and it will still be our home when Emmett finally gets better," Charlie said after going over all their options.

My mother wasn't happy about the decision.

The three of us went home the week before I was to start my junior year of high school, but the fighting between my parents finally became too much.

"Bella, we need to talk to you about something," Charlie said carefully, a few weeks after I started school.

"What?" I asked clueless.

My parents looked at each other, unsure what to say or how to start.

"Just spit it out," I told them impatiently. Every time they had something important to tell me, they would act like this. Usually it was about Emmett's health in some way, but since neither of them seemed too upset, I wasn't too worried about it.

"We're…taking some time apart," Charlie said carefully.

"What do you mean?" I asked, legitimately confused. They took a lot of time apart; it wasn't anything new."

"We're divorcing," mom said suddenly, taking me aback.

"Wha…I don't understand?"

"We haven't been happy for a long time, and we've just…had enough," Renee explained.

"But…it's just because we've all been stressed out. I mean, this has been hard on everyone," I tried reasoning with them. "Just give it some more time. When Emmett gets better, everything will go back to normal."

"This isn't because of Emmett," my father told me softly. "We were planning to separate before he even got sick."

I bit my bottom lip and tried to suppress my tears. I wasn't a little girl; I refused to cry over something like my parents breaking up. It was nothing compared to my brother's fight for his life, so I chose to look on the bright side and just be grateful he was still alive.

But then they dropped another bomb.

"I've decided to move to Phoenix _permanently_," Renee said. "I've made some friends there, and I've always wanted to live somewhere warm. It's just what's best."

"What's best for _whom_?" I rebutted. "Emmett's going to get better, and then what? Are you going to come home when he does?"

She shook her head slowly. "Emmett's made some friends there too, he may decide to stay. He's an adult now anyway, so there's no telling where he'll end up."

"What about me? I'm not an adult yet," I asked, and then immediately felt guilty about my selfish question.

"Many parents are divorced and live far apart," she said to me. "You'll be fine. You can stay with dad and finish school, or you can go back with me to Arizona. I'm going to be staying with one of my friends until I can get a place of my own, but if you want to come we'll make do."

That didn't sound inviting whatsoever. Not that I'd want to go start over in school and live on some stranger's couch or anything, but it was obvious she didn't want me going either way.

"I'll stay here with dad," I mumbled.

My mother packed her bags, and left two days later without the intention of ever coming back. But having my mother gone wasn't really anything new. She was always busy, and had spent many nights away from the family over the years with her various hobbies and clubs she was a part of. Having a part time mom was a norm for me, it was all I knew.

But the problem was, with my mom refusing to come back, my dad couldn't leave me alone to go visit Emmett.

"Dad, I'll be fine alone," I insisted. "I'm alone all day anyway."

"But alone at night for days at a time? Sorry, there's no way I'm going to let you do that. Besides, you're fifteen, Bella. It's illegal to leave you alone for an extended amount of time."

"I'm almost sixteen, and a week isn't an extended amount of time. I'll be fine."

"Not going to happen."

"You can't just not go see Em."

"No, I'll just have to wait until you can come with me…or we can find someone who will stay with you."

"I can ask Rose."

"I thought you said she had a cat?" Charlie reminded me.

"Oh, right." I was allergic to cats, which was just one more reason why I never went to her house anymore.

"I'll call Aunt Maggie to see if she can come stay with you," he said before running to the phone. He returned five minutes later. "She can't come."

"Maybe I can just sleep over at Mrs. Carmen's house at night?" - Mrs. Carmen was our next door neighbor. She was eighty three and my dad was always fixing anything that went wrong at her house, plus she had a little pet terrier that pooped on our front porch every morning. Surely, she owed us.

"I'll ask her," he said. He grabbed his coat and headed out the door. He came back a little later looking hopeless. "She moved into a senior home last month. Her fifty year old son is living there now…he's a registered sex offender."

Um…_Ew_.

"Well, maybe…"

"No, Bella, we're just going to have to wait until you have some time off. Maybe take a long weekend or something."

"But Emmett…"

"Your mom is with him. Until your brother gets better, it's just me and you. We need to stick together and ride this out."

I nodded, but I knew how hard it was for him to stay away from Em, especially since the search for a donor was still coming up empty. Em's time was running out, and my dad should be with him as much as possible, not forced to stay home to babysit me.

A couple of weeks later, my father's need to see my brother had finally made him crazy.

"Now, I know you're not going to be too happy about this, but I ran into someone the other day, and he agreed to stay with you for the week."

"Who?"

"Honey, I'm home!" Edward shouted as he came through the door.

"Oh god, you can't be serious," I whined.

Charlie pulled me to the side. "Look, his dad kicked him out and he's been living in his truck. Regardless of whether or not he stays with you, he's staying _here_. I invited him to move into Emmett's room until he can save up some money and get an apartment on his own. He'd be staying here if Emmett was home anyway."

I nodded, and then sighed. "You're right. Em would want him to be here; he always did take care of him."

"But if you're uncomfortable staying alone with him…"

"No, its fine…It's a good idea actually. He'll have a place to stay, and you'll have peace of mind that our new sex offender-neighbor isn't creeping around."

"Thanks honey," he said with a halfhearted smile, before leaning in to kiss my temple. "I'll only be gone a week…and I'll make sure to give you guys extra money for groceries. God knows that kid eats a lot."

The moment my dad left, Edward was already making himself right at home by hogging the TV remote and leaving a mess in the kitchen. I could tell this was going to be a long week.

"You know, you could at least attempt to clean up after yourself," I told him annoyed.

"Nah, you're better at cleaning then I am. Besides, it'll give you a break from doing homework and reading nonsense romance novels."

"UGH!" I shouted in frustration. He was just so irritating.

But my outburst caused a reaction out of him that I was never expecting.

"Whoa Bella, I was just kidding," he said quickly before jumping off the couch and cleaning his mess. "I was planning to clean it the whole time," he added.

"Oh…well, I was just kidding too," I said, like a moron.

After putting his garbage away and bringing his dishes to the sink, he walked back over to me. "Look, I know things haven't been easy on you, so the last thing I want to do is make things even worse. I don't want to disrupt anything around here, so if I'm bothering you in any way, just let me know."

Uh_…. Who the hell was that, and where did the real Edward go?_ His comment was one of the most shocking things I had ever heard in my life.

"You're not bothering me," I assured him. "It's just…. I'm kind of used to being alone, so it's just… _different_ having someone here all the time."

He nodded. "Well, I understand you wanting your alone time, I think everyone needs that once in a while, but you really shouldn't be alone all the time."

I shrugged. "I haven't exactly had much of a choice," I said, regretting it immediately. I didn't want him thinking I was upset about being left by myself, because I wasn't. I understood completely why my parents were always gone, and I shouldn't have said anything to make anyone think that I felt otherwise.

"Yeah, well, I know I'm not your first choice for company; hell, I'm sure I'm the last person you want hanging around all the time…but… you're not alone anymore. Your dad is helping me out a lot by letting me stay here, but I'm glad to hang with you a bit too. Emmett's been worried about you, and…"

"You've been talking to Emmett?" I interrupted him.

"Well, yeah. I usually call him like twice a week. It's hard, 'cuz he blames himself for the family kind of breaking up, and he thinks he's let you down."

"He said that?" I asked feeling horrible.

"You're his little sister; he feels like he needs to protect you…Which is another reason why I'm glad to be here; he's more comfortable knowing I'm watching out for you. Anything to get him to stress a little less is good in my book."

"Definitely," I agreed wholeheartedly.

I knew that conversation wasn't going to be the absolute end of our bickering, but it was a start and I actually felt really good having him there.

"So…what do you want for dinner tonight?" he asked as he went back into the kitchen.

I followed him in. "Didn't you just get finished eating?" I asked amused. "How could you be thinking about food already?"

"I'm a growing child, Bella," he joked.

"Sure, aren't you eighteen?"

"Just turned nineteen in June," he corrected me.

"Well, then you're not a child."

"I'll have you know that men grow until they're twenty five. Women, on the other hand, stop growing at fifteen, so, in a way, that makes you older than me."

I smiled and shook my head. "Whatever."

He opened the fridge. "So it looks like we got stuff for spaghetti, or tacos…or we could always order a pizza."

"We have to make that money last for the entire week; we can't just spend it all in one night."

"I wasn't planning to spend your dad's money," he told me.

"Ok, what money were you going to spend then?"

He shot me a crooked grin. "I do have some money of my own."

"Really?" I asked surprised. "How'd you get it?"

He laughed. "I robbed a bank."

"Sure you did."

"No, but is it so hard to believe that I have a job?"

"If you have a job, then why were you sleeping in your truck?" I asked confused.

He shrugged. "Why waste money on an apartment? I'm not sure where I'm going to end up settling. Who knows, I may just be a drifter forever; working my way around the country with various jobs."

"Why would you want to do something like that?"

"What else am I supposed to do, go to college?" he shook his head. "Nah, the last thing I want is to get stuck somewhere."

"What's wrong with having a home and even a family someday?" I asked, trying not to sound upset. It seemed like everyone wanted to move away, and I just didn't understand it.

"You've obviously never met my family," he said with a laugh. "Families suck. I mean, if a family as good as yours can fall apart, what hope does anyone have of creating a lasting one. Besides, this world is too horrible to bring kids into it voluntarily."

"So let me get this straight…You think it's bad to be alone all the time, and yet, you hate families and want to be a permanent drifter?" I asked incredulously.

He thought about it for a moment. "Drifters aren't alone all the time. They need to work, and working usually requires being around people." _I just stared at him_. "Ok, so I haven't got it all figured out yet, but who cares," he said defensively. "If Emmett's illness has taught me anything, it's that there's no point in making plans for the future. Live life as it comes, cuz you never know just how long your life will be."

I couldn't argue with that. "Ok, so we won't plan on dinner tomorrow. Let's just have pizza tonight and not worry about it."

He grinned widely. "Ok."

When the pizza was delivered, we sat in the living room and watched TV while we ate, and that's when I finally noticed – "Hey, your hair is growing back in."

When we went to Arizona for Christmas, he was still bald, so it was funny to see him with hair again after so long.

"Yeah, well it's hard to keep it shaved when I'm living in my truck. I'll probably shave it again before I go visit Emmett. I don't want him to think I abandoned him or anything."

"He wouldn't think that just because you grew out your hair…You shouldn't shave it. It looks better longer." I had no idea why, but my comment actually made me blush.

He shrugged. "Maybe I'll keep it longer. We'll see."

"Live one day at a time," I reiterated with a grin.

"Exactly."

My family falling apart was devastating, but in a way, having Edward around the house again after so long felt like we were just _one step closer_ to being fixed. I felt renewed hope that someday, somehow, everything was going to be ok.


	7. Ch6 Normal

Chapter 6 – Normal

"Ready for school?" Edward asked me that Monday.

"Yeah, are you headed to work?" I asked him.

"Yep." He opened the front door for me, then followed me out and locked it behind us. "After I drop you off at school," he added.

"Uh… I usually take the bus," I told him.

"The bus?" he asked amused. "Like the kind of bus that kids take to elementary schools?"

"Um, it only goes to the high school, but yeah, the busses are similar."

He laughed. "I thought only special needs kids took the bus to high school."

"Well, my dad works a lot so he isn't always available to take me and pick me up," I said defensively.

"Ok, but now _I'm_ here. So get in," he said while gesturing to his beat up old truck.

I sighed and reluctantly climbed in. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't worried about that truck making it across town. It was loud, and shook so bad that I wondered how it even ran at all.

"So…where did you get this thing, anyway?" I asked him as he began driving. Emmett used to drive him everywhere, so it was really the first time I had ever seen it.

"I got it from a junkyard; rebuilt the entire thing from the ground up."

"Really?

"Yeah, I've been working as a mechanic, so I would just tinker on this when there weren't any customers. I can't wait to show Em, we always talked about wanting to build our own trucks."

"What if Emmett doesn't come back?" I asked.

He looked at me sternly. "Emmett is going to be fine."

"No…yes…no, that's not what I meant," I said quickly. "It's just…my mom mentioned something about how he might choose to stay in Phoenix permanently like her. She said he's made some friends there."

"Oh," he took a deep breath. "Well, I told you I was going to be a drifter; I'll just drift to Arizona some time and show him."

"Would you stay there with him?"

He laughed once. "Drifters don't stay _anywhere_."

"Would you ever come back here?"

"Who knows….probably not, though. I mean, there's really nothing left for me here. I would have been gone already if I wasn't working on my truck."

His words made my stomach twist in knots.

"But you'll stay for a while now though, right? I mean, I need you to stay with me so my dad can go to Phoenix."

He stared at me for a moment. "I'll be here as long as you need me," he said quietly.

I nodded gratefully. I wasn't sure if I could take anyone else leaving right then, not even Edward.

Edward dropped me off, and after suffering through another miserable day at school, he was in the parking lot waiting to take me home. I hated that he was going out of his way for me, but that day, the thought of taking the dreadfully long bus ride home was excruciating, so I was appreciative he was there.

"Are you already done working for the day?" I asked him curiously.

"Nah, I have to go back."

"Your boss just lets you leave whenever you want?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly. I'm using my lunch break."

"It's three o'clock."

"It doesn't matter. I worked through lunch so I can take my break whenever I want."

"You didn't have to do that, I really don't mind taking the bus," I told him, feeling horribly guilty.

"And I don't mind picking you up," he assured me. "Bella, it's ok to let people do things for you sometimes."

"I'm used to being alone."

"I know, you keep saying that. But you're just going to have to get used to having me around now."

"For how long?"

"As long as you need," he told me, just as he had said that morning. "I'll stay until you order me away," he added.

I laughed. "Right."

When we got home, Edward surprised me again by getting out of the car to walk me to the door.

"Um… I think I can handle it from here. You should get back to work."

"Your dad said a creeper lives next door. He's going to work on getting him forced out, but until then just call me _Security Guard Ed_, and part of my job description is door to door escorts."

"Wow…um…ok."

"Lock the door. I've left my cell number and the number of the mechanic shop I work at, by the kitchen phone. Call me if you need anything, I'll be back in a few hours."

"Ok, thanks," I said, not knowing what else to say.

I did as he told me and locked the door, then had a snack while I did my homework. Edward kept texting me to make sure I was ok, and of course he wanted to know about dinner. Usually when I was alone I'd just open a can of Chef Boyardee or heat up a frozen meal, but since there were two of us I figured I'd actually cook something.

I had spaghetti and garlic bread ready and waiting on the table by the time Edward came home, and he was pleasantly surprised. "Wow, this looks awesome," he said sincerely.

The two of us sat at the table and ate together, and we even exchanged stories about our day. Well, he told me about his day, I didn't have much to say about mine.

"So, _nothing_ interesting happened to you today at all?" he asked incredulously.

"No_p_e," I said, popping the P.

"What about your friends?" he pressed. "Did you guys make any plans to hang out, or anything?"

"Eh," I shrugged. "Not really."

"Bella, what's going on at school?"

"Nothing, geeze!" I shrieked at him. He didn't need to know that I had purposely stopped hanging out with people - that I preferred to be alone so I didn't have to put on a brave face and pretend everything was normal. I didn't have many friends as it was before my world came crashing down, but I had shunned even Rose because it was just better that way. My reasons, and what I did at school, were none of his business.

"Ok, sorry," he said quietly, and let the topic go.

When we were done eating, I started on the dishes but he stopped me. "You cooked, so I'll clean," he insisted while taking the sponge out of my hands.

Even if I was in a bad mood before, it couldn't last long. I was sure I'd never forget the sight of Edward in an apron, elbow deep in the sink full of soap suds, with bubble flurries flying all around him. It was hilarious.

"Have you ever done dishes before?" I asked with a giggle as he attempted to rinse the pans. The entire counter was drenched with overspray, and I was beginning to worry he'd flood the entire kitchen.

"My grandma always did the dishes at home," he admitted sheepishly.

So I gave him a few pointers, but he otherwise refused to let me take over, which was more than fine by me. By his fourth dish he got the hang of it and even seemed to become meticulous with his cleaning technique. After he was done, the two of us relaxed and watched TV together without any arguing, and he even surrendered the remote.

And that was basically how it went the next day as well. He dropped me off in the morning, took a break to pick me up after school, and then he returned to work until around dinner time. I cooked and he washed the dishes after we ate, and then we watched TV together until bedtime.

On Wednesday however, Edward had the day off work so I assumed he'd hang out in Emmett's room all day playing video games, but instead I was absolutely flabbergasted to come home to a spotless house. He had been picking up after himself since my little outburst, but that day he cleaned _everything_. He vacuumed, mopped, even dusted and organized the bookshelf. On top of everything else, he cooked dinner that night while I did my homework, but after tasting his extremely salty and slightly undercooked chicken, I decided cooking was going to remain my sole responsibility for the rest of the week; he agreed wholeheartedly. I cooked, he cleaned – it was actually a very balanced coexistence.

When my dad came home that Sunday, he looked legitimately pleased that we didn't start a fire and no one ended up in the emergency room, and of course, he couldn't have been happier about the house being so clean. My mom was always the one who did most of the cleaning before; Charlie and I both weren't the most organized people, so Edward's willingness to help in that way was a highly welcomed relief.

Things actually didn't change much with my father home. He worked long hours and often didn't get home until late at night, so Edward and I continued with our same routine. And as much as Charlie tried to be present in my life, he ached to be with Emmett again so it wasn't long before he was planning another trip to Arizona.

"You sure you don't mind me going again so soon? I've only been home a few weeks," he asked me, feeling guilty.

"Dad, I swear, its fine. Edward and I have actually done really well together," I admitted. "I think he and Emmett used to feed on each other's crudities, so alone he's not so bad," I told him with a laugh.

"You would tell me if you wanted me to stay home, right?" Charlie asked unsure.

"Yes, of course," I lied. "Now go get back to Em."

Edward and I really were doing well together, but every once in a while I did secretly wish my father was home more, and it went beyond just missing him.

"Damn it," I said to myself as I searched the internet for some help on my homework. I was never great at school, I had to struggle to keep my B average, and it was my dad who had always helped me when I was stuck; without him, I felt a little lost and a lot frustrated.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward asked as he walked into the kitchen. Usually I had my homework done before he got off work, but because I was having such a hard time, I had to put some off until after dinner and I was still working on it during our normal evening TV relax time.

"Nothing," I hissed. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I was so stressed over the assignment that I couldn't even think straight.

Edward came and sat next to me at the table where I was working on the laptop, but I really wished he would leave me alone for a bit. I was on edge and I didn't want to take it out on him any worse than I already had.

"I can help you?" he said unexpectedly.

"How?" I asked, honestly confused. Edward barely graduated, what made him think he could help with my Advanced Bio assignment?

"I'm not as stupid as I look," he replied with a grin.

He read my assignment and then went on to explain everything I needed to know, and even turned it around in a way I could understand better. He walked me through the entire thing, and never once talked down to me or joked about how stupid I was for not getting it. It was utterly shocking; then again, Edward seemed to be shocking me quite a bit lately.

"I don't get it, why'd you do so poorly in school? Didn't Emmett have to tutor you all the time?" I asked him when we were finally done with the assignment.

Edward shrugged and tried to change the subject.

"No, seriously, how do you know all this?" I pressed.

"This stuff has always been easy for me," he finally admitted.

"Then why'd you need tutoring?"

"What makes you think that I did?"

"Well, Emmett always used to say he was tutoring you."

"No, I think he said he was doing tutoring _with_ me," he clarified.

"So…he was in tutoring, and you just went with him for the hell of it?" I asked confused.

"No, not exactly."

"Wait, you tutored him?" I asked shocked.

He nodded. "He had a hard time in math, so…"

"But, why…why did you almost not graduate?"

He shrugged again. "Just because I knew how to do everything, doesn't mean I'd actually do it."

"So you just never applied yourself."

"I usually only did enough to pass…. Well, unless Emmett needed extra help."

"Why? If you had gotten better grades you could have made it into a really great college. Plus you're a football player, so you could have gone anywhere."

"Oh, come on, school isn't for people like me. Nobodies from nowhere who will amount to nothing."

"Who told you that?" I asked, disturbed by his view on himself. Someone as smart as him should never feel like they didn't have options in life.

"I don't know, my dad, everyone."

"Your dad? That's awful."

"Why is it awful? It's just…true.

"No it's not," I said assuredly. "Edward, you really are smart. You could be anything you want."

"And what about you?" he asked, turning the conversation towards me. "What do you want to do after graduation?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"If you could be anything?" he questioned.

"I guess I haven't put much thought into it," I said dismissively, seriously hoping he'd drop it. I wanted to know about him, not tell him how pathetic I was.

"What about when you were a kid, what did you dream about becoming?"

"I never really dreamed about anything," I said through gritted teeth, having a hard time controlling my irritation. Why the hell couldn't he just let it go? "I thought we agreed not to think about the future anyway?"

"I just think it may be a good idea for you to think about it, that way…"

"If there's nothing you want to do," I interrupted him, heatedly, "then why the hell can't you accept that I don't have anything either?"

"Well I like working on cars so being a mechanic makes sense. That's what I mean though, even if you think it's not really cool, what do you think you're going to do after graduation?"

And then I snapped. "I have no plans for the future! I'm not smart, I have no interests, I'm not even athletic. _I should have been the one to get sick, not Emmett!_" I shouted.

He stared at me absolutely stunned by my outburst, and quite frankly, so was I. But I couldn't stop myself from unloading even more.

I pushed away from the table and began pacing around the kitchen. "This just isn't fair!" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I was completely out of control and couldn't force myself to care. "He had so many options. He could have gone anywhere. He had scholarships and wanted to be a detective. Why did _he_ have to get sick?"

"Bella," Edward said softly, and then he reached out to me, but I yanked my arm out of his grasp.

"No! I should have been the one to get sick, not him. He would have known what to do with his life. Everyone would have been better off with him here instead of me. He would have kept our family together, he would have made sure everyone was taken care of; he sure as hell would never let you live in your truck for so long."

"Bella," he said again, but I wasn't finished yet.

"I don't even have any friends," I cried. "No one gets me because I don't get people. I just don't understand how to act and what to say. I don't know how to be…to be _normal_. I should have been the one dying, it would have been better for everyone."

"Shh, it's ok," Edward cooed before unexpectedly wrapping his arms around me. I froze from the surrealistic feeling of being in his embrace, but it only lasted a moment because being held in that way just unleashed a floodgate of emotions that I didn't even know I had.

My knees buckled as I sobbed, but I didn't fall. Edward scooped me up and carried me up to my room, and actually tucked me into bed. He knelt down by my side, and placed his hand on my shoulder as I continued to cry. He just stayed there and gently ran his thumb in soothing little circles as I made a fool of myself, ridiculously bawling in front of him.

When my crying finally slowed, he looked me in the eye and made sure I was looking back. "You…are not worthless. I can't tell you what your place in this world is, but I do know you'll find it. You're going to do extraordinary things, Bella. Just wait and see."

Then he did something very strange. He leaned in and kissed my forehead_ - Edward Masen just kissed my forehead?_ – and then he pulled the covers over my shoulders. "Go to sleep," he said softly.

"I'm not tired," I protested feebly.

"Yes, you are. You've been tired for a long time; you just won't admit it to yourself."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked, honestly surprised he didn't just ditch me after my horrid display of self-pity. "I'm so…pathetic."

"No you're not, and stop degrading yourself," he said sternly. "You can't see it because of all this stress in your life, but somewhere, deep inside, there's an incredible woman in there, just waiting for her chance to break through."

I laughed halfheartedly. "Now you sound like Emmett. Are you going to call me _'a beautiful swan'_ too?"

He chuckled in a way that I had never heard from him before. It wasn't pompous, or mocking, or forced; it was sincere and lit up his face making his eyes twinkle. "I always knew Emmett was a big cheese ball."

"Yeah, but I think you might be one too."

"Well, weren't you the one who said I copied everything he did?" he asked while wiping a runaway tear off the tip of my nose with his index finger.

"I guess so."

We both giggled, and then he reached up to ruffle my hair like I was a little kid. "Try to get some sleep," he said again. "Do you want me to stay in here with you until you're out?"

I smiled. "I think I can manage."

"Ok. Goodnight," he said, and then got up and turned off the light.

"Hey, Edward," I called after him.

He turned back to me through the darkness, and the light from the hallway illuminated him from behind making him almost look unearthly. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Thank you…not just for tonight, but…for everything."

I couldn't see his features well, but I think he smiled. "You're welcome. And I want you to know, anything you need, anything at all, I'm here."

I laughed once. "You may just regret that offer one day."

He shook his head. "Not a chance."


	8. Ch7 Kids

A/N: When reading this chapter, please remember that I've asked for some creative liberties in this story. I'm horrible at science, so just try to bear with me, thanks.

Chapter 7 – Kids

"Hey, come outside, I have something for you," Edward said excitedly one Saturday afternoon. He had been working that morning so I wasn't expecting him until dinner, but I was happy he was home. In fact, I seemed to always be happy when he was home. Things were just better with Edward around.

"Why, what's going on?" I asked curiously.

"Come on; just get your shoes on," he said impatiently. "Hurry!" He was acting like a little child on Christmas morning, and I couldn't help but be excited by his excitement.

"Ok," I said as I rushed to put my shoes on. I didn't even have time to tie the laces before he was dragging me outside.

"What do you think?" he asked as he pointed at the new old clunker in the driveway.

"You built a second car?" I assumed. "Or did you trade your other one for this?"

"No, I bought this last month and I've been working on it in my free time. I wasn't sure if it would be ready in time, but I finished it three days ago. I couldn't wait to show you, I almost gave it to you early."

"Huh?" I asked, confused and slightly disturbed. "You almost gave it to _me_ early?" I had to have heard him wrong, right?

"Yeah. Happy sixteenth birthday!" he said enthusiastically.

"Today's not my birthday," I replied mechanically.

"I thought your birthday was September thirteenth?" he asked slowly.

"It is, but that's not for a few more days…"

"Bella, today is the thirteenth," he said, taking me aback. Had I really lost track of time? Sure I tended to do that quite often without a lot of people around to remind me, but how could it be my birthday without me even realizing it? I pulled my cell out of my pocket and looked at the date. Sure enough, it was September thirteenth… and I had three missed calls.

I decided to check my messages later, because at the moment I had a rather large reddish-orange hunk of metal sitting in the driveway, and I needed to thank Edward.

"Wow…this is really…too much," I said slowly, not sure what else to say.

"Ok, so I know it's not the best looking thing, but it's got a strong engine and you could drive it full speed into a tree and it would hardly dent. This thing is a tank."

"Well, thank you. It's very….special."

He grinned widely. "Let's go for a spin."

"Uh…I don't have a license," I pointed out.

"No, I know, but I'll take you down to the DMV so you can take your test."

"Thanks, but I have no idea how to drive, so there's no way I could pass."

"You don't know how to drive?" he asked surprised. "Don't you have your permit?"

"Yeah, I passed the written test but I haven't ever actually driven. My parents have been busy with Em, so there's never been any time to practice."

"Hmm," he contemplated for a minute. "Well, I have time so I'll just have to teach you myself. You can't be sixteen and not have any idea how to drive; it's like a sin or something. Get in."

"I really don't think that's such a good idea," I protested. "I'm not kidding when I say that I have horrible reflexes."

"I've known you since you were a kid, trust me, I know how bad your reflexes are. We'll find a parking lot to practice in before going out on the street. Come on, get in."

I huffed, but I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse to get out of it, so I reluctantly got into the passenger side door.

Edward drove us to an abandoned parking lot, and then he got out and made me scoot over to the driver's seat. "Ok, ready?" he asked.

"No, not at all," I said, absolutely terrified.

"It's not as hard as it looks. Now, turn on the ignition, and put your foot on the break."

I nodded. "Ok, which one is the break?" I asked him.

He looked at me shocked and a little scared. "Wow, we have a lot more work to do than I thought," he said to himself."

"Edward, I'm just messing with you," I said with a laugh. "But you should have really seen your face."

"Ha, ha," he said sarcastically. "Ok, so put your foot on the break," he repeated. "And then put it into reverse….Now, look around to make sure it's clear, and slowly lift your foot off the break."

"Like this?" I asked. I did what he instructed, and we slowly began moving backwards.

"Great," he said encouragingly. "Now press the break again and then put the car into drive."

"Ok."

"Now just drive up and down these aisles. Try not to run over any painted lines."

I did as he said, and I was surprised by how simple it was, but even more than the actual driving, I was pleasantly shocked by how smooth my new truck was. It practically drove itself. Sure it was loud and shook a bit, and I had to push really hard on the gas pedal to make it go forward, but I could feel myself quickly falling in love with it.

"See, you're a natural," Edward told me after my lesson was finished for the day.

"Yeah, well we'll see how I do on real roads," I said sarcastically. "And I won't even mention the fact that winter is coming. Driving on ice is definitely not going to be easy for me."

"Don't worry about it, you'll get the hang of it and everything will be fine, you'll see."

"Your confidence in me is really annoying," I mumbled as we both got out of the truck.

"Ah, what did we talk about when it comes to self-confidence?" he asked lightly while draping his arm over my shoulder as he walked me inside the house.

"That there's no point in having any?" I joked.

He laughed once, and then sighed. "Oh, Bella, what are we going to do with you?"

"I think you should just drop me off at the pound and just forget about me."

"I couldn't do that. You'd get fleas and your dad would seriously be pissed at me."

We both giggled, but since Edward mentioned my dad, I remembered that I had missed messages on my phone. I called my voicemail, and wasn't surprised to hear Charlie's voice on the line. "Bella, hey it's dad. I am so…so sorry that I'm not there today to celebrate your birthday. I can't believe I over looked it. But I promise, I will make it up to you. Anything you want….Call me back."

I hung up the phone.

I wasn't mad at Charlie for picking that week to go see Emmett again and not realizing it was my birthday; hell, I even forgot it was my birthday so I'd never expect for him to remember when he was trying to be there for Emmett. I had a lifetime's worth of birthdays ahead of me, and who knew how long Emmett had left.

I didn't bother checking my other messages, I knew they were probably from my mother and grandmother, and I really didn't feel like listening to anymore wishes and regrets for their absences. Celebrating my birthday was pointless with Emmett fighting every day just to survive to the next.

But it seemed Edward didn't share in that belief.

"Happy birthday!" he said after dinner that evening. He came out of the kitchen with a big cake and a lit _16_ candle on top. And then he started singing….

"Uh."

It was terribly awkward and embarrassing, but surprisingly, he could actually carry a tune, even if he got half the words wrong. _Who doesn't know the words to the Happy Birthday Song?_

"Well, blow out the candle," he insisted.

I rolled my eyes, but when I was about to blow, he pulled the cake away.

"You didn't make a wish," he chided me.

"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously. "Birthday wishes are like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. They're for little kids who don't know better."

"Wow, you are way too young to be such a cynic."

"Oh, come on, you don't actually believe in this sort of thing?" I asked.

"Ok, I gave up on Santa Claus and all that, but birthday wishes are real."

"And how many of your birthday wishes have ever come true?" I challenged him.

He thought about it. "Well, none, but that's only because I never had one."

"You never wished for anything?"

"Never really had a birthday cake and candles."

Oh.

I bit my bottom lip. "Well, on your next birthday I'll make sure to get you a cake and candles," I told him.

"Will you sing?" he asked with a huge grin.

"I never sing," I told him. "But…for you I will."

His smile grew bigger than I had ever seen before. "Can't wait."

"Oh, you'll be sorry for that, trust me," I said with a laugh.

"How bad could you be?" he asked amused.

"You'll see."

"Ok, now make a wish and blow out this candle before it melts all over the icing," he instructed.

I closed my eyes, and just to humor him I made a silent wish that Emmett would get better and my family would one day be complete again. I made the wish, and tried to believe it would come true, but I definitely had my doubts.

"Yay!" he cheered for me teasingly. "And you didn't even get any spit on it."

I laughed. "Not that you could see."

His face looked a little disturbed for a moment, but then he shrugged and smiled again. "Let's have some. I made it myself," he said proudly.

"Oh…great," I replied with a mix of appreciation and horror. "When did you have time to bake?"

"Bella, I'm fucking with you."

"Oh," I said with a chuckle. "Thank god."

"Hey, I resent that. The chicken I made wasn't all that bad."

"No, I loved eating raw chicken and getting food poisoning afterwards," I joked.

"Ok, but how hard could it be to make cake?"

"You'd be surprised."

Edward's store bought cake was pretty good, and then we spent the rest of the evening laughing and reminiscing about our different birthday celebrations of the past. We talked about my eleventh birthday and how I was bitching and screaming at everyone. Renee had let it slip that I had just got my very first period, and Emmett and Edward were making fun of me the entire day. It was horrifying then, but looking back on it was kind of funny. We also talked about Emmett's seventeenth birthday where they had spent two days straight calling into a local radio show until they won a cruise for my parents so they'd be gone for his party. They invited the entire school and had a bunch of booze but somehow managed to have it all cleaned up before my parents returned three days later; I spent that weekend at Rose's house.

"Why don't you see her anymore?" Edward asked unexpectedly. "Rose. She was like your best friend, right?"

I shrugged. "We've grown apart… Why?" I asked suspiciously. Rose had become boy crazy and she had the looks and body to support it, so perhaps he was asking because he wished she'd come over more so he could date her. "She's only sixteen, you know. That's jail bait for you."

He scrunched his face. "Ugh, don't make me vomit. Why the hell would I ever go after her?" he asked with disgust.

"I don't know, she's beautiful and sexy; a lot of guys like her."

He shook his head. "She's a little kid," he said incredulously.

"She doesn't look like a little kid. You haven't seen her in a while, but she's definitely-" I made a motion towards my chest to indicate her large boobs, "-well developed."

He laughed. "Well good for her. I'm sure she'll make some little sixteen year old boy's wet dreams come true."

"She's dated guys your age," I rebutted.

He scrunched his face. "Really? That's….disturbing. You should tell your dad and have those perverts arrested."

I rolled my eyes. "You're not that much older than us. Three years is nothing, my parents are four years apart."

"Yeah, three years for adults is nothing, three years for teenagers is a lot. Besides, it's illegal. Those dudes should be in jail."

"Isn't there an age of consent, or something?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I knew this dude who was twenty and messed around with a seventeen year old chick, and got three years in jail for it."

"Oh… Yeah, maybe you shouldn't go after Rose," I said with a laugh.

"I wouldn't go after Rose even if she was legal."

"Why not?"

"Not my type."

"I thought your type was anything with breasts?"

He shook his head. "I'm more of an ass guy."

"Most think she's got a great ass too," I argued. Why the hell I was trying to convince him to be attracted to Rose, I had no idea.

He shook his head again. "Nope, she just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's because I've known her since she was a kid; I don't know."

"She still is a kid, according to you."

"Exactly," he agreed. "So let's just drop this rather awkward topic, why don't we?"

_Thank god_. "Yes, let's."

"Well, kiddo, I hope you had a good enough birthday."

"Oh, so now _I'm_ a kiddo?" I said with a laugh.

"Yep. You and all your little sixteen year old kiddo friends."

"Yeah, I have so many of those," I said mockingly.

"You should. You're a pretty fun chick to hang out with."

"Sure," I said sarcastically.

"Hey," he chided.

I put my hands up defensively. "Stop putting myself down, I remember."

"Good. And I don't want to hear that crap from you again."

"Okay, okay," I replied while rolling my eyes. "And for the record," I added seriously. "This was a great birthday, thank you."

He smiled warmly. "I'm going to hold you to your promise to get me a cake on my birthday."

I giggled. "You'll have it."

…

When my dad came home the following weekend, he apologized profusely for missing my birthday, but I assured him that I wasn't a little kid anymore and that it really didn't matter to me, and it honestly didn't; in fact, I actually had one of the best birthdays that I had in a years, thanks to Edward.

The following week, after practicing several times on real streets with Edward, Charlie signed the form for my driver's test and I passed, thus becoming a legal driver. Edward bought me another cake to celebrate. But since I now had a license and a truck of my own, Edward didn't have to drive me to school anymore, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't slightly miss that time with him. He didn't have to use his lunch break to pick me up anymore, so that was good, but I didn't see him until he got off work in the evenings, which I suppose, in a way, was how most families were anyway, so I guessed I just needed to get used to it.

That Thanksgiving, Charlie bought tickets for Edward and me to fly to Phoenix with him, for which we were very thankful, but I wasn't sure why he picked that time for us to go instead of Christmas. When we got there, however, I understood.

"Hey, wow, this is a surprise!" Emmett said excitedly when we arrived. He looked amazing. He put some of his weight back on and had color in his cheeks again. Apparently a new drug was helping alleviate the symptoms and had slowed down the progression of the disease… but it was still progressing.

"So, what's really going on?" I pulled Charlie to the side and asked. Edward and Emmett were catching up, so I figured it was the perfect time to question my dad. I rarely saw him anymore, so it was probably the only chance I'd get anyway.

"Well, I wanted you guys to come visit Em while his feeling good. You know, since he's been so sick every other time you've come."

"I'm not asking why you brought us here now, I'm asking what's really going on with Emmett? Is he getting better, or is this like the calm before the storm?"

Charlie huffed. "Your mother doesn't want me telling you this, but Emmett has decided to stop all chemo and radiation."

"What?" I nearly shouted. "He's giving up?"

"He's still on the national registry for a donor, but finding someone with his ethnic background is…difficult.… I think he's just tired of feeling horrible all the time, and that stuff definitely made him feel worse."

I suddenly felt numb. I had slowly begun to realize that he may not be cured, but having him just give up like that was heartbreaking. If I didn't find a way to bury my emotions, I would have just broken down and cried right then and there, and I didn't want to do that in front of Emmett. We all had to be strong for him.

"Without the chemo and the other stuff….and a donor isn't found….how long does he have left?" I asked Charlie carefully.

He took a deep breath. "I don't know. Baby, try not to worry about it, ok, he doesn't want you to. I still have faith that a donor will be found in time, and you should too."

Just then I saw Emmett's doctor walking past his room, so I decided to go ask him since my father was pretending not to know. I was tired of feeling out of the loop, so it was best to go straight to the source.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen," I said politely.

He stopped and turned to me. "Ah, young Ms. Swan, how may I help you?"

"I was just hoping you had a minute to answer a couple of my questions…about my brother?"

"Of course; ask me anything."

I nodded and then cleared my throat. "If Emmett doesn't get a donor, and he doesn't go back on radiation, then how long does he have left?"

Dr. Cullen thought about it for a moment, but I knew he wasn't thinking about the question itself, just on whether or not he should answer it.

"Please, Doctor, I just need to know."

"What did your parents tell you?" he asked gently.

"Not much," I admitted.

"Maybe they don't want you to know."

"No, please, I can' handle it. I think they just assume that I'm too young to understand, but I'm really not a child anymore. Please?"

He sighed. "There's really no way to be sure how long someone will live in this situation. Could be months, could be years."

"Best guess?" I pressed.

"If he stays strong, he can live another three years."

"Max?"

He nodded. "And that's a long time. He's actually very fortunate to have the type of leukemia he has. It's rarer than others and more difficult to cure, but it's slower moving."

"What are the chances of finding a donor?" I asked, not wanting to hear how my dying brother was 'fortunate'.

He sighed again. "With your background…it's just not the most common combinations. A donor doesn't have to have the exact same ethnicity, but they definitely need to be closer than the ones that are currently registered."

"So, I was probably his best bet," I said hopelessly.

"A sibling is always the best bet."

"Why couldn't I have been a match?" I asked myself guiltily.

"You had a one in four chance," Dr. Cullen replied. "You're a carrier of all four different types, but in your case, just the wrong one was dominant."

Then a thought occurred to me, and before I had a chance to really think it through, I was voicing it. "If I'm a carrier for all four…does that mean that I could pass the right one to my child and it would be a match for Emmett?"

I wasn't even sure why I was asking that question when I didn't have any children, but something compelled me to ask regardless.

"Are you pregnant?" the doctor asked with a mix of concern and hope.

"No," I said quickly. "But…what if I was? I mean, what if I was older and had a few kids, could one of them be a match for Emmett?"

"Metaphorically?" he asked carefully. I nodded, so he continued. "Well, metaphorically speaking, if you had a child it could potentially be a match, but the odds are very low. You are not a match yourself, and it is true that you could pass on the matching gene to your child, but you have to consider the child's father's DNA and ethnicity as well. If his ethnicity was similar, you'd have more of a chance. But, Ms. Swan, even if everything was lined up perfectly, your chance of being a match was only twenty five percent, so if you had a child, it would only be a fourth of that. We're talking about really poor odds, here. You'd have a better chance at winning the lotto."

"I know," I said, feeling hopeless again. "But people do win the lotto," I told him.

He grinned halfheartedly. "You're right, some people do win. And do you want to know a secret?" He leaned in as if it was really important and he didn't want anyone overhearing. "I believe in miracles. I'm not supposed to since I'm a man of science, but I've seen things that can't be explained, and I have faith that anything's possible."

I smiled. "Me too."

"We'll find Emmett a donor, we have to keep up hope."

"Definitely," I agreed. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"You're welcome. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

I shook my head.

When I turned around to go back to Emmett's room, I was surprised to see Edward standing there, leaning against a wall and listening to our conversation.

"You know, it's rude to eavesdrop," I joked.

"I wasn't, I was just giving Em some privacy while the nurse checks him out," he said defensively.

I walked over and leaned against the wall next to him. My mind was still trying to process everything the doctor said, and for whatever reason, I just couldn't get past any of it.

"Hey, what's twenty five divided by four?" I asked absently. I could have easily figured it out myself, but my brain wasn't in math mode at the moment.

"Six point two five….Why?" he asked suspiciously.

I shrugged. "Just wondering."

He turned towards me and then grabbed both my shoulders so that I was facing him. "Bella, he's going to find a donor in time," he said assuredly.

I didn't look back at him, I just couldn't at the moment; I didn't respond at all, and thankfully he didn't force me to either. He let me go, and then leaned his back against the wall again.

I thought about my conversation with the doctor for the rest of the week, and then I thought about it even more on the plane ride home. It just kept replaying in my mind over and over again, and I couldn't focus on anything else.

The odds weren't good…but they were better than nothing. My mother couldn't physically have a baby to save Emmett….but maybe I could.

I skipped school that Monday and spent the entire day researching on the internet. I looked up anything and everything about donors and people having babies to save relatives. It was a controversial topic, but one that had a growing success rate. I couldn't find anything on people having babies to help their siblings, it was usually parents trying to help their children, but that didn't mean it couldn't be done.

Six percent was better than nothing.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked me unexpectedly, making me jump.

"Shit, you scared me," I told him, and quickly exited out of the web site I was reading.

"Sorry," he replied. "But why aren't you in school?"

"Why aren't you at work?" I rebutted.

"Some guy asked if he could trade days off with me this week. Besides, I can miss work, you can't miss school."

"You and Emmett used to ditch all the time, and you both graduated," I argued.

"Ok, whatever," Edward said carelessly. "Just don't make a habit out of it. You are better than we were."

Edward grabbed a soda and sat on the couch to watch TV, so I used his distraction to my advantage and continued my search.

Six percent is better than nothing….

And then something made me look up at Edward, and everything suddenly became clear. Have faith, everything happens for a reason. That's what everyone said, and for the first time, I was starting to believe it.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"What ethnicity are you?"

"Uh…English, I think. Why?"

"I thought you said before that you were German?"

"Oh, yeah, I think my grandma said my ancestors were originally from Germany before they moved to England and eventually to the US, or something like that."

"And what about on your mom's side?" I questioned.

"Uh, I think she was like…Italian, or something."

"So, you're mostly German and Italian?" I asked, becoming more and more hopeful by the second.

"I think so…Why? What's going on?"

I ignored his question because I needed to think. Emmett and I were Italian, French, Spanish, and German, so if we mixed in Edward's German and Italian, it would keep with our ethnic background. It was just too perfect to be real, but I wasn't going to question it any more. If Emmett was going to have any chance at all, we'd have to act quickly.

Six percent was definitely better than nothing, and nothing was all Emmett had at the moment. It was clear in my mind what had to be done, the problem was going to be making it clear in Edward's mind…

"Hey, Edward?" I asked nervously. I stood up and walked to where he was in the living room, and sat next to him on the couch. My entire body was terrified by what I was about to ask him, but I couldn't back down. It was going to work, I could feel it.

"Yeah?" he asked concerned. He could see that I was shaking, and he was obviously starting to worry. "What's going on?"

"Remember when you told me that you were here if I ever needed anything?"

"Yeah," he said fiercely, as if he was preparing himself to protect me against something.

"Well, I need your help…."


	9. Ch8 Conviction

Chapter 8 – Conviction

"Hey, Edward?" I asked nervously. I stood up and walked to where he was in the living room, and sat next to him on the couch. My entire body was terrified by what I was about to ask him, but I couldn't back down. It was going to work, I could feel it.

"Yeah?" he asked concerned. He could see that I was shaking, and he was obviously starting to worry. "What's going on?"

"Remember when you told me that you were here if I ever needed anything?"

"Yeah," he said fiercely, as if he was preparing himself to protect me against something.

"Well, I need your help,"

"Ok, what do you need?"

"Just hear me out before you decide anything," I warned him.

"Bella, what's going on?" he asked impatiently.

I took a deep breath. "I think I should have a baby," I forced out.

He stared at me for a moment….and then he busted out laughing. "Oh Bella, you're funny."

I huffed. "I'm serious. And you said you'd hear me out before making any decisions."

"Alright, I'm hearing you out," he said, having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"My parents tried to have a baby to save Emmett, you know, to create a tissue match, but for whatever reason they couldn't… So…I thought that if I had one…" I let my sentence trail off because Edward's amusement on the topic had morphed into what looked like pure horror.

We stared at each other in an intense, humiliating standoff, and then he finally broke.

"You're serious."

"Yes," I replied calmly. "Emmett needs a donor that's ethnically similar to him, and because I'm his sister, I have a six percent chance of having a child with a matching tissue type."

"Ok, hold on!" he cut me off. "Just stop, ok. This is ridiculous. Do you even know what you're talking about? Seriously, do you even have a clue?"

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. Dr. Cullen said…"

"That's what you were discussing with him?" Edward asked angrily. "He put this insane idea in your head?" He was getting mad, and I really needed to try to calm him down.

"No, Dr. Cullen just told me the facts I was asking, he wasn't putting me up to anything. This is my idea completely."

"Right, and now I understand what you meant when you said you weren't smart," he said harshly. I really couldn't believe he said that to me. I never understood how people could let words affect them, but those words, coming from him, cut like a knife. He was the only person in the world who ever tried convincing me that I wasn't an idiot, but there he was, taking it back…and it hurt more than any physical pain I ever felt before.

"Bella, I'm sorry… I didn't mean that," he murmured after a few minutes.

"It's fine," I said, trying to sound indifferent, but my voice broke and a slow stream of warmth went running down my cheeks. _Was I crying?_

"No, it's not fine. You're not stupid, I shouldn't have said that. It's just…this…you can't go around thinking that having a baby will fix anything, cuz it won't. It won't bring your parents back together, and it won't make them pay any more attention to you at the moment."

Then I started getting mad. "Wait, you think I want to have a baby because I'm starving for attention? I just told you it's for a tissue match for Emmett. He's going to die if he doesn't get a donor…"

"Well, you getting pregnant isn't going to help him."

"It would have a six percent chance…"

"Six percent," he said with a humorless laugh. "Bella, do you understand how low that is?"

"It's more of a percentage than he has now," I told him emotionally, and he couldn't argue with that.

"Bella, you're sixteen years old. You should be thinking about dating and school dances, not trying to get pregnant to save your brother."

"We both know I have no desire to date and go to school dances. I've never been normal, so being pregnant is not going to change my life too much."

"The fact that you don't think it would change your life is exactly why you're nowhere close to being ready for such a thing. Let's say you do go and get yourself pregnant by some random douche, you would have to go to school pregnant, everyone would be talking about you, and in nine months you'll have a baby to care for. Even if you don't like to go out and party, becoming a teen mom is still a big deal."

I bit my bottom lip. "I don't plan on becoming a teen mom," I admitted. "My cousin lives in Chicago. She and her husband have been on a waiting list to adopt a baby for years."

"Ok, so let me get this straight…You are planning to get pregnant, then put the baby up for adoption? Bella, you can't do that, it's just….wrong."

"Why is it wrong? Not only is Emmett's life being saved, but a loving couple gets the baby they've always wanted and probably wouldn't get otherwise. There are thousands of couples out there who can't have kids of their own. They even have a series about adoption struggles on The Learning Channel. It's a win-win for everyone."

"Everyone except you," he argued. "Regardless of whether you ended up raising it yourself, this is a small town, everyone will talk."

"Do you honestly think I care about that?" I asked with tears clouding my vision once again. "Emmett is going to die if a donor isn't found. There's no coming back from that. No fixing it."

"And you getting pregnant isn't going to help him. Bella, six percent. What if you got pregnant and the baby wasn't even a match. Then what? Give the baby up for adoption then try again? What the hell do you think your parents are going to say?"

"If the baby isn't a match then at least I know I did everything I could… and Emmett doesn't have enough time left to try again. My parents will be disappointed that I've become a 'statistic', or whatever, but they have more important things to worry about. They'll get over it. It probably won't even be a blip on their radar, especially if Emmett doesn't make it…and if he does, then they'll just be grateful."

"Bella, you can't do this. You think having a baby wouldn't affect you, but it would. You'd have to live with it for the rest of your life."

"At least I'll have a life, which is more than Emmett would have. Besides, I'm not like that. I've never cared about babies, I've never had any sort of natural maternal instinct. You should see Rose around babies and kids, she goes gaga…but I don't and never will. It's not going to bother me to give it up."

"I'd imagine it would feel differently with your own baby," he rebutted.

"Edward, I have to do this. I know the odds are against me, but…I feel that this is going to work deep down inside my gut. I don't know how to even really explain it. It's like…it's like….remember when I was upset and I felt like I was worthless…well, I don't feel like that anymore. I'm supposed to do this. I'm supposed to save Emmett, I just know it," I told him confidently.

"Bella…you're just a kid," he said quietly. "Kids believe a lot of things they shouldn't, and that's part of growing up."

I shook my head. "No, this isn't like that. I'm not some doe eyed little girl that thinks I'm going to marry my first crush. I know this isn't going to be easy, but nothing real in life ever is. I have to at least try…otherwise I'd never be able to live with myself."

He must have seen my conviction, because he sighed and then said - "Your dad left me in charge of you, but you obviously have your mind set and I can't control you every minute of every day." He looked up at the ceiling as if he were searching for help from a higher power. "I just really hope you come to your senses before it's too late, but either way I don't want to know any more about it."

_Uh…_ "I think you've misunderstood me," I said slowly.

"I have? Oh, thank god," he said, sincerely relieved. "Because I thought you were telling me that you were going to get yourself pregnant."

"How could I get _myself _pregnant?" I asked him suggestively.

"Wait, what?" he asked confused.

"I can't just get pregnant by some random loser at a party. I need him to have a similar ethnic background in order for the tissue to have a better chance at matching."

"Uh…" he said as realization began to hit him.

"You're German and Italian, just like us…"

He shook his head slowly.

"Edward, I need you. Besides, even if ethnicity didn't matter, most guys willing to have unprotected sex probably have STDs. I mean, I'd be willing to risk it, but…"

"Bella, there is no way in hell that I'm going to…" He couldn't even say the word.

"Please," I begged desperately. "You're my best chance."

"Look, I think it's…_admirable_ that you'd be willing to sacrifice yourself for your brother like that, but…it's wrong. Even if it could be guaranteed that the baby was a match, it's still wrong in so many ways. And if I were to….If I helped you with this," he shook his head again. "Emmett would never forgive me. I'd never forgive myself. Not to mention the fact that your dad would throw my ass in jail."

"No one will ever know," I told him quickly. "I'll say I got pregnant by some random guy. You wouldn't have to do anything, well…nothing besides…you know."

"Bella, I'm not going to have sex with you!" he spat. It was like the words were disgusting in his mouth and he needed to get them out as quickly as possible.

"It won't be like that," I tried assuring him. "I know how to time my periods and figure out when I ovulate. We'll just…we don't even have to touch each other. We'll keep our clothes on and just do it quickly and not think about it again."

"You've obviously never had sex before," he mumbled.

"So, you get naked and all hot and sweaty every time you have sex?" I asked him incredulously.

He scrunched up his face. "I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you."

"Seriously, though. Haven't you ever had sex with a girl you weren't attracted to?"

"You're a virgin…do you really want to lose your virginity like that?" he asked, dismissing my question. "You should wait until…until you're older. When you've had a chance to date and see what you want."

I rolled my eyes. "Hardly anyone waits until they're in love these days."

"I didn't say you had to be in love, just…I don't know, at least wait until you _want_ to have sex."

"I do want to."

"No, you know what I mean. You should wait until you want to because you _want_ to, not because you're trying to save your brother."

I stared at him until my eyes burned, and then I blinked slowly and a tear rolled down my cheek. "Sometimes, things don't go the way they should. Life should be hearts and roses all the time for everyone…but its not. This next part of my life will be difficult…but I am doing it and I will get through it." I bit my bottom lip, and then stood up straight and tried to make my voice as steady as possible. "I'm going to be ovulating in two weeks, and I need your help…Emmett and I need your help….but if you're not willing to help us, then I'll find someone else. I'll go to a binger party and find some drunk idiot who won't even know the difference. Of course, he probably won't have the right ethnic background which will only make the odds even worse…but I will get pregnant…with or without you. I'm just really hoping you'll be the one to do this with me...because you're the only person in this world that I can truly trust."

With that, I turned and went to my bedroom. I didn't want Edward telling me yet again how he wasn't going to do it, because the truth was that he was just reacting without even taking the time to think about it. It may sound crazy, but I knew in my heart that it would work, and if Edward just opened his mind and heart, he'd know too. He needed time to think about it, and I was going to give him that time.

For the next two weeks, Edward and I hardly spoke. He didn't bring up my request, and neither did I. Regardless of what he decided, I knew our relationship would never be the same. He'd never joke around with me the way he did before, and he'd probably never look at me like Emmett's innocent little sister again. I ruined that by asking him something that he probably deemed unforgivable, and I suddenly felt like I had lost my family all over again.

But I couldn't take it back. The more days that passed, the more confident I had become in my decision. My baby would save Emmett, I was sure of it.

But Edward's increased distance towards me had me convinced that he wasn't going to change his mind, so I needed to find someone else to get me pregnant.

"Hey Rose," I said hesitantly at school that week.

"Bella, hey, how are you?" she asked, surprised that I was speaking to her at all.

"Fine…uh, I was wondering if there were any parties happening tonight…or in the next couple days sometime?"

She raised her brows at me. "You want to go to a party?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling like I had a lump in my throat.

"Um…ok…yeah, I think Kate is having a party Friday night. Do you want me to pick you up?"

I shook my head. "I have a truck. Is the party at her house?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"What time should I be there?" I asked nervously.

"Around ten."

"Ok, great," I said with as much faux excitement as I could muster.

"Bella, is everything ok?" she asked me concerned.

"Yeah," I lied. "Why?"

"Well, you've been sort of…antisocial lately, and suddenly you want to go to a party?" she asked. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were working as a spy for your dad or something," she said with a light laugh. "Are you trying to rat out the underage drinking?"

I smiled. "No, I'm just…bored. I've tried to be good for my parents while my brother's been sick, but…I'm tired of it," I said, full of attitude. I was actually lying quite well, and I was rather proud of myself.

"Um... okay," Rose replied skeptically. She always could tell when I was lying, but thankfully she didn't call me on it.

When Friday night came, I went into my father's closet and found a few dresses that my mother had left there when she moved out. They were all too big for me, and way too long, so I cut the length and pinned the sides in so they fit tightly. I didn't feel too bad about ruining my mother's dresses, I mean she left them there, so she must not have wanted them anymore, which is basically the same thing she did with me. I was an old dress…but I was about to be redone into something new, something no one had seen before.

I curled my hair and clipped it up in a sexy-messy up-do, and then spent an extra hour on makeup. When I was finally finished getting ready, I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't help but think about how it would be the last time I would see myself as a virgin.

A part of me was excited, but it was a very small part because most of me was scared shitless. Even more than the pain of having sex for the first time, I couldn't help but wonder what disgusting moron I would find to shoot his DNA inside me… But even worse, I started feeling guilty about it. Even if I didn't care about putting my child up for adoption, maybe the unsuspecting guy would and he'd never even know he fathered a child. It wasn't fair to him and the thought was starting to freak me out, but saving Emmett was still the most important thing so I forced myself not to think about it.

I walked downstairs and unexpectedly saw Edward standing in the doorway, blocking my exit.

"Where are you going?" he asked me emotionlessly. He didn't look me in the eye, which was basically how it had been for the past two weeks so I wasn't surprised.

"Out," I replied evenly. I really couldn't stand there and have a conversation with him, because I knew I'd never be able to leave. I'd just end up begging him to be the one to help me again, and that wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"I really don't think you should go anywhere right now."

"Why not?"

"Because it's ten o'clock at night. You have a curfew."

I laughed once. "Since when?"

"Since you decided to go out," he said evenly.

"Last time I checked, I've never gotten into any trouble, so I have no reason not to be allowed to go out."

"Well, your dad put me in charge of you, and I'm telling you that you can't go out right now," he said sternly.

I shrugged. "Then call him. Ten bucks says he'll tell you to let me go."

I walked past him to get out the door, but he grabbed my arm. "Bella, no. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself."

I yanked my arm away from him. "It's not up to you."

"You're making a mistake," he called after me, so I stopped and stormed back to him.

"No, you made it for me," I rebutted harshly. "Emmett is your best friend; you should be the one helping me with this."

He didn't respond verbally, he just stared at me and shook his head ever so slightly, so I turned and went back to my truck. I got in and turned the key to start the engine, except it didn't work.

I glanced up at the house and saw Edward standing on the porch, watching me with his arms crossed in front of him. It was obvious that he sabotaged my truck on purpose; the guy worked on cars for a living, of course he knew how to kill one as well. But I wasn't going to give up, I couldn't. I pulled out my cell and texted Rose to see if she could come pick me up. Luckily, she was right around the corner so I only had to wait a minute before she pulled up. I hurried and got into her car without even looking in Edward's direction again. He was pissed at me, but I couldn't think about that at the moment.

"So…what's going on?" Rose asked casually as she drove us to Kate's house.

"Nothing. Just looking to have a good time."

"So why was Edward Masen watching you like a hawk from your doorway then?"

I shrugged. "He's on a power trip and thinks he can tell me what to do."

"Um…okay."

She didn't ask any more questions on the drive over, but when we got there she seemed a little nervous about something. "Oh hey, Bella, any time you want to leave, just let me know and I'll take you right home, ok?"

And then I got suspicious. "Did Edward call you and ask you to keep an eye on me?"

"What?" she asked legitimately confused. "No, I haven't spoken to Edward in years. I'm just worried about you. You refused to talk to me for months, and all of a sudden you asked me to take you to a party. I just don't want you to get into something that you don't know how to get out of. I still think of you as my best friend, and I always will…no matter how much time passes since we've spoken last."

I smiled at her heavily. "Thanks, but I'm fine, really. I just…want to have a good time."

"Okay," she said skeptically. "But my offer stands all night. I won't be drinking tonight, so anytime you want to go home, just let me know."

"Thanks," I said sincerely.

I grabbed one of the drinks that were being passed around, and forced it down my throat. I always hated the taste of alcohol, but I figured it might loosen me up a bit and make the experience a little less agonizing.

About ten minutes into the party, I had a taker. Jacob Black was following me around like a lost puppy and practically dry humped my leg every time I sat down. He was a sure bet, and I knew he'd do just about anything I wanted him to, including sex without a condom.

It made my stomach twist, and not in a pleasant sort of way.

But then I made eye contact with Mike Newton, and I knew I could have him just as easily as Jacob. Both were equally unappealing, but with Jacob's Native American background, I figured it was a safer bet going with Mike. Mike was a stereotypical white boy, so probably European decent, which meant he was most likely closer to my German heritage.

"Excuse me, Jake," I said to him before getting up to go talk to Mike. If ethnicity wasn't important then I'd definitely prefer Jacob over Mike personality wise, but that wasn't important to me at the moment. I was doing this to save Emmett's life; I just had to keep telling myself that.

After pathetically flirting with Mike, I asked him if he wanted to find a more private place we could talk, but because he was a moron and I had no idea how to proposition someone, he didn't understand my subliminal question.

"It's not too loud in here, but we can go talk on the porch out front, if you want," Mike replied, completely clueless.

"Maybe we should find a bedroom, or something," I said while seductively leaning forward to expose what little cleavage I had.

He scratched his head. "I'm not sure if Kate would want us in the bedrooms."

_For crying out loud_. "Mike, do you want to have sex with me or not?" I asked him frustrated.

He looked absolutely shocked by me boldness, but then he nodded slowly. "Really?" he choked out.

"Let's do it quick before I change my mind," I told him before grabbing his arm and tugging him towards the stairs.

I was nervous, and annoyed, and every step I took closer to the bedrooms upstairs made my conscience scream louder and louder for me to stop. But I couldn't stop. I needed to save Emmett.

We found an empty bedroom, and he immediately tried to kiss me but I pushed him away. "I'm not into kissing," I told him, because quite frankly, the thought of kissing him made me want to vomit.

"Uh…ok," he said carelessly, and then he started unzipping my dress. His hands moved under the fabric and right to my breasts, and my stomach twisted into painful knots. The feeling of his hands on me like that was disgusting, and I literally felt sick. I tried to suppress the feeling for Emmett's sake, but I just couldn't get past it.

"Stop," I told him, feeling absolutely repulsed by the entire thing. "I can't do this," I said before zipping my dress back up and hurrying out of the room.

Rose drove me home and tried to ask what was wrong, but I didn't respond. I didn't even know how to respond at that moment. I was so angry at myself that I couldn't even think straight. Why the hell couldn't I go through with it? It was stupid and pathetic, and I hated myself more than I ever had before. How could I ever live with myself knowing I had run from a chance to save my brother? The guilt was consuming.

By the time Rose pulled into my driveway, I had mentally called myself every degrading name in the book and I was crying uncontrollably.

"Hey Bella," Rose said, trying to console me.

"I'm fine," I told her through my tears. "Thanks for the ride," I said quickly before getting out of the car and rushing into the house.

I was vaguely aware of the fact that Edward was waiting up for me in the living room, but I ran past him and straight into my room. I didn't want him to think he was right, that I wasn't ready for something like sex and a pregnancy, because it simply wasn't true….or maybe it was true and I still couldn't admit it. Either way, I wasn't prepared to give up. I may have chickened out this time, but I'd find a way to force myself to do it the next chance I got. I had to.

I cried into my pillow like the pathetic baby I was, but then I felt the his hand on my back, and I couldn't stop myself from crawling into his lap and letting him hold me securely. It didn't matter that we had hardly spoken over the past couple of weeks; he was still the only person who made me feel like I wasn't alone in the world. I didn't want him there to see me like that, but at the same time I couldn't deny that I needed him.

He held me until my crying slowed, and then he told me everything was going to be ok.

I shook my head. "How is everything going to be ok?" I asked him through a new round of tears. "I'm so stupid, I can't even…"

"Bella, you're not stupid," he told me sternly. He always hated when I called myself that. "Your heart is just too big that it clouds your judgment sometimes," he joked.

I laughed once despite myself.

"Look…chances are that doing it once won't result in anything, so I'm sure you're fine…But if you want I can go get the Morning After pill for you, and then you won't have to worry too much."

"I didn't go through with it," I told him quickly, realizing that he assumed I was crying because I regretted it.

"You didn't?" he asked surprised. "Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm a coward. I chickened out and probably ruined my chance."

"That doesn't make you a coward," he told me softly. "You're a sixteen year old virgin, Bella, and you've taken it upon yourself to save your brother's life. Now, that would be hard for anyone to bear. You're not a coward at all; you're the exact opposite of that."

I laid there in his arms for a few minutes as I tried to calm down, and then I pulled away and looked him in the eye for the first time in two weeks. "Edward…please," I said no louder than a whisper. "Please help me with this."

"Bella," he murmured solemnly. "I can't….we can't."

"Yes, we can. It will save him, I know it," I tried assuring him. "No one will ever know it was you, so you don't have to worry about being arrested or anything. Emmett won't hate you, and…"

"I'd know," he interrupted me. "And I'd hate myself. Besides, even if I did agree to this, how could I ever sit back and let you take the heat for it knowing I was just as responsible as you…well, more cuz I'm an adult and I know better."

I bit my bottom lip and then sighed. "Then leave," I told him. It killed me to say it because I didn't want him to leave ever, but I would do whatever it took for him to agree to help me. "After I'm pregnant, just leave. You wanted to be a drifter anyway, so….drift."

"I can't leave you alone," he said absently.

"I won't be alone. I heard my dad mentioning something about how Emmett wanted to move back home. He's not continuing with the treatment at the center anymore, so he wants to be here. I'll be fine, really. I'll have the baby and it'll save Emmett, and then it'll be raised by a great couple who will love it immensely."

"And what happens to you then?" he asked.

I thought about it for a minute. "I go back to being….just me," I said with a shrug. "I'm sure I'll finish school, and then maybe get a job. I don't know, I'll figure it out."

"Bella, the odds of something like this working…"

"I don't care about the odds. It'll work, I know it. Edward, we can save Emmett's _life_….After everything you've been through together, after everything he's done for you, shouldn't you want to do anything possible to help him?"

He squeezed his eyes closed tightly, and reached his hand up to pull his hair away from his scalp. It was clear that he was fighting a war within himself on what he should do, I only prayed the part of him willing to help me came out the winner.

He dropped his hand down in some form of defeat, and without opening his eyes, he whispered "Okay."

My heart jumped. "Okay?" I asked, making sure I didn't hear him wrong.

"But if you couldn't go through with it at the party, then what makes you think you can now?" he asked in a rush, still trying for anything that would get me to change my mind.

"Because it didn't feel right with him. This feeling I have, this gut instinct that's telling me that this will work…I only have that with you. I need you for this; you're the only one who loves Emmett as much as I do, and you're the only one I trust."

"If you change your mind….at any point-"

"I won't," I told him confidently.

"But if you do…"

"I'll tell you."

"Promise me, Bella."

I swallowed hard. "I promise."

* * *

*****A/N: Spoiler Alert** - Bella will _not_ end up putting the baby up for adoption, so please don't send me hate mail on the subject. She's young and naïve, but I swear, she'll figure it all out eventually

The next chapter is an extended version of the prologue, and it is already finished and sitting on my computer. So REVIEW and I'll post it soon. Thanks!


	10. Ch9 Natural

**A/N: Thanks so much for reviewing so quickly, I really appreciate it! **

***Just a little reminder, this is an M rated story which deals with mature topics and graphic scenes. It may not be suitable for everyone. Thanks again**

* * *

Chapter 9 – Natural

After we discussed everything thoroughly, we discussed everything again. Edward was trying to get me to understand every aspect of the choice I was making, but more importantly, he was still trying to convince me to change my mind. But my mind was set, and whether he wanted to admit it or not, he knew just how sure I was.

"We don't have to do it today," he said quickly. "We can wait a few months so you have more time…"

"I don't need more time, but Emmett does and he might not get it. The baby will take nine months before it's born, and we don't even know how old it has to be for the transplant to happen. We need to do this _now_."

"But you'll still be ovulating tomorrow, right? I mean it's late. We could wait until the morning…or tomorrow night even, that way…"

"No, this has to happen now. I don't want you overthinking it and bailing on me."

He sighed. "I just wish_ you'd_ overthink it a little more."

"I've thought about it enough. Every day we wait is just one less day that Emmett has. It's going to be fine, you'll see," I told him.

He inhaled deeply, and then let it out slowly. "Ok, so how do you want to do this, then?"

I shrugged. "I guess on my bed. I'll just…take off my pants and you can…you know."

"Just like that?" he asked skeptically, though I wasn't sure what his problem was.

"Yeah. I mean, we're not doing this cuz we want to, so the quicker we get it done, and the less naked we have to be, the better. It's going to be weird enough as it is, I definitely don't want you to see me with all my clothes off."

He nodded absently. "Ok, so…the sooner it's over the better. You do realize this is going to be uncomfortable, right? I mean, the first time for girls is always a little painful."

"I'll be fine," I said unfazed.

We went up to my room, and the tension between us was palpable. "Can you just…give me a minute?" I asked him nervously.

"Yeah," he replied. He turned back out of my room to wait in the hall, and then shut the door to give me some privacy.

I went into my conjoined bathroom and took down my hair before just staring at myself in the mirror for a long minute, trying to get ahold of my nerves. "Don't be a coward," I said to myself. I was confident I was doing the right thing, but it was still nerve racking. This really would be the last time I looked at myself as a virgin, and I couldn't help but wonder if I'd look differently afterwards.

But the most surreal part of it all was the fact that Edward Masen was the one who I was about to have sex with. _Edward freaking Masen_. The very same Edward that used to disgust me and constantly piss me off, the same guy who I had asked Emmett time and again to get rid of. Maybe he was right, maybe I was crazy. If I could go back two years and tell myself that I'd lose my virginity to Edward I'd probably vomit all over the place and then shoot myself…But then again, this wasn't the same Edward, and I definitely wasn't the same Bella. We had both changed, and not only grew up, but grew together in a way that I could honestly call him the best friend I ever had.

I washed my face and then changed into a long T shirt so I was a little more comfortable. Then I glanced at myself one more time in the mirror and sighed before turning off the bedroom light. I went back to my room and sat on the bed under the covers before shakily slipping off my underwear.

"Ok, you can come in now," I called to Edward nervously.

He walked in slowly, and looked a little surprised to see me already in bed.

"Are you sure?" he asked yet again.

"I would tell you if I wasn't," I said anxiously.

He walked closer to the bed and I could tell he was just as nervous as I was…maybe even more.

"Should I turn off the light?" he asked awkwardly.

"It's a dimmer…so, maybe just lower it," I suggested. The less we were able to see each other and freak ourselves out, the better.

He turned down the light, and then came back to the bed where he reluctantly kneeled down. I bent my knees to give him more space, which actually made me feel slightly better to have my legs pressed so tightly against myself.

"Oh, I got this for you," I said remembering the magazine I had picked up a few days prior. It was in my nightstand drawer so I could easily reach it from where I was sitting.

He took it from me and looked a little amused for the first time in weeks. "Playboy?"

I shrugged. "I thought it would help." Since we weren't getting naked or doing any kind of foreplay, I figured he may need something to get him going.

He didn't respond, but I noticed him putting the magazine to the side without giving it a second glance.

"Are you ready?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes," I choked out before lying back but keeping my knees bent where they were.

He slowly moved the blanket off my legs, and I couldn't help but have a flashback to my last gynecology visit. For a moment I was sitting in the Doctor's office with my legs in stirrups, waiting to get an exam. It was the only time anyone had ever been in that area, and I suddenly felt really shy and self-conscious. It was a part of my body that I had never even cared to explore, so having Edward there was extremely uncomfortable. Every muscle in my body tensed, but rather than voice my nerves, I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from talking.

It was almost dark in the room, but when I saw him unbuttoning his pants I forced my eyes to look anywhere but there.

"If you want to do this, you're going to have to open your legs," he said gently.

_Oh, right._ "Sorry," I mumbled before forcing my muscles to relax enough to spread my legs.

He pushed my long shirt up just enough to get access, and then he moved even closer so that his thighs were pressed against me.

My heart was beating out of my chest, and I vaguely wondered if it were possible to pass out from being so scared. But the truth was that it was an entirely different type of fear than I had when I almost did it with Mike; this fear didn't make me want to pull away, it was simply the fear of the unknown and being positive that it was going to change absolutely everything. Our relationship. Our lives. Everything. Nothing would ever be the same again, and there was no going back.

"Are you sure?" he asked me one more time.

I nodded because I wasn't sure how strong my voice would be at the moment, and I sure as hell didn't want him to think I was as scared as I was.

He moved again and I felt something touch me _there_, and then there was pressure….and it definitely didn't feel good. But then there was more pressure, and my body somehow found a way to tense even more than it already was. It was like he was trying to shove something far too big inside of a hole that was practically nonexistent, and it hurt like hell.

I tried to hold it in. I tried to ignore the torturous burning from the pressure he was creating. But my knuckles felt like they were going to tear right through my skin from how tightly I was grasping on to the covers below me, and I knew I couldn't hold on for a moment longer...

My screams were muffled by my own pillow after my trembling hands failed to stay attached to their positions and moved to hide my face in a last ditch effort to stay quiet, and that was his breaking point.

"What are you doing?" I cried out as I felt him back away from me. When I pulled the pillow off my face and sat up to look at him, he was on the other side of the room fastening his pants. "That's it? You're just done?"

"This is wrong," he replied. His voice was strained with the guilt and frustration that he was obviously feeling from the event. "We can't do this. I can't believe I even let it go this far."

"We have to do this!" I replied angrily. "You can't just walk away now."

"Yes, I can," he said sternly before grabbing his shoes and heading for the door.

"Edward, I need you," I said desperately.

He turned back to me slowly. "No, what you _need_ is to forget about all of this. It wouldn't have worked anyway."

"You don't know that," I argued with tears streaming down my face. "How will we ever know if we don't try?"

"We did try. _This_ was trying," he said while gesturing towards the bed. "It's not going to work so we need to just…stop."

"How can you say that? After everything he's done for you, how can you just….give up? He'd never give up on you, and you know that!" I argued emotionally. I knew it was a low blow, but to come that close only for him to back out at that point was devastating and I was desperate.

He froze in shock as if I just slapped him across the face. "That's not fair," he said slowly. "I'd do anything for him."

"Obviously not," I challenged.

He shook his head. "This won't work. Even if we went through with it, the chances of it actually helping him are slim, and then what? You're stuck living with this for the rest of your life."

I huffed. "We already talked about this. I understand what you're saying, but I think I know myself a little better then you do. I won't let it affect me, but if I sit back and do nothing when there is even the slightest chance that I can save him…._that's_ something I'd never forgive myself for, and trust me, you won't either."

He was quiet as he considered everything I was saying, and then he sighed in defeat. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll live," I replied meaningfully. "But if we don't do this….he doesn't even have a chance."

I could see the conflict burning in his eyes, but I knew he would ultimately agree to it. The consequence to our decision could never outweigh the alternative; I wasn't willing to give up without a fight, and thankfully, he wasn't anymore either.

He reluctantly came back over and got back on the bed, so I resumed my previous position of lying on my back with my knees bent up and apart. I could feel him at my opening again, but he paused.

"Maybe if we had some of that KY stuff," he said hesitantly, but I was already ahead of him.

"We can't use that. Artificial lubrications can slow down the sperm, and I don't want to take any chances."

"How do you know that?"

"I did research."

"You researched that?"

"There's a lot of information on the internet about trying to conceive."

He huffed. "Well, uh…then it might be easier if you….you know…"

"What?" I asked clueless.

He sat back on his heels, so I sat up and let my knees rest together while he said whatever it was he was trying to tell me.

"Well, it's not working because you're just too tense and closed off. You need to try to relax, and the best way to do that is to…you know."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I admitted.

"Masturbate," he said unexpectedly.

"What?" I asked shocked, and slightly disturbed.

"It would help with…_everything_. I actually thought that's what you were doing when you asked me to go out for a minute."

"Huh? That's gross," I said, honestly disgusted.

"Why is that gross? Everyone does it, it's really not a big deal."

"Everyone does not do it," I said defensively. "Maybe all guys do it, but why would a girl do it unless she's a porn star or sex addict?"

"Because it helps," he said again. "A lot of women do it every time before sex because it makes things go…smoother."

"Really? It would make it…hurt less?"

"Yeah…You've honestly never done it before?" he asked incredulously.

I shook my head. "I wouldn't even know what to do."

He looked at me pensively for a moment, before sighing and moving back towards me once again. I assumed he realized that the masturbation thing just wasn't going to happen so he was just going to go back to doing what we were trying before. I laid back and let my knees fall apart again, and he moved back between them. Just like before I felt him down there…except it didn't feel like before.

Was he touching me with his _fingers?_

"You need to relax," he told me gently.

But then his fingers began to move, and relaxing was an impossible feat.

"Sit back up," he instructed. I didn't know why he wanted me to sit up, but I wasn't going to argue with him either. I did as he told me, but it had to be the most awkward thing I had ever done, because his hand was still on me. I couldn't look at him. I tried to look away but he was so close and it was too dark to see past him, so I closed my eyes.

"Bella, you need to open your eyes," he told me. His voice was unexpectedly rough, like he was suddenly having a hard time speaking.

I shook my head no. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to see anything he was doing.

"Bella, open your eyes," he told me again, but this time it was more of a demand. I never heard him use that tone before, but it was strangely appealing in a way I didn't understand. He wasn't asking me to open my eyes, he was telling me and I found myself wanting nothing more than to do as I was told.

I opened them slowly and my eyes caught his, and there was something there, something in the depths of his eyes that I had never seen there before and couldn't quite describe.

"Now look down at my hand," he insisted firmly.

I didn't argue or protest. I didn't want to look at his hand because of where it was at on my body, but I did anyway because there was no denying that voice.

And then I saw it. His hand was cupping my most private area...and then it started moving again. My body tensed from his touch, but somehow relaxed at the same time. His fingers began tracing my folds, gently massaging my sensitive skin in a way that made it look like it absolutely belonged there. Suddenly there was nothing gross or scary about how he was caressing me, it was almost beautiful in a way I was never expecting.

I felt so exposed and yet it was the single most intimate thing that ever happened to me, and I couldn't even fathom the thought of anyone touching me like that other than Edward. It was just…almost natural in a way I never expected, like as if that part of my body was his; I could never even touch myself there because it belonged to him.

But then he brushed his thumb over the fleshy nub at the top, and I involuntarily flinched by the unexpected jolt of sensation it caused. I hoped he didn't notice because I wasn't even sure if I wanted to feel that again, but he did and then he repeated the action. The more he did it, the better it felt. He slowly alternated massaging and flicking, rubbing and stroking, and a rush of heat flooded my center and his fingers were suddenly coated in something that felt silky and wet.

"Keep watching," he demanded when I unintentionally let my eyes close from the amazing feeling he was creating.

I forced my eyes open and nearly lost it when he slipped one long finger into my opening. The sight of his finger disappearing inside of me sent an electric pulse shooting right through my body, straight to my core. The entire thing was surreal, and yet it felt more real than anything else I had ever experienced in my life. I didn't know how he knew that forcing me to watch would have that reaction from me, but I was so glad that he did because it was absolutely incredible and would definitely change my response to the entire thing.

Without warning, he took a second finger and pushed it inside of me, and then proceeded to spread his two fingers apart as if he was trying to stretch me out. It was uncomfortable, but strangely felt good at the same time.

But then he did something odd. After coating his fingers in my wetness, he brought those same fingers down to his own pants. He was still wearing his jeans, but they were unfastened, exposing his underwear and a rather large bulge which I could only assume was an erection. He pushed his hand under the elastic band and then appeared to be rubbing himself. I had no idea what he was doing, but when he moved his hand back to my opening and recoated his fingers in my wetness only to bring it back to his pants, I nearly lost my mind.

"_Natural_ lubrication," he explained. His voice was even deeper and huskier than before, but it was so alluring that it sent waves of desire through my entire body, and the fact that he was putting my wetness on himself like that made me ache impatiently. I wanted him inside of me, and that want was actually physically painful.

He suddenly crawled up my body so I would be forced to lie back, and he hovered over me with his face only inches from mine.

"Tell me to stop," he whispered feebly. It was his last appeal to get me to change my mind, but there was no way I was even capable of doing that. I needed him, and it went far beyond conceiving a donor.

I shook my head ever so slightly, so he huffed and then shifted his weight so that he could push down his pants. And then I felt him at my opening once again, but this time it was different; this time my body was practically begging for him to enter me…and finally, he did.

As he pushed into me slowly he let out a quiet groan, and I unconsciously grabbed onto the covers below me for support. It was still a little painful, but I was so consumed by desire that I hardly noticed it. The foreign feeling of having him inside me quickly shifted into something else, something that wasn't foreign at all. It was like we were made to fit together in that way, and when he hitched my leg over his hip so he could move in even further, that feeling only intensified.

When our bodies were flushed against each other, he pulled back out and an unexpected whimper escaped my lips.

"Are you ok?" he murmured.

I nodded, so he thankfully pushed himself back in. I wanted him to stay inside of me, but when he began moving in and out at a quicker pace, I couldn't imagine a better feeling.

"Gah, you're so tight," he mumbled almost unintelligibly. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but I couldn't bring myself to care either, all that mattered to me was that he didn't stop.

But because I was only holding the blanket below me, every time he thrust in my entire body would scoot up, and suddenly my head was dangerously close to the backboard.

"Bella, hold on to me," he insisted, so without even taking a moment to think about it, I wrapped my arms under his and grabbed on to the back of his shoulders.

Being pressed so securely against him only added to the sensation, and the next thing I knew every muscle inside of my body tightened again, except this time it was somehow different. It went from the tips of my toes to the pit of my stomach, even the hair on my head seemed to be tensing somehow. For a brief moment I was fearful. I didn't understand what was happening so I tried to hold it in, but the fight was impossible and I was forced to let go, allowing the most incredible explosive rush to overcome me.

Heat flooded my body in pulsating waves, numbing my limbs as it passed.

Edward must have felt it too, because he also tensed and a low moan rumbled from deep inside his chest.

And then he stilled. "Are you ok?" he asked me after a minute. His voice was still thick, but it sounded much more relaxed than before.

I wasn't sure how my own voice would sound right then, so I just nodded again.

He stared at me for a moment with a mix of what looked like affection and pure, unadulterated guilt.

He looked away and pulled out of me, and then quickly refastened his pants before leaving the room.

I really wanted to go after him because it was obvious he was upset, but then I remembered exactly why we had done it - to conceive a baby. Everything I read about the topic said that I should lie down for a while after sex to make it easier on the sperm to get to the egg, so I forced myself to stay where I was. I'd have to talk to him about it later.

Even though I was alone, I was overcome with the surrealistic reality of what just happened. Edward and I just had sex. I wasn't a virgin anymore, and if everything went as planned, the beginning stages of conception could be happening within me. It was terrifying, and yet, it was something I was sure I'd never regret.


	11. Ch10 Friends

Chapter 10 – Friends

Not only did Edward leave me alone in the room, but then I heard his truck rumble to life outside, and then it drove away. Either someone was crazy enough to steal his worthless old truck from in front of the police chief's house, or he left me completely and I had no idea when or_ if _he'd come back.

I laid there for what felt like hours, completely wide awake and in a strange daze from the gravity of the event. I just kept replaying every moment of the evening over and over again in my mind. Every word muttered, every breath on my skin, every intimate touch. I knew things would never be the same between us, but I really didn't want them to be either.

We probably needed to do it again to give us every chance to conceive, but what if I actually _wanted_ to do it again? He said I should wait until I wanted to have sex for no other reason than because I wanted to, but would he be willing to do that with me too? - I already knew the answer to that, of course he wouldn't. He only did it for Emmett; anything other than that would be ridiculous. He was _Edward Masen_, he could have any girl he wanted so why would he ever think twice about someone like me? We only did it to save Emmett; I had to keep reminding myself that fact.

It was late so I tried to sleep, but there was no way I could. Sometime after midnight I figured I had laid there long enough, so I finally got up…and I was definitely sore. Strangely though, my muscles hurt from being so tense much more than my newly-de-virgin-ized vagina did.

I got out of bed and realized I needed to clean myself up a bit, so I went to take a shower. The hot water felt so good on my aching muscles that I must have stayed in there for over an hour, and only got out when the water ran cold.

I put on a clean T shirt and some sweat pants, and ventured down the stairs hoping Edward had returned…but he didn't. His truck was still gone, and so was he. So I just sat on the couch, flipped on the TV, and watched it unseeingly until I found myself drenched in the sunlight coming through the living room window. I had stayed up all night feeling numb, and absolutely alone.

When I realized it was morning, I hurried to my cell to see if anyone had called or texted me. I didn't really think anyone had, but I just felt so isolated that I needed to know someone somewhere was thinking about me, but my voice mail and text was empty - _Of course it was empty. _No one ever called me unless they felt guilty about forgetting me like on my birthday…every other day of the year they just forgot me without the guilt.

I never minded being alone before, but since Edward had woven himself so intricately into my daily life, I had gotten used to him always being there. It had only been several hours since he had been gone, but I still didn't know what to do with myself without him. What if he didn't come back at all? What if I never saw him again? I told him he should leave, but I wasn't expecting him to leave like that.

I couldn't take it any longer; I couldn't stand not knowing whether he was coming back or not, so I decided to text him.

**Are you coming home? – B**

No answer.

I kept checking my phone every ten minutes or so, and he never texted me back.

I suddenly wished it was a weekday. I hated school, but having somewhere to be right then would be better than being home alone to obsess over how abandoned I felt. I was sure I could find some party somewhere or call Rose, but then I shook that thought right out of my head. That was how kids my age got into trouble. Looking to ease the pain of feeling worthless and uncared for by going to bingers and numbing themselves with narcotics. I knew how wrong it was, I had been warned against it so many times, but I had to admit, the idea of being with anyone at the moment, even wasted morons, was better than nothing.

Being around people, however, would be just a temporary distraction because I didn't need people right then…I needed Edward.

And then, just like every other time I needed him, he finally walked in the door.

"Hey," I said quietly, trying not to let the thick uncomfortable tension he brought with him affect me.

He stood there awkwardly for a minute, looking at the ground and the ceiling - anywhere but at me. "Sorry," he mumbled.

I had been trying to guess what he was thinking or what he'd say first to me, but 'Sorry' definitely wasn't expected.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, honestly confused.

He shook his head and then went to sit on a chair in the opposite side of the room. "I shouldn't have left like that. I was just…" he let his sentence trail off. He still wouldn't look at me, but I was sort of used to that since he hadn't looked at me much in the past two weeks. At least he was back, and that was all that really mattered.

It was strange; having him sitting in the room with me like that both made me feel better and worse at the same time. Better because he was close, but worse because I got a painful tightening in my chest every time he spoke to me indifferently.

"It's ok," I tried assuring him. I wanted nothing more than to move closer to him and wrap my arms around him like he had done to me when I was feeling down in the past, but I stayed where I was. He obviously wanted to be as far away from me as possible, so moving closer would only make him angry. "I get that you probably wanted some space or something, but you're here now. You're always here when I really need you."

"It shouldn't have happened," he said absently.

"Edward," I replied disapprovingly. How many times could he say how wrong it was despite knowing deep down it was going to work just as much as I did?

He shook his head again. "I spent two weeks thinking you were insane and trying to come up with something to say to talk you out of it…and then I just caved. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking."

He was actually starting to worry me a bit. He kept his voice even and detached, as if he was hollow inside and I was scared of what that meant.

"You were thinking that I was right and we could save Emmett," I told him confidently.

"You're sixteen years old Bella, it's not your job to save anyone," he argued emotionlessly.

"But I can, so I will," I told him assuredly.

He sighed heavily. "Well, it's done now, so we can't exactly take it back. The worst part is not knowing whether I should hope it worked or not," he admitted. "I just want to forget about the whole thing."

"But…we should keep trying," I said slowly, hoping it wouldn't upset him any more than he already was. "I mean, when people try to conceive a baby they do it every day while the woman is ovulating. It raises the chances of working."

His empty mood suddenly escalated and he started staring off into space as if he was nothing more than a lifeless statue.

"Edward," I whispered, hoping he'd wake from the trance he was in. "Edward, please." I wasn't begging him to keep helping me, I was really just asking for any sign of the fun loving guy he was before; I only prayed to god that he wasn't gone forever. "I know this isn't something you'd ever want, but we can get through this…I know we can."

"You don't know anything about me," he said evenly.

"I know you love Emmett and you'd do anything for him…You're a good guy, Edward, and an amazing friend. You're sweet and compassionate, and you've helped me through Em's illness more than you'll ever realize."

"You don't know anything about me," he repeated. "But it doesn't matter anymore. I've already screwed up, so it can't get much worse. I'll do whatever you want. Just tell me, and I'll do it."

"Edward, everything is going to work out," I said strongly. His dead tone was really scaring the shit out of me, and I was desperate to bring even a glimmer of the old him back out.

But no matter what I said, he didn't respond other than mechanical empty answers. It made my chest ache.

We spent that day just existing. He claimed not to be hungry when meal times came, but I told him that I wouldn't eat without him so he force fed himself. Secretly I was eagerly anticipating that evenings activities. I felt bad that it had affected him so negatively, but personally I couldn't wait to do it again.

When it finally came time, Edward followed me to my room without trying to convince me otherwise. He was done arguing about it, and I was grateful.

Everything happened just as it did the night before. He left me alone to get comfortable in bed, and then he came in and began touching me intimately. He used his hand on me first; slowly alternating massaging and flicking, rubbing and stroking, and a rush of heat flooded my center as his fingers were coated in my wetness. It was exactly the same, except it felt completely different.

I was still sore from the last time, but that wasn't the issue. The only difference I could really notice was Edward himself. That look in his eyes, the one I couldn't really describe, well it was gone. There was nothing there at that point, and when he entered me, it didn't take my breath away by the gravity of the moment. It was empty. He was just going through the motions, and as a result, so was I. It didn't feel bad, but everything special that it was before had completely disappeared. I might as well have been with some random guy, because it didn't feel like _Edward_.

When it was over I was left feeling unsatisfied, and just as lonely as I was before he came back. He didn't leave the house like the night before, but he shut himself up in Emmett's room and didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

It went on like that two more times before I told him it wasn't necessary anymore because I was fairly certain I was done ovulating for the month. He didn't seem grateful from the news like I was expecting, he didn't seem like anything at all.

The following week I tried to get back to normal. There was nothing more I could do to get pregnant, so I tried to put it out of my mind for a little while. I went to school, did homework, and continued to make dinner every night for Edward when he got home from work. He didn't speak to me much. Every once in a while he'd ask how my day went, but he never really listened for the answer.

Perhaps it was immature of me, but after the second straight week of Edward being emotionally vacant, I decided I needed a break. I called Rose and arranged what she used to always call "a girl's night". I didn't want to go to anymore parties, but a lame chick flick would definitely be a healthy distraction.

"So, how have you been?" she asked me as we were waiting for the movie to start. "I was really worried about you after that party."

I shrugged. "I'm ok. I mean, I've been better, but I guess that's to be expected with everything my family's been through these past two years."

She nodded. "How is Emmett, anyway? I heard he was doing better," she asked carefully.

"He feels better…but," I swallowed roughly. "If he doesn't get a bone marrow transplant he's not going to make it."

"That's so horrible," she said somberly. "I can't even imagine the world without Emmett."

I scrunched my face and looked at Rose questionably. I knew _I_ couldn't imagine the world without Em, but that was kind of an odd comment coming from her.

She noticed my stare and got uncomfortable. "Oh, you know what I mean. He's your older brother, he's always been around since I was a kid…I just really hope he gets a cure, that's all."

"Yeah…me too," I said while unintentionally placing my hand over my abdomen. It had been almost two weeks since I first had sex with Edward, so it was quite possible that Emmett's cure was already on its way.

"You know, I think I'm going to get some popcorn," I said after a few awkward moments of silence between us. I wasn't really hungry, but I just kind of wanted a minute to myself.

I stood to leave, but then Rose turned towards me and handed me five bucks. "Hey would you mind getting me a drink?"

"Sure," I replied but as I was taking the money from her, she pulled it back and grabbed my arm.

"You know what, how about I go get the popcorn and soda," she suggested quickly. She got up and practically pushed me back down in a seat…which wasn't even the same seat I was sitting in before.

"Well, I was going to use the restroom too," I lied, really not sure what her problem was.

"You can go pee later…like during the previews…when it's dark."

"Rose, what's going on?" I asked suspiciously. Obviously something was wrong for her to be acting so strangely.

"Nothing," she said with faux casualness. "I just think it would be best if I got the stuff and you just relaxed." I looked at her irritated, so she sighed. "I just saw Mike Newton walking in and I didn't want you to see him," she finally admitted.

I scrunched my face in confusion. "Why would I care if Mike's here?"

"Because he's with some chick, and I thought it might upset you."

"Why would I be upset?"

"Well, because…you know."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said honestly.

"You two hooked up…at that party a couple weeks ago. He said you guys were only casually dating, but I figured you'd probably have a hard time seeing him with someone else."

I huffed. "I am not dating Mike Newton."

"You're not? But at that party…"

"We messed around…_a little_…but nothing happened and I haven't even talked to him since."

"Wow, ok, well then he's a real douche. He told everyone that you guys were screwing."

"What?" I asked appalled. "That's…disgusting." I felt bad for calling it disgusting since I actually tried to sleep with him, but it was and I was so glad I had come to my senses before I did it. I would do anything for my brother, but I was grateful somethings - _like having sex with repulsive Mike Newton_ - wasn't necessary.

"So…you didn't have sex with him?" she asked.

"No."

"Well, maybe he was just talking about like…you know…oral or something."

I vomited in my mouth…actual real throw up came up my throat before I swallowed it down. "I did not give him a blowjob."

"Well, what kind of messing around did you do with him then?"

"Uh…he tried to kiss me, and he may have touched my boob over my bra momentarily, but nothing more. I was grossed out so I shoved him off of me and left."

"Bella, you were really upset that night, you really expect me to believe that you cried like that because he felt you up?" she asked carefully.

"No…yes, no, I was having a bad night and it really didn't have anything to do with him."

"Oh…well that sucks then…I mean, I'm glad you didn't have sex with him because he's gross, but it sucks that he's spreading rumors about you like that."

I shrugged carelessly. High school rumors never bothered me, and if things went my way then there was about to be a hell of a lot more rumors circling me. Soon enough I'd be missing my period, and then I'd have to deal with telling my parents and after that the entire town will find out. I'll be called every horrible name in the book - loser, slut, whore, tramp - I was preparing myself for all of it. Jessica Stanley had gotten pregnant in high school, and it was the biggest scandal to rock Forks in over a decade…the pregnancy of the police chief's daughter was going to be so much worse. I wasn't looking forward to any of it, but I wasn't going to let it get to me either.

"You know, it's funny," Rose said quietly after a minute. "A part of me just couldn't believe that you lost your virginity before me. I mean, I wasn't jealous or anything, but I just always thought you'd be the one to wait until marriage or something."

"You're a virgin?" I asked surprised. Rose was one of the most chased after girls in school. She was constantly dating and messing around with guys, so I was shocked to learn she never actually had sex.

"I've…done other things. I don't even really know what qualifies a person as a virgin anymore. But…I've never had actual intercourse. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for…I guess a part of me is just scared that it's going to really hurt. You know what a wimp I am when it comes to pain."

"It doesn't really hurt that bad," I said without thinking…but after seeing the look on her face I realized exactly what I had just said. "Uh…I mean, I've heard that it isn't so bad…_Shit_."

"Bella Swan….You're not a virgin anymore? But you just said…"

I huffed. "I didn't have sex with Mike, but…" I really needed to shut up.

"But you have had sex? Oh my god, Bella, when…with who?"

I bit my bottom lip, trying to force myself to shut up. I didn't mean to tell her anything, but I suppose a part of me was dying to tell someone. Edward refused to talk to me, and there was so much I was just aching to discuss…I just had to be careful.

"It was a while ago….And it wasn't with anyone worth talking about; you don't know him anyway," I lied.

"I can't believe this," Rose said quietly. "You lost your V card and you didn't even tell me. How did we get so distant? We used to tell each other everything."

"Sometimes there are things we just can't tell anyone…not even our best friend," I told her regretfully.

She smiled halfheartedly. "I've really missed you."

I smiled back. "I've missed you too."

The lights began to darken in the theater and the first preview came on, but Rose had one last thing to say. "Can we at least…try to get back to where we once were? Even if we can't tell each other everything like we used to, we can still tell each other a lot more than we do now."

I nodded. "I'd like that." She reached over and hugged me, and I hugged her back. "But I really do have to pee," I told her, realizing that I never had a chance to leave. I didn't have to pee before, but I suddenly did for real so I rushed out to the bathroom before the movie started.

But then it happened - the worst thing I could possibly imagine….

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*****A/N: I know, I know, cliffies are mean, but it's really the best way to get you wanting more, right? I'm sure some can guess what happened, but if not you'll just have to wait and see. Lucky for you, I don't wait too long between updates, and lucky for me that I have such sweet readers that always review. Thanks so much! **


	12. Ch11 Unstable

Chapter 11 – Unstable

I felt like I was dying.

I was sitting in a bathroom stall at the movies, and I honestly felt like the entire world was caving in on me.

I sobbed harder than I ever had before as I shakily fished out a tampon from my purse, and tried to put it in.

I wasn't in any physical pain, but the emotional blow from getting my period was completely devastating and hurt worse than any physical pain ever could. I was so sure it was going to work. I had believed it with every fiber of my being. But I was wrong and I felt completely and utterly hopeless.

Emmett was going to die, and my family would forever be broken…and it was my fault because I failed at saving him.

I just didn't understand it. Edward had sex with me, it should have worked. Was it all really for nothing? I was going to lose my brother, but because of my stupidity I also lost Edward. If I never forced him to have sex with me, if I never put him in that horrible position, he'd still be there for me. Losing my brother would hurt forever, but perhaps it would have been just a little easier with Edward there for support. He made everything easier. But he was gone; if not physically, he was no longer emotionally available for me and it was only a matter of time before he left completely.

I ruined everything.

"Hey Bella, is that you?" I heard Rose's voice carry from outside the stall.

I immediately tried to quiet my cries, but it hurt so bad to hold them in.

"Bella?" she asked again. I could see her feet right outside the little door now, but I couldn't make myself stop. "Bella, what's wrong, what happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," I sobbed.

"No you're not. If you don't open this door I'm going to kick it in," she warned me.

"Ok, just give me a minute," I cried. I finished with my tampon and then pulled up my pants before unlocking the door.

"Hey," she said soothingly. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly as I continued to sob. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, hoping she'd understand that I just couldn't tell her.

And thankfully, she did. "Ok…it's going to be ok. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fine," she cooed.

"That's the thing…it's not going to be ok."

"Bella, whatever it is, you can tell me," she said softly.

I shook my head again. "I'm sorry, Rose, but can you just take me home?"

She sighed. "Yeah, of course."

Rose drove me home while I tried to calm myself down, but right when I felt like I was in control, something would remind me of Emmett and I would start crying all over again.

Without warning, Rose pulled over three blocks from my house, and turned off the car. "Look, I get that you feel like you can't tell me certain things, hell, we all have secrets, but this is the second time in less than a month that I've driven you home while you were sobbing. What's going on Bella? You can trust me."

Could I really?

What if I could tell her? What if I could finally get everything off my chest and confide in someone. Just a month ago I could confide in Edward; I told him just about everything, but that relationship was ruined now and I knew I'd never get it back. Would I ruin what was left of my relationship with Rose if I told her the truth? Could Edward's freedom be in jeopardy if I told her what we had done? She could go to the police. She could tell my dad. I couldn't risk it.

"Bella…whatever it is…it'll stay between you and me," Rose assured me.

I couldn't tell her anything, and yet, without my permission I found myself letting it escape.

I told her absolutely everything.

I was so disappointed in myself for opening up, for putting Edward at risk like that, but I was choking on that secret and I was afraid of what would happen if I continued to hold it in.

When my story got to the end…_the period_, I just sat there and let it all sink in, but surprisingly, I had somehow stopped crying.

"So…wow," Rose said after a few minutes. "You…and Edward…wow." She was having trouble forming a rational thought, but I guess that was to be expected. "And that's why you've been so upset? Because you're trying to have a baby?"

"I know it sounds crazy," I told her. "But…"

"I don't think it's crazy at all," she said unexpectedly. "I think it's incredible. I mean, if you honestly think it'll work, then who's to tell you that it won't. Sometimes these things don't make sense, but those are the things that are the most amazing. It's called faith, Bella, and no one should try to take that away from you."

I laughed once with a mix of relief and humor. "Too bad you're not a guy, you could have been my baby daddy."

She laughed too. "I may not have understood it if I were a guy either. They just don't have the same intuition as us chicks do. We can't really fault them for it."

I bit my lower lip. "I guess not."

"And you have to see it from Edward's perspective. I mean, his ass is on the line here; he could seriously go to jail for this and that would affect the rest of his life. Thirty five years from now he could end up being just like your creeper neighbor next door because of his decision to have sex with you," she said, taking me aback. I honestly didn't think about that. I knew he could go to jail, but I didn't think he could be stigmatized for the rest of his life. "And not only that," she added. "Emmett asked him to take care of you, and to a brother that means making sure you don't get knocked up. Think how that's got to be screwing with Edward's head a bit. He failed at the one job that his best friend asked him to do, and even worse, he's the one that knocked you up…or almost did anyway."

"So…you really think his biggest problem is feeling like he betrayed Em's trust?" I asked her, still not entirely convinced. "And being worried about jail, of course."

"I think so. What else could it be?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, he's probably completely grossed out by it. I mean, I'm not exactly up to the same standard he's always dated before."

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously Bella? Hella guys at school want you. If you didn't snub your nose up at everyone, you would have had a few different boyfriends by now."

"I don't snub my nose up at people," I said, shocked she would even think such a thing.

"You never say hi to people, and when anyone tries to talk to you, you end the conversation as quickly as possible. People think you feel like you're better than everyone else. Like you don't want to waste your time with people who are beneath you."

"I never meant to give off that impression," I said honestly. "I'm just…I don't know…shy, I guess. I'm always worried people are going to think I'm an idiot, so I don't even try to be friendly."

"You can't be afraid of people, Bella, cuz then you'll just end up alone."

"I already am alone," I replied quietly.

"No you're not, you have me," she said with a cheesy smile.

I forced a smile back at her. "Thanks."

"But I'm not the person you really need right now, am I?" she concluded.

I shook my head. "I'm just really scared that Edward will never get over this. I really need him in my life, Rose…I don't know how to make it without him anymore. He's been my lifeline…I'm going to drown without him."

She shook her head. "You're going to be fine either way. Everything will work out."

"Even if I could make it without him…I don't want to. I miss him, and I don't think that feeling will ever go away."

"Oh my god, Bella Swan… Are you in love with Edward?"

"What? No," I said quickly. "He's just…I don't even know." I tried to think of the perfect way to describe what he meant to me, but no one word could possibly sum it up. Edward had filled every role in my life at one point or another. He was my mom, my dad, my brother, my teacher, my friend, even my lover - albeit a reluctant one, but still. I sighed. "He's…my family."

"You should tell him that. Guys are dense; they don't see what's so blatantly obvious for us."

"Maybe," I said reflectively. I just wasn't sure I wanted to know what his response to something like that would be. I already knew he probably didn't feel anything similar for me, but to actually hear him say it would be heartbreaking.

"So…are you going to try to get pregnant again next month?" she asked.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know. Getting Edward to do it with me last time was hard enough; I doubt he'll go for it again."

"You'll never know until you talk to him about it."

"He's just been so distant lately….I don't know how to reach him anymore."

"Well, I'm here for you. Anything you need, just let me know."

"Rose?" I asked. "You're not going to tell anyone anything about this, right?"

"Of course not. I already told you, you can trust me."

"Thanks."

"Sure," she told me with a smile.

Rose finished driving me home, but when we got there I was surprised to see Edward sitting on the porch, staring me down with a level of anger that I hadn't seen in him before.

"Wow, he looks pissed at something," Rose said quietly. I knew it had to be bad if Rose even saw it.

"Thanks for the girl's night," I said to her. "I'll see you on Monday."

I got out of the car slowly, and kept my eyes locked on his. It was the most amount of emotion I had seen there in more than a month, I just wished it wasn't such a negative one.

"Hey," I said softly as I walked up the stairs towards him.

"Don't 'hey' me. Where the hell have you been?" he asked angrily.

I didn't respond to him because it was still early evening and I was sure nosey neighbors were out in full force, so I walked past him into the house to have the conversation privately.

He followed me in, and the moment we were inside he started shouting at me. "I've been going out of my mind here! Where the hell have you been?"

"I went…" but he didn't give me time to explain, he cut me off and just kept yelling.

"Is this some teen rebelling shit? You went to that last party to freak me into doing what you wanted me to do, so what was this one? To punish me for not being attentive enough to you lately. Is this some cry for attention or to make me jealous? Because it's not going to fucking work, and if you keep this shit up I'm going to fucking call your dad and tell him that I can't handle this shit anymore!"

"Alright, that's enough!" Rose yelled at him unexpectedly. I didn't even know she had followed me in, and I wasn't sure if I was glad or not. "You're acting like a cave man douche bag. She didn't do anything wrong and she's just had a shit poor excuse of an evening, so shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to her!"

"What happened?" Edward asked me, abruptly turning his anger into protective concern. It was obvious that his emotions were just as unstable as mine were, I only hoped he didn't hate me after what I needed to tell him.

"I went to the movies with Rose," I started quietly, planning on telling him the entire story.

"You went to the movies?" he asked, forcing himself to calm down. "Why didn't you text me or leave a note?"

"I did," I said before going over to the end table and showing him my note sitting by the house phone and remote control. "I really thought you'd find it here."

"Oh," he said ruefully. "I thought…" he paused, and then sighed. "Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that, I really…don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore."

He spun around and sat down while putting his face into his hands. He suddenly looked so small - like a little kid confused as to what was going on in the world around him. I really just wanted to hold him.

"Eh hum," Rose said, reminding us that we weren't alone. I looked at her and smiled reassuringly so she knew I was ok. "Well, I think I'm going to head home," she said, trying to sound casual. "Call me if you need anything."

"Ok, thanks Rose," I said sincerely. "For everything."

She smiled at me again and then shot Edward a warning glare before leaving the house.

"She knows?" he asked me.

I nodded hesitantly. "I wasn't going to tell her, I swear, I just…needed to talk to someone. But we can trust her, she's a good friend."

"I'm glad you have a friend like that," he said softly. "What happened earlier though, she said you had a horrible evening?"

I swallowed hard. "When we were at the movies…I got my period."

Edward's face shifted into what looked like a mix of relief and regret, and then he looked down at his hands. "Bella, I really am sorry," he mumbled. "I know you were really hoping for a different outcome."

"Are you mad?" I asked him carefully.

He looked me in the eye for the first time in what felt like a very long time, and he said – "Bella, why would I ever be mad at you for something like that?"

I shrugged. "Maybe you feel like we did it for nothing. I mean, I convinced you that it was going to work…and it didn't. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me now."

He shook his head. "I could never hate you. You should be the one hating me. The way I've been acting lately…I'm like a fucking lunatic and I don't even know how to control it."

"I just wish we could be the way we were before..." My stomach tightened and flipped unexpectedly. "I miss you," I admitted hesitantly.

"I miss you too," he replied quietly. "Maybe…if we just…I don't know, found a way to forget about it, we could try to get back some of that."

"How could we forget?" I asked skeptically. "And what about….trying again?"

His jaw clinched. "I guess we can't forget….but I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time."

"Then don't," I told him before taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Stop feeling so guilty about it, and just know that it was my decision."

"You're sixteen," he said calmly.

"And you're nineteen," I rebutted. "I mean, jeez Edward, do you really think you're so much older than me that it actually matters?"

"Your first time shouldn't have been like that."

"How should it have been then? At some party with a guy I don't care about and couldn't give a rat's ass about me? Even if we can't save Emmett, I'm not going to regret anything."

"It just should have been with someone who…wasn't me," he said quietly.

Without thinking, I leaned over and hugged myself against his arm. I clung to him like my life depended on it, and thankfully he didn't push me away or tell me off. He just sat there for a moment and let me hold him, and then without warning, he turned his head and kissed my forehead gently. Once again, I knew everything was going to be ok because regardless of anything else, Edward came back for me. I realized in that moment that as long as he was present in my life – truly present and not just the walking dead – the world would keep spinning.

We didn't discuss anything else that night. After a few minutes of us just sitting together in that way, he casually flipped on the TV and surfed through the channels until he found something he figured we'd both like. I didn't let him go while we watched, I just rested my head on his shoulder and was perfectly content for the first time in a very long time.

Nothing about conceiving a donor was resolved, and I had no idea if he'd be willing to try again the following month, but it didn't matter at that moment. _Live one day at a time and worry about the future later_ - that was what he had said to me before, and that's just what we were going to do.


	13. Ch12 Wound Up

***A/N: As an apology for the super short Chapter 11, here's a much longer chapter for you. I hope you like it :)

* * *

Chapter 12 – Wound Up

Edward and I spent the rest of the weekend trying to get back to our version of normal. He'd make jokes, and I'd laugh and roll my eyes. We hung out together and talked about our day, as well as our experiences that we missed talking about over the past month since we first lost that connection. Most of the time he was close to his old engaging-self, so we both chose to ignore the moments of introspective distantness that would periodically creep into his eyes. We weren't completely the same, but we were much closer than I ever thought we would be again; I had Edward back, and I'd take as much of him as he was willing to give.

"Where are you going?" he asked me that Monday morning as I headed out the door.

"To school," I said slowly with a grin, wondering why he was playing dumb.

"Not today, it's Christmas Eve," he said in the same tone I was using – _I guess I was the one being dumb._

"Seriously?" I asked in disbelief. How the hell didn't I realize it was vacation? I was on my period for Thanksgiving, so of course I'd be on it for Christmas, which sucked, especially considering the horrible month we had between. I just really hoped the next month went better; regardless of whether or not if we tried to conceive again, it couldn't really get worse, right?

"Go change into something warm and some tennis shoes, we've got something to do," he instructed with a sly smile.

"What?" I asked warily. Whatever kind of activity that required warm clothes and tennis shoes wasn't really my thing.

"You'll see. Now go change."

"Ok," I said with a sigh. I hurried and changed, and then reluctantly followed Edward out to his truck. "I really hope we're not doing some odd hiking thing," I whined. "It's freezing out here and I'm not a fan of being out in the snow."

He laughed. "Oh Bella, have a little sense of adventure."

"Oh, I like adventure, but usually it's in the form of typed words on paper."

"Alright, no more complaining," he said playfully stern. "Tis the season to be merry and bright…or some shit like that."

I giggled. "Uh huh, sure."

As he drove us further out of town, I began to notice holiday decorated signs and I slowly realized where we were heading.

"Um, I'm allergic to pine," I told him.

Without a word he pulled over on the side of the road, and then turned and looked at me incredulously.

"What, I'm serious?" I said, but couldn't keep a straight face because of the childish pout that was taking over his features.

"How can you be allergic to pine? We live in a forest," he said while gesturing to the trees surrounding the road.

"I can handle being outside, but if we bring one in the house I won't be able to breathe."

He shook his head and then looked to be trying to come up with another plan. After contemplating for a moment, he seemed to come up with something. He turned the truck around and drove back towards town.

"Fake trees are expensive and hideous, please don't make us get one," I said, assuming that he was heading to a store to buy one.

"Jeeze Bella, your family always used to put up a Christmas tree every year, so what's with the humbug attitude now?"

"The one we used was fake…I always hated it and told my mom she should take it with her when she left," I explained.

"Oh…well, lucky for you, I have no intention of buying an expensive fake tree."

"So where are we going then?"

"Since you obviously don't care about a Christmas tree in any variety, we're going to do this my way."

"And what way is that?" I asked amused.

"You'll see," he said with a smirk.

My confusion only grew when he drove into the trailer park where he used to live, and then he pulled up to his dad's trailer.

"Wait here," he told me.

"Edward, wait," I tried saying, but he was already out of the truck and running up the steps to the door.

I hated the idea of him going in there. It was his home, but from what Emmett had described it wasn't a good place, and I didn't want Edward anywhere near his horrible father. He was older and so much bigger than me, but at that moment I just had an overwhelming desire to protect him…so I got out of the truck. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I just needed to make sure he was ok.

I slowly walked up the steps, and then paused momentarily before knocking lightly on the door.

"Who is it?" someone screeched from inside.

"Um…Bella, I'm here with Edward," I said nervously.

No response.

I stood there confused for what felt like an eternity before the door finally squeaked open, and a heavyset older woman peeked out.

"Are you pregnant?" she asked me unexpectedly. The smell of tobacco, marijuana, and something rotting rushed out of the trailer in waves, and I couldn't help but take a step back to escape the horrific stench.

"Excuse me?" I asked as I tried to see past the cloud of smoke that surrounded her.

"Why the hell else would you be here?" she asked before coughing and struggling to clear her throat. "We aint got no room or money for some slut and her kid that may or may not even be my grandson's. It was bad enough when his whore of a mother dropped him off here," she grumbled.

"Nana, I told you that I was just stopping by for a minute," Edward came from behind her and said.

"Why the hell you bringing girls here?" she screeched while smacking him in the back of the head.

"I…" he looked at me, and then looked back down. "She's just a friend Nana, we're leaving."

"You better get out of here fast. Your daddy will be home soon and you'll have hell to pay if he sees you here."

"I know," he said quietly. He disappeared for a moment, and then he reemerged with what looked like a garden gnome under one arm, and a plastic pink flamingo under the other. "Bye, Nana," he said to her, suddenly sounding like a little child. "Merry Christmas."

"Eh," she waved him away before practically slamming the door in our face.

Edward didn't stop to explain anything; he just hurried down the steps and tossed the flamingo and gnome in the back of the truck. Of course I followed him, and then we both got in and he drove us out of the park.

When we were almost back home, I finally decided to ask. "So…what was all that about?"

"You should have stayed in the truck," he said absently.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I was just…worried about you."

He turned to look at me with an amused expression on his face. "You were worried about _me_? Why?"

I shrugged. "Emmett always…he just said you didn't get along with your dad and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Nah, I knew he'd be working right now. I'd never bring you there if I thought he'd be home."

"I thought he didn't work?"

"He works on and off depending on how low his beer fund gets."

"Oh," I said, not knowing how else to respond. "So, what's with the gnome and flamingo?" I asked him after an awkward moment of silence.

"Well," he said after parking the truck. We both got out and I watched as he pulled the statues out of the back of the truck. "When I was a kid, my dad never had any money for Christmas decorations, so during an uncharacteristic moment of regret, he grabbed these off a neighbor's yard and said it was Santa Claus," he said while holding up the gnome, "and a Christmas tree," he said while gesturing to the flamingo.

"Uh…"

"Yes, I admit, the fact that he stole them wasn't really keeping with the Christmas spirit, but hey, to a seven year old kid that never had any other decorations, they were the coolest thing on the planet. I've put them out every year since."

I smiled at him, trying not to let my sorrow for his horrible childhood show through. "Well, let's put them up, then."

He smiled back at me and we both walked into the house. He put the garden gnome by the fireplace, and then put the flamingo on the end table in front of the living room window. Then he pulled what looked like a star cut from an old beer can out of his coat pocket, and a small flashlight. "My grandma made this for me," he explained as he attached the star to the flamingo's head.

"So…what's the flashlight for?" I asked.

He somehow tied it inside the can and turned it on so that the star looked like it was glowing.

"Oh, wow," I said, honestly impressed by it.

"Now, we decorate it," he said eagerly.

"What, how?" I asked confused.

He ran into the kitchen and came right back with a roll of tape and a pen. I didn't get it at first, but when he taped the pen to the flamingo I began to understand. "Come on, look for stuff to tape to it," he instructed.

I just stared at him for a moment, and had to fight back an unexpected bout of tears.

But then he got self-conscious. "I just realized how incredibly stupid this is," he said sheepishly.

"No, it's not," I told him quickly before looking around the room for anything else we could tape to the statue.

From silverware to paperclips, food wrappers to toothbrushes – the more ridiculous item we found to add to our "tree", the harder we laughed about it. Then I got the idea to cut the red band out of a garbage bag, and wrap it around the entire thing as garland. Edward seemed really impressed by that one. When we had the thing covered, we took a step back to admire our work.

I bit my lower lip. "It looks awesome," I said sincerely.

"It's definitely the best it's ever looked," Edward agreed. "But your breath is seriously going to reek with your toothbrush hanging there like that."

I giggled. "Yeah, I guess I better go buy myself a new one."

"Or you could just use mine," he said casually.

My stomach flipped unexpectedly, and then I turned to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"What? Bella, I'm kidding," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh, I know," I said quickly. "But…it's not like your spit could faze me at this point."

"Why not? Remember that time when you freaked out because you accidently drank out of the cup I was using?" he asked with a laugh. "Man, you'd think I had some horrible contagious disease or something."

I laughed too. "Spit is nothing compared to your other bodily fluid I've been in contact with," I joked but immediately regretted it. I couldn't believe what a moron I was. My face flooded with heat, and I was absolutely petrified that I just ruined all the progress we made on our relationship. How could I be so stupid?

He let out a long slow breath. "Yeah, well I haven't left any piss on the toilet in a long time, so maybe you should just get over it."

I was shocked. I was sure he knew exactly what I really meant by _bodily fluid_, but instead of letting it dampen the moment he chose to make another joke. I was grateful.

I grabbed onto him and pressed my cheek into his chest. I couldn't help it; I just wanted to be close to him because of how thankful I was to have him back in my life.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly back in an unspoken acknowledgment of the gesture.

In that moment, something changed in our relationship yet again. It was just a little step, but it was definitely in a direction I wasn't expecting. It was a new level of comfort in physical contact; I'd reach for him, and he'd receive it and even return the affection unguardedly. It was like being something more than what we were, without acknowledging it or being able to put a label on it. I didn't know what it meant, but I wasn't going to question it either. It felt good, and that was all I really cared about.

"I'm going to run to the store to pick stuff up for dinner," I told Edward later that afternoon.

"Ok, I'll go with you," he said quickly. Edward hated going to the grocery store so I was surprised he wanted to go, but then I wondered if perhaps he just wanted to stay close to me as I did with him. The thought made me blush.

"You can't go," I forced myself to say. "My dad called a little while ago to say a package is being delivered this afternoon and someone needs to be here to sign for it," I lied. Truthfully I just wanted to go buy him something for Christmas, and he couldn't be there for that.

"It's snowing out," he said with a smirk. "You hate driving in the snow. How about I go, and you can hang out and wait for the delivery man."

I shook my head. "I need to buy a new toothbrush too. Besides, I won't know what I'm cooking until I'm at the store. I'll be fine," I told him and didn't give him a chance to argue. Since we were in that new phase of our confusing relationship, it didn't feel strange to reach out to him and hug him goodbye, and it truly felt amazing to have him hug me back. "I'll be back soon," I told him with a parting grin as I grabbed my truck keys and left.

I had no idea what to buy him. I wanted to use my own money…which wasn't much, so I had to really put a lot of consideration into what I got. And then I came up with the perfect thing.

I had his present giftwrapped, and then I stopped by the grocery store and picked up a roast for that night's dinner.

"So, what'd you get?" Edward asked when I got home. I put the grocery bag on the counter, and had to smile to myself when he practically pinned me there to look over my shoulder into the bag. It felt so good to have him pressed tightly behind me that I found myself leaning back just to be even closer. I could feel his breath on my neck, and it sent the most amazing chills down my spine.

I shuttered.

"Are you cold?" he asked with a chuckle. I still had my coat on, but he rubbed my arms anyway.

"I'm much warmer now," I replied.

"Good," he said before backing away from me. "So, what did you end up buying for dinner?" he asked again as he busied himself by putting used glasses into the dishwasher.

"Um…roast," I said, having a hard time thinking straight.

"That sounds good."

When I was finished cooking, we sat right next to each other at the dinner table as opposed to across from one another like normal. Our knees were touching the entire time, and we kept rubbing shoulders and bumping elbows through the meal.

After we ate, we left the mess for later and decided to head straight into the living room to catch "_A Christmas Story_" on television. It was somewhat a tradition in the Swan household, one that Edward had been participating in with us for as long as I could remember. We turned down the lights and plopped down next to each other on the couch. We started out sitting a few inches apart, but by the second set of commercials I was leaning on him, and by the third set I had shifted around so that my legs were draped over his lap. His hand was resting on my upper thigh, and I spent the rest of the movie wishing he'd move his hand even further up.

I had tried not to think about the way he had touched me in my bed a few weeks prior; I had kept it as buried as possible as we tried to rebuild our friendship, but being that close to him reawakened those desires and had my body aching for his touch once more.

But his hand never went up any further, and he never acknowledged the vibrant electrical charge buzzing around us. Perhaps it was all just in my head.

_God, I wanted him inside me again. _

And then he laughed at something on the TV and brought my attention back up to his face. His perfect face that I didn't really notice before. I mean, I never thought he was ugly, but the fact that he was actually strikingly beautiful was a shock. How could I have ever missed it? His straight nose and the angle of his jaw, even his sharp cheek bones seemed to be artistically chiseled to perfection. His eyes, usually green, but in that light glowed the most beautiful ocean blue that I had ever seen on a human being.

He laughed again, and my eyes went right to his lips. There was a sudden stabbing twisted sensation that attacked the pit of my stomach as I wondered what his perfectly shaped lips would feel like on my skin. The more I thought about it, the deeper the feeling went until it caused my chest to tighten and an ache of desire to pulsate between my hips.

I squirmed in my seat. I couldn't help it, the sensation was just too strong, but unfortunately he noticed and seemed to get uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat. "It's getting late; I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Ok," I said quietly while moving my legs off of him so he could get up. As he left towards Emmett's room, I wondered what he'd do if I followed and just crawled into bed with him. I squirmed again from the thought.

But I stayed where I was. He made it clear that he didn't want that type of relationship with me, so I wasn't willing to push him away by pushing myself on him again…_at least not for a couple weeks until I ovulated again_. I still wasn't sure how I was going to broach that conversation, but my body tensed in eager anticipation.

I spent the next hour just trying to get ahold of myself. I never felt like that before, I was so…_wound up_ as I tried to ward off thoughts of Edward's lips…and his jaw…and his fingers…and… It was driving me absolutely insane and I couldn't force myself to think of anything else.

"Puppies," I said to myself as I flipped on the animal planet. It was some animal cops show and there were disgusting puppy mills with emaciated puppies. It was absolutely heartbreaking and I wasn't even an animal lover…but then one of the cops said something that reminded me of Edward and I was right back to daydreaming about his lips…and his jaw…and his fingers…and the feeling of his toned torso being pushed against my back…and…

I flipped the channel. Everything I tried to watch would get my mind off of Edward for a few minutes, but then something would remind me and I was right back to aching for him.

I really needed to do something, but I wasn't exactly sure what. I had a feeling that I was going to be up all night with those thoughts and feelings, so I needed to find a way to make them stop. The only thing I could think of…the only cure for a night full of painful unrequited desires….was the dreaded masturbation. Regardless of Edward assuring me it was normal, it still grossed me out, but I was desperate.

I went up to my bathroom shower and tentatively got in. I had heard before that a shower was a good place for such a thing, especially while on a period, but it was still weird. The warm water felt amazing, but when I reached my hand down to touch myself, I just felt ridiculous. It wasn't sexy, and it didn't feel good. I tried to emulate Edward's movements and did my best to picture his hand there instead of mine, but it didn't really help. Regardless of how wound up I was before, that feeling had quickly dissipated so I finished my shower and got out feeling absolutely pathetic.

…

The next day I got up early to make breakfast, and was fairly surprised that my dad hadn't called yet to say Merry Christmas. He was always the first one up and would call our relatives first thing in the morning before everyone went to their respective holiday church services. But I suppose it was to be expected to not hear from him, I was sure he was spending time with Emmett and would call when he had a spare moment.

"Good morning," Edward said groggily as he came into the kitchen to make some coffee. "Merry Christmas."

I smiled. "Merry Christmas to you too." I wanted to hug him, but I figured that move would just end up getting me wound up again, and I did not want to spend the rest of the day like that.

After we ate the pancakes I was making, Edward decided it was time to give me a present.

"Wait, me first," I said excitedly. I ran to my room to get his gift, and then hurried back and handed it to him.

"Uh…wow, I didn't expect you to get me anything," he said uncomfortably.

"Why not?" I asked with a grin. "Open it."

"Well, it's just that…I didn't really buy you anything."

"Oh, well that's ok," I said sincerely. "You built me a truck. I think that's more than enough of a gift for my birthday and Christmas combined."

"I do have a gift for you but…it's kind of dumb."

"It really doesn't matter to me," I assured him. "I didn't get you anything big either. Open it."

He huffed and slowly tore open the paper, and then opened the little box it was in. "Whoa, are you shitting me?" he asked enthusiastically.

"I thought you'd like it," I said with a grin as I watched him examine it.

"Hold on," he said suspiciously. "Is this Emmett's?"

"No," I said with a laugh. "I bought it for you."

"I've always wanted one of these."

"I know, that's why I got it," I told him. It was a Swiss Army knife - the kind with tweezers, and a compass, and even a magnifying glass. I remembered when Emmett got one for his birthday a few years before, and it was obvious Edward thought it was the coolest thing in the world. When I saw it in the store, I knew it would be perfect.

He looked at it for a few minutes, but then he seemed a little down.

"What is it?" I asked him concerned.

"I really don't want to give you your gift now. It's really really stupid compared to this."

"Oh, stop," I told him with a giggle. "You didn't have to get me anything, but whatever it is I'm sure it's great."

He sighed. "Fine, but don't feel like you have to keep it," he said before pulling his gift for me out from under the end table. "Seriously though, don't get your hopes up."

I rolled my eyes at him before taking the basketball sized gift out of his hands and squeezing it. "It's soft."

He pressed his lips and nodded.

I slowly opened it, and was absolutely flabbergasted at what it was. I didn't know what else to do besides just stare at it in shock. "Is this…?" I managed to choke out.

Edward nodded. "Yeah. When your mom made you get rid of it, I took it home with me," he explained.

"Why?" I asked confused. He had given me my old stuffed lamb. I had loved that thing more than anything when I was little, but when I turned eight my mother decided I was too old for stuffed animals and took it from me. I cried for days and days, but she wouldn't let me have it back. I never loved an inanimate object more, and I refused to put value in such things since.

"Well, my dad had a woman and her daughter living with us around that time. She was like four, or something, and she had even less toys than I did, so I figured since your mom was just going to throw it away I may as well give it to her. She really liked it, but when they moved out she left it behind. I don't really know why I held onto it all these years, but I thought you might want it back."

When I didn't respond right away because I was overcome with emotions, Edward got embarrassed. "Like I said, it's pretty stupid. I don't know what I was thinking; I probably should have just thrown it away years ago."

"I'm so glad you didn't," I said while tears spilled over on my cheeks. He couldn't possibly know how much that lamb had meant to me, and I was strangely beyond grateful to get it back. I hugged the lamb close to me and inhaled it deeply to see if it still had that old comforting smell that it used to. But of course it didn't, it had belonged to another little girl since then so there was no way it could carry that scent….It smelled even better. For whatever reason, it smelled like Edward. "Thank you," I told him emotionally before wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

After a minute I pulled back enough to see his face, but kept my arms firmly around him. He was looking back at me so intently and I couldn't help but wish there was some mistletoe in the house somewhere. I wanted to kiss him, but more importantly, I wanted him to want to kiss me back. It felt so natural to be in his arms like that, so…right; it would be so easy to lean in and press my lips to his. It made me ache for him even more than I did before.

When I felt him loosen his grip on me, I decided to let him go because above everything else I couldn't risk losing him again.

But then I lost touch with reality, and my brain stopped talking to the rest of my body. The next thing I knew, I was grabbing onto him again and pulling him into the most surrealistic kiss I could ever imagine.

I never kissed anyone before, but I couldn't believe anything could ever feel better than that. He didn't pull away; in fact, he held onto me and gently began moving his lips with mine. It was sweet and tender, and yet more passionate than any of the times we had sex before. How could something as simple as a kiss feel more intimate than sex?

My lips parted, but before our kiss could deepen there was a sudden noise behind us, and he pushed me away.

"Merry Christmas!" I heard someone shout as they came through the door.

It took me a moment to get my wits straight and realize what the hell was happening, and when I did I was actually overjoyed for the bittersweet interruption.

"Dad," I said surprised to see him, but then an even bigger surprise walked in behind him. "Emmett!"

* * *

*****A/N: FYI, I'm about to go into vacation mode, so updates are going to be slower for the next two weeks or so. I'll try to get as much writing and posting done as possible during the holiday festivities, but no promises. Sorry, I know it sucks to be forced to spend time with family this time of year, but we all do what we have to do. LOL**


	14. Ch13 Unsettled

Chapter 13 – Unsettled

"Oh my god, what are you guys doing here?" I asked as my dad and brother took turns hugging me. Thankfully, they didn't catch us kissing; Edward must have pushed me away when he heard them unlocking the door.

"We wanted to be home for Christmas," Charlie explained.

"Yeah, but…what about your health?" I asked Em, still feeling a little flushed from our close call.

"I'm as healthy as a horse…_albeit a cancerous horse with only a year left to live_, but still," Em said with a laugh.

After Em hugged me, he went over to Edward and gave him one of those dude half hug handshake things, but Edward looked extremely uncomfortable, I only hoped Charlie and Emmett didn't notice.

"So, time for gifts," Charlie announced.

"Oh, I uh, didn't know you guys were going to be home so I didn't buy you anything," I told them sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it, little sister, being home is gift enough for us," Emmett told me.

"Exactly," Charlie agreed.

"What's mom doing today?" I asked absently as they all sat down to rest from the trip.

"She's probably going to some holiday get together at one of her friend's houses," Emmett said, sounding bitter about it. "You know, I really can't believe she refused to come with us. We could have been all together; who knows, this could have been our last chance."

"This is not your last Christmas, Em," Charlie said sternly. "And that's just what happens when people get divorced. They spend the holidays apart."

"Yeah, I guess. I still don't like it though," Em pouted like a little kid.

"Hey, we came home to have a good holiday, let's not let your mother's absence spoil it," Charlie grumbled. "Here kiddo, open this one first," he said while handing me a wrapped gift.

"Um…thanks."

Charlie had gotten me a camera, a new book, and a pair of sunglasses. Em, on the other hand, got me a snow globe and a can of pepper spray.

"Wow, uh…thanks," I said to him.

"I haven't been out of the center much so I bought the snow globe from the gift shop…and I had dad pick up the pepper spray for me. You can never be too careful."

"Yeah, this should come in handy with all the wild animals I encounter every day," I said sarcastically.

"Most guys will back down from you after just seeing that little can," Em told me, dismissing my discomfort. "Trust me, I know from experience."

"Um…ok, I'll keep that in mind."

"So how has all that been going anyway?" Em asked. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in a long time."

"We talked on the phone three days ago," I rebutted.

"Yeah, but you know what I mean…. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Ah come on," Charlie cut in. "Do we really need to talk about this right now?"

"We're only here for three days dad; I'm going to use every chance I get."

"So you're not home for good?" I asked. "I thought you were talking about moving back?"

"I'm on a new round of medication, but when that's over I'd like to come home permanently. There's a new cancer center in Seattle, so I'll be going back and forth between there and the cancer wing at the hospital in Port Angeles."

"Well, how long until that happens?" I asked.

"My medication will be finished in six weeks, and then I'll be back home."

"Oh, cool," I said with a rush of mixed emotions. I was thrilled that my dad and brother would be coming home, but there was a small selfish pang of regret as well. Suddenly I had a strange feeling like the two of them were just visitors in my and Edward's home, and like with any visitors, you love having them, but you kind of want them to leave just so you can get back to your privacy and normal routine. But of course I felt guilty for feeling that way, so I quickly tried to bury those thoughts.

After about an hour of catching up, I went to the kitchen to start preparing dinner, so the guys all dissipated. Charlie went to his room to do some organizations and laundry exchange, and Edward and Emmett braved the cold to check out my truck. Edward had been excited to show Emmett his work on both his and my trucks, but as I watched them from the kitchen window I noticed that he definitely seemed far less enthusiastic than I would have expected. Maybe it was just so cold outside that he'd rather be back in - _I knew that was a long shot, but it was the easiest explanation_.

When dinner was ready, Emmett continued to talk incessantly, and as good as it was to be around him, I couldn't help but worry about how quiet Edward was. He only spoke when asked a direct question, and every time he'd smile or laugh about something, it was definitely forced. My mind automatically drifted to the distant way he had acted over the past month and I prayed he didn't revert back to that, but his current behavior was actually quite different. He wasn't distant. He was there with us, paying attention and trying to act normal, but it was like he was almost shy, as if he was new to the family and didn't know where his place was.

"Ok, I've been meaning to ask this all day," Charlie said as we had our dessert in the living room. "What the hell is that?" he asked while pointing to our flamingo tree.

Emmett laughed. "Ah shit, you brought that thing here?" he asked Edward. "I thought you got rid of that it years ago."

Edward scrunched up his face. "Man, I put it out every year. It's not my fault you can't understand the joys of a trailer trash Christmas," he joked.

"You're not in the trailer anymore," Emmett told him. "It's time to adopt more normal traditions."

Edward shook his head. "You can take the trash out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the trash…or some shit like that."

I wasn't exactly sure what Edward meant by that, but I knew it wasn't good. "One man's trash is another man's treasure," I said without thinking. My brain to mouth filter really needed to be cleaned out.

Emmett, Charlie, and Edward just looked at me for an awkward moment, but thankfully they all dismissed my comment.

"Hey, what's up with you?" Em asked Edward unexpectedly.

"What? Nothing," Edward said quickly.

"You're acting…weird."

"No, I'm just…tired. It's been a long day."

Charlie took a deep breath. "I second that thought. I'm off to bed."

"Goodnight, dad," I said with a smile.

"Yeah, jetlag's a bitch…well, that and the fact that I'm dying," Emmett joked. "I think I'm going to turn in too."

"Goodnight, Em… It's good to have you home," I told him as he headed towards the stairs.

"Night, little sis," he said with a smile. "Night bro," he added to Edward.

"Goodnight," Edward replied.

When Emmett and my father were up the stairs and I heard both their bedroom doors shut, I walked over to Edward and practically sat in his lap while clinging to him. I had wanted to hold him all day, but that was really our first moment alone since that morning.

I almost expected him to push me away because my dad and brother were in the house, but he didn't. Instead he held me tightly, and I could have sworn he even smelled my hair. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, but for whatever reason, I just…didn't.

"Emmett's home," I mumbled into his shoulder as I clung to him. "Where are you going to sleep?" I asked, realizing that he usually slept in Em's room.

He rubbed my back slowly. "I'm just going to crash on the couch like I used to."

"That…sucks," I told him.

"Nah, Em told me he'd sleep on the couch but I insisted he use his bed. He's sick; he should sleep as well as possible. I've already changed the sheets and stuff."

"Oh…Well, you could sleep in my room with me," I offered feebly, knowing all too well that he'd never take me up on the offer.

He laughed once through his nose. "I don't think your dad or brother would appreciate that too much."

"You could come back out here before morning," I suggested.

He sighed and then gently nudged me off of him. "I heard Charlie mentioning something about getting up early to take you shopping in the city tomorrow, so you should probably get to bed too."

I pouted. "Shopping? With Charlie? Why?"

"He wants to buy you some school clothes, or something. Don't complain about it, I think he just wants to spend some time with you. He misses you."

"Oh…So, you and Em going to spend the day together then?" I assumed.

"Yeah, I think that's the plan."

"Ok, well, have fun." I squeezed Edward one more time before grabbing my stuffed lamb out from where it was hiding under the couch, and then going up to bed. I held that lamb all night as if couldn't sleep without it, and a part of me wondered if I even could. It wasn't really the lamb itself, it was what it represented, it was Edward; his smell was in every fiber, and it instantly became a necessity for my sleep.

….

Shopping with Charlie was agonizing. Aside from being uncomfortable walking through women's clothing stores with my father, the man just didn't have much to say. He and I were similar in that aspect, just as Emmett was more like Renee and was always talking. But two awkward people just made for double the awkwardness between them, and every minute together felt like an hour.

When we finally got home, I was surprised that Edward and Emmett were still out. I had no idea what they were doing all day, but with Emmett sick I figured they'd be home resting by then. Charlie and I ate dinner alone, but I was the only one worried.

"Did Em mention what they were doing today?" I asked Charlie.

"I think they were getting together with some of their old friends and just hanging out," Charlie said unconcerned. "Quite frankly, I don't want to know what they're doing."

"What does that mean?" I asked confused.

"Well," Charlie huffed and seemed to get uncomfortable. "I imagine it would be hard to be a nineteen year old guy who thinks they're dying."

"So…?" I asked, still not understanding.

"Wow, this is not the type of conversation I want to be having with my sixteen year old daughter," he said quickly.

"Dad, I really just want to understand," I told him, annoyed that there wasn't something going on with Emmett's health and they were keeping it from me again.

Charlie nodded to himself, and then took a deep breath. "Ok. When young people…or not young people, any people really…well not any people, people of a certain age." He took another deep breath. "When adults begin to feel a certain way, their bodies react and they often look to find companions to…express that physical or emotional feeling…"

"Wait, hold on," I said incredulously. "Are you seriously tying to have "the talk" with me?"

"I realize that I haven't been the best parent to you in the past couple of years, and now you might be going out into the world without any knowledge of what to expect."

"Um…dad, I'm sixteen. Even if mom didn't have the sex talk with me years ago, they teach all that stuff in school. Where is all this coming from right now anyway?"

"Well….Emmett mentioned something…"

"Emmett? What could he possibly have to say on the subject?" I asked baffled.

"Well I guess he was talking to Edward on the phone a few weeks ago, and he asked him if you had any boys coming around. Edward basically told him that he was worried that you didn't know what you were doing and you'd end up regretting your decisions."

"What?" I asked, completely shocked. I suppose that explained the pepper spray gift.

"He mentioned something about a couple parties you went to," Charlie added.

I wasn't sure whether I should be upset about Edward's tattling, or grateful. I figured he had mentioned it to Emmett during one of the nights he was freaking out because I had gone out with Rose, but in the long run I suppose it was a good thing. It would be suspicious if I just ended up pregnant without ever showing any signs of rebellion. If anyone was to believe I got pregnant at some binger party, then I actually had to attend a couple - People had seen me at that party, Edward had freaked out and talked to my brother about it, it was actually the perfect alibi for him.

My uncomfortable conversation with Charlie just re-sparked my plan to get pregnant again, so my mind was racing with the fact that I really only had one more chance. In a month and a half my brother and father would move back home, and after that it would be next to impossible to get Edward alone. My mind was going a mile a minute, but then I realized something.

"So…what were you trying to say before when I asked you where Emmett and Edward were?" I asked, wondering how the hell we got on the topic of my need for a sex talk.

"Well," he got uncomfortable once more. "I'm not sure…but I assume they went out to find some girls while Emmett is still healthy enough to…you know…"

"Oh," I said as understanding hit me. "Can he even do that?"

"He's still a man, Bella," Charlie said with a light laugh.

"Yeah, but…I thought I read somewhere that various cancer medications can cause him to…not be able to…you know," I said uncomfortably.

"It can make him sterile, not impotent," he said bluntly.

"Oh…so…he won't ever be able to have kids?" I asked.

"Let's just worry about getting him to survive," Charlie said determinedly.

I nodded in agreement. Charlie and I both decided to turn in early that night, but the more I thought about our conversation, the more worried I got. I guess I understood why Emmett would want to go out and get laid somewhere, but was Edward doing it as well?

He wasn't my boyfriend…he never promised to be faithful to me…but I was heartbroken by the thought of Edward being out with someone else. What was I supposed to do? Call or text him to see what he was doing? Ask him point blank if he was out with a girl? Tell him how that made me feel? The last thing I wanted to do was freak him out by being some clingy possessive idiot. I didn't have a right to be jealous, but I didn't know how to turn off those feelings either.

My lamb slept on the floor that night.

At four AM the front door finally creaked open, and I heard Em and Edward's low voices carry through the house. They had stayed out most of the night. I tried to control my emotions, but the tightening in my chest was actually physically painful.

"Calm down Bella, you're being an idiot," I told myself quietly. I really had no idea where or what he had been doing all night, and as I kept telling myself, I didn't have any rights to him anyway. Sure we kissed, which didn't seem to have anything to do with our plan to conceive a donor, but still. It could have very well just been a fleeting moment to him, and I was putting far too much value in it because I was young and naïve. That's what my rational mind was telling me. Edward didn't want me, how could he. Regardless of what I told myself though, it still hurt like hell.

But the pain only got worse…

In the morning I forced myself to put on a brave face and not show how upset I was about Edward alleged one night stand, and I made breakfast. My dad and brother were leaving for the airport in a few hours so I wanted them to have a good meal before they left. Charlie woke up first, and because Em and Edward were out all night they both needed to be woken up when the food was ready.

We all sat at the table to eat, but no one really spoke at first. Em looked exhausted, Charlie looked distracted, and Edward kept his features blank.

"Are we really leaving in a few hours?" Emmett asked groggily.

"Yep," Charlie replied, and then got up to get Em some coffee. "So drink up and snap out of it."

Em shook his head roughly to try to wake himself up, and then he turned to me. "Sorry we didn't spend more time together. When I come back we'll have to set some time aside to really hang out."

"Yeah, that would be great," I said with a forced smile.

Then he turned to Edward. "So, I never asked you, what is your plan for the future?" he asked him. "I mean, I'm sure you don't want to waste your time in Forks working in a garage any longer than you have to. I appreciate you babysitting my kid sister and all, but we'll be back home soon so you can finally do whatever you want."

Edward shifted his weight in his chair. "Uh…I'm not sure…Maybe I'll go to Chicago."

My stomach twisted. It didn't matter that I was hurt or that I already knew he always planned on leaving town eventually, hearing him make a realistic plan to go was almost unbearable to listen to. I excused myself from the table and tried to concentrate on the dishes.

"Dude, you don't want to go to Chicago," Emmett said to him dismissively. "You don't even know if your mom is there anyway. Just because she sent you a post card from there once, doesn't mean shit. Go to Vegas, make a bunch of money, and then travel to Europe like you always wanted to."

I tried to ignore them, but the talk of his mom and Europe captured my attention. I realized then that there was still a lot I didn't know about Edward, and regardless of everything else, I ached to know as much as I could.

"What's in Europe?" I asked hesitantly.

Edward shrugged and didn't seem like he wanted to answer that question, but Emmett jumped in and answered for him. "What's not in Europe? Europe is like the coolest place in the world, and Edward is going to actually get to go and have a real experience in life. Do you still talk to Heidi?" Em asked him.

"Who's Heidi?" I asked.

"She was this super-hot Italian foreign exchange student during our junior year," Em explained. "Man, she was so in love with Edward that she practically begged him to follow her home and get married because the legal age there was sixteen. Her dad owned some cheese factory, or some shit like that; he was loaded and would have been perfectly fine supporting them for the rest of their lives, that's how much that chick loved Edward."

I felt sick. I could eventually get over him sleeping with some random girl, because again, I had no right to be upset, but hearing that he could potentially run away and get married was devastating. What happened to him being a drifter? - _Though, I doubt that was much better; he'd probably end up married either way._

"Wow…what's the catch?" Charlie asked, pulling my attention back to the agonizing conversation.

"There was no catch," Em said quickly. "Edward is one lucky son of a bitch to get that chick to fall in love with him."

"So, why didn't you go?" Charlie asked him curiously.

"I wanted to finish school," Edward replied quietly. "No one in my family has ever graduated high school, so…" he let his sentence trail off.

"Have you talked to her lately?" Em asked. "I bet she's still carrying a torch for you. You could probably still go…you know, and escape this town and your stupid family. Hell, if I didn't get sick senior year, you'd probably be there right now - Married with like a kid or something, and helping her old man run the family business. It could be really good for you."

"Nah, she's probably found someone better than me by now," Edward said evenly while looking down at his hands fidgeting in his lap. "We never made any promises to stay together or anything, so…" he let his sentence trail off again.

"Dude, don't sell yourself short. What the hell is going on with you, anyway?" Em asked him unexpectedly. "You were all broody the party last night, and now you seem like you don't even want to talk about Europe."

"I wasn't being broody," Edward argued. "But I don't feel like going out just so you can shove every girl we come across in my face either. I thought we were going out for _you_."

"We did go out for me, but the fact that you had zero interest is just concerning."

"Concerning for who?" Edward rebutted. "I don't feel like screwing around with some skank so now I need therapy?"

"No, it's just not…normal. You've been sounding off for a few weeks now, and I don't want to have to worry about you on top of everything else."

"Then don't worry about me," Edward told him. "I'm fine. You're going to be fine. _Everything_ is going to be fine."

Emmett sighed. "I just hate feeling so…out of touch."

"I know. But you'll be back soon, and before you know it you'll be getting better."

"Don't count on it," Emmett said somberly. "I just don't want to die knowing everyone is so…unsettled."

"You're not going to die," Edward told him again, while reaching out and squeezing his shoulder.

It was strange that their conversation made me feel better and worse at the same time. Edward had been brooding and unwilling to screw around while at the party they attended, so that was definitely a relief, but it also just made me feel like a raging lunatic for ever being worried about it. I didn't understand the whole Italy/Europe thing, but it didn't really matter at the moment either. Most importantly, Emmett's confession of not wanting to die was incredibly hard to hear and I could tell it affected Edward in the same way.

When it was time for them to leave, Charlie shook Edward's hand as Em hugged me, and then Charlie hugged me while Em said goodbye to Edward - I almost lost it when I watched them hug. Emmett was definitely uncharacteristically emotional, and it scared the hell out of me. Whether Charlie and Edward were willing to admit it or not, Em's was running out of time and if we still had a chance at saving him, it had to be soon…


	15. Ch14 Nothing Else

Chapter 14 – Nothing Else

When my father drove their rental car out of sight, I took a deep breath and slowly followed Edward back into the house. It had been a long three days, and as much as I loved my father and brother, I was glad to have Edward alone again. We had things that needed to be discussed, and I was done worrying about how he was going to react.

"So, are you going to help me get pregnant, or not?" I asked brazenly.

Edward looked at me pensively for a moment, and then looked down at the ground and nodded. "If that's still what you want to do."

"Of course it is," I told him assuredly. "But…I don't want you sleeping with anyone else until we're done completely." I was fairly certain he hadn't slept around since we were first together, but I wanted to make my feelings on the subject perfectly clear.

He huffed. "Bella, do you honestly think I would do that to you?"

"I…I asked you to help me…I never told you I wanted you to be monogamous," I said quietly.

Without another word, he stepped forward and grabbed me into the most amazing rush I had ever felt. His lips attacked mine, and moved with a desperate passion that completely took my breath away. The kiss deepened almost immediately before anything else had a chance to get in the way, and thankfully nothing did.

I reached up and knotted my hands in his hair, and he responded by pulling me into him even tighter. His groin was pressed into mine and I could feel his growing desire for me, which only added to my need for him. This was going to happen…not because we were trying to conceive, but because we both wanted it.

But then he pulled away.

_Was I wrong?_ Maybe he was just caught in the moment and didn't really want me the way I ached for him. How was I supposed to continue suppressing it after that? Thankfully, I didn't have to…

"It's getting late, we should probably go to bed," he said without a trace of humor.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was ten o'clock, but the fact that the sun was blaring through the window I was fairly certain it was AM.

"Yeah, it's been a long day. I'm pretty tired," I replied.

Edward grabbed my hand and led me quickly up the stairs, and my heart was racing but had nothing to do with the exertion of our climb. I really couldn't believe it was actually happening. I had wanted it for so long and never thought he'd feel the same way; but there I was, pinned to the wall outside my bedroom door with Edward pressed so tightly against me, and his mouth, his amazing mouth was on mine like he needed my lips as much as he needed air.

And then he pulled away again.

"I…haven't had a chance to change the sheets in Em's room yet, so I was thinking about taking you up on your offer….you know, to sleep in your bed with you," he said with an almost shy tone to his voice. It was adorable and sexy as hell.

I smiled. "You can sleep in my bed…as long as you fuck me first," I replied, shocking the hell out of him. Quite frankly, I was pretty surprised by my boldness as well. I wasn't the type of person to talk like that.

He didn't respond verbally, he just crashed his lips back down on mine, and then practically dragged me into my room. I giggled from the action, but I was quickly muffled by his lips again and all impulses to laugh completely dissipated.

We both got on the bed and stood on our knees as his lips moved from my mouth, to my chin, and then down to my neck. Every time his lips came in contact with my skin, my entire body felt it. Every inch of me was a live wire as his hands left a sizzling charge everywhere they touched. When his hand traveled under my shirt to the soft skin on my stomach, an electric pulse ran straight to my core and I couldn't help the quiet moan that escaped my lips - such a simple touch, such a primal reaction.

Edward brought his hand out from under my shirt, and then grabbed the hem before slowly pulling it over my head. As much as I wanted to give him every part of me, I suddenly became self-conscious. I had never been naked in front of someone before, and my chest definitely wasn't up to the standards he was used to. Would it be a turn off for him?

But he didn't hesitate. He ran his hands down the center of my torso, and then back up and finally around my back to unhook my bra.

It was actually terrifying to want something so much but to be extremely nervous at the same time. What if he rejected me? Or worse, what if he didn't like what he saw but faked it to spare my feelings. I didn't want him to fake it, I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him.

Removing my bra was like ripping off a band-aide, and once it was discarded on the floor, I realized how easy it was. If Edward didn't like what he saw, he sure as hell did an amazing job at hiding it. He kissed his way down my neck right to my shy nipples which immediately perked up and decided they liked the attention. I couldn't force myself to care or overthink it anymore, because what he was doing felt incredible and the sensation left no room for bashfulness or modesty.

When he was satisfied that he had kissed every inch of my chest, he began unfastening my pants. There was no hesitation when it came to disrobing my bottom half; he had already long claimed that part of my body to the point where I was almost more embarrassed to be alone with myself than with him.

But when I was down to nothing except my panties, I couldn't help the slight bitterness I felt from the fact that he was still fully clothed. He owned me, body and soul, and yet, I had never really had the joy of discovering him. So I moved his hand away from the elastic of my panties, and made quick work of his shirt.

_God, he was beautiful. _

It just wasn't fair that a human being could be so perfectly formed. His face, his hair, every inch of his body was flawless. He had to be inhuman.

I glided my hands down his sculpted torso, and the feel of his skin under my fingertips actually sent shills down _my_ spine. I wanted to taste him, and when I pressed my lips to the muscle above his nipple, he let out a low moan that sent a rush of warmth right to my center.

Oh, I was ready, and beginning to get impatient.

"Edward," I whimpered when his hands found their way back to my breasts. As much as I ached for even more of him, I knew I was about to lose it and I wanted him inside of me more than anything.

He didn't reply verbally, he just guided me onto my back, and hovered over me while we finished removing what was left of our clothes. His lips reattached to mine, and my legs automatically locked themselves around his waist. The pulsating escalated as my body practically begged for Edward to give the explosive relief that only being inside me could bring.

For the first time he didn't hesitate. There was no conflict burning in his eyes, and no whispered words of uncertainty from his lips. We were both eager for the connection, and I was sure there could never be a more gratifying feeling than that.

He pushed into me slowly to savor the feeling, and although the sensation was familiar, it felt so different than it ever did before. Just knowing he was doing it because he wanted to, that guilt played no part, made the physicality of it that much better.

I held onto him tighter as his thrusting increased in intensity. We were flushed against each other, skin on skin, flesh to flesh. Our pores released sweat directly onto the other, soaking each other up like two sponges squeezed together. It was hot, and sticky, and salty, and sweet all at the same time, and I couldn't get enough of him.

He rested his head on my forehead as he continued to pound into me, and his breath danced on my face and into my mouth. I could taste his aroma deep inside my lungs. He filled every part of me, touched every inch of me, and I knew once it was over I'd feel a sense of loss that I wasn't prepared to endure. That fear was the only thing keeping me from coming at that moment. I couldn't let it end. Even if he stayed with me, even if he never left, I couldn't fathom the thought of him being outside my body. He belonged inside of me, and every inch of my being would ache for him until he returned.

But I couldn't fight it forever - my body failed me as I became completely unglued. Edward tensed shortly after and as amazing as it felt, I was disappointed with myself that I couldn't find the strength to hold on to that feeling forever.

He collapsed on top of me, but his weight wasn't suffocating, it was like the most amazing embrace I had ever felt.

We both panted together for a moment, sharing the air around us and taking turns breathing it in. He kissed me tenderly on the lips, then my forehead, before pulling himself out of me and lying next to me on the bed. But I wasn't ready to be that far from him so I rolled over and laid across his chest, and listened to the speed of his heart gradually decelerate.

We just laid there for a while, basking in the afterglow of our connection. I had so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words to start. Should I tell him what I was feeling, or was it too soon? Perhaps I shouldn't say anything at all and just let everything happen naturally.

I wasn't sure how much time passed, but when I finally decided to lift my head up to look at his face, his eyes were closed and he looked so relaxed that I didn't want to disturb him. But he was just too beautiful and I found myself reaching out and caressing his face. His features remained tranquil as I ran my fingertips gently over his brows, and then down the sides of his eyes. I trailed down his perfect nose, but when I began touching his lips they curved into the smallest hint of a grin and I couldn't help but smile widely as a result.

"Are you awake?" I asked softly.

"No," he said while keeping his eyes closed.

I pressed my mouth to the skin on his chest to suppress my giggle. But having my lips be that close to him made it impossible not to kiss there. I kissed up his body to his neck, and then under his chin before working my way to his lips. He made almost a purring sound as I went, and when our lips were together his proved that he was completely awake by kissing mine eagerly back. Our tongues automatically sought out the other, and then he rolled us over so he was back on top of me.

In one swift move he was back inside of me, and I was back to feeling whole. It was still amazing to me that he could push himself in me so easily when it was so difficult the first time. But then again, I was so scared before whereas now I lived in a constant state of arousal whenever I was alone with him. If I had known then how amazing it could be, there was no way I'd ever have reason to fear. Hell, if I knew years ago what I know now, there would never have been a single negative thought towards him. I was an idiot before, and I was incredibly grateful I was given a chance to see him clearly.

Our bodies moved together like a symphony and for the first time in my life, I understood what all those classic romance novels that I loved so much were talking about. Love songs and even fairytales had new meanings for me after connecting so completely with Edward.

I had always felt awkward, out of place, and two steps behind everyone else around me, but not anymore. Edward made me feel valued and wanted, sexy even. Everything finally made sense in an otherwise senseless world.

We spent the rest of that day and the entire night making love and holding each other. We probably would have spent the next day in that manner as well, but when our stomachs began protesting their emptiness so loud that it was interrupting our serenity, we decided it was time to get out of bed.

We dressed and went downstairs, holding hands as we went, and only separated when we got to the kitchen where I threw together some omelets.

When it was ready, however, the emotional high that I was living in abruptly crashed into the ground. I turned around to bring the food to the table, and had to pause in my tracks when I saw the way Edward was sitting with his elbows on the table and his head buried in his hands as if he was overcome with a horrific wave of guilty regret.

I absently walked a few feet forward, and put the food on the table with an audible clunk. He immediately dropped his hands and looked up at me, and for a moment his face was utterly distraught. He looked horrible, like he just walked through hell and back, which scared the shit out of me.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.

He forced his features into a more even set. "Nothing," he said with a hollow smile.

But I knew better. "You regret it, don't you?"

"What?" he asked reflexively.

"Me…us…what we've been doing," I said slowly.

He looked down at his hands for a moment, but when he looked back up at me I was surprised by the new intensity on his face. It wasn't distraught anymore, it was conviction. "I don't regret anything."

"Then why do you look so upset?"

He reached out to me, so I took his hand and let him pull me into him; I stepped over and straddled his lap with my back resting against the table. "I'm sorry," he murmured before leaning forward so that his forehead was resting against my chest.

I hugged his head and kissed his hair. "Just tell me what's wrong," I whispered.

"Everything about this is wrong," he mumbled.

"But you just said…"

"It's wrong," he cut me off. "But I don't regret it….and that's why I feel like shit." He ran his hands up my thighs and let them come to a rest on my hips before finally looking back up at me. "You're too young, you're my best friend's little sister and I'm supposed to be watching out for you, not doing…_this_," he said while moving his hands inward towards my center, and then back to where they were before on my hips. "I shouldn't be doing any of this. I care…really I do," he continued. "I've never felt worse about anything in my life. I mean really, what the hell kind of person am I?" He shook his head. "But the worst thing is knowing that none of that can get me to stop because none of it compares to how you make me feel."

I smiled despite trying to hide how happy his words made me. "And how do you feel?"

He sighed. "Like nothing else in the world matters."

I kissed him tenderly and then hugged him, which he returned. Our arms were locked around each other so tightly that it was almost hard to breathe, but it felt absolutely incredible at the same time.

"I just never expected this," he continued as we held each other. "I never thought I'd…lose control like this."

"What do you mean?" I asked while pulling back so he'd look at me again.

"Even when I first accepted how I was feeling, I thought I could suppress it."

"Why would you want to do that?" I asked.

"Like I said, it's not right. You have to understand something. The way I grew up…people don't get out of the trailer park too often. It's like…a vicious cycle and the reason for that is because no one can see past it. When kids from the park go to school, the teachers, the other students, they all just see them as lost causes. With no expectations set on them, they never strive to become anything. My family never cared enough to push me, so I was destined to become just like them…who knows, maybe I still will be."

"No you won't," I said strongly.

He shrugged. "My dad got my mom pregnant in high school. I've graduated, but you…"

"But we're doing it for a reason. We have a plan."

"And you have a good family that's not going to let you fall," he added. "And that's my point. I would probably be strung out somewhere right now, living on the streets or in the trailer with my dad and grandma and some woman I picked up in a bar I was too young to be in. That was the life I would have been living but I was fortunate enough to pick a fight with the biggest kid in my class," he said with a light laugh.

"Wait, you and Em became friends because you got into a fight?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah… we were like in first or second grade and I had just been shoved around by my dad before school. I was just so angry all the time and I didn't know how to control it. I don't even remember how the fight started but I do know I initiated it. We were both sent to the principal's office and our parents were called. My dad was too busy to come, of course, but I'll always remember the sight of the giant police man walking towards us. I thought I was going to get put in jail but then I realized that he was Emmett's dad," he chuckled. "I just got scared even more."

"Charlie is not giant," I said with a snicker.

"He is to a seven year old."

"True…so, what happened?"

"After Charlie talked to the principal, he pulled Emmett to the side and got down on his level and asked him what happened. They didn't know I was watching because I was behind one of those little half wall things. I just remember being so shocked that he wasn't mad at Em…or me. He told him that he should try to be friends with me because I probably didn't have any other friends and that was why I picked fights. And the next day, Em was asking to play with me on the playground. I resisted at first, but then he bribed me with Twinkies."

"And you guys have been friends ever since," I said with a smile. It was nice to hear the story, but I still didn't understand what it had to do with us. Thankfully, he explained.

"It's just…Emmett has always watched out for me. He's showed me a world beyond the trailer park, and by bringing me around your family he's taught me that people really do care about each other. Everything about me that's…good, I got from him. He's never asked anything of me in return; I mean, I tutored him a little, but that wasn't really anything. But when he got sick and had to leave, he asked me to watch out for you…to be here for you cuz he couldn't. Now, I've completely betrayed his trust."

"He's not going to know," I tried assuring him.

"But I know….And the worst part is that I still don't care enough to stop. I want to be with you more than I ever wanted anything, and a big part of me wouldn't care if the whole world disappeared around us. I shouldn't feel that way. I mean, I want Em to get better; I want him to have a full life….but other than that..." he let his sentence trail off. "I guess it just proves that I wasn't worth his time."

"What? Edward, that's ridiculous."

"Is it? As much as I tell myself I'm not like my dad, deep down I know the truth. He's a selfish person, and what I'm doing with you is completely selfish."

"No, it's not," I said while hugging myself closer to him again.

"Bella, you can't even begin to understand how hard it was for me to have sex with you without touching you…without kissing you."

"Why didn't you kiss me sooner than?" I asked, surprised by his confession.

"Because you didn't want me to."

"That's not true. I've wanted you for a long time now…I just never thought you could want me like that in return and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"But I was uncomfortable. The more I wanted you, the more uncomfortable I got. I hated when you went out those couple of times…and it wasn't a protective kind of thing…it was jealousy. I wouldn't let myself believe that before, but deep down I knew….and it just made me fight it that much harder."

"Because of Em."

"Not just him….but because of how I felt about you. I'm not good enough for you. You deserve the kind of guy who knows where they're going in life and has a strong head on his shoulders…the kind that would do the right thing and say no to you when you asked for help getting pregnant…the kind of guy who was trust worthy and didn't have sex with his best friend's sixteen year old sister."

"Just because you think Em won't approve of us, doesn't mean we shouldn't be together. Everyone deserves a right to be happy."

"Not when it's illegal," he rebutted.

"And that's why we just have to be careful," I told him. "And you have to stay away from Italy," I joked…though, I wasn't really joking.

"Bella, really, that was nothing. Emmett always made a bigger deal out of it than I ever did. I just think he's still worried about me getting stuck here in Forks and ending up just like my dad, so he was trying to convince me to leave."

"So, you weren't in love with the Italian cheese princess?"

He laughed. "No, not at all…but because I'm a selfish person I had always thought of her as a back-up plan. You know, if I couldn't figure anything else to do with my life and I got desperate. See Bella, that's horrible of me; I'm not a good person and eventually you're going to realize it."

"Eventually _you're_ going to realize that none of that stuff matters to me. Just…don't go sleeping around and we'll be fine."

"Even if I didn't give a shit about monogamy, I still wouldn't go around screwing random girls," he said casually.

"Why not?"

"Do you really have no idea how obsessed I am with you? I don't even see other girls anymore. It's really starting to affect every part of my life. I almost ran my car off the road the other day because my mind was on you, and I keep screwing up at work. Having your dad and brother here was like…torture; I just wanted them to leave so I could be alone with you. It's only a matter of time before I really mess up and expose us."

"We're going to be fine," I told him confidently.

He shook his head. "There is no way we're going to be fine, the truth always comes out eventually."

"So what are we going to do?" I asked anxiously while holding him even tighter.

"I don't know. I guess we just have to take it one day at a time and try not to worry about it until we have to."

"I guess that's our only option," I agreed.

"But listen, just because we're doing this," he said while gesturing to the way I was straddling him. "Doesn't mean I've completely turned my back on my responsibilities here. You may have forced yourself on the top of my list of most important people, but I'm still going to honor the parts of Em's wishes that I can."

I giggled. "And what's that?"

"I'm still in charge," he said straight faced.

"Oh really?" I said playfully.

"Yeah, and I will not allow you to slack off. You have to go to school, you must do your homework, and if you cuss the way you did before then I'm going to have to reprimand you."

"Cuss? Oh you mean when I said you had to _fuck_ me if you wanted to sleep in my room?"

He tried to hold it in, but he let a small laugh escape. "Yes. That was uncalled for and it's not going to continue on my watch."

I bit my lower lip. "Would you prefer me to call it 'screw'…or 'bang' or 'bone', or 'the act of pounding your penis into my vagina'?"

He laughed. "Why yes, actually. Those would all be better ways to describe it."

"And what kind of reprimand will I get if I continue to use the word 'fuck'?" I asked before leaning in and kissing his neck.

"I'll have to…take away your driving privileges," he said unconvincingly.

"Promise?" I challenged him while kissing my way up his jaw. "I actually preferred it when you used to drive me everywhere."

He moaned quietly as I continued to kiss him, and the growing bulge in his pants was proof of just how much he enjoyed my position on his lap.

"Or we can just forget everything I said about you going to school and just run away and never come back," he mumbled quickly.

As tempting as his unserious plan was, we both knew running away right then wasn't an option. I wanted to be with him more than anything, but I'd never be able to live with myself if we didn't continue to try to save my brother.

"We need to have a baby," I reminded him.

"Oh…right….and then there is the whole fact that I can't support you…I mean, that would definitely be an issue in the long run," he joked, even though I knew he was fairly serious.

"One day at a time," I reiterated. "We'll figure it all out."

"Well, we're going to have to, because I don't think I have the strength to stay away from you."

"I love you, Edward," I whispered.

He smiled widely that lit up his eyes. "I love you too."


	16. Ch15 On Top

Chapter 15 – On Top

"Push harder!" I shouted.

"I'm pushing as hard as I can," Edward snapped back at me. "This isn't easy to do with you on top."

"There has to be a way…You're just giving up too soon," I argued.

"I'm not giving up! Can you just be quiet and let me concentrate….and stop moving around so much."

"Fine," I said, but being quiet in that scenario was next to impossible. "Move to the side!"

"Stop telling me what to do, I've done this a hell of a lot more times than you have."

"Ok, ok," I conceded.

His face was set in hard determination, and even though it was sexy as hell, I just couldn't help but giggle.

"Don't laugh, this is serious," he chided me.

"Sure it is," I said as I tried to keep a straight face.

"Damn it!" he yelled. "You just made us crash."

"How was that my fault?" I asked incredulously.

"I told you that I couldn't do it with you on my lap. This has to be my worst score ever on this game," he pouted, which only made me giggle that much more.

"Ah baby, I can make it up to you," I cooed.

"How?" he asked with his tone softening.

"I'm sure I can think of a few ways," I murmured before leaning in and kissing him tenderly. I only meant it as a quick kiss to cheer him up, but he held me against him and deepened it almost immediately. I briefly got lost in the moment, but then I realized just how wrong it was and pulled away from him.

"Hey," he protested.

"We can't do this here," I reminded him while looking around the game room completely paranoid. We had spent most of Christmas vacation in the confines of the house in our own private world, but Edward had insisted that we maintain a life out of the house as well; so that evening I surprised him with dinner at Chuck E. Cheese.

"Nobody is watching us," he argued as he tried to kiss me again, but I wasn't as in to risk taking as he was. I'd much rather have him in private than to be caught and not have him at all.

"It's a small town, something is always watching," I argued.

He stole another quick kiss before letting me go.

As fun as Chuck E. Cheese was the last time I was there with Emmett, being there with Edward was painfully lackluster, and I couldn't wait to leave. We should have known we'd never make it out amongst the public, at least not so soon. We hated being apart, but I suppose that was the reason why he wanted to try. We couldn't spend our entire lives inside my bedroom; I'd have go to school, and he had already missed too much work so we'd have to be apart whether we wanted to or not.

We were only four miles from home, but it was still just too far so I unbuckled my seatbelt and began kissing his neck as he drove. He responded by moaning quietly before taking an abrupt turn off the road onto a dark obscure side street. The moment he put the truck into park I climbed onto his lap, straddled his hips, and let my lips eagerly attempt to devour his.

I couldn't get close enough to him, and I couldn't wait the five minutes it would take to get to the privacy of our home. The steering wheel was digging into my back as I tried to reach between us to unbutton his pants, but I didn't care, I hardly even felt it.

His hands found their way under my top to my breasts, and he let out a low moan as my movements caused my pelvis to grind against his erection.

"I love you so much," he muttered between fervent kisses.

"I love you too," I replied when his lips moved to my neck.

I finally managed to get his pants undone below me, but right when I was about to set him free I hesitated. "Um…Let's lay down on the seat," I mumbled.

"What? Why?" he asked befuddled.

"It would just be easier."

"Bella, we can…" but before he could finish whatever it was he was about to say, a bright light flashed into the truck cabin.

"Holy shit," Edward mumbled as I practically jumped off of him and tried to straighten out my clothes. Edward redid his pants as well and finished just as a shadow walked up to his window and began tapping. Thankfully it was freezing outside so our warm bodies had fogged up the glass so I didn't think we could be seen from the outside, but that was still to be determined.

Edward rolled down the window.

"Oh, hey there, Edward," Officer Uley greeted him. He looked further into the truck and saw me. "Hey Bella…What's going on?"

Being the daughter of the police chief meant I knew just about every officer on the force, and since Edward had been practically part of our family for so long, he knew everyone as well. This could be good…or very very bad.

"Everything is fine," Edward replied casually. "Bella was just upset cuz we narrowly missed a deer back there, so I've been trying to talk her down," he said without missing a beat. He was a good liar, it made me hopeful for the future when we'd have to lie about our relationship to my family.

"Oh," the officer said, not having any reason not to believe him. But just to be sure, he shined his flashlight in at my face again and I automatically gave him my best impression of someone mildly distraught. It wasn't really hard at that point, my anxiety was reaching new levels from almost being caught.

"Alrighty-then," Uley replied after he was satisfied that we were fine. "Sorry to bother you. We just have to approach anyone we find on these dark roads. People are usually only out here if they're broken down or preforming lewd acts."

I nearly choked on my own spit.

"Are you ok, Miss Swan?" Uley asked me concerned.

"Fine," I croaked. "Sorry, I've been fighting a cold all week."

Officer Uley nodded. "I hear ya, Emily has that nasty bug going around too."

"Mmm," I agreed. "Tell her to feel better for me."

"Will do," he said with a smile, and then turned back to Edward. "Make sure she gets some chicken soup and plenty of rest. Chief says you've been taking real good care of her, make sure it continues."

"Definitely," Edward told him, though the confidence in his voice definitely faltered a decimal.

"Ok, goodnight, and drive safely," Uley said while tipping his hat and then heading back to his cruiser.

We sat there in stunned silence for a few moments before Edward let out a long hard breath. "Fuck. That was close."

"Ok…so I guess we can't make out in public _or_ on dark secluded roads," I said absently.

"Eh," he said in disagreement. "We're just going to have to travel a little further. Forks is too small, we need to go somewhere past Port Angeles."

I stared at him incredulously. "You're kidding, right? I don't think I've ever even been to Seattle before without running into someone I know. We would have to go out of the state to be sure no one will see us that could get us into trouble."

"You worry far too much," he said with a smile.

"And you don't worry enough. What's wrong with you, it's like you almost want to get caught."

He shook his head and began driving the truck back to the main road. "I don't want to get caught," he muttered. "But I'm not going to worry so much about it either. Bella, we talked about this. Eventually the truth is going to come out and I don't want to spend the time we do have being so scared. You're sixteen; you should be going out and having fun, and I don't want you to miss out on that just cuz of me."

"I really don't feel like I'm missing out on anything," I tried assuring him. "I've never been one to…go out," I reminded him.

"Someday you might regret feeling that way."

"Ok, if I do I'll go out then," I argued.

"But you might not be able to then."

"Why not?" I asked confused.

"You might have other…_responsibilities_," he said unexpectedly.

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but I had my suspicions. "Edward, I told you, I'm not going to change my mind about…"

"Look, as you get older life starts getting in the way of being able to do the things you want to do," he interrupted me. "And that's the point of being young - to be able to have fun with a level of freedom that you'll never get again. _When_ the truth does come out, I'm sure your dad will have you on house arrest, and trust me, when you can't do something, that's when you'll want to do it the most."

"Well, I'll never want anything more than you, so I'd never regret my time inside the house making love to you. So….let's go home and make love," I said impatiently.

He chuckled. "I'm driving as fast as I can…unless, of course, you want another impromptu meeting with one of Fork's finest."

"No," I said with a sigh. "I guess I can be patient while you maintain the speed limit."

The moment we got into the privacy of the house, we crashed together like magnets. It felt like it had been days since we were connected last, despite the fact that it had only been a few hours. I needed him inside me and I couldn't wait a moment longer. We ended up having sex on the living room couch, which wasn't a first for us. We usually tried to make it to my bedroom, but sometimes we just didn't have the will power to wait.

"How the hell are we going to make it all day apart?" Edward asked while we panted on the couch after another amazing climax.

"How many more days until vacation is over?" I asked concerned.

"It's Sunday…you go back tomorrow," he said slowly.

"Seriously?" I whined. "What happened to New Year's?"

He laughed. "I think we missed it. Hey, is that why your dad called the other day? He said something about 2013."

I thought about it for a moment. "Oh yeah. Crap."

"Well, I think it's safe to say we kissed after midnight," he said with a laugh.

I giggled. "Yeah, I'm sure we did."

We went upstairs and took off our clothes, and crawled into bed before cuddling quietly for a few minutes. For whatever reason, my mind kept replaying our conversation in the truck. Did he really think getting caught was inevitable, and if so, what did he expect would happen to us then? I didn't honestly believe he hadn't thought about the repercussions, so he must have some sort of plan to keep us together_…right?_

And then my mind drifted to our truck make-out session, and the odd way I hesitated before the officer arrived. What would make me do that? But then the answer hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I've never been on top before," I whispered.

"Huh?" he asked confused.

"In the truck, I wanted to lie on the seat so you could be on top…you know, instead of me on your lap."

"Oh," he mused. "Well, we can do whatever you want to do and whichever way you want to do it."

"The thing is…" I said shyly, and then bit my bottom lip for a moment. "I've never even really seen it before."

"Seen what?" he asked even more confused.

"It," I said while gesturing towards his crotch. We were naked but underneath the blanket, so I moved my knee between his legs to further explain my issue.

He understood what I meant. "How could you have never seen it? We've been having sex like...nonstop."

"Yeah, but….usually I'm the one with my clothes off first, and by the time we get to your bottom half we're already in bed or kissing and I never get a chance to really_ see_ it. I mean, I know what penis' look like, I've been in Sex Ed and all, but…" I let my sentence trail off, feeling completely humiliated.

"Well, to be honest, it's not the most attractive appendage," Edward said casually, which actually made me relax a little. "I mean, mine is, but most aren't."

I giggled despite myself. "Well, let me see it then."

"No way, I think I'd prefer you to keep some mystery with it…It's more alluring that way," he said playfully.

"Come on, now I really want to see it."

I sat up and tried to push down the covers, but he held them against him and was way stronger than me.

"Hey," I complained. "Let me see it."

"Too bad for you that he doesn't want to come out right now," he replied impishly.

"He?" I said with a laugh.

"Yes, He. And He deserves to be respected," he said strait faced.

"So I need to respect the fact that…_He_ has an opinion of when He wants to make an appearance?"

"Exactly."

"Well, I think that He belongs to me now, so I'm his boss and he needs to do as I say," I said with raised eyebrows, daring him to challenge me.

"Oh, really?" he said with a smirk.

"Really. Now drop the covers," I demanded.

"Or else what?"

"Or else I'll put Him on a time out. What was it you were saying before about not being able to do things and wanting to do them even more as a result?"

"Oh, you're mean," he said with faux bitterness.

"You haven't seen anything yet," I replied while grinning mischievously. I dove under the covers and pulled them away from him as hard as I could, but he continued to hold strong so I did the only thing I could think of, I tickled him.

"No…stop…I…hate...tickling!" he said between noiseless laughs. Finally, I somehow managed to overpower him, and I threw the covers onto the floor. Of course, he just laid back unfazed and covered himself with his hands. I, myself, was buck naked, but by that point I didn't have any modesty left when it came to him; I highly doubted he had any modesty with me either, he was just being mean.

"I'll keep tickling you," I warned him.

"I don't think you'll be able to," he replied before rolling on top of me and pinning me beneath him. He started kissing my neck and as good as it felt I refused to let him sidetrack me.

He was just too strong and I couldn't get him off of me, so I did the only thing I could - I moved my leg so I could rub it on his growing erection. He may not let me look at it, but I was going to touch it as much as possible. I couldn't get a good enough feel for it with my leg, so I wiggled one of my hands free from where he had them locked at my side, and reached in between us and grabbed a hold of him.

He groaned from my sudden grip, but I hardly noticed because it was really the first time I had touched him there…well, it was the first time I handled a penis at all.

But I must have been holding him too tightly because he abruptly rolled us over and told me - "I concede."

I would have gloated at my victory, but I still had his shaft in my hand and I was overcome by the surrealistic feel of it. I was absolutely speechless. I knew vaguely what to expect, but I was shocked by the smooth texture and overall size of it.

"So…how far does it…you know…go in?" I asked, feeling like an absolute moron.

"All the way," he said with a light laugh.

It was no wonder why it hurt the first time; I was only surprised it didn't hurt every time.

He chuckled again unexpectedly. "You look absolutely horrified. Trust me, mine is better looking than most," he joked.

"No, it's just… How does it...fit?"

He reached around and rubbed my back tenderly. "Do you want to see?"

Uh… "Actually I think I prefer to just let you stick it in me. I don't need to know how it works. It feels amazing and that all I really care about," I said honestly.

He stared at me pensively for a moment, and then he gently tugged me in closer to him.

"What are you doing?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just…trust me."

He sat up enough to be able to reach my hips with both of his hands, and then he slowly guided me up and pulled me over his lap so that I was hovering above his erection.

"I don't think this is such a good idea," I said anxiously. I knew what he wanted me to do, but I highly doubted I could actually do it. "I can roll over and let you do it from behind," I offered.

"Babe, just relax," he cooed.

"I just don't think I can…"

He reached between my legs and buried his finger into my moist opening. "Oh, yeah you can," he assured me.

My entire body was buzzing with anticipation. I wanted him, which wasn't surprising, I always wanted him, and a part of me was enthralled to be trying a new position…but most of me was nervous as hell. Knowing he fit completely inside of me was one thing, but actually seeing it and how impossible it looked made my stomach flip.

He moved me a little more so my opening was positioned over his tip, and as much as I wanted to look away, I couldn't take my eyes off of his penis. Very slowly he used his grip on my hips to pull me down on him, and I watched every incredible second of it. The more he disappeared inside of me, the more amazing it felt. Of course there was no pain, and of course he fit so perfectly inside of me. It was just one more instance when I was overreacting due to my ignorance.

"Now what?" I asked with shortness of breath.

He smiled. "Do whatever you want," he replied.

"But I don't know how you like it," I told him quietly.

"It always feels good for me," he assured me. "Just don't think about it. Turn your brain off and don't worry about me."

I kind of wanted to just enjoy the feeling of him being inside of me like that, but then he ran his hands up my thighs and continued up my torso, to the sides of my breasts, and then back down again. His hands felt so good on my skin that my body just began moving unconsciously. Gently at first, but then I let go completely and began moving in a way that I never had before. I leaned forward to support myself with my hands against his chest as my hips continued to move on him. Back and forth, up and down, even in a circular motion. It all felt so amazing that I forgot what the hell I was so worried about.

He let me do all the moving in the beginning, but the more intense it became, the more he joined in; bucking his pelvis upwards to match my rhythm. His grip on my hips tightened and we quickly became equal participants in the act for the first time. Pushing and pulling, giving and taking, huffing and grunting.

It was pure bliss.

As the feeling escalated, so did the intensity of our movements and the volume of our moans. I couldn't remember being so vocal with our passion before, but then again, I couldn't remember much at that moment – my brain had shut off some time ago.

Finally we both exploded and my body fell limp on top of him. My hair must have been covering his face, but he didn't complain. We just panted together as we tried to recover from the astonishing high we were both basking in.

"Wow," I said between breaths.

"Yeah," he agreed.

Being with Edward had given me a level of confidence that I never expected before, but that night it doubled. The way he touched me – the way he looked at me, like I was the most amazing thing on the planet, was so incredibly overwhelming that I knew without a doubt that I had to be worth something. If he wanted me then I couldn't be that pitiful person that I always assumed I was. Even if I was never anything more than what I was in that moment, it was more than enough. If I could live in Edward's eyes like that for the rest of my life, I'd die happy and utterly fulfilled.


	17. Ch16 Sixteen

Chapter 16 – Sixteen

"Bella," Edward murmured while kissing both my closed eyes. "Come on babe, it's time to get ready for school."

I rolled over and groaned groggily. "Come on mom, five more minutes."

Edward huffed. "I'm fairly certain your mother has never tried to wake you up before, and I am absolutely positive she didn't do this to you," he said softly before wrapping his arms around my torso, and then reaching up to pinch my nipples.

"Ouch!" I squealed while jumping up. "That's child abuse," I joked.

He laughed. "Well, it was that or throwing a bunch of icy cold water on your face."

I rubbed my nipples to try to sooth them. "A simple alarm clock or a gentle nudge would have sufficed."

"Actually, the alarm clock woke _me_ up, and then I did nudge you…like ten times."

"Oh…Well, you shouldn't have kept me up so late last night," I argued playfully.

He raised his brows. "Wow, you know, you're absolutely right. Tonight I'll make sure you get to bed at a reasonable hour…and you should probably sleep alone so you have the best chance and a good night's rest."

"What? No, I'm plenty rested," I said quickly. "I can't sleep at all without you so if you stay away at night it will be counterproductive."

"You better learn how to sleep without me," he mumbled almost incoherently.

"What?" I asked, really hoping I heard him wrong. "Why?"

He sighed. "Never-mind. Get up and jump into the shower."

I wanted to press the subject, but he practically ran out of the room and it was actually later than I thought, so I huffed and hurried into the shower. When I was done I dressed quickly, and then combed through my hair before heading down the stairs to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen.

It was terrifying.

"What are you doing?" I asked concerned for the safety of the house.

He laughed. "Making breakfast."

"I thought we agreed to never let you cook again?"

"I think I can handle eggs," he replied. "See, all finished."

I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that the eggs were yellow instead of dark brown like I was expecting, and they actually smelled pretty good.

"Are you working today?" I asked as I watched him flip the eggs onto a couple plates.

"Yep, I'm all out of vacation time…and sick leave. I really hope I don't get the flu or something."

I wrapped my arms around him from behind. "I hope you don't get the flu or something too…just cuz I don't want you sick," I said before kissing his cheek and then taking one of the plates back to the table.

Edward joined me at the table and we ate together…well, I ate, he basically sucked in his food in like a vacuum.

"Are you running late too?" I asked with a grin.

"Maybe," he said stubbornly.

"So, is my truck running normally, or will you be dropping me off at school today?" I asked, remembering the way he had messed with my truck before.

"Everything is perfect…I guarantee it."

"If you guarantee it, does that mean I get to bring it into the shop for free if it breaks down?"

He chuckled. "Definitely. I'll always work on your truck for free…Well, you can pay me with sexual favors."

"Mmm," I leaned over the table to kiss him, which he readily returned. "I love you."

"I love you too."

We couldn't stall any longer, so we finally parted ways for the day. But after being away from him for as long as it took to drive to school, I realized just how excruciating it really was. I missed him like hell; it was an actual physical pain in my chest.

When I parked my truck in the school parking lot and started walking onto campus, I couldn't help the low whimper that escaped my lips. Apart from missing Edward, school was the very last place I wanted to be. Everyone around me was preoccupied with who was dating who, which bitch looked at which prick, and what group was talking shit about what other group for no apparent reason. The biggest concerns for the average sixteen year old were passing that semester's finals, and finding a date to the next big dance.

None of it held my interest.

It all felt so…insignificantly pointless, and almost beneath me - I didn't mean it in a conceded way, I just felt like I was in a different place in my life, like I should be home building my future not stuck in the monotony of high school. I actually really wanted to go find a job somewhere and start saving money so Edward and I could get a place of our own, but instead I was stagnant and trapped in the throngs of teenage drama and other immature bullshit. I honestly wished I could fast forward the next two years and get to the place where I could really start living.

"Bella!" I heard someone shriek, knocking me out of my inner turmoil.

"Hey Rose," I greeted her with a sincere smile. I hated everything about that wretched place, but it really was good to see my best friend. "How was your Christmas?"

"Oh god, please tell me you're not doing drugs," she asked unexpectedly.

"Huh?"

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. "I can't remember the last time you seemed so…cheerful."

_Cheerful?_ How odd that I seemed happy to her when I felt so miserable. "I just asked how your Christmas was," I said incredulously. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing…It's just not like you."

I shrugged dismissively. "Well, I had a great Christmas, thanks for asking."

She took a sharp intake of breath. "You've been fucking Edward!" she whispered-yelled.

"Shhh-ut up," I scolded her while looking around completely paranoid that someone had overheard her. Thankfully, no one had.

"You don't even have to admit it, I already know," she said assuredly, ignoring my paranoia.

"Wha…I have no idea what you're talking about," I told her with my arms crossed in front on me.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me around the bend to a more secluded area. "You and Edward are fucking, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I already told you that."

"You know what I mean…You're having sex…_Like, more than just for the donor thing._"

I gave her my best attempt at a straight faced bluff, but I lost it and ended up smiling.

"You are!" she hissed. "I can't believe it, when did that happen? Last time we talked you were all business about it…I mean, it was obvious to me that you wanted more, but you had a serious case of denial going on."

"It was not obvious," I argued.

"Oh, yes it was. I just hope you're better at hiding it around your dad and brother, cuz otherwise you're in some serious trouble," she warned.

I huffed. "I know. Rose, what am I going to do? They're supposed to be moving back soon, and I have no idea how the hell I'm going to handle any of it."

The thought of my incredible home time with Edward coming to an end was terrifying, and just one more painful reminder that I was locked in the land of teenage hell and had no control over my own life. It wasn't fair. I hadn't lived like a kid with an involved parent in a long time, and I honestly didn't know how to return to that, but more importantly, I didn't know how I was going to go back to pretending that Edward wasn't the most important person in the world to me.

"It'll all work out," Rose said supportively while rubbing my shoulder. "Now, I wanna know more about you and Edward."

"What do you want to know?" I asked with a sigh.

"Are you guys like…a couple now?"

I could feel myself blush as I tried to hide the amazing zing that zipped through my body from the mere mention of him. "I don't know exactly what our definition is," I replied honestly. "I mean, I can't talk about him with anyone but you so I can't really call him my boyfriend, and we learned last night that going out together is next to impossible so we're not even really dating."

"So you're just fuck buddies…._Monogamous_ fuck buddies, I hope?"

I nodded. "We talked about that. He said he doesn't want anyone else." – _Was I smiling again?_ I was such an idiot.

"Wow, Bella, I can't believe it. You look so happy," she squealed.

"I am...He's incredible."

"Oh, I want to fall in love like that," she said wistfully. "I really hope it all works out for you."

"Thanks Rose," I said sincerely. "It means a lot to me that you're so supportive."

"Well, I'm just glad that we're back to being close like we used to be."

"Me too."

"Oh, and I want to be your baby's godmother," she said casually.

I huffed. "Rose, I told you, I'm going to put it up for adoption. Besides, I'm not even pregnant yet so there's no point in talking about it."

"With the way you two have been going at it like rabbits, it's only a matter of time," she said assuredly.

"I guess…I mean unless there's a problem…Oh my god, Rose, what if there's a problem and I can't have kids…or Edward can't, and…"

"Bella, calm down. There's no reason to think like that, and worrying about something you can't help is pointless. If it turns out that you don't get pregnant, at least you'll know you did everything you could. It's not like you can go in for fertility treatments."

I considered it for a minute.

"You're sixteen!" she practically shouted at me. "No doctor on the planet would work with you to get pregnant."

"I know, you're right," I said with a sigh. "Edward said we needed to just live one day at a time, and I have to keep reminding myself that."

She nodded. "Well, I agree. Now, when does your dad and brother move back home?"

I sighed. "A month…but then Emmett's going to be in Seattle for a couple weeks or so he can get acquainted with the hospital there."

"Ok, and your dad will go back to work fulltime, so you'll still have some privacy."

I nodded. "We just have to figure everything out."

"Exactly, and you will."

Rose's confidence made me feel slightly better, but I was certain I was in for a long battle ahead, one that wouldn't truly be over until Emmett was cured and I was able to legally live my life like the adult that I felt I was.

When my final class was finished, I practically ran to my truck; it had been an excruciating long day, and I couldn't get away from that campus fast enough. I planned to swing by the grocery store to pick up something for dinner, but without even realizing it I found myself pulling into the garage parking lot where Edward worked. Luckily it didn't look busy so I had good reason to hope that we'd have a couple minutes of alone time before I headed home.

I had only been there a few times before, but usually there was someone working in the office so I was surprised to see it empty except for an older woman in the reception waiting area reading a magazine.

She looked up at me. "Sorry honey, the mechanic is alone today so he's out there with my car."

I smiled at her politely. "That's ok, I can wait."

I sat in one of the chairs and grabbed a magazine, but it couldn't hold my attention. "I think I'm going to go see how much longer this will be," I said casually so the woman didn't think I was mental for going into the work area of the garage.

"It may be a while. My car is pretty messed up," the woman replied as I was walking through the door.

The garage was noisy and absolutely freezing, but the moment I noticed a pair of legs hanging out from under a car, I immediately felt warmer. There could have been ten guys working that day and I'd still know it was Edward - his long wonky legs were unmistakable.

I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the car.

"Can I help?" I asked him.

"Hey," he said, excited to see me. He rolled out from under the car and jumped up to a standing position before pulling me up and into him for a loving embrace. "This is a surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you until tonight."

"I know, I just couldn't wait that long."

"Well, I'm sure as hell glad you're here," he said with a smile before leaning in to kiss me, but I pulled away and looked toward the big garage door which was opened to the street. He must have understood my hesitation because he ran over to the door and pulled it shut before racing back and kissing me passionately.

"Mmm," I moaned from the incredible way his lips tasted. He smelled like motor oil, but I'll never be able to get over how incredibly sexy he looked in his shop coveralls. "Do you think you can take a quick break for a quickie?" I asked him.

He kissed me again, but then pulled away. "I wish….Well, no I don't wish; I'm not a fan of quickies. What I wish is that I could close the shop early and take you home."

"Then why don't you?" I asked him hopefully.

"I can't. I have to finish Mrs. Kebi's car, and I have two more appointments after that."

I huffed. "Ok, well I guess I'll head out then. I need to pick something up for dinner and then do my homework while it's cooking."

He smiled at me. "Sounds good."

We walked back into the office and I was surprised to see a couple more people waiting around for service.

"Fuck, I hate walk-ins," I heard Edward mumble. He walked behind the desk and called on the next customer. I meant to leave, but I actually got lost in the way Edward was talking to everyone. He was very professional and spoke intelligently, completely unfazed by anything anyone threw at him.

Then the older woman returned to the desk. "Eddie, I really can't stay any longer. I need to give Amun his medication."

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Kebi, it's just not finished yet. Let me try to call around to see if anyone can swing by and give you a ride home. I'll deliver the car to your house personally when it's finished."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," she said with a big toothless smile.

"You know what, I can give her a ride home," I offered.

"Really? You don't mind?" Edward asked. "She actually only lives a couple of blocks away from you."

"Of course I don't mind."

"Thanks," he said with a grin.

"Oh, I don't know now," Mrs. Kebi said uncomfortably. "Amun said to never get into the car with strangers."

"She's not a stranger," Edward assured her. "This is Bella, Chief Swan's daughter."

"The Indian Chief?" she asked confused.

"No, the chief of police," Edward said slowly.

"Oh, that's right. Nice man he is. Nice man." She looked back at me. "Are you even old enough to drive, sweetheart?"

I forced out a smile even though I really wanted to scowl at her comment. "I have my license," I told her.

"Ok, honey."

After Edward gave me directions to her house, I escorted her out to the parking lot, but then she became upset about by the condition of my truck.

"Are you sure this thing will make it?" she asked concerned.

"Of course, Edward built it," I told her.

"Oh he did? Well I'm sure it's great then," she said unexpectedly. "I just love that Edward. He's such a wonderfully gifted young man. He always makes sure my car is running and goes the extra mile to fix it when it's not."

"He's pretty incredible," I agreed.

…..

The next couple of weeks dragged on. School and work took up most of our time, and when our responsibilities were finished for the day, we were so tired that we even went to bed without having sex a few times. We lived for the weekends when we could spend all day in bed, catching up on the time we missed apart, but the Mondays always came far too soon.

But I suppose that was life. One thing was for sure though, the less time we were able to spend together, the more I yearned for him. I thought it would get easier, but it never seemed to.

Sometimes when I didn't have much homework, I would visit Edward at work and just hang out with him in the garage as he fixed the cars. It was hard to be that close to him and not touch him, but being there in his presence was better than not being with him at all.

It was during one of those visits that Edward got a certain customer who really rubbed me the wrong way.

"Oh my god, Edward! I heard you worked here," a voice rang from outside the big garage door. It was a slow day so Edward had been taking his time on a new issue with Mrs. Kebi's old car, and I had been hanging out and absently working on my math homework when we were so rudely interrupted.

Edward looked up at the annoyingly attractive blonde, and I was shocked by how pleasantly surprised he was to see her. "Tanya Denali, how are you?"

"Well, I need some work done on my Mustang, and once I heard you worked here I knew there wasn't a better place to bring it."

"Pull it in, let's take a look," he instructed her.

"Ok, thanks," she said with a smile before disappearing to retrieve her car.

Edward hurried to clean up the mess he had made with Mrs. Kebi's car, and just as he finished a shiny red car rumbled into the garage.

"How the hell did you get your hands on a '69 Mach 1?" Edward asked excitedly when the blond stepped out of the car. He popped the hood and immediately began examining the engine.

"It was my grandpa's and he left it to me when he passed," she explained.

"Ah man, it's beautiful," he said absently.

And then the chick did something completely bewildering…she started going into specifics about the car. It was like she was speaking another language, one that Edward was fluent and utterly engrossed in. How the hell any female could know so much about cars, I had no idea.

She was beautiful, she had an amazing body, and she was well versed in something Edward was extremely passionate about. She was absolutely his match in every way, and I hated her fucking guts.

The two of them gabbed on like old friends for what seemed like hours, completely ignoring my presence in the room. I tried to focus on what I was doing, but once again I felt like my age was getting in the way as I sat there and did homework while the beautiful Barbie Doll look-alike flirted openly with the man I only wished I could publically claim.

Edward eventually figure out whatever the issue was with the car, and then gave her an estimate of what it would cost to fix it.

"Ok, well, great. When do you think the part will be in?" she asked him.

"Uh…I can order it today and have it overnighted," he replied.

"Perfect. Then I guess I can just leave it here and pick it up in a couple days?"

"Yeah, sounds great. Do you need a ride home?" he asked her, and I automatically sank in my chair hoping he wouldn't ask me to take her….Then again, I suppose taking her myself would be better than leaving them alone together.

"That's ok; my friend followed me here and is waiting out front," she replied.

"Ok, great," he said.

"Hey, I was thinking, if you're not seeing anyone, maybe we could go out sometime?" she asked him boldly.

Edward reflexively looked over at me for the first time since she came into the garage, and she caught his glance and followed his line of sight. "Oh, hi," she said when she noticed me there.

"Hey," I said flatly.

"Wow, you look really familiar," she said to me while trying to figure out who I was.

"Bella Swan," I told her.

"Oh, Emmett's little sister, that's right," she said with a smile, exposing her perfect over-bleached teeth. "Wow, the last time I saw you, you were in pigtails." She turned to Edward. "Emmett's big sixteenth birthday bash, right?"

"Uh, probably," Edward said dismissively.

"I doubt I was in pigtails," I said, having a hard time hiding my sour tone.

"No, I think you were. Wasn't that the time when you and your little friend were playing dress-up and experimenting with makeup? You guys were so cute."

"I have no idea," I lied. The truth was that she was actually right, I knew exactly what she was talking about. My parents forced Em to let me and Rose hang at his party so we got excited and gave each other "make-overs". We thought we looked amazing at the time, but looking back on it I'm sure we were absolutely ridiculous and I was embarrassed by the thought.

"Oh…well it's good to see you again," she said in a genuine friendly tone. "How old are you now, anyway. Fourteen, or so?"

I glanced at Edward but he had busied himself with the car again and wasn't paying attention to our conversation anymore. "I'm sixteen," I said bitterly, though even I'd admit that sixteen didn't sound all that much older than fourteen, which only pissed me off that much more.

"Oh, how sweet," she replied. "I miss being sixteen, everything was so much easier back then. Enjoy it," she said with a smile before going back over to Edward. "So, what do you think?"

"About what?" he asked absently as he began fiddling with something in the engine.

"About going out sometime," she said while batting her eyes at him.

"Uh, I appreciate it, but I'm going to have to pass," he said politely.

"Oh, are you seeing someone?"

He glanced at me again, but she didn't seem to notice that time. "No, I'm just really busy right now."

"I'm not asking for a relationship," she said with a humorless chuckle.

He shook his head. "Sorry, but I'm just not interested. But I'll see you in a few days when you pick up your car."

She smiled halfheartedly. "Ok, yeah. See you then," she said before leaving the way she came.

Edward continued to look over her car as if nothing happened, but I just stared at him incredulously for a few minutes before losing my internal battle to stay quiet. "Ex-girlfriend?" I asked, trying to sound casual and not the raging jealous lunatic that I was feeling like.

"Who Tanya? I wish," he said, sounding completely serious.

"Excuse me?" I asked surprised.

"What? No," he said quickly. "She was a year ahead of Em and me in school. Every guy wanted to date her but she always had a steady boyfriend."

"Well, I guess she doesn't anymore," I said bitterly. "Maybe you could finally get your chance."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I could, I mean she was definitely interested," he said casually, shocking the hell out of me.

I tried to hold it in, but the more angry I tried to be, the harder I had to fight to suppress my giggles. _Why the hell was any of this funny?_ "Do you think she'd mind if you were fucking me on the side?" I asked him.

"She might…but I thought we agreed to keep that little detail between us," he said while dropping whatever he was messing with. He then walked over to me and pinned me against the desk I was doing homework on. "We can just add her to the list of people who need to remain ignorant to this," he said as he lifted me up to a seated position on the desk where I locked my legs around his waist.

"It's getting to be a pretty long list," I told him.

"That's true," he agreed before leaning in and kissing my neck. "So…who's on the list of people who _can_ know?" he asked absently as he kissed down my chest.

"Rose," I said, having a hard time even remembering what we were talking about.

"Mmmhumm," he mumbled. "So that makes Rose, you, and me on the list of people who know…and everyone else on the list of people who can't know…including my new girlfriend Tanya."

"Especially her," I said, short of breath. "But you did promise that you wouldn't fuck anyone else while you're fucking me," I reminded him.

"That's ok, I'll just tell her I'm saving myself for marriage."

"Uh huh," I replied as he began unbuttoning my top to get better access to my chest.

"But I don't want you kissing anyone else either…or groping…or spending your free time away from me by going out on dates with her."

"I can always hide from her; say I've moved out of town and carry on a long distance Skype relationship," he continued as he began massaging my breasts.

"That won't work either cuz I don't want you to…_talk_ to her," I said, not making any sense but not really knowing why the hell we were continuing with the stupid conversation either.

Suddenly and completely without warning, he pulled back.

"Dating Tanya definitely has it's upside though," he said while briskly walking away from me towards the big garage door and shutting it.

"Oh, and what's that?" I asked amused.

He came back over to me and grabbed my hand before pulling me away from the desk and towing me towards the shiny classic car. "Well, I get access to this cum on wheels right here," he replied with a mischievous smirk.

"Uh-oh," I said playfully.

He spun me around so that my back was to the car and he was in front of me. "Gah, that's a beautiful sight," he mumbled to himself.

I giggled. "Me, or the car?"

"Both…Together."

His lips attacked mine as he proceeded to complete his job of removing my shirt. He nudged me back so I bumped into the hood of the car, but then he freaked out a little.

"Oh shit, do you have buttons on the back of your jeans?" he asked as he rubbed his hand all over my butt.

"No, I don't think so," I told him.

He nodded. "We better take them off just to be sure. I wouldn't want to scratch the paint."

I giggled again. "Oh, okay."

He yanked my pants off and even though there was no chance of having buttons on my panties, those came off as well.

"You know, I love how I'm always naked while you're fully dressed," I said sarcastically.

He lifted me onto the hood of the car and pressed his coverall clad erection into my crotch. "I don't want to be naked, it's fucking cold in here."

"Gee thanks," I said with faux bitterness.

He chuckled and then began removing his coveralls, followed by the clothes that were underneath as well.

"I've always wanted to do this," he said as he climbed over me, making me lay back on the hood.

"You always wanted to have sex on a car hood?"

"No…well yes, but I mean this specifically. I've always wanted to have sex with _you_ on a '69 Mach 1 Mustang."

"Always?" I said with a laugh. "Even when I was in pigtails?" I asked, mocking the blonde's earlier comment about me.

"Oh, well yeah, especially then."

"You're such a perv," I joked.

"I'm not attracted to all little girls, just you," he clarified. "In fact, why don't you do the whole pigtail thing for me right now."

"There's no way in hell," I replied casually.

"No? Too much?"

I scrunched my face and nodded. "Just a little."

"I guess we'll just have to stick to the whole _Sex on the Mach 1_ thing."

"Good idea," I agreed.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and he positioned himself at my opening. He pushed in slowly, savoring the feeling, and when he was all the way inside me, he paused. "This is the best moment of my life," he said absently.

"Oh, shut up," I said with a laugh.

He pulled out of me, and then slammed right back in. "No wait, _this_ is the best moment of my life," he corrected himself.

He repeated himself two more times before I had enough. "Ok, stop talking now!" I nearly shouted at him. He chuckled once, but otherwise did as he was told.

After we both climaxed, I dismounted the car and got dressed, but he chose to put off getting himself dressed until after he quickly examined the car for any damage we could have caused in the act. I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Look, you're going to have to give up the car," I teased him, though I had to admit, seeing him running his hands over the hood while naked was definitely sexy. I'm sure even Tanya would agree to that.

"Is this you making me choose between the two of you?" Edward joked back.

"Yes. It's me, or the car. Choose."

"Can I have a few days to think about it?"

I threw my sweatshirt at him.

* * *

*****A/N: Spoiler Alert!** : I hoped you enjoyed the couple of light chapters, cuz it's about to get heavy again!


	18. Ch17 Holding On

Chapter 17 – Holding On

"Where are we going?" I asked with a grin as Edward drove us to an undisclosed location.

He smiled a smile that was bright enough to light the entire world. "I told you, it's a surprise."

As much as I hated surprises, I loved the way Edward would get all giddy like a little kid when he had one for me…and I loved the way he kept his hand on my upper thigh as he drove even more. But as our little drive surpassed the three hour mark, I started getting antsy.

"At least tell me how much longer," I whined like a little kid.

"Another hour...maybe more," he said with a mischievous smirk.

"But it's already starting to get late. Are we going to even have time to do whatever it is before we have to go back home?"

"I'm not telling you anything," he said, annoyingly adorable.

I huffed, but then I came up with a playful scheme of my own. I placed my hand over his on my lap, and then slowly began nudging them both upward towards my crotch. He didn't notice at first, but when his hand brushed the hem of my purposely worn skirt, he glanced over at me and smiled.

"It's not going to work," he said knowingly.

"What?" I played innocent.

"I'm not going to delay our trip by pulling the car over to have sex."

I scowled. "This is taking too long and I'm impatient."

"You're not impatient, you're just insatiable," he said causally.

"True," I agreed. "But it's Friday evening and I wanted to celebrate the beginning of the weekend by going to bed early, not taking an excruciatingly long drive."

"Look, I don't get many long weekends off so I wanted to do something fun while we still can. Think of it as an early Valentine's Day getaway."

"Weekend?" I said, immediately perking up into a better mood. "You mean, we're going to be staying somewhere?"

"Shit…that was part of the surprise," he pouted.

I giggled excitedly, but then thought of something. "Edward, I don't want you spending your money on stuff like this."

"Bella, we could die tomorrow, and then all my savings would have been for nothing. Remember when we decided to live one day at a time? Besides, this isn't going to cost much."

"Oh…are we camping somewhere?" I asked warily. "I didn't pack any clothes."

"I packed for you, and no, we're not camping. I think I know you a little better than to inflict something like that on you."

"You packed for me? Uh…"

"Everything is going to be great, you'll see."

"Everything is always great with you," I said sincerely.

Another hour and a half later, I was surprised when we pulled up to a beautiful quaint little resort, and was absolutely horrified when I noticed that it was a ski resort.

"Uh…I thought you said this didn't cost much?" I asked knowing anything to do with skiing was expensive.

"The room didn't cost anything; Mrs. Kebi has a timeshare here and lent it to me for the weekend as a thank you for the extra time I spend on her cars."

"That was very…generous of her," I said graciously, trying to mask the anxiety I was feeling from the prospect of skiing.

He parked the car in front of the lobby, and then leaned over and kissed the side of my head. "Babe, relax, we're not skiing."

"We're not?" I asked, immediately lifting my mood.

"No, of course not; you have two left feet and I'd never put you at risk by doing something like that," he said with a crooked smile. A part of me wanted to be offended by his clumsy comment, but the truth was that he was right and he was far too adorable to be angry at.

"Well, what are we doing here then?" I asked curiously.

"Mrs. Kebi said they have a spa and bunch of nice little shops around here. There's a movie theater and restaurants and even bowling. We could do whatever we want and not have to worry about people seeing us together."

I smiled widely. "Or we could just stay in our room the entire weekend."

He smiled back and then leaned in to kiss me tenderly on the lips. "No way," he said unexpectedly. "We can have sex all night and sleep half the day, but we are definitely going out. We could have stayed home and not gotten out of bed, so we're going to take advantage of being so far from anyone who knows us."

"You're right…and I can't wait," I said sincerely.

We got out of the truck and he pulled one large suitcase out from under the bed cover, and then we walked into the lobby to check in.

We were led to our room, and I was absolutely speechless by the extremely large one bedroom suite we were shown into.

"Is this really where we're staying?" I asked surprised.

"It's pretty cool, huh?"

"It's amazing."

When we were left alone, Edward put the suitcase next to the bathroom door and I had to admit, I loved the way he packed both of our stuff into one, it was very domestic. Although I was nervous as to what he brought for me; guys just really couldn't have a clue what a girl would want while away from home.

I wandered into the bedroom and stared at the beautiful amenities for a few minutes before Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me close. "What are we going to do with so much room?" I asked, referring to the extra-large king sized bed in front of us. We were forced to sleep tangled up together on my full at home because of how big Edward was…not that I was complaining.

"I'm sure we'll find a way to use the space," he mumbled while kissing the skin on the side of my neck.

"We can definitely use it," I agreed absently, letting the incredible sensation of his lips lull me into a haze of desire.

And use the space we did…but not just that space…_all_ the spaces in the suite. From the bed, to the couch, to the shower, to the Jacuzzi tub…even the floor, though I had to try not to think about how disgusting the floors could be in places like that.

We slept in the next morning, and when we woke up we had sex one more time before finally deciding to get ready to venture out of the suite. When I looked inside the suitcase however, my previous concerns became justified.

"Edward!" I said frustrated as I looked through the stuff he brought for me and couldn't find any normal underwear.

"What?" he asked, but quickly smirked when he saw the issue. "Those are hot," he said like a typical guy as I tossed the third pair of black lace panties to the side. What was worse though, was the fact that I didn't own any black lace panties.

"Where did these come from?"

"Eh, I like to collect them from all the chicks I bang," he said casually. I glared at him so he chuckled. "I picked them up at the store the other day. I thought they'd look sexy on you."

I laughed. "I can just imagine you walking through the women's lingerie section."

"I love that section. I think I'll become a regular."

"Edward, what if someone saw you in there? People are going to start talking," I said, completely paranoid.

"Lots of people saw me…But I just told them they were for my mother," he joked.

"You're such a dork," I said while tossing a pair at him and then grudgingly putting on one of the other pairs.

…

We started off by just walking down the street to do a little window shopping. I usually hated to shop, but the fact that we were able to hold hands confidently made it more than worthwhile. We stopped in a little café for lunch and kissed for the first time in public as we waited for our food. It was all magical and for once, I didn't feel like the stupid sixteen year old that usually defined me; I was just a woman, hopelessly in love with the man I was with.

A few hours later we made our way back to the resort and I linked my fingers in with his as soon as we got out of the truck, but for a reason I didn't understand, he pulled his hand away from mine.

"Hey," I protested. "I thought the point to being here was to do a little PDA far away from the view of anyone we know?"

"It is, but…" He let his sentence trail off because an explanation became no longer needed.

"Oh my god, isn't this just perfect," Rose said as she and her father came walking up to us.

"Rose, what are you doing here?" I asked, shocked to see her so far from home.

"You invited me, of course," she said suggestively while gesturing to her dad. "You're so funny," she added with a fake laugh.

"Oh…Uh…Hello, Mr. Hale," I said, feeling myself begin to flush.

"It's good to see you, Bella," Rose's dad replied, and then he turned to Edward. "You sure you're up to chaperoning them for the entire weekend?"

"Sure, not a problem," Edward replied unfazed. Apparently he knew this was going to happen, though I couldn't imagine why.

"Ok, have fun. And you're driving home with them?" Mr. Hale asked Rose.

"Yep, that's the plan," she replied with a smile.

Mr. Hale kissed Rose on the top of her head, and then shook Edward's hand before he turned and got into what looked like a chauffeured Mercedes.

The three of us watched the direction his car left in for a moment before I turned and looked at Edward and Rose questionably. "Ok, what's going on?"

"Long story," Edward said wearily.

"Yeah, it is kind of a long story," Rose agreed. "But this is sure going to be fun! I'm so glad we have Monday and Tuesday off as well."

"Since when do we have Monday and Tuesday off?" I asked confused.

"Edward, you really need to stop fucking her so much, her brain isn't working very well anymore," Rose replied casually. "The school is closed because of staff furlough days, or some shit like that. Who knows what they're for, I'm just glad we don't have to go."

"Um…ok, why don't we go inside and talk about everything," Edward suggested. He grabbed Rose's bag and led us back to our suite.

"Wow, this place is awesome!" she said excitedly when we got in. She glanced at the bedroom but then rushed to the bathroom and closed the door. "It smells like sex in here!" she called out.

"What's going on?" I asked Edward, irritated by my best friend's interruption.

He huffed. "I actually meant to tell you about her yesterday, but…yeah, I totally forgot. Maybe she's right about us having sex too much."

"Pfft, there is no such thing as too much," I disagreed playfully. "So?" I asked, prompting him to explain her presence in our love nest.

He huffed and then took my hand before towing me to the couch to sit – well, he sat on the couch, I sat on his lap. "When Mrs. Kebi first talked to me about using her timeshare, she brought up the fact that she heard that I had been…taking care of you. So she asked if I wanted her to babysit while I was gone," he said with a snicker.

I scowled, so he continued.

"Anyway, I told her that I'd just bring you with me because you love skiing so much. But then she brought up the idea of asking a friend of yours to go too, that way you'd have someone to hang out with while I…go out and do adult things." He started smirking again, knowing all too well that I hated when people called me a kid, so I smacked him playfully and waited for him to finish the story. "I didn't know how to respond so I just said it was a great idea and that your friend Rose would probably love to come. I wasn't planning on actually inviting her, but out of all the random things, Mr. Hale picked that moment to walk in to get his car serviced. Mrs. Kebi went right up to him and asked if Rose could go. I was kind of up against a brick wall."

"Hey, I'm offended by that statement," Rose said as she came out of the bathroom.

"Sorry," Edward mumbled. "But I'm the one who should be offended. I don't know how my vacation turned into a babysitting trip," he joked.

"Just be thankful that I had my dad fly me here today instead of coming up with you yesterday," Rose told him. "It's not like you haven't had _some_ time to yourselves."

Rose's dad was a helicopter pilot that gave tourist rides all over Washington, which also meant that he could fly their family wherever they wanted, even on short notice. She had tried to get me to go places with them in the past, but I was always too much of a chicken to accept. And yes, I was thankful she gave Edward and me some time to ourselves; she really was a good friend.

"Well thanks for coming and covering for us," I told her. "I'm sure you could think of a thousand different ways you'd rather spend your four day weekend then here with us."

"Don't be ridiculous. I can't wait to see you lovebirds all affectionate and PDAing all over town," she said with a giggle.

I rolled my eyes at her. She had hung-out over our house a few times before and witnessed our affections for one another, but it was going to be strange doing it in public with her there to see it. I just felt so protective over our secret that it was hard to relax even with a trusted friend like Rose.

When she was all settled in with her bag and couch pullout bed, the three of us set out to go find a place to eat for dinner.

We were seated at a booth so Edward and I sat together, and Rose was across from us smiling like a big idiot every time I leaned into him or he kissed my temple. "You guys are so cute," she told us…like fifteen times.

We all commented on how starving we were, but when the food came I strangely didn't feel like eating. My sudden change in appetite sparked the realization that would mark the beginning of the biggest change my life would ever undertake…

"Are you okay?" Edward asked concerned.

"Yeah…I don't know, I just feel a little off," I told him.

"Oh my god, you _are_ pregnant!" Rose nearly shouted.

Edward reflexively tightened his grip on my hand.

"No, it's probably just…from traveling," I said quickly.

"When was your last period?" she asked me, suddenly becoming serious for the first time since arriving.

"Uh… around Christmas," I told her, trying to think back on the exact day.

"Well that was about five weeks ago," she said, taking me aback. _Had it really been five weeks?_

"I'm late," I said absently in disbelief.

Rose squealed excitedly, but Edward and I just sat there like statues.

"We don't know for sure," I said after a few minutes.

"Ok, I'm going to run by that corner drug store and pick up a test," Rose said in a rush. "Edward, take her back to the hotel and make her comfortable, and I'll meet you guys there."

She didn't even wait for us to respond before she slid out of the booth and practically ran out of the restaurant. Edward and I sat there silently for a few more minutes before he sighed and tugged on my hand to get me to stand up. He threw down a fifty to pay our bill, and then we walked out without saying a word to each other.

It was strange; we had planned it out, we tried for it, we expected it, and yet, it was an utter shock. It was almost surreal in a way, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Please say something," I said when we finally made it back to the suite and he still hadn't spoken. The silence was beginning to drive me insane and a part of me just needed to hear his voice to calm my nerves.

He blinked and shook his head slowly. "I don't know what to say. I mean, I don't know why I'm so surprised. This was the plan, right?" he responded, echoing my own thoughts.

I nodded. "But she could be wrong. Maybe…maybe it's a false alarm."

"What is your gut telling you?" he asked unexpectedly.

"What do you mean?"

"Since the beginning of this, you've had such…conviction. It's part of the reason why I agreed to it in the first place. So what is your gut telling you now?"

I took a minute to really think about it; to try to clear my mind and just listen to my instincts. My hand involuntarily dropped to my stomach, and I knew. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. "I'm pregnant."

Edward nodded vacantly. He looked a little pale like he was going to be sick, but before I had a chance to ask him about it, Rose came barreling into the room.

"Ok, I got everything you need," she said zealously, and then proceeded to dump out the contents of the bag she was carrying onto the coffee table.

"Oh my god, Rose!" I said surprised. Not only did she buy a pregnancy test, but she also purchased prenatal vitamins, saltine crackers, lollipops, and – "Frozen broccoli?" I asked confused.

"I read that pregnant women need a lot of greens," she explained. "The lollipops and crackers are supposed to help with morning sickness."

"I don't have any morning sickness," I told her.

"Well, not yet. But really Bella, it's good to buy this stuff here cuz it may raise questions if you buy them at the store back home."

"True. I mean, I could always say I'm making broccoli and cheese soup which would also explain the crackers, but buying the vitamins would be hard," I semi joked. "Thanks Rose."

"What difference does it make?" Edward said suddenly. "People are going to find out eventually anyway. It's not like she can hide it." His tone was tense, like as if he was about to snap or have a nervous breakdown which only made me worry about him even more.

"Edward, it's going to be ok," I said to him quietly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my level so that his forehead was resting on my shoulder. He was beginning to freak out, and I needed him to be strong in case I ended up freaking out…which I could definitely feel coming. "We'll get through it…together."

"Your dad is going to kill me," he mumbled without lifting his head. "_I_ should kill me."

I wanted to be annoyed because we had talked about it so many times before that it was fairly silly for him to have that reaction and return to guilt trips and self-loathing, but the truth was that I understood it. Talking about it and actually living it were two entirely different things. It wasn't just an idea anymore….it was real. I was pregnant and there was no turning back.

"No one is going to know about this…at least not for a while," I murmured, still rubbing the back of his neck soothingly. "And my dad is not going to kill you. Why would he when he's never going to know you had any part of it."

He made a strange noise that I couldn't really describe, before pulling away from me. "How the hell am I just supposed to sit by and not say anything when this all comes out?"

"Because that's what I need you to do," I told him slowly while enunciating every word so he would know just how important they were. "Edward, if anyone finds out about this, you could get arrested."

"I don't care about that."

"I care."

"Bella, I'd rather spend the rest of my life in jail then let you go through it alone."

"But if you go to jail then I will be alone. If anyone knows the truth, they'll take you away from me…and I _need_ you," I said as strongly as possible, but my voice failed me and broke at the end.

"I'm going to go hang out at the hotel café," Rose said quietly. I barely noticed.

The moment she was out of the suite, Edward wrapped me in his arms again and held onto me like the world was about to end. "I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you too," I said, sounding muffled from the way my mouth was pressed against his shoulder. I pulled away just enough to look him in the eye. "You have to promise me, Edward. Promise you won't tell anyone that you're the father. As long as we keep it a secret, we can be together."

"When your dad and brother come back, I'll have to move out," he said carefully. "I won't be able to pretend to be staying in Em's room anymore, and your dad won't want me sleeping on the couch. I've been living there rent free now for over a year while working at a steady job. He's not going to buy that I can't afford my own place."

"But…" My chest was constricting and I could actually feel myself slowly sink into a panic. "But you'll still be around, right? I mean to visit Emmett - I mean, we'll still be able to find ways to be together, won't we?"

"Your dad will be working a lot. If we can find a way around Emmett…We'll figure something out," he said confidently. "I'll get a cheap apartment or something, maybe we can find times to meet there. But when your dad finds out about the pregnancy, he'll hardly let you out of the house. Everything is about to get really hard."

I nodded. "That's why I'm just going to hide my stomach for as long as possible. But we knew this was going to be hard. We talked about it and we're going to make it work. Somehow we'll make it work," I said, though I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or myself. The truth was that I was absolutely terrified. Not of the pregnancy or my family's reaction, I was just so afraid of losing Edward that I actually started trembling.

He recognized my fear and held me even tighter.

"Promise me," I said again because he hadn't said the words yet. "No matter how hard it gets, you won't tell anyone the truth."

I stared at him pleadingly while waiting to hear what I needed him to say.

He looked deep into my eyes as if he was searching for something, and then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly until his lungs seemed to be completely deflated. "I promise," he said finally, no louder than a whisper. He looked and sounded defeated, as if he just fought some tumultuous war that drained the very light out of him. It made me incredibly sad. "Why don't you take the test…just to be sure," he suggested, keeping his same depleted tone.

I nodded and slowly moved out of his embrace to get the test Rose had left for me. The directions said it was best to take it in the morning, but since there were two in a box, I figured it couldn't hurt to do one right away.

I went into the bathroom and peed on the little stick, and then sat on the edge of the tub as I dazedly watched the faint pink line moved across the window leaving two bright red lines in its wake. I meant to go out of the bathroom and wait the three minutes with Edward, but I was frozen in place. Even after the test confirmed my pregnancy leaving my small level of doubt completely vanquished, I just couldn't move.

I had no idea how much time passed, but suddenly there was a knocking sound, snapping me out of my stupor. "Bella?" Edward asked anxiously from outside the door. "Are you ok?"

I forced myself to get up and open the door – not that it was locked – and just nodded to him, unable to find the right words. I handed him the stick, which he glanced at but wasn't surprised by whatsoever. He just wrapped me securely in his arms, and scooped me up when I collapsed into him.

It was all just so overwhelming that I must have just gotten woozy from the weight of it all, but thankfully he was there to catch me. I prayed with all my heart that we'd always be able to count on each other like that.

He brought me to the bedroom and shut the door behind us so that when Rose came back, we wouldn't even notice. He set me down gently on the bed and then laid besides me, just cradling me against his body as if he was trying to keep me from breaking apart. I tried to hold it in, but it was all too much and I began bawling.

I had no idea how long I cried for, but when I finally slowed I noticed that he was still holding me tightly, but he was also stroking my hair, and my back, and anything else he could reach, just searching for the spot that would be most soothing. But even more than his caresses, my heart swelled to hear him humming some sort of lullaby. It was absolutely beautiful and a part of me wished I could listen to it forever.

I quieted and stilled to hear him better, but he must have thought that I had fallen asleep because he stopped humming.

"Edward?" I asked after a few beats of silence.

"Yeah?" he responded softly.

"Will you make love to me?" I had him surrounding me completely, but it wasn't enough; I needed him inside me as well.

He kissed my forehead sweetly before moving his lips to the tip of my nose, and then my lips, and then my chin, and finally down my neck. Somehow our clothes ended up on the floor and he was right where I needed him – in my arms and inside my body - so close that it wasn't possible to get any closer.

He moved in and out of me so tenderly, so passionately loving that I was consumed by confusion. How could what we had possibly be wrong? Despite my age and the other insignificant reasons why we shouldn't be together, how could anyone tell us that we didn't have a right to love in that way? It just didn't make sense to me but once again, he gave me the strength I needed to build my confidence back up. We would find a way to stay together. Our love was real and strong, and it would see us through.

After we were finished we continued to just hold each other as we drifted off to sleep…well, we both pretended to sleep. At one point I opened my eyes and looked at his face only to see him squeezing his eyes shut with an almost pained expression. But it wasn't like he was trying to fool me, somehow I knew he was just working it all out in his mind, trying to make sense of everything he was feeling just like I was.

I closed my eyes again as well, and kept them closed even when I felt him moving beside me. He was getting up and even though I ached to know what he was doing, something told me to stay the way that I was. It took every ounce of will power I was capable of to keep still when I felt the covers being pulled down, followed by his hand ever so lightly caressing my naked abdomen. But when I felt the tickle of his hair on my skin as he leaned over to kiss my navel, I lost the battle.

I brought my hand up to his head and ran my fingers through his hair as he gently rested his head against my stomach. We knew we were both awake, but neither of us spoke. It was an incredibly surrealistic moment, probably the most surrealistic of all the surrealistic moments I had experienced since being with him, and words just weren't necessary for us to understand each other.

We were connected - joined for life - and nothing or nobody could ever do anything to change that….

* * *

*****A/N: Awww! I totally love them as if they were real people (yeah, I'm crazy like that) LOL.**

**FYI: This is another instance where I'm taking some creative liberties. The age of consent varies in different states and it could very well be 16 in Washington, HOWEVER, we're just going to ignore that because quite frankly, the story works better this way. Bella will officially be an adult at 18 and until then they could get in trouble for doing the deed if(when) they get caught. That's just the way it's going to be ;)**


	19. Ch18 Perceptive

Chapter 18 – Perceptive

"Watch where the fuck you're going!" Edward snapped irately. We were walking down the street trying to enjoy what was left of our weekend, when a man accidently bumped into me sending Edward into crazy overprotective mode.

"Sorry," the man apologized nervously. The poor guy probably thought Edward was going to beat the shit out of him from how pissed he got.

"I'm fine. It was an accident, calm down," I told Edward, but he ignored me and continued to glare at the man until we walked passed and he was out of our line of sight.

"Someone's a little on edge," Rose mumbled under her breath.

To say Edward was on edge was an understatement. Our future together was so blurry that I felt utterly helpless, and it was obvious he was feeling the same. Guys don't do _helpless_ very well; it makes them feel weak so they resort to anger as a mask. I had seen my father and brother demonstrate that same behavior in the past so I easily recognized the signs in Edward. I was only glad that he didn't turn that anger into distance the way he had before. In fact, it seemed he was doing the exact opposite, he was keeping me as close as possible – physically anyway. His iron grip on my hand as we walked was almost painful.

We both worried about what the future would bring, we were up half the night before talking about it, but I was better at pretending to live the "one day at a time" philosophy than he was. He had wanted to go home that morning, but I refused to leave just yet…

"_You were the one who said we won't get many chances to be in public together, and that's even truer now," I had told him._

So Edward, Rose, and I spent the day walking around the little shops and sight-seeing, just attempting to enjoy what was left of our mini vacation. If we were being honest with ourselves, we'd know that we weren't going to get another one, at least not for a very long time.

I made a good show of being interested in everything, but the harder I tried not to not think about the human growing in my abdomen, the more I did. The baby was a constant on my mind, and during the moments of silence that filled the cracks between conversations, I found myself wondering how different everything was going to be a year from then. Would I be a completely different person? Would the _me _of today even recognize the person I'll become? I was terrified by the thought.

But other than thoughts of my life changing, my mind also drifted to who the person inside of me would become. Would he or she be smart, caring, beautiful like it's father? What would it's favorite color be and what types of food would it like? They were all questions that I had no way of answering at the moment, but I still couldn't stop myself from silently wondering regardless.

And then a different thought entered my mind; a shadow, something darker that followed the more pleasant thoughts around like an ominous cloud threatening in the distance - _How would I ever get the answers about my baby if I wasn't around to see it happen?_ I would never know the baby's likes and dislikes, and I'd never see it grow to look like its father because I wouldn't be there for it at all. If all went as planned, the baby would save Emmett and then be taken away to be raised by someone else – The thought made me sick to my stomach…literally.

"Oh boy!" Rose shouted as my face turned green before I vomited all over the side of a building.

Edward's arms were instantly around me, and he supported me like only he could as I emptied the contents of my stomach onto the ground. It had to be one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened to me. Not only was I throwing up in front of Edward and Rose, but I was doing it in public, with disgusted tourists walking past and gawking like concerned repulsed busybodies. I was only grateful we weren't in Forks; I'd never be able to live something like that down in such a small town.

"And the morning sickness begins," Rose said with a mix of sympathy and excitement.

"It's in the middle of the afternoon," I rebutted feebly.

"You know, my cousin said the 'morning' part of morning sickness wasn't really accurate. She was sick all day long for about three months straight."

"Ugh," I moaned.

After getting sick for the third time that day, Edward couldn't take it anymore and insisted that we head home. I didn't have the energy to argue with him anymore on it, so I finally agreed. I was disappointed at first, but then I realized that we weren't exactly having fun anyway, so there really wasn't a point to being there.

The four hour trip home was actually quite uncomfortable. Rose talked incessantly, Edward silently reflected on everything, and I found myself freaking out about every little bump in the road that the truck bounced us over. _Could the baby feel it? Maybe it was scared_. Logically I knew the baby was currently nothing more than a bunch of dividing cells, but still. I really needed to stop obsessing; I only wished I knew how.

…

Over the next couple weeks, the vomiting only got worse. It just didn't seem to be letting up, and with every passing day Edward became more anxiously agitated.

"You really need to go to the doctor," he said while holding my hair back for me as I finished throwing up one afternoon.

I quickly washed my mouth out with Listerine and then splashed water on my face before looking back at him. "I'm fine, this is perfectly normal. I looked it up on the internet," I tried assuring him with a weak grin. I actually did feel ok after my stomach was empty. I was able to keep down small meals throughout the day, but certain things would just make my stomach protest in violent explosions. It was just a good thing I had the internet to reassure me that everything was going to be ok, otherwise I would have gone completely mad with worry already.

"Either way, you need prenatal care," he retorted.

"Nobody used to have prenatal care," I snapped back at him heatedly. "And look, the human race survived." I didn't mean to be so rude, but every once in a while my hormones would bring out the mega bitch in me.

The thing was, we had that same conversation…_every single day_, and it was starting to get old. I was taking my vitamins religiously and eating as healthy as possible, but I didn't want to go to the doctor just yet. I was a minor, so I wasn't sure if the patient confidentiality thing still applied and I couldn't find a straight answer on the web. I just remembered how the doctor called Rose's parents when she tried to get on birth control, so I was terrified they'd do the same for me. Regardless of their ability to rat me out or not however, small towns meant small doctor's offices. There were only two OBGYNs in Forks so I was sure to run into someone I knew in the waiting room, not to mention that the nurses were mostly recent graduates of Forks High and knew my brother. I wasn't ready for my secret to come out yet, so I was going to put if off as long as possible.

"Well, the pregnancy mortality rate used to be a lot higher back then as well," Edward went on, getting angrier and angrier as the argument continued.

"I'm going to be fine," I said frustrated. "If something goes wrong I'll go to the doctor then."

"You know, you're acting like a child!" he shouted at me unexpectedly.

"Excuse me?" I fumed. He knew I hated being called a child more than just about anything, and I was pissed.

"It's fucking irresponsible, Bella! You need to see a doctor, and not going is dangerous, immature, and completely selfish of you." He was so mad that he stormed out the back door and disappeared down the path leading into the woods.

A part of me wanted to follow him, but I was angry as well and far too stubborn. But having the next hour or so alone to cool down was definitely a good thing because I came up with a plan…I just needed to apologize first.

"Edward, I'm sorry," I said sincerely when he came back into the house.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," he said before wrapping himself around me and resting his head against my chest. I'd never cease to be amazed by the way he was able to fold up his long body to almost seem smaller than me when he wanted to be held in that way. "I should have never yelled at you and said all that stupid shit."

"I know you're just worried. Besides, I was being a bitch."

"Yeah, but you're hormonal so you get a free pass," he said with a smirk in his voice.

I smiled too. "Well, lucky for both of us, I think I came up with a solution to our doctor issue."

"Really?" he asked, perking his head up. "What?"

"Just hear me out, ok?" I said slowly, knowing all too well that he had a tendency to overreact and not think things through before forming an opinion. "My mom has been bugging me to go visit her in Phoenix, so I figured I could see a doctor there."

He stared at me as if he was waiting for the punch-line or something. When I didn't add anything else he blinked twice and then sighed. "Bella, how would that solve anything? What difference does it make where you go to the doctor?"

"Because no one I know will see me there, and it's less likely to get back to my parents. Besides, it'll get my mom off my back for a while, and I think there's someone there that can help us with more than just finding an OBGYN."

…

Edward didn't like the idea, especially the part where I was going alone. But he couldn't miss any more work and there was no way I'd really be able to explain his presence with me to my mother anyway.

"You know, Emmett and Charlie will be home soon, are you sure you want to leave for what could be one of our last weekends together?" Edward asked as he was dropping me off at the airport. Obviously he wasn't past guilt trips.

"I'm only going to be gone two nights," I told him before leaning over and kissing him goodbye. It was hard to go, and despite what I said, two nights was an excruciatingly long time to be away from him. But the visit to Phoenix was important so I grudgingly got out of the truck and went in to find my terminal.

Technically, my dad and brother were already supposed to be home, but three days before they were due back my dad called and told me they were going to take some extra time to travel. They were driving north from Phoenix and going up into Canada before chartering a small plane over to Alaska. I was grateful for the extra time alone with Edward, especially during my morning sickness phase when I needed him so much, but I was terribly upset by their trip. They wouldn't admit it, but I knew that going to Alaska was a dream of Em's, and they were going then as part of his bucket list.

But Emmett wasn't going to die; I had his cure right inside my belly. Perhaps Edward was right after all, perhaps I was selfish. Instead of telling them about the baby and perhaps making them a little hopeful for the cure, I was keeping it a secret just to spend more time with Edward. It wasn't fair to anyone, but I still couldn't bring myself to come clean any sooner than necessary.

The flight seemed much longer than it was, and the turbulent landing made me nauseous. Luckily the stewardess gave me a brown paper bag to huff into, though I wasn't sure how or why it helped. But nothing made me feel sicker than when my mother spotted me at baggage claim and squealed with delight at my arrival. Her very presence made me feel ill.

"Oh Bella, I can't believe it's been so long," she said while peppering kisses all over my face as if she actually gave a damn. "Now, let me look at you," she said while holding me at arm's length. Her features shifted as she looked me up and down, and then took a step back and bit her thumbnail. "Wow, you are really filling out," she said unexpectedly.

"Um…" I was in no way 'showing' and my clothes didn't fit me any differently, but unfortunately my mother was far too perceptive when it came to surfaces. I only wondered what gave me away.

"I can't believe it, you're finally becoming a woman," she cried. "Pretty soon you'll start dating, and then you'll have your first kiss, and your first _heartbreak_," she said the last part a little wistfully. "Oh Bella, remind me to have _the talk_ with you before you leave."

"Mom, we had the talk years ago," I said quickly. If she only knew just how far past my first kiss I already was she'd probably have a heart attack. Hell, if she knew she was going to be a grandmother in less than a year she'd probably start planning her own funeral.

"Honey, we had that conversation before you were interested in boys."

"What makes you think I'm interested now?" I asked, slightly annoyed by the entire conversation.

"Even if you're not interested yet, the boys are definitely interested in you so it's best to be ready."

I rolled my eyes. "And how would you know that?"

"Have you not seen yourself lately? Look at those hips rounding out and even your boobs are getting bigger."

I scrunched my face in confusion. _What the hell was she talking about?_ I wasn't any bigger than before, Edward would have surely commented if my boobs had grown, but I zipped my sweatshirt up higher just in case.

"Oh, it's nothing to scowl at," Renee said while cradling my chin in her hand and wiggling my face around. "Becoming a young woman is a wonderful thing. Before you know it, you'll be old like me and look back at this time with fondness." I stared at her incredulously, so she laughed. "Wow, did I just sound like a Hallmark card, or what?"

I giggled despite myself. "Yeah, you kinda did."

She draped her arm over my shoulders. "Well, let's get home before I get even cheesier."

"Um, speaking of which…where do you live now?" I asked warily, hoping I wouldn't have to crash on someone's couch.

"I have an apartment. It's a two bedroom so you'll have your own room while you're here."

_Thank god_.

And I was pleasantly surprised by how nice her little apartment was, although I had to wonder how she afforded the place. I knew my dad paid her some alimony, but I doubted it was enough to pay for a place like that.

"And here's your room," she said as she showed me the guest room.

I was beyond shocked. "Wow, it's so…purple," I said slowly as I took in all the strangely decorated accents.

"Yeah, well I wanted to show you the possibilities."

"What possibilities?" I asked hesitantly.

"The possibilities that you'd have if you moved here with me. Bella, just think about it. You've never really had many friends in Forks; this could be a new start for you…well, for both of us."

"Mom, look, I get that you already miss Emmett, but…"

"Oh honey, this has nothing to do with Emmett. Kids belong with their parents, and he's not a kid anymore."

"I'm with my parent in Forks," I argued. "Dad's there."

"Charlie hasn't been there for you in a long time. And a girl needs her mother."

"He's coming back," I said defensively. "And this _girl," _I spat while pointing at myself, "hasn't had a mother in years! You've been gone for a lot longer than you've been living here, and you can't use Emmett's illness as an excuse because it happened before that. I'm not a little kid anymore, and I don't need to live here with you!"

Once again, I blamed my lack of self-control and emotional outburst on my hormones, but I was strangely ok with that. The woman had a lot of nerve to try to get me to move in with her after she just ditched our family the way that she had. I'm sure I'd be just as angry even if I wasn't hormonal.

"Where are you going?" she called after me as I stormed towards the front door.

"I'm going for a walk, I need some fresh air!"

"Bella, you don't know your way around."

"I'm not a kid," I said again. "I'll be fine."

Actually, the little tiff was a good thing. I needed an excuse to get away from her for a while, and my legitimate annoyance was perfect.

I pulled out my cellphone and Googled a map of the area, along with the numbers of cab companies. I had a cab pull up less than ten minutes later and had him take me directly to the cancer treatment center that Emmett had stayed at. I rehearsed the conversation in my head over and over again, but when I arrived I felt completely unprepared and clueless about how to initiate the conversation.

"I'm here to see Dr. Cullen," I told the receptionist shakily. I was so nervous that I wondered how the hell I was going to speak to him at all.

What if it didn't go as I hoped; what if he turned around and contacted my parents? It was a big gamble, but one I honestly felt I had to take. Edward trusted my instincts; I needed to get better about not second guessing myself as well.

"Ms. Swan, this is a pleasant surprise," Dr. Cullen greeted me with a smile. "I just spoke to your father on the phone; they've arrived in Canada."

I nodded apprehensively. "Yeah, I spoke to him this morning."

"Is everything ok?" he asked concerned.

"Yes, but I need to speak with you privately, if possible."

"Of course," he said warmly. I really liked Dr. Cullen, and for whatever reason, I trusted him. I only hoped my instincts didn't pick then to start failing me.

"So, what can I do for you?" he asked when we got into his office. He shut the door and then sat behind his desk while I took the seat across from him.

I took a deep breath. "Remember that conversation we had during my Thanksgiving visit?"

He raised his brow at me. "About a donor for Emmett?"

"More specifically it was about the chances of me having a baby that could be a donor for Emmett," I said slowly.

"Yes, I remember," he said questionably, wondering what my point was.

"Well…" I took another deep breath. "I'm pregnant now so I wanted to make sure that you would be able to help with the donor medical stuff right away," I said in a rush.

"Hold on, not so fast," he said quickly before I had a chance to say anything else. "What makes you think you're pregnant?"

"I took a test, and it was positive."

He nodded. "Have you told your parents yet?"

I shook my head no.

"Okay, maybe that should be the first thing you do, that way you can decide on the proper course of action together."

"I can't tell them just yet. I need time…for personal reasons."

"Have you at least seen a doctor?"

"I'm seeing you right now," I told him.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I really don't understand why you came to me with this. I'm an oncologist; you need to be speaking to an OBGYN…and probably a family planning consultant."

"I can't just go to an OBGYN right now, especially not in Forks. It's…complicated."

"But you can come to me?" he asked confused.

I shrugged. "I thought you could help me, and I trust you. I want to make sure that the baby's tissue is tested as soon as possible; Emmett's running out of time."

"As I tried to tell you last time we spoke, the chances of your baby being a match for Emmett is…"

"Forgive me," I interrupted him. "But I don't care about the odds. I know in my heart that this is going to work."

"You're speaking of this as a medical cure, not an unplanned teenage pregnancy," he said cautiously.

I pressed my lips and stared at him.

"Bella…" he sighed and shook his head regretfully. "When we spoke before, it was a hypothetical conversation…Perhaps if you were older."

"I know," I agreed. "But what difference does my age make when someone's life is on the line? If you had a chance to save someone you love…"

"The chances of a match are so low that-"

"Even if it was the smallest chance… wouldn't you take it?" I asked him intensely.

He stared at me contemplatively for a moment. "Your dad has become a personal friend of mine, as has your brother. I can't sit here and tell you this was the right thing to do."

"It's already done. I'm pregnant, and unless there's some kind of problem, this baby is going to be born. All I need is your help to see that it has every opportunity to save Emmett."

"But that's not all you need. You need to tell your family and get yourself some prenatal care. Have you considered your future at all? What do you plan to do with the child once it's born?"

"Like I said, it's complicated. And I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen after it's born yet. I guess…I guess I just needed the opinion of someone a little more…outside the issue," I admitted.

"So there are other people who know about this?" he asked.

"Just my best friend…and the baby's father, of course."

He nodded. "And what is the father's opinion on everything? Did he know you were planning to get pregnant on purpose?"

"Well he…" I shifted my weight in my seat while trying to figure out just how much I should say. "He knew…but he wasn't exactly happy about it."

"But he agreed to get you pregnant regardless?"

"It's complicated," I said, yet again. "I may have…given him a guilt trip and pressured him into it. But he's onboard now…sort of."

Dr. Cullen absently began cleaning off his desk as he thought of what to say to me. "So…we're talking about Mr. Masen then?"

_Uh…_ I could feel heat flooding my face and there was a loud ringing behind my ears_. How the hell did he guess that?_

"I'll take that as a yes," he said in response to my stunned flush. "And I'll assume that the 'complication' is his age?"

"How did you know?" I asked, no louder than a whisper.

"It wasn't hard to figure out. I saw the way he hovered over you protectively the last time you were all here. I also know how close he is to your brother; Emmett told me that he didn't have a family and kind of adopted yours. I'd assume he'd do just about anything for the two of you."

_Well…shit._ If Dr. Cullen could figure it out so easily, how the hell were we supposed to fool Emmett and Charlie? I was terrified by the thought.

"He could go to jail for this, couldn't he?"

"Well, the age of consent is different in different states, but it's definitely a risk. I'd advise you to talk to your father about everything and hope that he understands. But, I do understand your concerns for going public with it, and for that reason, I'm willing to help you."

"You are?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course." He began writing something down on a small sticky note. "This is the information of an amazing OBGYN in Seattle that you can trust. She's dealt with sensitive matters in the past."

"And she won't tell my parents?" I asked concerned. Seattle should be far enough away so that no one from home would see me, but I was also worried about confidentiality.

"No, you will be protected because she is your doctor. You wouldn't be her first teen patient who's afraid to talk to her parents, but she will keep encouraging you to confide in them."

"And you'll be able to work with her when it gets closer to the time…to get the tissue from the baby for Emmett?"

He smiled. "Well, I should, she's my fiancée."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"It is a wonderful coincidence that I'll be moving to Washington in the next few months. I'm happy to be continuing with Emmett's care in Seattle."

"That's amazing," I said excitedly. I knew just how much Emmett and Charlie liked Dr. Cullen, and it was going to work to my benefit as well…I think. "But can I count on you to keep this from my dad?"

"Eventually he's going to have to know, Bella, but I will give you time to tell him yourself when you think it's best."

I nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I really do appreciate your help."

He smiled. "We'll talk more about this later. Call Esme, she'll discreetly take care of you and your baby until you're ready for it to all come out."

"And you'll take care of Emmett until the baby is ready to come out, right?"

"I'll do my best."

….

I left the cancer center feeling hopeful and almost rejuvenated in a way, but then I remembered that I had to spend another two days with my mother. _UGH!_

I grudgingly went back to her apartment, and apologized for my abrupt departure. I wasn't happy about her delayed attempt at motherhood, but I tried not to let it get to me too much either. I had more important things to worry about than our relationship, or rather, lack thereof.

I counted the hours until I could finally go home, and when I arrived back in Washington I felt instantly better when I saw Edward anxiously waiting for me right outside the security gate.

I ran into his open arms and held him close. "God, I missed you," he said while he breathed me in.

"I missed you more," I said fervently. "I don't know how I'm going to handle it when we can't be together all the time anymore," I mumbled into his chest.

He held me tighter and kissed my hair. "We'll figure it out."

He grabbed my bag and led me to the truck, but before he could drive onto the freeway towards home, I told him we needed to make a stop in the city.

I timed it perfectly – I setup my first appointment with Dr. Esme McCarty two hours after my plane was scheduled to arrive. With an airport delay, and time to get across the city to her office, we'd make it just in time. It may have been cutting it close, but I figured that I had waited too long already to see a doctor, and Seattle wasn't exactly close to home so I might as well go while we were there. She wasn't usually open on the weekends, but she had spoken to Dr. Cullen and was doing me a favor. I was only grateful that Edward would be there for me; going to a prenatal appointment for the very first time was definitely nerve-wracking, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get through it without him.


	20. Ch19 Amazed

Chapter 19 – Amazed

Sitting in an OBGYN waiting room, with an annoyed looking receptionist glaring at me because she was forced to come in on a Sunday, was utterly terrifying. The only thing that kept me from losing it completely was the fact that Edward was sitting next to me, holding my hand securely in his. There was no way in hell he'd be able to accompany me if we were in Forks, so again, I was grateful.

"Are you sure we can trust this chick?" Edward whispered to me anxiously.

"We trust Dr. Cullen, right?"

He shrugged. "I mean, he's kept Emmett alive so far, so…" he let his sentence trail off, but then he went in a different direction. "But it is kind of weird that he's moving here, isn't it? I mean, what kind of strange shit is it that as soon as Emmett moves his care to Washington this doctor follows?"

"It's just a coincidence," I told him dismissively. "Doctors move around all the time. Maybe it was always a plan for Dr. Cullen to move to Washington and that's why Emmett was sent to him in the first place. He's one of the best oncologist in the country, I'm sure he had his pick as to where to transfer."

"It's still…random," he added skeptically.

I just rolled my eyes.

I really wasn't in the right frame of mind to do the conspiracy theory crap with him at the moment. Although, I couldn't help but smile fondly at the old memory of Edward and Emmett going off on how the government was trying to control people's minds by planting fake teachers into the high schools across the nation. They had tried convincing my father that it was wrong to make them go to school when their brains were probably being washed and they'd never be able to think for themselves again. But the funniest part of the whole thing was the fact that they actually seemed to believe the crap they were saying, and it wasn't the first or last conspiracy theory either of them tried to convince people of. Perhaps in some odd roundabout way, their belief in the unbelievable was why I had so much faith in my baby saving Em. Unlike their theories however, I was positive mine would actually pan-out.

"What are you smiling at?" Edward asked me anxiously, bringing me back to the present and immediately returning my mood to _scared shitless_.

"Nothing," I whispered anxiously. "Just….stay with me, ok?"

He nodded just as the door to the back rooms opened. "Ms. Swan?" a youngish woman in a white lab coat asked with an outstretched hand. "Sorry for the wait, I'm Dr. McCarty, how are you?"

I stood, pulling Edward up with me, and shook her hand. "I'm nervous as hell, but it's nice to meet you," I said sincerely.

She laughed once. "Honesty, I like that. I wish all my patients felt free enough to tell me exactly how they're feeling."

"Dr. Cullen said we could trust you," I said, though I wasn't exactly sure why I brought it up.

She smiled from the mention of her fiancé's name…well, she beamed really. "Yes, of course. Everything will be fine, Ms. Swan."

"Please, call me Bella," I insisted. "This is my…Edward," I introduced them, still unsure if I should call him my boyfriend or not.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," she said with a warm smile while shaking his hand. "I have heard a lot about you two. Why don't we go back and get started."

She gave me a gown to change into, and left us alone for a few minutes while I undressed. Edward sat in the guest chair, and then looked around the room like a terrified little child about to get an injection.

"Are you ok?" I asked him.

He shuddered. "I haven't been in a doctor's office in years…and this one is very strange."

"It looks just like the other OBGYN I went to in Forks," I said absently.

"When did you go to one?" he asked surprised. "I thought only pregnant woman and old chicks see the vagina doctor."

"Well, I went to a gynecologist. I'm not sure if he did obstetrics or not."

"He?"

"Yeah, _he_, my mom's doctor; she made me go a couple of years ago. She watched that movie _'Thirteen'_ and thought it was important for me to go before I went crazy." I laughed once. "You know, a part of me can't wait until she finds out about this."

"It's nice to hear your visit with her went so well," he said sarcastically.

"I'm just glad to be back, and even gladder that she lives out of state," I told him honestly.

"Ok, do you have any questions before we begin?" Dr. McCarty asked as she breezed into the room.

"Um…" I had a hundred questions, but really I was just too anxious to come up with anything specific at the moment. I smiled nervously and shook my head no.

So she started with questions of her own. She wanted to know my medical history, the date of my last period, my potential drug use, alcohol consumption, and whether or not I smoked. She even wanted to know how many sodas I drank per day. Then she had some question for Edward. She basically asked him about his history of sexual encounters and wanted to make sure he had always used condoms prior to being with me. They were questions that I never even thought to ask him, but I was incredibly relieved when he assured us that I was the only person he'd ever had unprotected sex with. All and all, the question portion of our appointment went a lot smoother than I was expecting.

"Ok Bella, we're going to take your blood pressure and some measurements, and then we'll do a pelvic exam and vaginal ultrasound."

I nodded despite the fact that I wasn't really listening. I was in one of those surrealistic hazes, and none of it felt real. _What the hell was I doing in an OBGYN office with Edward Masen?_ My stomach did flips and my chest constricted. If I would have known this was the direction my life would take, I probably would have crawled in a hole and hid from the world years ago, although, I guess that was sort of how my life was before I fell so helplessly in love with my brother's best friend. And even though it could potentially cause the implosion of my family, being with him was definitely worth it. It was an unexpected turn, and the most amazing thing imaginable.

The exam was one of the most unnerving things I ever endured. It was easily comparable to my and Edward's first time having sex; both situations were nerve-wracking and physically uncomfortable. But when she stuck the ultrasound thing inside me, all physical discomfort vanished because I couldn't think beyond what I was seeing on the little monitor.

"Is that?" I asked.

"Yep, that's your baby's heartbeat."

The odd shaped object on the screen didn't really appear human, but the little flashing in the center hit my heart like an electric shock. Then the odd looking blob became clearer as it started moving it's teeny tiny limbs, and dancing around the black space that surrounded it. It was mesmerizing.

I glanced over at Edward and felt my eyes sting when I saw just how awestruck he was by our little dancing blob as well.

"Ok, you're right at eight weeks, and everything looks great," Dr. McCarty said, bringing my attention back to her. She took some measurements and wrote stuff in my folder, and then looked at me with a smile. "I'd like to see you back in a month, but if it's too far of a drive for you I can recommend someone more locally. In Port Angeles or a different closer town, perhaps?"

I shook my head no. "I'd like to come back here, if you don't mind."

"Sure. I'll tell Gia to set the appointment up for next month."

"Thank you," I said sincerely.

She gave me a few pamphlets on teenage pregnancy and family planning, plus a free bottle of prenatal vitamins insisting that they were better than the ones I was already taking. Edward and I thanked her, and then we were on our way.

Suddenly, it was all very real. It was as much a part of me as anything else in my body, and it felt so natural as if it was always meant to be there. Every breath I took, every step I walked, every decision I made, it was all leading me on the path towards that little person inside of me.

I never dreamed of grandeur. I never hoped to become anything great, but perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps bringing that person to life was my greatness. My contribution to the world; my way to make it better. Everybody had a purpose, and until that moment I was convinced my purpose was to be the background in other people's lives, the supporting character that mostly blended into the scenery, but now I knew my true place.

"I'm going to figure all this out," Edward murmured to me unexpectedly. We weren't _not_ speaking, but the drive home had been mostly silent so having him speak at all was a little surprising. "Somehow, I'm going to make it okay."

He didn't have to explain further, I understood, it would be impossible not to; the intensity on his face would have even made those words unnecessary. Adoption wasn't on our spectrum of possibilities anymore, and it wasn't something that needed to be discussed. We would be a family. He would find a way.

We spent the next week soaking up as much of each other as possible. Edward spent every free second we had marveling over my still flat stomach, and I spent that time falling even deeper in love with him and our baby. It was magic, and despite the obstacles that were in store for us, those days were some of the happiest of my life.

...

When Charlie and Emmett came home the following Wednesday, I knew everything had to change. The baby couldn't be a forefront in our lives anymore, at least not outwardly, and any evidence of our relationship needed to virtually disappear. We were forced to shift into a more dormant way of living; for us, it was means of survival until we could find a way to be together permanently.

"Ah man, it was unbelievable!" Emmett gushed. The four of us were sitting at the kitchen table and Em was telling us all about their trip. The crisp Alaskan air must have done him good because even though he was still underweight and slightly pale, he looked better than he had in a long time. "You can't imagine the incredible sight of seeing wild bears fishing with bald eagles soaring overhead. It was the most awe-inspiring I had ever witnessed."

Edward and I glanced at each other, and the look on his face echoed my thoughts perfectly. Eagles and bears could never really impress us, not after seeing our baby for the first time; nothing in the world could ever compare to that.

"So, how have things been around here?" Em asked Edward. "Last time we talked, you were still working on old Mrs. Kebi's car every other week."

Edward nodded. "Yeah, still working on it."

Em laughed. "Damn, if you were really any good at fixing cars, wouldn't you have that thing done by now?"

"It's not _my_ fault it keeps breaking down. Mr. Kebi puts crap gas in it and likes to mess with the engine. The old fart doesn't know anything about cars, but his wife doesn't want to discourage his late in life-newfound hobby so she brings it back to me without him knowing and I re-fix the shit he does."

Em laughed again. "Well, what about Tanya's Mach 1?" he asked unexpectedly. "Has she needed to bring it back in for anything? I'd kill to see it."

"Um…No, I haven't seen her since I fixed it," Edward said, suddenly becoming uncomfortable and freaking me out just a little. I couldn't stand that perfect chick, and anytime her name was mentioned I had a little twinge of self-doubt run through me. I could be with Edward for a hundred years and still never understand how he could prefer me to her.

"Ah shit, I can't believe she got a boob job and you still didn't hit that, even when she was all over you."

"Come on, Em, your sister is in the room!" Charlie chided him before getting up and leaving the table.

But the damage was already done; my face had immediately flooded with heat. I wasn't the least bit surprised that Edward had talked to Em about the Mustang, but knowing that Edward had dished on the chick's breasts and that she was "all over" him was something else entirely. Why would he brag about something like that if he wasn't at least a little interested?

"Sorry," Em said to me, but then he leaned in to Edward and whispered - "Man, can you imagine fucking her on the hood of that car?"

Edward choked on his own spit, and then started coughing as if he was punched in the throat.

"Whoa, you ok, bro?" Em asked him concerned.

Edward nodded, but then followed my father's lead and got up from the table. "I should be going," he announced.

"Where?" I asked a little too anxiously. Negative thoughts of Tanya fell to the waste-side because nothing was worse than having Edward leave somewhere. Thankfully Em and Charlie didn't notice my panic.

"Well…home," he said, taking me aback. "I told you that I was going to get an apartment now that your dad and brother are back."

"Well, you said you were going to move out, but I wasn't expecting you to do it so soon," I told him.

"I'm going to Seattle tomorrow for the week," Em told him. "You could stay here till then at least."

Edward shook his head. "Nah, I'm paying for the place now, so I may as well use it."

"Cool. So where is it?" Em asked curiously.

"Downtown."

"Wow, moving on up, huh?" Em said impressed. "Aren't those places a little fancy for you?"

"I don't get it," I interrupted them. "When did all this happen? You never told me you actually already got a place." First it was talks of Tanya Mega Bitch, and now he already had his own place? The day was just getting worse and worse.

"I signed the lease Friday afternoon," Edward told me. "I guess I just forgot to mention it."

"You forgot?" I practically snapped. "How could you forget something like that?"

"Why are you getting so huffy?" Em asked me confused.

"I'm not!" I said defensively. "But we've been living together for a long time now, so this is just all…_happening so fast_." My voice got smaller as I spoke, but I was too troubled to really care what Charlie or Em would think about it.

"Bella, relax," Em said gently, as if he almost understood why I was upset. "You're not going to be alone; dad's going to be here every night, and I'll be back next week."

"It's not about being alone," I mumbled.

"Speaking of being alone," Em said, abruptly changing directions and reverting his attention back to Edward. "Do you have a roommate or anything? Apartments downtown are kind of pricy."

"This is Forks, not Seattle," Edward rebutted. "I can swing it."

"Yeah, but still. Maybe I could get a job and help out. We always talked about getting an apartment together one day."

"Em, that's not a good idea," Charlie said quickly. "You're sick. You can't get a job."

"I can for a while. I mean, he won't have a _long-term_ roommate, but…"

We were all quiet for a few moments, and then Charlie sighed. "It's just not a good idea. If I could afford to pay for half the rent for you then maybe…but I can't, and getting a job is out of the question."

"So that's it then?" Em asked frustrated. "I'm never going to know what it's like to live away from home."

"You _have_ been living away from home," I contradicted, really hoping he didn't figure out a way to get my dad to agree. It was bad enough that Edward was moving out, if Em moved with him then I'd never see either of them, and stopping by Edward's place for some alone time would be completely out of the question.

"It's not the same thing," he argued. "I was living at a hospital, it doesn't count. It's just…I don't want to never get the chance to see what being an adult feels like…even if it's only for a short time."

"Well…" Edward said with a sigh. He locked eyes with me and looked almost resolved, so I quickly but discreetly shook my head no. _Don't do it, Edward!_ When he looked away from me I knew he was going to make the offer regardless of my subtle protest. "Why don't you come stay with me anyway? I don't need help with rent."

_Shit!_

"Aw man, I can't do that," Em said regretfully.

"Of course you can," Edward insisted. "I've been living here rent free, so what's the difference? Hell, your family is responsible for keeping me fed for most of my childhood, it's the least I could do."

As disappointed as I was, it kind of made me love Edward even more. He was a really good friend and an all-around amazing person. I still refused to believe Em could possibly die when I had his cure on the way, but he believed it, and if living with his best friend would lift his spirits, then I refused to be selfish about it. As much as I needed Edward during that time, I supposed Em needed him more.

"I just don't feel right about it," Em said quietly.

"Well forget about yourself for a minute and think about me then," Edward told him. "_I _want to live with you, how about that."

Em smirked. "Yeah, I bet you do. I'd have to be a better roommate than Miss Jane Austen over there."

Edward looked at me and shot me an apologetic crooked smile. "Nah, with my positive influence she's graduated from that shit."

"To what…Playboy?" Emmett joked.

"Naturally. It's got some great articles," Edward replied casually.

"You better not have poisoned my baby sister's mind with that crap," Em warned him.

"For crying out loud. Bella, tell Emmett that you have higher aspirations than to be in Playboy," Edward said to me with faux seriousness.

"Um…I do…I want to be a porn star," I told them robotically.

Emmett stared at me in shock for a minute, and then he started cracking up. "Fuck, I knew leaving her here with you was a bad idea," he said through his laughter. When he was finally able to get a hold of himself again, he wiped the moisture from his eyes and then said – "Man, the fact that Bella just said the word _'porn'_ is going to give me nightmares."

"Yeah, I agree," Charlie said, coming back into the room from wherever he had gone. "So let's not talk about porn anymore please…at least not under my roof."

"Well, I guess we shouldn't be under your roof anymore," Em said quietly before turning back to Edward. "You sure about this, bro?"

"Now, hold on. We're finally back home together," Charlie argued.

"Dad, if I never got sick I would have moved out right after graduation anyway. I'm twenty years old, and I'm dying. I don't want to die without having the experience of being twenty…or at least as close to it as possible."

In the end, Charlie couldn't put up a good enough argument for Em to stay, so he packed his bags and planned to move in with Edward as soon as he returned from Seattle. I was happy for him, but it was also going to make things that much harder for Edward and me. I only hoped this new arrangement didn't cause Edward to accidently incriminate himself; what if he let something slip, some clue to our relationship? With them living together, he'd have to be even more careful and secretive then he already was around him. It wasn't really fair to anyone, I just couldn't think of a better solution….


	21. Ch20 Playing With Fire

Chapter 20 – Playing With Fire

"So….this is nice," I said uncomfortably as I looked around the apartment. "I still don't get why you didn't tell me about it sooner."

"Babe, honestly, I just didn't think about it. I meant to tell you the day I signed the lease, but remember, that was the day that you attacked me the moment I walked into the house."

"I never attacked you," I said with an unintentional grin. "I'm hormonal….and that includes being horny. It's not easy being at school all day away from you."

He nodded as if it was a serious problem, and I suppose it kind of was in a way. But then he smiled widely like a little kid on Christmas. "Do you really like this place?"

"Yeah…but it's a bit much, isn't it? I mean, what made you get something like this?" I asked confused. Edward's new apartment was more than nice, it was almost beautiful. It was on the second floor so the ceiling was vaulted, and the open layout of the modern kitchen and living room made the place look much bigger than it actually was. Plus, it had two bedrooms, which struck me as odd. _Why would he get a place with two bedrooms if he was planning on living alone?_

"Well, originally I was just going to get a cheap studio or something…you know, the whole bachelor-pad thing," he said with a smirk. "But it didn't feel right and when I saw this, I knew it was going to be perfect."

"Perfect?" I questioned.

"Yeah…_for us_," he said quietly.

"Us?" My heart actually skipped.

He shrugged sheepishly. "Here, come see," he said while grabbing my hand and tugging me down the back hall. "This will be our room," he pointed towards the master, which had one of the biggest adjoined bathrooms I had ever seen. And then he pulled me out of the room to the slightly smaller room across the hall. "And I thought this would be the baby's room."

I took in a sharp breath of shock. That was the very last thing I expected to hear him say, and if I wasn't already so hopelessly in love with him, that would have done it. I didn't even realize I was crying until he closed the distance between us and cradled my face in his hands so he could wipe my tears with his thumbs. He leaned in and kissed my forehead and whispered – "I love you so much."

I wrapped my arms around his torso and said – "I love you too."

After a few incredible moments of dreaming about the future, reality slipped back into my mind. "It's going to be a little hard for us to live together with Emmett here," I mumbled solemnly, though I meant it to sound like a joke.

He pulled back just enough to see my face, and then he sighed before pulling away completely and turning away for a moment. "We both know that he's not going to stay here when he knows the truth; he'll probably never speak to me again," he said quietly, and then he went to the secondhand couch in the living room and sat. "We're not going to be able to live together right away; I'm sure your dad will need time to get used to the idea, but…I'll figure out a way to convince him that we need to be together. I just think that if I have a decent place for us to live…that if I can prove to him that I can take care of you…maybe he'll consider it."

I walked over to him and stroked his face tenderly. "We'll figure it out," I cooed. "Even if we have to wait until I'm eighteen."

He wrapped his arms around my hips and rested his head against my stomach. "That's too far from now," he said somberly. "The baby will be born before then, and…"

"Edward, we can't tell them sooner," I cut him off. "My dad's the chief of police, he'll have you arrested. If you really think me turning eighteen is too far off, then just imagine how long we'll have to wait if you go to jail."

He let out a loud huff, stood from the couch, and then started pacing the living room agitatedly. "So, not only do I have to keep my mouth shut while they come down on you for being pregnant, but I also have to watch you with my baby from afar and not be able to claim either of you? How the hell is that okay?"

"It's not," I agreed. "But the baby is due in October, so…"

"So it'll be almost a year old before you turn eighteen. Bella, I'm not going to wait that long to be a father to my kid!" he said frustrated.

"It's better than you being in jail," I argued gently.

"Maybe your father won't have me arrested; maybe we could get him to understand."

"Charlie's not the most understanding person, especially not where his sixteen year old daughter is concerned," I told him. "There has to be another way. We just need to think about it for a while and figure it out."

He wrapped his arms around me securely, and kissed my hair before resting his chin on the top of my head. "We will." He took a deep breath. "I promise, Bella, I'm going to figure this all out."

….

For the week Emmett was in Seattle, I was able to go to Edward's apartment every day after school. He'd take a break from work and we'd spend a couple hours together before I had to make an appearance at home.

Charlie had worked his schedule in a way that he was home every day by dinner, so I needed to be home in time to cook. Not that Charlie expected it, but for whatever reason I had an overwhelming desire to take care of anyone who needed it. _Who knows, maybe it was my maternal side starting to come out._ Edward usually stopped by the house when his work was over for the evenings, and I'd keep dinner waiting in the oven for him so that he could have a hot meal as well. Charlie never suspected anything from this routine, in fact, he always welcomed Edward readily and loved hearing about all his latest car tinkering's.

Edward usually left the house around eight PM, but we always found a moment when Charlie wasn't looking to kiss goodnight. It was a tough adjustment for us, but learning to sleep without him again was the biggest obstacle I had to overcome. I lost a lot of sleep that first week, but eventually it took a toll on my changing body and I couldn't fight it any more. In fact, I began falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

When Emmett came home the following week however, things changed yet again. I could no longer go to their apartment for quality time with Edward, and there were even some days where I wouldn't see him at all. Of course, I understood it. They were best friends, they missed each other, and Emmett thought he was dying. Edward was just trying to be as supportive as possible, though I had to admit, if he didn't text me every couple of hours or so, I might not have been able to handle the separation as well…

**-Why the hell does Em need me to sit here and watch him try on clothes? He's like a fucking girl** – Edward texted me one evening.

I giggled.

**-Maybe he's self-conscious and wants your opinion because he's so much thinner than he used to be** – I responded.

**-We look like a gay couple**

**-LOL! Speaking of new clothes, I may need some soon. My pants are getting tight.**

Edward didn't reply so I figured he got caught up with Emmett, but less than fifteen minutes later they both showed up at the house.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you guys for dinner," I said, pleasantly surprised to see them.

"Well, we weren't planning on coming," Em told me. "But _Sir Shits-A-Lot_ over there needed to use the bathroom and refused to go at the store."

"I hate public restrooms," Edward said defensively. "And our apartment is clear on the other side of town."

Edward walked off towards the downstairs bathroom, but then I heard him change directions. "I'm going upstairs!" he announced. Edward always hated the bathroom on the first floor, mainly because it was only a half bath without a tub or any windows; he said it made him feel claustrophobic.

Emmett plopped himself on the couch to watch whatever sporting event that was on TV, and Charlie wasn't home from work yet, so I took a moment to go find Edward. I was fairly positive his need for a bathroom was just a ruse, and I was right – the moment I reached the top of the stairs, he grabbed me and crashed his lips onto mine.

"Are your pants really getting tight?" he asked excitedly as he continued to kiss me. His hands found their way to my waistband, and he quickly unfastened the button.

"Yes," I breathed as he caressed my subtly protruding abdomen.

"Maybe we should both take the day off tomorrow so I can buy you some clothes," he suggested before moving his lips to my neck.

"I thought you couldn't take any more time off?" I asked with a grin.

"I'm out of vacation time…but what can I do if I'm sick? The flu is really bad this year and I'm sure my boss wouldn't want me spreading it to the customers."

I giggled. "Yeah, that would be a bad thing."

"But I think you may have it too, because you know, you have been vomiting."

"Actually I haven't been throwing up too much anymore," I said, not realizing that my morning sickness seemed to be receding until that moment. "Once, first thing in the morning, but I'm usually fine the rest of the day."

"That's really good news," Edward mumbled against the skin on my collarbone.

"Emmett's going to be wondering where we went," I said absently while letting the incredible feeling of his hands on my body move me into a state of desire.

"Nah, Sports Center is on. We have another ten minutes, at least," he said before pulling me into my bedroom.

"I thought you hated quickies," I said amused as he began taking off my clothes.

"I do, except when it's our only option," he explained.

Despite wanting him probably even more than he wanted me, it was definitely nerve-wracking. We were playing with fire by having sex with Emmett in the house, and getting burned was a real possibility.

But the worst part was the fact that I never noticed just how squeaky my bed was before. Every time he thrust into me, the bed would make a noise that echoed through the room, and I feared that it could be heard in the living room below us. The faster he moved, the noisier it got, and the more nervous I became. As much as I tried, I just couldn't get my mind to shut up long enough to properly enjoy it, which was more than disappointing.

When we were finished, we dressed quickly – well, I dressed quickly and practically raced down the stairs, Edward took his time with it. Luckily, Emmett didn't even seem to notice we had disappeared. He did glance up when I came into the room to ask what was for dinner, but that was the extent of it. I only hoped my face wasn't flushed.

I went to the kitchen to begin working on the enchiladas I had preplanned, and when Edward came down a few minutes later, I was relieved to hear Em make a joke about courtesy flushing and the necessity air fresheners.

….

It seemed that as more time passed, and the bigger my stomach grew, the more insatiable I got. Many times I'd meet him at his work; we hung out while he wrenched on the cars, and end up fucking around when it got slow. But unfortunately for us, Emmett took a low-stress - low responsibility job in the garage office, and we lost that venue as well.

So we had to get crafty…even if that meant being together at the house with my brother and father home. The more we would sneak around however, the more comfortable I became with it. Sometimes we'd take advantage of their distractions by making out in an obscure area like the hall of even a bathroom; other times we'd even find a way to hide long enough to have sex. Charlie and Emmett were always completely oblivious, which only increased my confidence.

When Edward and Emmett were over for dinner one typical weeknight, as they often were when their apartment kitchen pantry ran low, Edward practically dry humped me in the kitchen. Even when Charlie came in for a drink, Edward was easily able to play it off saying he missed lunch that day and was tasting the food before it was ready. Charlie didn't have a reason to not believe him.

"That damn boy is always hungry," Charlie said with a chuckle after Edward rejoined Em in the living room. He didn't know just how right he was, but Edward's hunger had nothing to do with food.

After we ate, we all sat together to watch a movie on the flat screen, and just by pure luck I got to sit right next to Edward. Em had spread out on the big couch, and Charlie took the recliner, so Edward and I sat on the love seat. I was cold, so I grabbed the throw blanket and it just happened to cover Edward as well, so we used the shield to our advantage and held hands underneath. Of course, half way through the movie Edward's hand moved to my upper thigh, and even north of there, which was incredibly inappropriate considering the company we were in. But that was the sort of thing our secret relationship had been forced into. We couldn't be open about it, and our time together was limited so we'd touched each other any time we were able, even if that meant doing it right under my dad's nose.

"Well, I'm falling asleep here," Em said after a while. "You wanna head home?" he asked Edward.

"Yeah, sure," Edward said a little reluctantly.

We said goodnight, but before Edward even drove them out of the driveway, he was already texting me. How the hell he managed to do it without Em seeing, I had no idea.

**-I hate leaving**

**-I hate when you leave 2**

**-Maybe I could sneak back after Em goes to sleep**

**-Don't even think about it. Charlie is a light sleeper.**

**-I hate the fucking world**

**-I know**

And I did know; I hated the world at the moment as well. I just didn't know what to do about it.

A couple weeks later Em went back to Seattle for the weekend, so I spent the weekend in Edward's bed with him caressing my belly practically the entire time.

"It's going to be hard to hide this pretty soon," Edward warned me as his hand continued to rub small circles around my naked navel.

"I know," I said with a sigh. My stomach had protruded out to a nice little rounded bump, but my new baggier wardrobe still hid it so nobody was the wiser. But it was only a matter of time.

"Maybe it would be better to tell your dad before he actually sees it," Edward suggested.

"He's not going to let me out of the house once he finds out," I told him. "Then we'll see each other even less."

"I think he would appreciate you telling him sooner rather than later," he reiterated. "If you don't want to tell him _everything_, then at least respect him enough to tell him this much. He's going to freak out at first, but then he'll accept it…maybe he'll even realize that the baby could be a match for Em on his own."

"You're right," I said with another sigh. "I'll tell him this week sometime…But I'm leaving you out of it," I insisted. "He's not going to let me out of the house, but at least we'll still see each other when you come over."

He smiled halfheartedly, and then kissed me on the head. "It's all going to be ok."

I laughed once humorlessly. "Tell me that _after_ I talk to my dad."


	22. Ch21 EAM

A/N: Something has been brought to my attention so I'd like to clarify for a moment. I realize that saying Edward is from the "trailer park slums" can be hurtful and degrading to some people, but that certainly wasn't my intention. I've actually lived in a trailer in the past, so I didn't mean to insult anyone and if I did than I apologize.

With that being said, let's continue on and move forward. I don't like to drag things out so hopefully it'll speed up now. Thanks for the support!

* * *

Chapter 21 – EAM

My hands were trembling…literally. I felt like I had some horrible disease that affected movements, and for the life of me, I couldn't calm down.

"_Everything is going to be fine. No matter what happens, remember that I love you and think you're incredible,"_ Edward had said to me right before I left his apartment. He offered to come with me to tell my dad about my pregnancy, but I thought it was best for me to do it alone, even though I hated leaving him.

I drove home in almost a daze of nerves, and then bypassed the driveway and was forced to go around the block once…or perhaps I was just stalling.

When I got the courage to finally park, I got out slowly and drug my feet as I walked to the front door. I didn't even bother to try to open it, instead I looked around in my purse to find my house keys despite the fact that Charlie was home and probably had the door unlocked. Before I even had a chance to get them out, however, the door opened and I looked up into the face of a fuming Charlie.

My first irrational thought was to be grateful. He was obviously pissed at something which meant it wasn't the best time to tell him about the baby, but then I began to worry because of the way he was sweating and looked to be close to having an aneurism.

"Dad, what's wrong?" I asked concerned.

"Get in the house, Bella," he said slowly through gritted teeth.

"Ok, sure," I said confused as I stepped past him. "What's going on?"

"I found something odd," he said with a strange tone before setting a white medicine bottle on the table.

I instantly knew what it was. "I can explain," I said quickly.

"Can you?" he asked angrily, "because, for the life of me, I can't understand this. When I first saw it I thought it was your mother's. I knew she was taking something like it when we were trying to…." He pressed his lips and changed directions. "But there is no reason why they'd be in your room," he said quietly.

"Why were_ you_ in my room at all?" I asked, trying to decide if I was angry he was snooping, or horrified that he now knew the truth.

"I had a pair of your socks mixed in with my stuff, so I went to put them away and found that," he explained. "Damn it, Bella, why do you have prenatal vitamins?" he asked with a mix of anger and heartbreaking disappointment.

He had enough proof before him, but perhaps he was clinging onto some small level of doubt and praying I had some sort of explanation that would make everything ok. But I didn't.

I bit my bottom lip, and then swallowed hard. "Because I'm pregnant," I admitted.

He shook his head slowly in denial, and I could actually see his face aging. "No," he murmured.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He put his hands on his head and just stood there for a moment, lost in his own personal hell. I was suddenly reminded of a conversation I once overheard between Charlie and his best friend Harry where they agreed – the worst thing imaginable for any parent would be to outlive their child….and the next was if their teen daughter got pregnant. I felt like shit… I could never regret it, but still.

"I just don't get this, Bella," he said after a short while, sounding lost while he tried to find the words he was searching for. "Why…how… you don't even have a boyfriend…unless… do you?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter," I said dismissively, hopelessly hoping he wouldn't push the subject too much. I didn't want to lie any more than I had to.

"Of course it matters," he said incredulously. "How did this happen, who is the father?"

I pressed my lips and looked down at the ground. "I got pregnant at a party," I lied horribly. "Don't really know the guy. I was pretty wasted."

"Bullshit!" he shouted unexpectedly, making me jump. "I may have been a little absent lately, but there's no way you're going to convince me that you got wasted at some party. I know you, Bella. I know you'd never do that…."

"You've been _a little_ absent lately?" I interrupted him with a humorous laugh. "_Lately?_ It's been two years!" I shook my head and had to fight back the tears that were stinging my eyes. "I'm not that fourteen year old homebody with her nose stuck in a book anymore. I can't even remember the last time I read. I've changed…grown up…maybe there's still a lot left for me to learn, but you can't sit there and honestly say you know me anymore."

The last thing I wanted to do was bring up the fact that he had been gone because I didn't want him to blame himself or feel guilty, but I just didn't know what else to say. Everything I had rehearsed in my head didn't seem right, and I felt completely unprepared.

He stared at me, looking as helpless as I was feeling, and then he sunk into a chair and rested his head in his hands. "How far are you?"

I sighed. "Four months."

"Four months," he mumbled, lifting his head and looking around the room unseeingly. "For Christ sakes, Bella, when you're you going to say something?"

"I know this sounds like a copout, but I was really planning to tell you today…. Dad, I really am sorry," I said honestly. I wasn't sorry about the pregnancy, just sorry that I was causing him so much grief.

"Go up to your room," he said evenly. "I need time to let this all sink in…and I need to call your mom."

"Ok," I said quietly.

I turned and headed for the stairs, and the moment I was out of Charlie's view I pulled out my cell phone to check my messages.

**-How are you doing? Let me know after you're done talking to Charlie** – Edward had texted me.

I ran up to my room, and closed the door before climbing on my bed to write him a reply.

**-All done for now. It's ok. Not as bad as I was expecting. I think he's in shock.**

**-Yeah, can't really blame him. Wish I was there with you.**

**-Me too**

Suddenly the door busted open and Charlie came barging in with his hand stretched out in front of me. I just stared at him confused. "The phone, Bella," he stated.

My heart leapt into my throat. "No," I said, refusing to give him my cell.

"There is no way in hell I'm letting you keep it. Your license, and your computer, and your phone are all mine. Give it to me now!" he shouted.

I stood up and unplugged my laptop and handed it to him. "My truck keys are downstairs in my purse."

"And the phone," he insisted.

"I lost it," I lied.

"It's in your hand," he seethed.

I shook my head. "Cancel my service if you don't want me to be able to call anyone, but I'm not giving you the actual phone."

I could see the anger boiling in his face, but I refused to budge.

Without warning, Charlie grabbed my arm and pried the phone out of my hand. I held onto it as hard as I could but he was so much stronger and it was impossible. I never expected that. I never thought he'd physically overpower me to get something he wanted.

"Fine, take it," I cried. But he wasn't finished just yet. I figured he'd just toss it in a drawer somewhere and keep it there for a while, but he completely scared the shit out of me when he turned it on and began looking through the contacts. "Dad, what are you doing?"

"Finding out who got you into this mess," he said without removing his eyes from my phone.

I anxiously watched over his shoulder as he pulled up my most recent texting conversation, and when he noticed that I had just sent out a text minutes ago, he looked up at me. "Is this him? This E-A-M…Is he the father?"

I absently shook my head no. All of my contacts were listed by their initials and none of which had pictures; it was just something I always did since first getting the phone, but I never really thought about it and didn't expect my dad to be so blind. I was definitely grateful, and only prayed I didn't write something that could blatantly incriminate Edward. The conversation memory space only allotted for the past 200 exchanges, so hopefully…

"There are a whole lot of _'I love you's_ in here," Charlie said as he read my texts. "Who is this boy, Bella?"

"Just a boy," I said, refusing to elaborate.

"Jesus, Bella, you have a whole conversation in here about a baby!" Charlie exclaimed. When I didn't respond to him he shook his head slowly. "If you won't tell me, I'm going to find out myself…right now."

He began typing something in my phone, and my stomach twisted. "What are you doing?"

"I'm asking lover-boy to come over and talk."

"He won't respond to you," I said assuredly.

"Maybe not, but he will to you…'_My dad's not home, come over so we can talk'_," he read his text out loud.

I shook my head slowly with tears running violently down my face. "What are you going to do to him?"

"I haven't figured that out yet," he said before turning and storming out of the room with my electronics in his hands. I was left in a state of complete and utter shock. I knew telling him was going to be difficult, but I just never imagined he'd handle it like that. My only hope left was that Edward was too busy and couldn't make it over right away…Of course, that was a long shot; Edward would always drop everything if he knew I needed him.

I heard his truck rumble into the driveway a short time later, and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

I needed to think quickly. Try to figure out something to say to Charlie that would get him to not press charges. Would he even care if I begged?

I ran out of my room and was intending to throw myself in front of Edward to stop Charlie from attacking him, but then I froze at the top of the stairs when I heard them talking.

"Hey Charlie," Edward said warily, obviously surprised to see him there when he thought I had just texted him saying he wasn't home.

"Oh, hey Edward," Charlie grumbled. "I thought you were someone else."

I gasped silently, unsure what to think. I assumed Charlie would realize the truth as soon as Edward walked in… I mean, the evidence was all there. EAM isn't exactly a common initial combination…but perhaps Charlie was in denial or refused to see the obvious.

"Who?" Edward asked confused.

Charlie huffed loudly. "Bella's pregnant," he stated. "And I texted this guy pretending to be her so that he'd come over here." There were a few beats of silence, and then another loud huff. "I don't know what to do about this, Edward. I never thought Bella would…"His words trailed off.

I snuck down quietly to try to peek at them, and luckily Charlie's back was to me but Edward was able to see me from his position. We locked eyes and I slowly shook my head, begging him to keep quiet. Charlie's ignorance was the best thing for us at the moment, but with Edward's guilt over the situation I could see him breaking his promise and admitting everything right then and there.

Edward scowled at me for a brief second, and then returned his attention to Charlie. I knew he was angry about my insistence to leave him out of it for the time being, but it was important to me so I was confident he'd stay quiet.

"What am I supposed to do about this?" Charlie asked Edward. "She's just a kid…Teen pregnancies happen to girls like Jessica Stanley, not Bella."

"I suppose it can happen to anyone," Edward replied slowly, with regret heavy in his voice.

"She won't tell me anything…And I doubt that little shit is going to show up. He probably saw my car in front of the house and just drove past."

"He's probably a fucking coward," Edward said bitterly, and then shot me another heavy look.

"In the time that I was away…specifically over the past few months," Charlie continued, "Has Bella had any guys around? I know Emmett asked you about it not too long ago, but….I just don't understand this."

"No…not really," Edward told him. "She went out with Rose a couple of times, but nothing crazy."

"Rose, huh? Maybe I should call her."

"I doubt she'd tell you anything that Bella wouldn't. I know they're pretty close…loyal friends and all."

"That's true," Charlie grumbled. "Ohh, I just need some time to figure this out," he said despairingly. He walked off towards the living room and Edward followed, leaving me without a way to see either of them, so I just sat there and listened as best as I could.

"Fuck, I do not want to call Renee about this," I heard Charlie say. "She already thinks I can't take care of her. That bitch has a lot of nerve, seeing how she left the way that she did."

"Renee will probably say some stupid shit when she finds out…just ignore her," Edward suggested.

"Yeah, but she's going to start with threats, and whatnot," Charlie argued. "She's going to try to take her away from me."

"She can't do that," Edward assured him. "Even if she tries to go to court, Bella is sixteen; no judge is going to force her to live with Renee if she doesn't want to."

"I know the law, son," Charlie said lightly. "But the issue is that….I may not be able to swing this. I got demoted," he said unexpectedly.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked confused. "How could they do that?"

"I missed too much work. Took time off when I didn't have the time to take off. They needed someone more reliable in my position, and I understand that. It's just…I might lose the house, and then what? Bella can't be homeless, especially not now. Renee has a stable job now, and she was talking about leaving her apartment and renting a house out there… I just don't know what to do. Even if I get a little apartment myself, how is Bella going to take care of a baby there, and afford daycare while she's in school, and…" His voice suddenly sounded muffled as if he had his hands covering his face…Was he crying?

My heart sank.

Apparently, so did Edward's. "Everything is going to work out, Charlie," he told him; his voice sounding thick as if he was fighting back tears as well.

"How?" Charlie asked hopelessly. "Everything is falling apart. Renee is gone; Bella is pregnant and will probably end up being a single mother for the next indefinite amount of time, and Emmett… I just want my family back."

"Bella is going to be fine," Edward told him confidently. "Emmett is going to be fine too, and fuck Renee. You'll find someone better."

"But the house…"

"How far behind are you in payments?" Edward asked.

Charlie sighed. "I don't know, too much. I just found out today that my bank was going to start the foreclosure process, and then this thing with Bella happened. I swear to god, I'm just waiting for Em to give me some bad news about his illness as well. It's the only way this day could get worse."

"Let me help you with your house payment," Edward said, completely flabbergasting me. "I have some money saved up and I'd like to help."

"Oh Edward, that is very sweet, but I can't take your money."

"Yes, you can. I've only been able to save it because I lived here rent free for so long. Rightfully it should be yours anyway."

"But you're already basically supporting Emmett… No, I'm going to handle this. It's my responsibility," Charlie said stubbornly.

"It may be your responsibility, but what the hell is family for if we don't help each other out," Edward said, immediately bringing me to tears. I always knew Edward thought of my family as his, long before we got together, but to hear him say it so plainly was extremely emotional.

"You're a good man, Edward," Charlie told him. "But I need to try to fix this myself first."

"At least consider me as a last resort," Edward asked. "Don't let your pride get in the way of saving your family home…especially now."

"As a last resort," Charlie agreed. "Thank you, Edward."

"No problem."

"Oh, hey Edward," Charlie said.

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind keeping Bella's pregnancy to yourself for a while? I'd like to be the one to tell Emmett."

Another minute of silence.

"Sure," he said finally. Once again Edward was being asked to stay quiet about something he directly had a part in. I knew he hated it, but we both knew how stubborn Charlie was; he just proved it yet again, but if he knew the truth, there was no way he'd let Edward anywhere near the house, let alone, help save it.

I needed Edward. Emmett needed Edward. Now my entire family needed Edward. So for all our sakes, he needed to do whatever it took to stay with us, even if that meant not being completely honest….

* * *

*****A/N: Aww, this Edward is so sweet, isn't he? It's actually hard for me to write because the Edward in the other fic I'm currently working on is the exact opposite. I've had so much fun writing Snarky-Arrogant-Edward in that one that I find myself making this Edward a little cruder, and then I have to go back and fix it. LOL **

****I'm trying to wrap up this story soon, so don't expect it to be much longer (of course, I have no idea if that means 3 more chapters, or 10) LOL. *HEA guarantee. **


	23. Ch22 Hits

Chapter 22 – Hits

It had been one of the worst weeks yet. Charlie had been walking around the house like a mute angry troll, slamming doors and lurking under the stairs in the hopes of catching me screwing up…but he hardly spoke to me. It was a horribly loud silence that filled the house around us, and at times it made me wonder why the hell I didn't just tell him that it was all derived from a plan to save Em….surely he'd go a little easier on me if he knew, right?

I wanted to tell him that part, I originally planned to tell him that part, but then I realized that I couldn't. If he knew that important detail, then I was sure he'd figure out the rest as well. He may have been unconsciously unwilling to believe the obvious about Edward and me, but if I told him that I tried to get pregnant, then he'd no longer be able to deny it. Just like Dr. Cullen, he'd figure out that the only guy who'd be willing to get me pregnant on purpose to save Em, was Edward. I couldn't take that risk, especially not when we all needed him so much.

Emmett had found out about my pregnancy a couple of days after Charlie did, and he was even more upset. Of course, he blamed himself. If he hadn't of gotten sick, I would have never looked for the attention that I needed elsewhere and gotten myself pregnant – _or some bullshit like that_. Even if it were true, getting sick wasn't something he could help, so why feel guilty about it. But the worst part was the way he was pressuring Edward for any information he might have on the _bastard that got me pregnant_. Emmett even went as far as asking Edward to accompany him to my school to spread threats warning the punk to come forward or else…I wasn't sure how Edward talked him out of that one.

I hated the position I forced Edward in; I knew how much he hated lying to Em and Charlie, but after the whole foreclosure talk, I think he started to understand where I was coming from. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was the glue that was holding us all together, our only support system, and having that last bit of truth come out would only shatter us completely.

But a few weeks later, my life took even more hits…

When Renee found out, not only did she blow a lid and threaten to sue for custody of both me and my unborn baby, but somehow my entire school found out about my impending birth as well.

"Hey," Rose said to me that Monday. She had one of those - _'I have something horrible to tell you so I'm smiling to be nice'_ - kind of looks on her face.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Maybe you should take the day off…or the rest of the school year."

"Why?" I asked with a sigh.

"Well Lauren has been doing her ROP thing in the school office, and I guess she overheard a conversation between your dad and the principal making arrangements to get you out of PE because of your pregnancy….She's told everyone."

"Seriously?" I asked with a whine. I wasn't really that upset about it because I knew it was bound to happen, but I just hoped it would have come a little later…like when things weren't so stressed at home - though I wasn't sure if that would ever be the case again.

"Bella, I know you can handle it, but I really think you should go home," Rose encouraged.

"Why would I do that?" I asked her.

"Oh come on, I know you remember what happened with Jessica."

"I don't care," I said honestly. "I've got like three major projects due soon; taking a sabbatical isn't going to solve anything."

"I'm not talking about a sabbatical; I'm talking about independent study. Bella, they're going to crucify you. I already heard people talking about it."

Before I had a chance to even react to that comment, I noticed groups of people pointing and laughing at me.

And I could handle it; sticks and stones, and all. I wasn't even affected by the nasty slurs written in permanent ink on my locker, but when it followed me home one day, I got scared.

Charlie had me on a strict schedule. Home, school, and right back home - no exceptions. He did allow Rose to drive me every day, but that was as far as my socializing went. On that day however, I wished my dad was home.

"Oh my god," Rose said slowly as we took in the sight before us. My entire house had not only been toilet papered, but also egged. That kind of thing wasn't abnormal for a police officer's home, but then we saw the note…

_**See the difference**_– It read, and right next to it was two eggs broken in half carefully. One was a normal raw egg like the others splattered all over the place, but the second was a fertilized egg complete with a bloody dead chicken fetus.

"I bet the CCC did this," Rose said absently as she was looking at the mess.

"What's CCC?" I asked confused.

"The Christian Celibacy Club," she clarified…she was probably right. The Forks High Christian Celibacy Club was full of semi-popular hypocritical morons who spent their days pretending to be good God fearing Christians, but their nights fucking each other and using up the town's morning after pills.

I just didn't understand it; regardless if it was the CCC or not, did teenagers really have nothing better to do than harass me just for being pregnant? It was pathetic, really.

Rose tried to help me clean the mess so my dad wouldn't freak out, but he came home early for a surprise inspection thing, and saw it. He pulled me out of school the next day which only made things that much harder.

…

I hated solitary confinement. It was actually terribly ironic that I felt that way because I used to cherish my alone time…in fact, I used to despise people to the point where I wished I could move to a cabin in the Alaskan wilderness to live completely alone. God, was I stupid. What I wouldn't give to have an afternoon out with Edward, or even Rose. What was the point anyway? I was already pregnant, what more was Charlie worried about?

I figured that at least Edward could take breaks from work and come visit me during the day when no one was around to catch us, but he rarely came - if ever. He mentioned that he had been picking up extra shifts at work, which I understood because he really wanted to help Charlie with the house payments. But I missed him like crazy. I couldn't even remember the last time we had sex, which certainly worried me. I'd think it would be hard for a guy - _especially a guy his age_ - to go from having sex constantly, to virtually nothing at all. I wasn't worried about his fidelity, just for the fact that he was probably having a hard time concentrating at work.

And then there was the depression; it was almost worse than it was back when I was alone before. When Em first moved to the cancer treatment center in Phoenix, and my parents were constantly gone visiting him, I was still in that withdrawn/denial phase of my life…I wasn't there anymore; Edward had changed me for the better, and I was terribly lonely without him - I only wished I could tell Charlie that.

But like every other time in the past when I needed him the most, he appeared...

"Hey, what are you doing in bed?" he said softly as he moved the blanket off my head.

"Edward?" I wasn't even sure if I was dreaming him or not.

"Yeah, were you expecting someone else?" he asked with a chuckle. He lifted the covers, and then slid under them to lie next to me and hold me securely against him. "How's my girl? I feel like it's been far too long since I've seen you last."

I snuggled into his chest, and wrapped my legs around his. "It has been too long. I hate this," I said with unintentional tears flowing down my face.

"I hate this too," he cooed. "I'm so sorry that I haven't been over for a while. It's been killing me to stay away."

"Are you still really busy at the garage?" I mumbled into his skin. I was trying to get as close to him as possible and my hands were gripping onto his shirt as if my life depended on it.

"Yeah, it's been crazy… but I've been working basically alone, and I have no idea why. I think the owner is having issues. He even fired Em, but he still comes in and helps me for free cuz he doesn't like to stay home all day alone."

"I know how he feels."

He pulled me into him even tighter, and kissed my forehead. "God, I miss you."

His words just made my tears flow faster.

"Other than being trapped here, have you been ok?" he asked me.

I nodded and tried to hide my face so he wouldn't see me cry; he had enough on his plate and I didn't want to make him worry about me on top of it all.

I felt his hands move around my body, and I thought he was going to pull away, but they happily came to a rest on my bloated abdomen. "How's my baby?"

I smiled and found a way to force my tears to stop. "It's good," I told him. "I just had an appointment with Dr. McCarty. She said everything is right on target."

"I wish I could have gone," he said somberly.

"Me too," I admitted. "But she asked about you."

"I bet she thinks I'm another deadbeat loser who knocks up chicks and then ditches them," he said with an edge to his voice that I wasn't expecting.

"She knows what's going on with us," I reminded him.

"I know, but still."

He began rubbing circles on my stomach, but when he noticed something pushing back at him, he freaked. "Holey shit! Did it just…"

"Huh?" I wasn't sure what he meant, but then I realized that was the first time he ever felt the baby move. "Oh, yeah. It's getting pretty active."

"Wow, that's amazing," he said, completely in awe. "When do we find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Oh…I don't know…Dr. McCarty said she'd tell me the sex if I wanted, but I wasn't sure."

"I wish I could have seen the last ultrasound," he said regretfully.

"Well, I have pictures," I told him. I rolled over on my back so I could reach them in my nightstand drawer. "Here," I said while handing him the three attached black and white pics. "There's the head…oh this is a close up of the face. See it's nose?"

Edward had the biggest smile on his face as he looked at them, and I could actually see the love in his eyes. He was going to be an amazing father, I didn't have a doubt.

"Look at its foot," he gushed at the last picture which was a clear shot of the bottom of one of the baby's feet, including all five toes. "Hey, she has your long toe," he said with a chuckle.

I looked at it closer, and then smiled at the bittersweet sight. "I didn't notice that before." My second toes on each foot were longer than my big toes, and I always hated it because it made wearing sandals unappealing, not that I would want to wear them anyway. But I loved every part of our baby, so knowing he or she inherited them meant that I could never feel the same way about those ugly toes again.

"So…since your dad knows you're pregnant now, maybe you should think about moving your care to a more local doctor…You know, so you don't have to go so far," Edward suggested a few minutes later.

"Rose has been driving me, and I kind of like getting away," I told him. "Plus, I trust Esme, I don't think I'd feel comfortable going to someone new. She knows the importance of testing the baby right away, and whatnot. She actually said we could do an amnio to test the baby's tissue now, but there are risks."

He nodded absently. "What's an amnio?"

"It's a test where they stick a needle in my…"

"Whoa, you lost me at needle," he joked. "There's no sense in taking extra risks when there's nothing that can be done right now anyway," he told me.

"It can give us all peace of mind."

He shook his head. "Peace of mind if it's a match…but what if it's not? You need to get through this before you potentially lose hope."

"It's going to match," I said confidently.

"Well if you're so sure than you don't need the test to give you peace of mind…plus, then you'll just be worried about putting the baby at risk."

"That's true," I said while rubbing my stomach affectionately. "So, why aren't you at work?" I asked, not realizing until then that it was the middle of the day. "Not that I'm complaining, or anything," I said while cuddling back into him.

He wrapped his arms back around me and kissed my head once more. "My boss is actually working today. He said I needed a day off, so here I am. Technically, I'm supposed to be picking you up for lunch. Em is meeting us at the diner in like…fifteen minutes."

"What?" I asked while looking over at the clock. "Why?"

"Well, I think he feels a little bad about you being cooped up all the time so he wanted to take you out…Of course, he doesn't have any money so that's where I come in," he said with a laugh.

"Well, he doesn't drive right now, so how's he going to get there?"

"He's been hanging out with Garrett a lot lately whenever he's not at the garage with me. I think they're currently out cruising for chicks."

"And what have you been doing all morning?" I asked, slightly upset he didn't come sooner.

"I had to drive him to Port Angeles for his doctor…which really fucking makes me mad that I've missed yours," he said bitterly. "Anyway, when we got back home Garrett showed up to take him out, and I came over here…well, I had to stop at the bank first."

"If Em is out with Garrett, then how is he going to meet us at the diner?" I asked confused.

"I don't know, he just asked me to come pick you up. I don't think he's planning on hanging with Garrett very long, he's not feeling very well today."

"Apparently he's feeling well enough to go cruising for chicks…if that's what they're doing," I said with a shrug.

"Emmett could be on his death bed and he'd still find a way to do that. I swear, he's going to end up one of those dirty farts who pinch the asses of all the nurses at the old folk's home."

I snorted. "Probably. Is he still trying to get you to go out on double dates with him?"

"Nah, I've been working too much. He knows I'm too tired in the evenings to go out. What do you think he enlisted Garrett for?"

"Aww, are you worried Garrett may be taking over some of your best friend duties?" I teased.

"No, I'm happy about it. I'm not interested in that shit anymore…I'm not even sure if I ever was," he admitted. "I always just did whatever Em wanted. He told me to go after the hot foreign exchange student, that's what I did."

"Yeah, cuz I'm sure you hated that," I said sarcastically.

He shrugged. "If I was being honest with myself, I would have rather gone after a certain Jr. High chick."

"Oh, sure," I said in disbelief. "I'm sure my undeveloped body and highly attractive braces were a real turn on."

"Even your awkward phase was a turn on," he joked…at least I think he was joking. "I already told you how those pigtails did me in."

I giggled. "Sure."

He rolled over me, careful not to let his weight rest on my stomach.

"I used to beg Em to let me stay over, just so I could sneak into your room at night when everyone was sleeping," he went on.

"Uh-huh, and what did you do then?"

"Whack off," he said casually.

I couldn't help it, I busted out laughing. "You're disgusting."

"Do you ever remember waking up to something sticky on your pillow?"

"Shut up!" I said through my laughter.

"What about on your face?"

"Ugh!"

"Don't worry, it only got on your face a couple times…usually around here," he said while tickling my cheek with his finger, so I turned my head to try to bite him. "Hey!" he complained.

He was about to continue with the disgusting and uncertainly made up story, but I shut him up by reaching my hands behind his head, and pulling him down for a kiss. Our tongues immediately found each other, and our kiss deepened into a passionate and overdue make-out session. Of course it wasn't long before my desires went far beyond that.

I lifted my hips and easily felt his returned desire, so my hand moved right to his pants to unfasten them.

"Bella, we're going to be late," he said with a moan as my hand found its way to his erection.

"We'll think of an excuse," I said unfazed and desperate for the release that only he could give. He had already begun bucking his hips to the rhythm of my stroking, so I knew he wasn't going to put up much of a fight.

"Fuck," he grunted before pulling away from me enough to force my hand out of his pants.

I would have complained about the action, but he quickly began undressing so I couldn't help but smile with eager anticipation. We didn't have time to do some slow sexy stripping of each other, so we quickly took off our own clothes, and then he crashed back down on me. His lips attached to mine, and I locked my legs around his waist just as he pushed into me.

"Gah," I said, mostly to myself. It had been far too long and I had almost forgotten just how good it felt to have him inside of me.

His lips moved to my neck, and I scratched down his back as he continued to pound into me. His body was heaven, and I just wished it could be permanently attached to mine. If there was a way to make that time with him last forever I would in a heartbeat, but unfortunately for both of us, it was over far too soon. We both came quickly, not because of the time restraint, but because it had been so long and we just couldn't help ourselves.

"I love you so much," he murmured before pulling out of me.

"I love you too," I replied.

….

I hated the fucking diner. The food was greasy and gave me the worse heartburn, but it was also small and crowded full of bored gossip hounds with nothing better to do than stare at the former police chief's pregnant teen daughter.

"Just ignore them," Em said to me supportively. He hated that I was pregnant and even more pissed at me than Charlie was, but I was still his little sister and he would always be overprotective. I was just glad that he was at least trying to spend time with me again after how angry he was.

He looked horrible again. He lost even more weight and he hardly touched his food, but I refused to stress too much about it. He was going to be ok, I knew it in my gut…but perhaps I needed to try to bring it up as casually as possible. If I made it sound like a random idea instead of something that was planned, he'd have no reason to think Edward had any part of it.

"So…I was thinking, you know, this baby is related to you, so…"

"So what?" Em asked clueless. Edward looked at me surprised but wasn't about to question me.

"So…maybe it could help you," I said in a rush. It was like taking off a Band-Aid, so I just wanted to say it fast to get it over with.

"Help me how?" he asked, not willing to figure out for himself what I was saying.

"You know…with your disease. Maybe it'll be a tissue match."

Em glanced at Edward with an expression that conveyed just how stupid he thought I was, and then he looked back at me. "Bella, the odds of your kid matching me are…" He went over the same lecture Carlisle had given me in the past, but I sat there and listened blankly anyway. If Em wanted to believe that I was an idiot, then I suppose it was for the best.

"There's still a small chance," I said when his lesson in genetics was finished.

"Yeah, but we have a better chance to win the lottery."

"People do win the lottery," Edward jumped in, echoing the point I had once made.

"Don't encourage her, bro," Em said to him.

"Well, I'm going to have the baby tested anyway," I said as casually as possible.

Em didn't respond, but Edward gave me an encouraging smile which actually made me feel worlds better. I already knew he was behind me, but that tiny reminder meant a lot.

"Well, look who finally came out of hiding," someone said from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Mike Newton standing there looking at me furiously.

"Uh…" I said, having no idea why he was talking to me in the first place.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Em asked him.

"She's my problem," he snapped at him. "The whole fucking town thinks I'm her baby's father, and I want her to set the record straight."

Em immediately got pissed, but Edward just looked aghast.

"Well, for your own safety, you better not be the douche that knocked her up," Em threatened him.

"Emmett," I chided him, but I didn't really care at the same time.

"I'm not her baby daddy, and I want the rumors to stop!" Mike said bitterly.

"Look, you better just get out of here before you make some stupid comment that gets your ass beat," Edward warned Mike irritated.

But Em wasn't finished questioning him yet. "Why would people think you were the father if you're not?"

"Because hella people saw us messing around at a party not long before she got pregnant, so they just assumed and word spread. But Bella is a fucking bitch and she won't tell people the truth."

"What the fuck did you just call my sister?" Em seethed.

"She's a bitch and a slut! No wonder the father doesn't want to come forward," he spat.

If Em was healthy I was sure Mike would be put in the hospital from his comment; he wouldn't be the first guy Em's massive punch sent there. But I suppose this was Edward's fight, and he proved it by standing and punching Mike square in the jaw, knocking him right to the ground.

"Hell yeah!" Em said with a clap to Edward's back. "What now bitch?" he shouted at Mike's unconscious form.

"Alright, out of my diner!" the owner yelled at us. "You're lucky that I respect Charlie enough to not call the police; you fucking delinquents!"

"Come on, Bella, let's get out of here," Em said while grabbing my arm and leading me out.

"Is your hand ok?" I asked Edward in the parking lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said evenly.

"Dude, that was the most amazing punch I've ever seen you throw," Em said excitedly. "I don't think you've done a KO before, have you?"

"I don't think it would have taken much for that fucking punk," Edward replied through gritted teeth. He was absolutely fuming, and I was only glad Em didn't really seem to notice. He wasn't pissed at me, he already knew what happened between Mike and me at that party, but it didn't make it any easier on him. I knew how much he hated people talking shit about me, he had told me so several times since everyone found out about my pregnancy. I just wished there was something I could do about it.

"You know Bella, that Mike guy is a fucking prick, but I have to admit, I'd hate to be in his position," Em said to me unexpectedly. "Why the fuck won't you just tell people who the father is? Dad said you guys were all lovey-dovey over texts, so what's the fucking problem? Did the son of a bitch ditch you, or something? Just tell me and I'll beat his ass and make him take responsibility…Well, I'll have _Edward_ beat his ass."

Edward reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he suddenly had a massive migraine. I felt his pain. "Let's just get going," Edward said after a moment.

Em shook his head at me for my lack of response to his comment, but then we both silently followed Edward to his truck.


	24. Ch23 Denial

Chapter 23 – Denial

"What are you cooking?" Charlie asked me when he came home early from work one day. He had been slowly coming around to speaking to me again, but I knew he was still overly uncomfortable by anything to do with my pregnancy so if we avoided the topic we seemed to do ok.

"A cake," I said slightly nervous.

"Is it someone's birthday?" he asked confused.

"No… Actually I feel bad because we missed Edward's," I said honestly. His birthday wasn't long after my father first found out about my pregnancy, and everything had been so crazy since then that I had lost track of time; not that Edward would ever be upset about it, but now that things had settled down, I was finally going to make him that cake I had promised.

"When was Edward's birthday?" Charlie asked, sounding like he felt almost as guilty as I did.

"June 20th."

"Oh…that's right. He's twenty one now, right?"

I shook my head. "Twenty."

"Huh…well, I suppose I should pick him up something," he said while scratching the back of his head. "He's done a lot for us, and I kind of feel like shit for missing it."

"Dad, don't, he wouldn't want you to," I told him quickly. "He doesn't want you to spend money, and he'd be embarrassed anyway. I promised him that I'd make a cake cuz he said he never had one, but I know he'd hate anything more."

"Well, alright then. Let's at least do a dinner here, or something…We'll have the cake for dessert."

"Ok, sounds good," I said with a smile.

The next evening Edward and Emmett came over for dinner. We ate a little late due to the fact that it was the soonest Edward could get off work, but none of us minded. I made meatloaf because he loved it so much, and then we all had cake but he refused to allow us to sing.

"Hey…one more year, huh?" Emmett said to Edward as we finished eating.

"One more year for what?" he asked clueless.

"Until you can legally drink in bars. Remember how we used to take our fake IDs and kick it at the night clubs in Seattle? You'll finally be able to do it legally."

"Emmett," Charlie chided. "What the fuck is wrong with you, son?"

"Aw dad, you can play dumb all you want, but you knew what we were doing in the city," Em said with a laugh.

"I certainly did not!" he barked. "I would never allow you to break the law like that."

"Oh, whatever. It was a good thing that I did, because we all know that I'm not going to even make it to twenty one anyway. At least I got a chance to experience it when I could."

"Em…can we just have a pleasant evening, please?" Charlie grumbled, not wanting to speak about Em dying right then.

"Look, I'm glad we've gotten a chance to get all together like this," Emmett said, changing his tone to match his more serious topic. "I think we need to figure out what's going to happen in the next few years."

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly anxious.

"Well…I'm not going to be here to make sure you're all taken care of, and I don't want to leave you guys in this state of chaos. Dad, your job sucks and you need a new woman. Bella, you need to figure out what you're going to do with the baby, and your future schooling and career. And Edward, you need to have some sort of plan for yourself as well; you can't work in that garage all your life, especially because it may be closing soon."

"The garage is closing?" Charlie asked surprised, echoing my own thoughts.

"Uh…It's not definite, but I know it's close," Edward explained.

"So I have solutions for everyone," Em announced. "Edward stop being a little bitch and go find that cheese princess in Italy. Dad take a desk job and ask Sue Clearwater out on a date, and Bella you need to go to college. Whether you keep that baby or not, you need to find a way to get a degree. I know it'll suck, but Phoenix does have a great JC with an onsite daycare program for the baby."

Edward, Charlie, and I all had similar expression on our faces, and Em knew right away none of us were going to go for any of his suggestions.

"Oh, come on guys. I've had nothing to do for months except think about all this, and I'm sure it's for the best."

"Bella's not going anywhere," Charlie said assuredly. "We'll figure it all out together, but Em, you don't have to worry. We'll be fine. We'll figure out a way to make everything work out."

I absently rubbed my belly, and when I risked a glance at Edward, we locked eyes. I may have been completely clueless about the future, but somehow I knew Edward had a plan, even if he couldn't voice it. For whatever reason my line of sight automatically shifted to Charlie, and he too was staring back at me, though his expression was unreadable.

"Well, it's getting late," Charlie said abruptly. "Why don't you boys come back tomorrow? We can discuss more then."

"I can't," Em said quickly. "I told you I have that thing with Garrett."

"Oh, right…Well, what about you, Edward?" Charlie asked.

"Um…I don't get off until seven thirty."

"Well, that's fine. We can hold dinner until then," Charlie insisted.

"Oh…okay, sure." The guys all stood to say goodnight, but my feet hurt and I refused to get up. Em bent down to give me a kiss on the cheek, and Edward shot me a slightly awkward wave, and then I was left in uncomfortable silence with Charlie.

"So…you never ask the guys over two nights in a row," I questioned him after a few moments.

He huffed. "I think we need to discuss some things, and it's best to not do it in front of Em."

"Like what?"

"Things I don't want Em to worry about," he said vaguely, but I knew exactly what he was talking about. The house…Now that Edward may be losing his job, there was no way Charlie could allow him to help with the payments and we were going to be forced into foreclosure. We needed to come up with some other kind of solution. Maybe I should suggest Edward and Em move back home so they wouldn't have to waste money on the apartment.

"Well, I guess it was good thinking to invite them tomorrow then, if you knew Em would be busy. He probably wouldn't appreciate you telling him that you wanted to speak to Edward without him," I told him.

"I'm not as stupid as I look," he replied with strange intensity.

"Um…okay," I said before finally forcing my big ass up. "I think I'm going to hit the sheets."

"Goodnight," he mumbled.

….

The next morning I was surprised to see Charlie still home at his normal departure time. "Calling in sick today?" I joked.

"No…I have the day off, but I do have some unrelated meetings that I can't miss. I'll be out of your hair soon."

"Okay," I said with a smile.

I spent the day picking up the house and working on my independent study work. It was another long lonely boring day, but I was still excited knowing Edward would be there for the second night in a row. I counted down the hours.

When Charlie came home around six that evening, I tried to say hi to him, but he went straight up to his room and slammed the door. I didn't hear a noise from him after that, and I debated with myself whether or not I should go check on him.

When seven thirty finally rolled around I anxiously waited by the window for Edward to come…but an hour later he was still a no show. I started to get really worried when the clock read 9:00pm and Edward never called to say he wasn't coming. Dinner was long past cold, so I decided to call his cell using the house phone.

Thankfully, he walked into the house just as my call reached his voicemail.

"Hey," I said, relieved he was there. I didn't know what I thought happened, but I was definitely glad he made it.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, sounding exhausted. "The garage officially closed tonight."

"What?" I practically shouted. "Like, for good?"

"Unfortunately…And that means tomorrow I'll be spending the day searching for a new job."

"It would be a good time to relocate," Charlie said as he came down the stairs.

"Relocate?" I asked, confused by his comment. "Why would he do that?"

"Change in scenery," Charlie said blankly. "Maybe Em is right; maybe you should go travel and find something better to do with yourself."

"Dad, he's living with Em…Em needs him right now," I said, wondering what his issue was.

"Emmett will be fine!" Charlie nearly shouted, taking me aback.

I narrowed my eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" he fumed.

I glanced at Edward again, but his expression almost surprised me more than Charlie's foul mood…it was a mix between guilty fear and acceptance. _What the hell was going on?_

I looked back at Charlie. "I really don't know what you're talking about," I said honestly.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! I've been a complete moron to not see what was happening right under my nose."

_Oh shit._ I didn't know how he knew, but he knew and I immediately became terrified.

"I didn't want to believe it," he continued. "Even when Waylon told me about the video, I just couldn't…fathom it."

"Who's Waylon?" I asked absently in complete shock.

"My boss," Edward stated, and then I understood. Every time I met Edward at work, we were being filmed…_every time_.

"Dad," I said quietly, hoping he would be calm and listen to my explanation, but he was already a lit fuse and there was no stopping it.

"He had the cameras installed because he thought someone was stealing from him, but then he realized that they just weren't making enough money so he fired everyone except his _top mechanic_. Forgetful bastard just never really checked those recordings because he no longer thought it was an issue. He was going through them last week just to double check and make sure there was nothing he missed, and then he saw something disturbing and told me about it. And do you know what I did?"

"Dad," I said again with tears streaming down my face, but he wouldn't even pause.

"I actually told Waylon to go fuck himself. I said he was wrong, that it was someone else in the video…Maybe it was Edward messing around with some girl, but it sure as hell wasn't my daughter….I yelled in his face that there was no way Edward would ever do that. I've known Waylon for twenty years, but I still didn't believe him. He kept calling me, but I wouldn't answer…It wasn't until last night that I fucking opened my eyes."

I shook my head slowly in pure denial, as every muscle in my body trembled. _This was not happening_. Not now, not when it was sure to destroy everything. How were we supposed to get out of this one? But there would be no cleaver lie, no false explanation that would free us…It was time.

"Dad, I can explain," I said, my voice breaking in the middle as the tears briefly overpowered me.

"Last night," Charlie continued, completely ignoring me. "I saw that look you exchanged and it all became perfectly clear. I still didn't want to believe it, so I went over to Waylon's today and asked to see that damn tape." His voice broke too, and for the first time, I saw my father cry over something that had nothing to do with Emmett's illness…at least he didn't think it did.

"Tell me the video was faked somehow?" Charlie begged Edward with angry tears.

I looked at Edward, and he looked absolutely horrible. He hated being the cause of my father's furious pain, but there was no going back.

"It wasn't faked," Edward said slowly. "I'm the father of Bella's baby."

Charlie's lit fuse finally hit the powder, and he exploded. He grabbed Edward by his collar and shoved him against a wall. "I trusted you with her! I loved you as if you were my own son. She's just a child. How could you do this to us?" he shouted, slamming him against the wall over and over again between words.

Edward could have easily protected himself, but he didn't budge; in fact he almost looked like he wanted to get hit.

"Dad, stop!" I cried.

Charlie actually listened to me and stopped slamming him, but he didn't let go, he just kept yelling. "What made you think you had the right? Even with the truth staring me dead in the face, I couldn't believe you would do that. Why? Tell me why, goddamn it!"

"I'm sorry, Charlie," Edward finally managed to say.

"You're sorry? You've kept quiet about this for months. Months! What the hell kind of person are you?"

"I made him promise to keep quiet!" I shouted, trying to get him to hear me over his fury. When he still wouldn't listen to me, I went over and grabbed his arm which he reflexively pulled away, causing me to fall straight back on my ass with an audible gasp escaping my lips.

It was scary as hell, but it did cause both men to finally break apart and jump to my aid.

"I'm fine," I tried assuring them.

"We should get you to the hospital to get checked out anyway," Edward suggested.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," Charlie said, looking completely shattered. "I never meant for you to get hurt."

"I know…and I'm fine," I said honestly. I only fell on my ass, but I understood their concern regardless. Falls of any kind were dangerous for pregnant women.

Edward helped me up and onto the couch, and then he started feeling my abdomen to check for the baby's movements. Thankfully, it was plenty active. "Let me just take you in to be safe," he insisted.

I nodded at him, but then looked at Charlie unsure of what to do.

"We'll all go," he said quickly.

The drive over to the hospital was tense…to say the least. Charlie wouldn't let Edward drive so we piled into the police cruiser where I sat in the front seat, and Edward climbed in the back. Charlie kept glancing at him in the rearview mirror and I could tell he liked the way Edward looked behind the barricade, which scared the shit out of me.

As soon as we arrived I was seen right away, and neither Edward nor Charlie was willing to leave my side.

"Ok, and are you the father?" the nurse asked.

Both of them said "Yes" at the same time, obviously taking her question two very different ways.

"I'm her father," Charlie clarified. "She's a minor."

"Ok, I understand," the nurse said with a kind smile. "And that would make you the baby's father," she concluded while pointing at Edward.

Charlie clinched his teeth. The truth was still far too raw for the nurse's casual comment.

"Yes," Edward said unashamedly.

The nurse asked me a few questions about my fall, and then I was hooked up to a monitor where I'd have to sit for a while so they could get an extended read of the baby's vitals.

Charlie and Edward sat in the guest chairs, and the three of us listened to the whooshing thumps of the baby's heart for an immeasurable amount of time, and then I decided it would be a safe place to tell Charlie everything.

"Dad…I need to explain how this happened," I started slowly.

"I don't want to hear any excuses for him," Charlie seethed, refusing to look at Edward at the moment, or even acknowledge the fact that he was in the room at all.

"It's not an excuse, it's the truth. I asked him to get me pregnant," I told him, hoping it would be enough of a shock to get him to listen. Thankfully, it was. "I overheard you and mom talking about having a baby to save Em…and when it didn't work for you, I knew I had to try myself."

Charlie looked at me blankly for a moment, and then his face distorted. "What?" he yelled with a mix of confusion and anger. "Bella, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"I know…everyone's told me that, but I still believe it'll work," I said confidently. "I begged Edward to help me get pregnant, and he told me no…so I went elsewhere but I couldn't go through with it so I went back to him. Dad, you have to believe me, this whole thing came from a good place."

"A good place? Bella, I saw the video of the two of you at the garage…Those are images I'll never be able to forget, and I didn't even watch the whole thing. But what I did see sure as hell wasn't some misguided plan to help your brother. It was a man messing around with a girl far too young for him."

"That's true," Edward jumped in. "It was inappropriate. Everything about what happened was wrong, but…Charlie, I swear to you, I love Bella so much, and I'm going to do anything necessary to take care of her and our baby."

"You've ruined her life," Charlie spat full of hate. "If you really cared about her, you would have said no."

"He did say no…he said no a lot," I told him. "But I gave him a guilt trip and wouldn't stop until he finally agreed."

"He's not a fucking child, Bella, you are, and he would have never gone along with it if he didn't want to."

"I did want to," Edward admitted. "I was in love with her, whether I'd admit it to myself or not, and…I just stopped fighting it. Like I said, I know it was wrong, and I'm sorry for breaking your trust, but I don't regret it."

"Of course you don't, you just regret getting caught," Charlie said irately. "Were you _ever _planning on coming clean about all of this?"

"He wanted to," I told him defensively. "I asked him not to because I knew you would react like this, and I didn't want you to separate us."

Charlie looked like he was about to say something, but the doctor came in and began reading the monitor. "Well, everything looks good. The baby is strong and healthy, just take it easy for the next couple of days."

"Thanks doctor," I said sincerely. A nurse came in and helped me get unhooked, and then Charlie had to sign some papers before I was finally released.

It was silent again for the car ride home, but the moment we got there Charlie stormed out, and then pulled Edward out of the back forcefully.

"Dad!" I yelled at him again, but he wouldn't listen.

Charlie immediately dragged Edward to his truck, and then opened the door and tried to shove him in. "Leave…and don't come back!"

"I can't do that, Charlie. I'm not going to abandon Bella and the baby."

"You listen to me, you son of a bitch, you will stay away from Bella. Period. We'll handle the baby situation later. And let me make myself perfectly clear," he leaned in to threaten him. "The only reason why I'm not arresting you right now, is because of the years you've been a part of my family. But consider that over now, and if I find out you've met her in secret, I will press charges."

There was nothing Edward could say. Charlie shut the car door in his face, and then he turned to me and pointed at the house. "Now, Bella."

I glanced at Edward one more time, and hoped he could see the love in my eyes before I forced myself to go in. I fully planned to work on my father and get him to understand as soon as he was willing to listen, but until then I needed a few minutes to myself so I could break down. I ran upstairs to my room, but before I could allow myself to lose it, I peeked out my window and saw Edward still sitting in his truck. He looked absolutely lost as he dropped his head onto the steering wheel, and just kept it there for a few long moments. Then he appeared to huff, before putting the truck into reverse and backing out of the driveway to disappear in the night.

I had no idea how we were going to work it all out, but at least Edward wasn't arrested so it could have definitely been worse. But the battle was far from over, and I was sure Charlie's reaction was nothing compared to what Emmett's would be.

I quivered at the thought.


	25. Ch24 Faith

***A/N: What's this? Another update so soon? Wow, thank you KC, you are awesome!…Just kidding…Well, I am awesome, but you don't have to thank me LOL.

Actually this was originally supposed to be part of the last chapter, but I really thought it needed to be divided up to give everyone a moment to breathe. Too much heavy! Anyway, this is the second thing that I ever wrote for this story, the first being the prologue, so basically I've been planning this conversation since the beginning, and I hope it doesn't disappoint!

And yes, the story is definitely still wrapping up soon. It may seem impossible because of how much left we have to cover, but trust me, it'll all be good, and I don't think you'll feel it was rushed because I have taken all the time I need for it. John Hiatt's "Have A Little Faith In Me" is playing in my head right now….In fact, I think I've decided to make that the theme song to this entire story ;)

* * *

Chapter 24 – Faith

The next day I heard Charlie get up and leave the house before I even got out of bed…an hour later I heard a loud rumble in the front, so I looked out my bedroom window and saw Emmett getting out of an old VW van.

Wonderful.

I swallowed hard and tried to mentally prepare myself for Em's fury. I got dressed and then slowly went downstairs, but was oddly greeted by a super chipper Emmett.

"Hey there little sister, how are you this morning?"

"Um…ok…I guess. What's going on?" I asked, unsure why he seemed so happy. Maybe he and Edward talked it out and Em is just grateful I'm not going to be a single mother…_One could dream, right_.

"Nothing…Dad asked me to hang out here with you today, so here I am."

"Uh…he didn't tell you why?" I asked confused.

"No…does there have to be a reason for me to hang out with my favorite sister?" he joked.

I scrunched my face and then went to go sit next to him on the couch. "So…dad just called you and asked you to hang out here…like all day?" I asked incredulously.

He shrugged. "He didn't really give me a specific timeframe…but I guess, yeah."

The only explanation I could think of for my father's actions was that he wanted to give me a chance to tell Em myself…I suppose I was grateful…terrified, but grateful. Then again, perhaps Em was my babysitter - an ignorant rat that Charlie planned to casually ask if Edward had been around that day. Both scenarios were probably accurate.

"And…did Edward say anything to you this morning…or last night?" I asked, surprised Edward didn't tell him either.

"No…Was he supposed to? Actually, I didn't even see him," he said unexpectedly.

"You spent the night away from the apartment, or he just didn't come out of his room?"

"Neither. I was home pretty early, but he wasn't there and never came…Lucky son of a bitch!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well he was out getting laid!"

I almost rolled my eyes…almost. "Why do you think that?" I asked, slightly annoyed. With Em, it was always about sex.

"Where else would he have been all night? The dude has been working far too much, and every guy needs a good stress relieving fuck every once in a while. I almost hope that garage does shut down. Fucking Waylon takes advantage of Edward's mad mechanic skills and overworks him."

I took a deep breath. "Well, the garage did close…Yesterday was the last day," I said slowly, still wondering where the hell Edward went after leaving the house last night. He did not look good, and I was really beginning to worry about him..

"No shit? Well, I bet he went out to a bar to celebrate and went home with some chick."

"I don't think so," I said absently.

"Why not? Bella just cuz you roomed with him for a while, doesn't mean you really know him. Chicks are crazy for that guy…When I'm out without him, they all want to know where he's at. Of course, Garrett's pissed because Edward rarely wants to go out anymore, but now that he's unemployed I'm sure he'll be back in the game."

"Uh-huh, and how will you guys pay for that fancy apartment now that he doesn't have a job?" I pointed out.

"Oh shit, I didn't think about that…We'll think of something," he said unconcerned.

I took another deep breath. "Emmett, I have to talk to you about something."

"Ok, shoot," he said, taking cues from my heavy tone and becoming serious as well. "What's going on?"

"Well, it's about Edward," I said slowly.

"Speak of the devil!" Em said excitedly while looking out the window behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward's truck in the driveway, and then he got out and walked towards the house. Em got up to let him in, but judging by Edward's expression Em immediately became serious again. "Hey, bro, what's going on?"

"Hey," Edward said quietly while walking past him into the house. My heart flipped when we locked eyes, and a bittersweet feeling washed over me. I was not expecting to see him again that soon, so I was beyond thrilled by that aspect; so thrilled, in fact, that it took every bit of will power I had to not throw myself at him and hold him until someone physically forced us apart. But he looked absolutely horrible like he just had the worst night of his life, and I knew he was there to confess everything to Em, which would surely be one of the hardest things he ever had to do. My heart sank for him…but all I could do was pray Em would listen.

They came in and sat in the living room – Emmett plopped down on my dad's recliner, and Edward purposely took the seat on the couch right next to me. He was so close that I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself around him, or at least hold his hand, but it wasn't the time for that…at least not yet.

"So…Bella said the garage closed?" Em started awkwardly. I was pretty sure he could tell Edward was searching for the right words to tell him something big, so he was trying to help him out by initiating the conversation.

Edward nodded absently. "Yeah…but I have a couple plans, I think it'll be ok."

"That's cool… So what's up?"

"Um…" He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, like he often did when he was stressed, so I leaned back on the couch and subtly began rubbing his back…I was fairly certain Emmett couldn't see the display of supportive affection from where he was sitting, or at least he didn't notice it. "I need to tell you the truth about something that I've kept from you for a while…"

"Ok…Just say it, bro."

Edward nodded. "I'm…the father of Bella's baby," he said slowly.

Emmett just stared at him in utter shock, and then….laughter. "Oh my god, you're fucking hilarious. Good one, Eddie. Now what's really going on?"

Edward and I weren't laughing. "I'm not joking," he told him.

Em's laughter stopped abruptly, but he still didn't believe us. "Bella, what is going on? How the hell did you convince Edward to take the fall for that shit? And what the fuck is in it for you?" he asked Edward angrily.

"Damn it, Emmett, I'm not lying about this. Bella and I….we're together…well, at least as together as we can be right now. Your dad found out the truth last night, and now I'm not allowed anywhere near her."

"If you're not allowed anywhere near her, then why are you here?" Emmett asked, his tone was somewhere in between stunned belief and ridiculous disbelief.

"Because you weren't at the apartment and Garrett said he dropped you off here. I wanted to tell you myself before you heard it from Charlie…and…" he let his sentence trail off.

"And what?" Em asked impatiently.

"And I know you're going to be pissed about this at first, but I was hoping that after some time, you'd forgive me enough to talk to Charlie for me," he said in almost a rush. Emmett was far too calm and that couldn't have been a good thing, so it made sense that Edward was trying to say everything he could while Emmett allowed him to speak. "I know I don't have any right to ask you anything, but I'm desperate here. I can't just stay away like he wants. I need to take care of Bella and be a father to our baby. No matter how much you hate me, surely you can understand that?"

Emmett just stared at him blankly. He was in shock, and I just wondered what it was going to take for him to finally snap. It made my nerves spike, and I couldn't handle it anymore so I did the one thing that was sure to push him over the edge, I moved my hand into Edward's lap, and wove my fingers into his.

Emmett watched this action absently, and then – "WHAT THE FUCK!"

His outburst made me jump, but Edward didn't even flinch because he was fully expecting it.

"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Em continued. "You have the nerve to tell me that you got my sister pregnant, and in the very same breath you ask me to talk my dad into letting you back in her life. You're fucking delusional!" He stood up from the recliner and began pacing the room. "How…I don't even get this. What the fuck, Edward? How the fuck could you do this?"

"I can explain," I said quickly. I then took a deep breath to prepare for the same speech I had given my father. "It all started because I asked him to…"

"No," Edward interrupted me unexpectedly. "It doesn't matter how it started because it would have happened regardless. The truth is that we were alone together…a lot, and I didn't expect it but that doesn't mean that I didn't want it." He paused, and then seemed to change directions. "There's no excuse; it was wrong on so many levels, but we love each other, and I swear to you, I will always take care of her and our baby…"

But Em heard enough, and everything Edward was saying just pissed him off even more. "And what the hell makes you think you could ever be good enough for my sister?" he seethed. "You are nothing. You'll never amount to anything; you're actually just a pathetic waste of space. I honestly regret the moment I ever befriended you, you fucking loser. Go back to the fucking trailer park where you belong. Better yet, get the fuck out of town before my dad arrests your sorry ass!"

Edward nodded slowly. "You're right, I'm not good enough for her and never will be. And maybe someday she'll realize that and move on to find someone better suited for her…but he couldn't possibly love her more than I do. No one could."

Emmett laughed again darkly. "You don't even know what love is. Anytime someone shows you the least bit of attention, you think it's far more important than it really is and end up following them around like a lost puppy. You're a fucking leech. You latch onto people and don't know when to let them go. It's no different than when we were kids. I brought you a fucking Twinkie so you actually thought I wanted you shadowing me for the next decade. I just never had the heart to tell you to leave me the fuck alone. And Bella. She's a kid. She doesn't know what love is either. Of course she thinks she loves you. Girls her age are infamous for their melodramatic love lives. She'll get over you. My dad and I will make sure of it. So go back to what you're best at - wrenching on clunkers and banging whores. That's as good as your life will ever get!"

I could not believe the horrible things coming out of my brother's mouth. I knew he was going to be mad, but to be that hurtfully cruel went far beyond what I thought he was capable of, and I was worried sick about the impact his words would have on Edward. And I was right to be concerned…

"I'm not leaving her," Edward said shakily, suddenly losing all his confidence. "She's my family, we're having a baby"

"She is not your anything. Just because you fucked around with her, doesn't mean she belongs to you. Do you really want her to end up like your mom? Stuck with a kid too young and turning to drugs to cope with a lying cheating abusive idiot of a husband until she just can't take it anymore and runs away to probably off herself somewhere. I always knew you were going to repeat history and end up just like your dad, but I'll be damned if you drag my sister down with you. If you really care about Bella the way you say you do, then don't do that to her. Just go. We'll make sure she and the baby are taken care of."

My heart was beating out of my chest like a Native war drum, but I couldn't even imagine what Edward was feeling at that moment. I needed to do something - put Em in his place and tell him that there was no way they were going to separate us.

"Emmett, Edward isn't going anywhere," I told him strongly. "Because if he does, then I'm going too. We're staying together."

"How are you going to stay with him if he's in jail, Bella?" Em said coldly.

I bit my bottom lip. "We'll go somewhere that it's not illegal to be together," I replied anxiously.

"You cross state lines, then it's a federal kidnapping case. Try it, but don't think for a moment you won't get caught. His ass will end up in jail where he belongs either way."

Edward dropped his head into his hands while resting his elbows on his knees. He was running out of ideas…and so was I.

"Em, please," Edward said desperately. "Charlie will listen to you…Please don't take Bella away from me…I need her."

"You'll say anything to keep your ass out of jail, won't you?"

"No, god, I don't care about that shit. It's not about jail, I just can't lose her." Edward was close to tears, and for the life of me, I didn't understand how Em could see him like that and still be so cruel.

"Not that she was ever your to begin with, but you've already lost her. Didn't you say that my dad told you to stay away from her? I wonder how he's going to feel about you being here now."

Then I got scared again. "Don't call him," I begged. "We just want to raise our baby together."

"Bella, he is no good for you," Em said a little softer, assumedly trying to make me understand where he was coming from. "He's only going to break your heart."

"Emmett, I will always be faithful to her," Edward told him with conviction.

"Faithful? Like you ever could be monogamous, even if you wanted to. You don't even know the meaning of the word."

"Maybe that was true before…but I'm not like that anymore," Edward tried assuring him. "Nothing has ever mattered to me more than Bella."

"Right, and that's why you were fucking around with Tanya a few weeks ago," Emmett said, taking me completely aback.

I glanced at Edward and for a moment he looked shocked as well, but then his features melted into defensive anger. "Don't even go there, Emmett."

"You mean, don't tell Bella that you've been a fucking douchebag?" Em said scornfully.

"Nothing happened with that bitch, and you know it!" Edward yelled at him.

"No? Could have fooled me. She even came back for more a few days later. In fact, she told me you guys had plans this weekend as well. Like I said, you're a fucking man-whore and I'm going to make sure you don't hurt my sister any more than you already have."

Edward shook his head slowly. "You're lying," he seethed. "You know that shit never happened, you're just making it up."

"Unlike you, I have no reason to lie. Bella, don't worry, a few years from now Edward will be nothing more than a horrible mistake."

"Emmett…even if you're pissed at him for this, that doesn't give you the right to make something like that up," I told him slowly, lacking the strength in my voice that I intended to have.

"I'm not making it up, Bella. Call the bitch, she'll tell you. Edward fucked her just a few days ago, and I was stupid enough to actually encourage him."

If it had been anyone but Tanya in question, I would have dismissed it all immediately. But how could Emmett have known that she was the one girl that I ever worried about Edward with. The woman was perfect, and he did seem enthralled by her company when I saw them together before…_I was really starting to feel sick. _

"You're a fucking liar!" Edward said furiously. "It doesn't even matter what you say because it's not going to work - I'm not going anywhere."

"Nowhere but jail. And you certainly won't be going anywhere near Bella again. I'm going to make sure she knows the truth about you, and then my dad and I will help her forget and move on."

I felt numb, and there was a loud whooshing sound coming from deep inside my ears. Then the room started spinning…And it was Edward's turn to erupt.

"You have no idea what the hell you're messing with right now!" Edward said irately. He jumped up and got right in Emmett's face. "I swear to god, if you weren't sick I'd fucking beat the shit out of you!"

"If I wasn't sick you'd be dead already, you fucking son of a bitch!" Em shouted back, and then he shoved past Edward and walked over to me. "Bella, I'm your brother, you have to trust me. Edward is a lying, cheating jackass, and he will only bring you misery."

I wasn't sure what expression I was wearing, but it must have been one that convinced Edward that I believed Emmett…_Did I believe him?_

"You know what Emmett, Fuck you! You may get her to doubt me, but deep down she knows the truth." Edward walked over to the front door, and then opened it before looking back at me. "I have no idea how, but I swear to you, I'm going to prove myself to you, and then I'll figure out a way to get Charlie to change his mind about us."

"Don't hold your breath, prick…or you know what…do!" Emmett shut the door in Edward's face, and then walked back over to me. "I'm sorry you had to hear all that…But it's better that you know now before you sacrifice the next several years to him."

I didn't realize until that moment that I was crying, but I was also strangely frozen, unable to move a muscle in my body to even wipe the tears away.

"Someday, after you've had time to grow up and find someone worthy of you to have a real family with," Em continued, "you're going to cross paths with Edward again, and then you'll understand. He'll be strung out and living in his car or in the trailer park, and you'll understand why I did this. I just saved you from that life."

And suddenly I came back to life, except without the numbing sensation I was left feeling more pain in my chest than I ever felt before. _What the hell just happened?_

I forced myself up as fast as I could, and then I darted out the door.

"Edward!" I shouted after him, but he was already driving his truck down the street and rounding the corner out of sight. It was the worst thing I had ever done. My moment of doubt had certainly caused Edward pain, but that moment was now long over and I knew in my heart that Emmett had lied. Despite my repeated bouts of jealousy towards Tanya, I was sure that Edward would never hurt me like that. He loved me, and he had spent so many days and nights telling me so…And then I became angry. I was pissed at myself, but I was livid at Emmett so I stormed back into the house and immediately began shouting at him.

"How could you do that? What the hell kind of person lies about something like that?" I screamed at him with angry tears flowing down my cheeks.

"I did what's best for you!" Em said defensively.

"What's best for me? You don't care what's best for me otherwise you'd be trying to help me convince dad to let me stay with Edward. We're having a baby together. I need him with me!"

"For crying out loud, Bella. Listen to your gut; the guy is no good for you."

"I am listening to my gut…I've been doing that from the beginning, and my gut is telling me that you're a fucking liar!"

"Even if he hasn't been with anyone else _yet_, it's only a matter of time, and you know that. I saw your face when I first mentioned that he had fucked Tanya; you believed it because you don't trust him!"

"I do trust him...I just never really trusted myself," I admitted. "I've never trusted that I was good enough for him or that he could possibly want me more than someone like Tanya. So maybe when you mentioned her name it was my fears realized….but that's all it ever was…_my_ fears. Edward has never given me a reason to not trust him, and what you did wasn't fair."

"You don't know him, Bella."

"No, you don't! You think you know him, but obviously you don't because he is so much better than you'll ever understand. He's not some loser who can't escape the vicious cycle of his family's legacy - He's already beaten it…"

"By knocking up a high school chick?" Em scoffed. "He hasn't beaten shit; he's following down the same path his father took. And look, now he's even unemployed."

"He wants to be a father. He wants to take responsibility. He already loves this baby more than his father ever loved him, and I know he's going to do whatever it takes to make sure we get everything we need. He's not afraid of it…He's not running away - if anything he's running _to_ us. And if we do end up living in a trailer park on food stamps, I can guarantee he won't be spending what money we do have on drugs and alcohol…And we would still be happy because we'd be together, and that's all that matters because we honestly love each other."

Emmett shook his head stubbornly. "You're delusional. He's got you so fucked up in the mind that you actually believe all this shit."

"He's not the one who lied."

"Oh, he's not?" he asked disdainfully.

"Not to me, anyway."

"He's going nowhere but down…and I'll be damned if he brings you down with him."

I shook my head at him angrily.

"I swear Bella, stay away from him otherwise I'll make sure he spends the next few years behind bars with a sex offender sticker plastered right on his permanent record. Try to run away out of state, and he'll be arrested for kidnapping. I will not allow you to ruin the rest of your life for him…and one day, you'll thank me."

"You're not even planning to live much longer," I told him harshly. I didn't even think before saying it, but I was so beyond upset that thinking wasn't something I could do clearly anyway. "I could tell you that this baby started out as a plan to create a tissue donor to save your life, but you probably wouldn't even care about that either."

He took two steps closer to me and leaned in so that he was towering over me. "I would rather die tomorrow than have you get pregnant to save me…especially by that fucker."

"I guess it's true what they say then…that you can't save someone if they don't want to be saved," I said with a new round of tears, hoping he understood the double meaning to my comment. I didn't want him 'saving' me from Edward any more than he would have wanted me to get pregnant to save him. Perhaps we were both right…or perhaps with time, he'd come to realize just how wrong he was and that I was more intuitive than he could possibly imagine.

He just shook his head and walked past me up to his old room, and I was left standing there alone again, praying for some kind of miracle that would fix everything. My baby gave me one hard kick to reverberate the thought…


	26. Ch25 A Little Streak of Yellow

Chapter 25 – A Little Streak of Yellow

The moment I heard Emmett's door shut upstairs, I went right for the house phone and called Edward.

No answer…at least not the one I wanted. "You can't call him, Bella. He let me borrow his cell yesterday, and guess who still has it?" I heard Emmett's say over the line just as Edward's voicemail clicked on. He must have heard me dialing and picked up the phone in his room…fucking jerk.

"UGH! Go give him his phone back!" I screamed at him, hoping he could hear me both through the receiver and the floor that separated us.

"No way in hell!" he yelled back at me.

"That's stealing, Emmett; maybe you'll be the one who ends up in jail!" I shouted.

"Nope, I'll be dead and he'll be nothing more than a bad memory!" he replied, and even though he was yelling, he did it way too casually and it just pissed me off even more.

"God, I hate you!" I screamed. It just sort of escaped my mouth without my permission, but it was true at that moment. I had never been so mad at anyone in my entire life…though, I suppose hate was too strong of a word. I didn't hate my brother, and I still fully planned on saving his fucking ungrateful ass, but after that I wanted nothing to do with him. Let him call the police on Edward, we'd make sure to go somewhere they would never find us.

I slammed the phone down out of pure rage, but then I had an idea. I picked it back up and called the one person I knew would support my need to find Edward.

"Rose, hey, I need you to come pick me up," I asked her.

I was sure she could hear the desperation in my voice so she didn't even bother with questions, she just said – "I'll be right over."

"No…You're not going anywhere," Emmett said as he rushed down the stairs.

"Sorry, but last time I checked, you are not my father," I said angrily.

"Fine, I'll call dad."

"See, the thing is, I really don't care what dad says either. Just think of me as an uncontrollable teen," I said bitterly before storming outside to wait for Rose.

Rose pulled up five minutes later, and the moment I was in the safety of her car, I broke down. I really felt so lost and completely helpless that I just didn't know what else to do.

"It's okay honey, just tell me what happened," Rose cooed, but all I could think about right then was the fact that we were still sitting in front of my house.

"Just drive somewhere, please!" I cried.

"Okay, say no more," she said quickly before driving off to who knew where. I suddenly had a flash of the ending scene in _Thelma and Louise_, but then I quickly pushed away that disturbing thought. I didn't want her to drive off a cliff, I was just being emotional.

She eventually parked somewhere, and just rubbed my back as I sobbed. She didn't pressure me for information; she just waited for me to be ready.

I had no idea how long I cried for, but eventually I took a deep breath, then did my best to tell her everything that happened.

"God…I can't believe Emmett would say all that," she said after a few minutes. "And you're sure he was lying?"

"Yes!" I shouted at her. I didn't mean to snap, but I was just so tense, and thankfully she didn't hold it against me.

"Ok…So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't even know how to get a hold of him," I said as tears continued to flow down my cheeks. "Rose, you should have seen him…he was so hurt and Emmett just kept hitting him and hitting him. It's was like, every insecurity he had, Em used against him…and I just sat there and let him do it. I actually let a whole minute go by where I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. How could I do that to him?"

"Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. Emmett told you the one thing that would question him…How'd he know about Tanya anyway?"

"I don't know…but I don't care either. I don't give two shits about her because I know Edward doesn't want anything to do with her…well, he loves her car," I said with a fresh round of wailing. Talking about her car just reminded me of the way Edward and I had sex on said car, which was then caught on camera and started that horrible domino effect until the explosive ending. It would have all come out eventually, but I couldn't help but think that at that exact moment, I could have been with Edward if Charlie didn't see that video…and I wanted to be with Edward.

"Look…I'm going to drive around and see if we can find him."

"Really?" I asked, finding a glimmer of hope in the hopeless situation.

"Yeah," she said while backing out of the parking space. "We should be careful because your dad and brother would be pissed, but at least if we find him you can tell him you're sorry and how much you love him and everything."

"Thanks Rose," I said while drying my face with the back of my sleeve.

"Where should I go first?"

"Um…lets go to the apartment downtown."

"Okeydokey, downtown it is."

Unfortunately Edward wasn't at his apartment, so we drove around town a bit, but couldn't find him anywhere. We even looked at the garage but there were already boards on the window with a big "Closed" sign.

"Rose, what am I going to do?" I asked heartbroken.

"He'll show eventually. That guy loves you so much, there's no way he'll be able to stay away. I'm sure he's just off brainstorming, or something."

I nodded. "Rose, can we try one more place?"

"Sure, where?"

"The trailer park," I said slowly, knowing she would probably freak out. But she kept her cool and drove there despite the fact that she really didn't want to…she did lock all the doors in the car though. I directed her to the trailer Edward grew up in, not really expecting him to be there, but I just didn't have any other ideas.

When Rose pulled to a stop, I was certain he wasn't there because his truck was nowhere to be seen, but just as we were about to leave there was a banging on the windshield, and I was shocked to see Edward's father standing there looking absolutely pissed.

"Bella, do not roll down the window," Rose warned me. "In fact, I really hope he backs up because I am about to leave and I don't even care if I run him over."

"Rose, just hold on," I said slowly -and then I rolled down the window - Rose sunk lower in her seat.

"Hello, Mr. Masen….I'm Bella Swan…Um…Edward's girlfriend."

"Now you've done it," Rose squealed quietly.

"I know who you are, and I told that damn boy that you were going to get him arrested!" Mr. Masen grumbled.

"Arrested?" Rose and I said at the same time. My chest clinched and I started feeling dizzy again.

"Bella, breathe," Rose said in a panic, she must have seen the expression on my face or something.

"Did he call you for bail, or something?" I asked him absently as I tried to get a hold of my breathing. If I wasn't pregnant I probably would have allowed myself to faint, but I had to be strong for my baby.

"Aint that why you're here?" he asked me confused.

"What? No…We're not here to ask for money," I said quickly.

"Well I aint got money for child support neither, so don't even bother asking."

"I would never ask," I tried assuring him. "Please sir, can you just tell me what you know about Edward being arrested?"

"I don' know shit…I haven't heard nothing from him since he came're and told me he got you pregnant. I don't even knows why he came, whad he expec me to do, congratulate him?"

I was immediately relieved that Edward wasn't in jail, but of course that also made me worry even more. _Where was he?_

"Maybe he just wanted you to know you were going to be a grandfather," Rose said irritated.

Mr. Masen went off on some big spiel about how he was too young to be a grandparent and the kid better not expect any birthday gifts from him, or something like that, but I stopped paying attention. All I could think about was how much Edward actually looked like his father. Mr. Masen appeared much older than his thirty eight years, and he had a few teeth missing, but the same features, and I could tell that he must have been beautiful at some point.

It was so sad to me that he ended up like that. Too many years of drug and alcohol abuse, but as my mind wandered further and I thought back to the day I met Edward's grandmother, I finally understood the meaning of the vicious cycle. Generation after generation of unwanted and unloved lonely people. It was no wonder they often turned violent and used narcotics to numb themselves…My baby would not share their fate…and neither would Edward. I had enough love in me to fill all those voids in Edward, and together we would love our baby so much that it would be impossible for it to get lost in the often harsh realities of life.

But as we drove back toward my house, I realized another important factor…Edward would also have to fill all those voids in my life as well. My family was no longer a family. My mother fell off the deep end, and Emmett and Charlie could go fuck themselves for all I cared. Edward and our baby was all the family I'd ever need.

"So what now?" Rose asked as she turned onto my street.

I took another deep breath. "I really don't know…I guess I need to just wait it out and hope he's ok wherever he is…He's going to come back for me…I know he will."

"Yeah…but what if your dad doesn't back down with the whole arresting him thing?"

"I really hate everything about Emmett right now, but I'm still not willing to just let him die. So I'm going to have this baby…save his life…and then we'll find Edward and disappear."

"So…you're almost six months along now…you're just going to wait around for the next three or four months and hope you get to see Edward at some point?"

"I don't know what else to do," I said absently.

I decided to go home because I could honestly imagine Charlie putting an APB out for me as some runaway or endangered youth, which really wasn't something I felt like dealing with right then.

And of course Emmett was waiting for me anxiously in the living room, but I ignored him and went right up to my room and slammed the door.

As if it wasn't all bad enough, later that evening I heard Emmett and Charlie talking about everything. I refused to come downstairs, but I could still easily hear every word they were saying despite them trying to keep their voices down…

"So…not only is Bella underage, but it classifies as a special circumstance because he was in a position of authority over her," Charlie explained.

"So what does that mean?" Em asked.

"It means that I trusted Edward to be a guardian of sorts, and he abused his power by engaging in a sexual relationship with her. Basically he's in deep shit if I decide to press charges."

"I still can't believe he did that…I mean, I just don't get it….We always…We've always had the same taste in women, what the fuck does he see in Bella?"

"Emmett, Bella is beautiful."

"No…that's not what I'm saying. Of course she's beautiful, but…she's just a kid. I mean, it's _Bella_. He watched her grow up…I just don't get it. It's just….I don't even fucking know him. What if he's had some sick attraction to her all along. He could very well be one of those closet disgusting freaks that has all these strange fantasies or something, and I've brought him here. I exposed Bella to that and now she hates me because she thinks she's in love with him."

"This isn't your fault, Emmett. I'm the one that asked him to stay with her. I was scared of her being alone all the time, but I was also stupid enough to worry about that sex offender next door…Never in a million years did I think that Edward was the real threat."

"Why the hell is that sex offender still there anyway?" Emmett asked, slightly off topic. "Couldn't you have pulled some strings and had him moved?"

"He's there legally," Charlie grumbled.

"Gah…Dad, how the hell did everything fall apart? I mean… I never thought I'd actually hate Edward enough to downright make up lies about him. But…Fuck…I didn't know what else to do. Bella is so naive and blind…and she's so young, way too young to even begin to understand the things she was saying. She was talking about her future as if she couldn't even imagine it without him. She's sixteen, for crying out loud. I would have said anything to get her to wake up from that delusion she's stuck in."

"And you really think Edward has been messing around with other girls while Bella thought he was just with her?" Charlie asked hesitantly.

"I don't know….All I know is that he was never monogamous in any relationship I've ever known him to have, and that Tanya chick did come over a couple times looking for him."

"She came over to the apartment?"

"No…When I was with him at the garage. He was always busy in the back working on all the cars so she was never able to talk to him that I know of…but it was odd that she kept trying. I don't know, maybe she just had a thing for him. I tried convincing him to call her…but he was never interested."

There were several moments of silence.

"But I do know that he spent last night away from the apartment, and he sure as hell wasn't here, so he had to of been with someone…Where the hell else would he have gone?"

"Look, I'm not about to forgive him, but we don't need to speculate either," Charlie said evenly.

"Whatever. I'll just be glad when Bella finally gets over him… I only hope I live long enough to see it."

…

A few days later Emmett's friend Garrett came over with his van stuffed full of Emmett's belongings, signifying that he was officially moved out of Edward's apartment. But what sucked the most was the fact that with Emmett back home, he was _always_ around. Garrett occasionally took him out, but usually it was at night when Charlie was home, leaving me with absolutely no time to myself. Rose stopped by to visit me every couple of days, but I never left the house and rarely left my bedroom. It was safe to say that life pretty much sucked.

But as the weeks went by, and there was no word from Edward, I started to get worried, and then Rose had some shattering news.

"So…I was talking to Irina….you know, her uncle is Waylon, the owner of the garage Edward worked at."

"Ok?"

"Well…She said that a couple weeks ago she was helping her dad and uncle clean things up so they could try to sell the building, and Edward stopped by to get his last check."

"Wait, this was after the blow up with Emmett?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah…I guess it was like three days later…Anyway, he mentioned that he was…leaving town…._permanently_."

"What?" I nearly shouted. "No, she had to have heard him wrong. He wouldn't just leave me here like that."

"She said her uncle asked him where he was heading, and he said something about Chicago."

"He thinks his mom might be in Chicago," I said absently.

"Maybe he just thought there was no way to get past your dad and brother…Bella, he probably didn't want to force you and the baby into a life on the run. I'm sure he left for your own good."

I shook my head no slowly, and once again tears ran trails down my cheeks. Edward was really gone, and I had no idea how to contact him. "What if I never see him again?"

"I'm sorry Bella, I wasn't sure if I should tell you or not."

"No, I'm glad you did," I said quietly, feeling like someone had just stabbed me in the chest.

As much as I tried to make plans for my and my baby's future without Edward, I just couldn't do it. I was still in shock, and I couldn't even fathom the idea of not having that family I planned on. Edward wouldn't leave me….except that he did.

So I found myself spending my days in bed. It was summer, but I still had school work I could have been doing if I found the motivation…it all just seemed pointless.

"Hey Bells," I vaguely heard Charlie say one day from somewhere outside my world beneath the bed covers. The bed dipped as he sat by my feet, but I just bent my knees to my stomach and tried to make myself as small as possible. _Why the hell couldn't he just leave me alone?_ "Bella, listen, I know you hate me right now…and you're probably feeling like the world is crumbling around you, but…you can't continue on like this. It's not healthy for you or the baby."

I didn't respond, so he sighed and finally got to the point he was trying to make.

"Listen, I think you should move to Phoenix with your mom. She has a house now, she's making good money…I can't even afford to buy you the baby stuff you need. I mean, we have nothing, and we're running out of time here. Look, the last thing I want to do is send you away, but I just don't think we have another choice. Harry can't lend me any more money for the house, and it's only a matter of time until we finally lose it."

As much as I hated everything he was saying, a small part of me thought he might be right.

"The baby is due in October," I mumbled, still refusing to pull the blanket off my head. "Let me just stay here until it's born…and then we'll go to mom's."

"Waylon told me Edward left town," he said unexpectedly.

"I know," I replied feeling completely dead inside.

He sighed heavily. "I'm not sorry he's gone…but I am sorry you're hurting. I really believe one day…when your child reaches this age…you'll understand how wrong it was for Edward to cross that line."

"And what am I supposed to tell my child?" I asked him emotionlessly. "Because despite how wrong it was, he or she doesn't have a father now and I can't think of anything more wrong than that."

"I am sorry about that Bella…and if there was a way to let Edward be a father and still stay away from you…I don't know. It's just an impossible situation that I still can't wrap my head around. I just feel like he really betrayed not only my trust…but he betrayed yours too. You may have wanted to be with him…but he had a responsibility to do the right thing and continue to tell you no regardless of how guilty you made him feel….I should have never asked him to stay with you…But I never imagined…"

"We're just slightly over three years apart," I said evenly. "Mom's five years younger than you."

"Five years isn't much when both are adults and have had time to decide what they want out of life…_and we still ended up divorced_. But a twenty year old and sixteen year old are just too different. You have no idea what you want out of life right now because you haven't had any experiences to help you decide. You haven't dated, or been to a dance, or graduated high school. You've never even had a real boyfriend. Bella, I don't disapprove of Edward himself - he's done a lot for this family and I think he's got great potential - it's the way it happened. If he had only waited…If he gave you time to grow up, it wouldn't have even been an issue. Em might have had a hard time with it, but he would have accepted it soon enough."

"We didn't have time to wait…You don't have to believe me, but I really did get pregnant to save Em."

"Bella, even if it was a guaranteed success, you are too young for that kind of responsibility. It's not your job to save him."

"But I'm the only one who could."

He sighed again. "You're sixteen…I don't even know when this all started, you guys could have been sneaking around for years."

"It started after Thanksgiving. I was already sixteen."

"Barely," he argued.

I actually had no idea why I was even trying to talk to him about it. Edward was gone. He left me so none of it mattered anymore.

"Dad…Can you just go now?" I asked, feeling my eyes sting yet again. I didn't want to cry anymore, I wanted to retreat back into my previous state of numbness.

"Ok, Bella. I just hope you know that I really do love you…Always have, always will." I felt him lean over and kiss the top of my covered head, and then the bed jolted as he got up and left the room.

….

The worst month I could possibly imagine finally ended, and August rolled in with an impromptu visit from Renee. I couldn't stand my mother, but at least she didn't give me grief about the guy who got me pregnant. She didn't care who my baby's father was, because in her mind I was going to be a single mother regardless.

But of course knowing the other half of my baby's DNA definitely excited her.

"Oh Bell, we should get lots of green!" she said enthusiastically as we browsed through the local baby clothing store.

"Why?" I asked, lacking any excitement whatsoever. I loved my baby more than anything, but I just couldn't force myself to get into the joys of shopping for it. Maybe I was still in denial. Maybe I was still waiting for Edward to come back, and hated the idea of buying anything without him.

"Well it's a great unisex color, and we both know that precious peanut is going to have the biggest green eyes," she practically squealed.

"Or brown like mine," I said robotically.

"I wonder if it'll have that odd bronze color hair?" she mused to herself. "Another reason why green is the perfect color."

"I like blue," I told her, surprising myself with the slight edge to my tone.

"Blue is nice, but not for a girl."

"Then we'll get one in blue and one in purple," I said quickly before throwing the baby jammies into the cart.

"I guess I can return whichever one doesn't work," Renee agreed. "Good thinking. Although I still wish you'd find out the sex ahead of time."

"Well it's not up to you!" I snapped. She looked surprised and a little hurt by my outburst, so I sighed. "Mom, I'm sorry. I really do appreciate you buying all this stuff for me."

She smiled. "It's going to be a tough go for a while, but…we'll get through it. I actually think it'll be kind of nice – the three of us living together. Especially if it's a girl. It'll be three generations of women…everything will perfect."

_Perfect?_ - I couldn't help but lose a few tears from that one. Living with my mom was definitely not the perfect family I had in mind.

"Oh, everything will be fine," Renee said when she saw my wet face. She hugged me and rested her head against mine as a sign of support. "The birth will be a piece of cake, we'll get you an epi right away," she said, misreading my anguish.

"We should get some diapers," I said quickly, trying to change the subject so I could stop acting like a blubbering idiot. I needed to stay strong…Strong and numb. It was the only way I was going to survive it.

But when we got home Renee spread all our baby purchases out so Charlie and Emmett could see everything, and then she suggested taking some of it back to Phoenix with her right away, so I lost it…again.

I retreated to the torturous sanctuary of my room, and sobbed uncontrollably. I didn't want to go to Phoenix. I didn't want any of it, and for the smallest of moments, I considered the idea of adoption again. I loved my baby more than anything, but I had nothing to give it. I wasn't even a complete person anymore and it deserved so much more than a vacant mother. I had that growing up, and Edward's parents…well, I just couldn't do that to my baby.

I needed to make a decision - Either force myself to accept that Edward was gone and learn to find joy in life without him, or give up completely.

Suddenly something caught my eye…a little streak of yellow in a mostly purple room. I went over to the window to investigate the strange color that wasn't there that morning, and that's when everything changed. It was a post-it note…taped to the outside of my window containing the words _I love you_

My heart jumped.

I looked outside to see if there was anything else I was missing. A letter, anything. But there was nothing. I reached outside and pulled the note in to look closer at, and felt something that had been missing in my life for the past month…hope.

I hid the note under my pillow, but otherwise tried not to think about it too much. The truth was I had no idea how long it had been there for, so it was stupid to think too far into it.

Two days later, however, a new yellow post-it note appeared on my window. - _Always here_

* * *

*****A/N: Did I pull a New Moon and make Edward leave for Bella's own good? - _Pfft!_ Like this Edward would ever leave Bella and his baby. He may have a lot of self-doubt/loathing but he's a fighter, especially when it comes to his family….Stay tuned.**


	27. Ch26 Sticking It

A/N: This was going to be a fun little outtake, but I just decided to post as a micro-chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 26 – Sticking It

Over the next two weeks things got better, thanks to a bunch of little yellow post-it notes of hope. Edward began leaving them several times a week, and a few days he even managed to leave two at two different times. I tried to catch him in the act, but somehow I never did. Even when I sat in my room all day staring out the window, he didn't show. Instead, I found that day's note in my bathroom window. How the hell he managed to get it there, I had no idea.

Each note had words or phrases of love and inspiration written on them, and once he showed just how stalker-ish he could be when the note mentioned how beautiful I looked in the particular outfit that I was wearing that day. I couldn't help but smile so big that I felt it deep inside my heart.

Edward never left me…and he never would.

On one particularly rainy morning, I was almost relieved to not find a note. I definitely didn't want him risking his neck by climbing the tree to stick it to my second floor window. But when I was making myself breakfast, I happened look out the window above the sink and was stunned to see a yellow square there, hanging loud and proud in full view of anyone who was in that part of the house…but the part that really got me was that I was positive it wasn't there two minutes before when I first walked into the kitchen.

I didn't even care that Emmett and Charlie were home, I ran right outside to look for Edward, but he had disappeared. I wanted to call out his name, but I was too worried that someone would hear me and he'd get into trouble. So after getting completely soaked while searching the entire perimeter of the house, I finally decided to get out of the rain and go back in.

"Why are you wet?" Emmett asked me the moment I stepped back into the kitchen.

"Uh…I was checking the mail," I fibbed as best as I could.

"Where is it?"

"Guess it didn't come yet."

He nodded absently. "So, I just found this; care to explain?" he asked while holding up the small yellow paper that I hadn't had a chance to remove from the kitchen window.

My stomach leapt into my throat.

"I…I don't know what that is," I lied shakily. He was holding the writing towards him as he looked at it, and I only wished I got to read it first because I had no idea what it said.

I watched intently as Emmett's face distorted into pure…confusion.

"What's on it?" I asked, doing my best to feign innocence.

He unexpectedly shrugged, and then put the paper onto the counter. I looked down at it pretending to be merely curious…and had to bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. It wasn't a love note - at least not one that could be recognized by anyone else. It was a drawing of a stick figure with its tongue hanging out…wearing pigtails…sitting on top of a car - or it could have been a cow, but I'd still bet on it being a car.

Edward really was the most irresistibly disturbing and beyond perfect guy there was, and I had no choice but to fall more and more in love with him every day.


	28. Ch27 Magnum Opus

***A/N: Well, I said it was almost over, and believe it or not, _this_ is the end. I actually planned to draw it out a little into at least two more chapters, but for whatever reason I found it completing itself and I really like the way it all turned out. I hope you like it too! :)

* * *

Chapter 27 – Magnum Opus

By September I had quite a collection of post-it notes that I kept in a locked jewelry box under my bed. Charlie had never been one to snoop before I got pregnant; in fact, he was always almost uncomfortable in my room which was why I had honestly thought my prenatal vitamins were safe in my dresser. My jewelry box, however, was more than safe. I rarely left my room and when I did, Charlie had no reason to go through my things. I was always home. I had no life.

When my 17th birthday arrived, I was surprised by a small wrapped gift waiting on my windowsill, and I couldn't help but smile as I opened the window to retrieve it.

The attached note was simple –

_**Almost there!  
I Love You  
Happy Birthday**_

And he was definitely right; we were almost there - almost at the end of my pregnancy, and almost at our goal. Em was still healthy enough to survive until the birth, and then he'd be saved and Edward and I could take our baby somewhere and never look back. Charlie and Em could threaten to press charges all they wanted, but they'd never find us. I still didn't know what Edward's plan was, but I knew mine, and Rose was currently working on getting me a fake ID and passport. We'd head north to Canada, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop us.

I sat on my bed to open Edward's gift, and was brought to tears. It was a charm bracelet with a crystal heart, and a little lamb holding an opal, the October birthstone for our baby. It was perfect, and I didn't plan on taking it off regardless of what my dad and brother thought about it.

"Happy birthday," Charlie said to me with a forced smile when I went down for breakfast.

"Thanks," I said evenly.

"Well, I got you something," he said awkwardly before handing me an envelope.

I thought about snubbing my nose at him and refusing to accept whatever he had for me, but instead I sighed and reluctantly took the envelope. I opened it carelessly, and was actually surprised by what it was.

"It's a savings bond," Charlie explained. "It isn't much, but I figured it would build over time and then you'd have it in the future if you ever needed it, or just wanted to buy something."

I bit my lower lip. "Thanks dad, but I really don't think I can use it," I said honestly before handing it back to him and walking over to the pantry. I wasn't sure how savings bonds worked, but I was pretty certain it wasn't something I could use on the run.

"Bella, look, I don't know what you're planning to do, but just…don't," Charlie said, almost sounding desperate.

"We both know you're not giving me much of a choice," I stated before deciding I wasn't hungry after all.

…

The following week Charlie took the day off from work, and drove both Emmett and me to Seattle for our separate appointments. What Emmett didn't know, however, was that our appointments were actually less separate than he was expecting.

"Why aren't you dropping me off at the center?" Emmett asked confused when Charlie pulled into my doctor's building parking lot.

"Bella's is first," Charlie told him.

"But usually you drop me off and then take her," Emmett protested.

"Not today," Charlie grumbled.

Emmett wasn't happy about going into the OBGYN office, but he plopped down in one of the waiting room chairs and started flipping through a Sports Illustrated.

"Bella, Mr. Swan, we're ready for you," the nurse said with a smile.

"Why are you going back with her?" Emmett asked Charlie confused.

"You're coming too," Charlie told him, causing a disturbed expression to cross Em's features.

"Why?"

"It's a family planning meeting...thing. Just get your ass up and let's go."

Em rolled his eyes, but otherwise complied. We were shown to Dr. McCarty's personal office and the three of us sat in the chairs while we waited for her to come in. Much to Em's chagrin however, she didn't come in alone.

"What the hell is going on?" Em asked irritated when Dr. Cullen sat in the chair across from him.

"We're just having a family meeting," Charlie told him, partially honest. The truth was that it was really the only thing Charlie and I agreed on since my baby's paternity was revealed. We had talked about it ahead of time, and decided it was the best course of action - We needed to all get together and discuss Em's options when it came to the baby being a donor.

"Now, we can test the baby's tissue soon after birth, but what I'd like to do is prepare for a stem cell donation," Dr. Cullen explained. "The cells don't have to be an exact match for that. Of course, it's not a sure thing and the closer it's related the better, but I do believe we could have a real chance here."

"I can extract the cells from the baby's umbilical cord right after it's born," Dr. McCarty told us. "And the cells can be immediately taken to be prepared for the transplant."

"Now, we'll still be testing the baby's tissues just in case you reject the stem cells, but I am very optimistic," Dr. Cullen added.

"Hold on!" Emmett said angrily. "I already told everyone, I don't want anything to do with that baby."

"Oh, for crying out loud," I said exasperated. "Stop being so damn stubborn!"

"I'm not being stubborn. I didn't ask you to get pregnant to save my life, and I refuse to have any part of it."

"Em, the baby is coming whether you like it or not," Charlie tried reasoning with him. "There's no sense in not using the cells if they can save you."

"No," Em said again before standing up and walking out of the room.

I just rolled my eyes and shook my head. He really was being beyond ridiculous.

"Even if he doesn't change his mind right away, we can still bank the cells," Dr. McCarty assured us. "We'll save them for him, or they can be useful for your baby's future as well. The cells have been known to cure several different diseases."

I nodded. "Ok, let's do it."

"There is a banking fee that Dr. Cullen and I would like to cover for you," she informed me.

"Really? That's very generous of you, thank you," I said to both of them gratefully.

"It's our pleasure," Dr. Cullen replied.

"But we still need you to fill out some paperwork for the cell withdraw, and then I'll file it all with the bank," Dr. McCarty continued.

"Sure," I said to her with a smile.

There were actually a bunch of papers that needed to be filled out. Some my dad had to sign because I was still a minor, but when we got to the page where I actually gave permission for the procedure, I was surprised that the paper already had a signature.

Dr. McCarty saw my pause and explained - "Assuming that you're going to be putting Edward's name on the baby's birth certificate, we needed his signature as well."

"When the hell did Edward sign it?" Charlie asked confused.

"He came down last week," Dr. McCarty told us.

Then Charlie turned to look at me questionably. "I thought he left the state?"

I shrugged. "Guess not."

Then he looked down at the bracelet on my wrist. "I assume he gave you that for your birthday?"

"Why don't you go back to living in denial, you were happier there," I said irritated. And then I looked back at the doctors. "Are we done here?"

"Sure…Nurse Jackie will take you in for your examination," Dr. McCarty said. "Mr. Swan, you can wait in the lobby."

…

Charlie never commented any more on my bracelet, though I did catch him staring at it a few times. But I really didn't care; there was nothing he could really do about it anyway.

We spent the next two weeks trying to convince Emmett to stop being such a moron, but I wasn't sure if he was even listening anymore. He was just so hateful of anything to do with Edward, that he was unwilling to even allow himself the hope that our baby could bring.

A part of me didn't even care anymore. If Emmett didn't want to be saved than I couldn't force it on him. I overheard my dad telling him that if he didn't accept the donation I would have wasted my life by getting pregnant for nothing, but I certainly would never feel that way. I didn't get pregnant for nothing, and I would never regret it. My baby wasn't just some entity of cells and tissue to be used for others, it was a gift, something created out of love and was already loved immensely by me and it's father. He or she was definitely worth it, and I'd gladly give my life for it.

When my walking turned into more of a waddle, Dr. McCarty told me I was close and that the baby was already moving into the proper position for birth. She went on to say that I could be only days away, and I found myself feeling overwhelmingly nervous. It wasn't just the idea of the painful birth, but also knowing that our future was still so uncertain. And as much as I currently disliked every member of my family, it was a difficult thing knowing I'd never really see them again.

But what if Edward and I couldn't find a way to be together or we were stopped somehow? Even if we did get away, how were we going to be able to support ourselves? What if nothing went how I expected and it really was all for nothing? My depression took another swipe out of me, and this time it was a doozy.

"Bella, you have to get out of bed. Dr. McCarty said you should be walking around," Charlie tried convincing me, but I just didn't feel like it.

I basically only got out of bed to use the restroom, and at some point I even stopped eating. But it didn't last long, because at three in the morning, on October second, my baby woke me up and decided it was time.

I didn't even bother telling Charlie or Em; I simply called Rose and asked her to come pick me up. I would have felt bad about waking her, but she had promised to sleep with her cell phone every night for me, and had assured me that she was more than happy to do so.

"You sure you don't want to tell your dad?" she asked me as I got into her car.

"Positive," I replied, just as another contraction attacked my system.

"Oooh!" Rose said in a slight panic after seeing my pained expression. "Breathe…Bear down!" It wasn't time to bear anything, but I wasn't about to tell Rose that. She was just trying to help. "Do you feel the head coming out?"

My contraction eased off, so I looked at her and gave a forced smile. "No, the baby probably won't come out for a while."

"Thank god! I mean, I love you and would deliver your baby if I had to…but I really don't want to."

I laughed once. "Trust me, I don't want you to either."

We arrived at Forks General ten minutes later, and I went straight to the maternity ward to check in. The plan was for a nurse to check me to see if I was in active labor, and then we'd alert Dr. McCarty and she'd head over from Seattle. I was warned there was a chance that she may not make it in time, since it was a good three hours away, but I wasn't worried. I wasn't really sure how I was feeling at all, actually; my sporadic depression had made deciphering my emotions incredibly difficult.

But the worst part about it all was the fact that Edward was going to miss it, and I knew just how badly he wanted to be there…I only wished I had a way to contact him. Even if he couldn't witness the actual birth, the thought of our baby being days old without Edward even knowing was heartbreaking. That was something we could never get back, and I began hating my dad all over again for taking that from him.

I was checked in, and hooked up to an IV - Rose let me squeeze her hand as I was poked – and then I was verified to be in active labor.

By eight am I was already exhausted from the rolling contractions, and when I was told that I wasn't even half way done yet, I started to freak out a little.

"I can't do this anymore," I cried.

"Shit, Bella, I really think you should let me call your dad. I'm actually surprised no one here called him."

"They said I didn't need to notify him if I didn't want to," I growled through my contraction.

An hour or so later, Charlie showed up regardless.

"Oh Bella, thank god, I thought you ran away," he said with relief heavy on his face, but as he witnessed my contractions for the first time, that relief disappeared. "Should she be in that much pain?" he asked one of the nurses.

"Everything is fine," the nurse tried assuring him.

"Dad, you don't have to be here," I told him.

"You're here, so of course I'm here. Why didn't you call me?"

Maybe I didn't word it right. "I don't _want_ you here!" I clarified heatedly. But because I was an emotional basket case, I then began sobbing.

He came over to me, and hugged my head and kissed my hair tenderly as I cried. "Look, I know you hate me right now, but…you're my little girl…everything I've done has been because I thought it was right," he said gently.

"Just leave me alone," I whimpered.

He kissed me again on my head, and then backed away. "I'm sorry," he mumbled before turning and walking out of the room.

The nurse came back and offered me an epidural, which I gladly accepted. I had wanted to go as long as possible without one because everyone said it was better for the baby that way, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Before the anesthesiologist even had time to get there, however, Dr. McCarty came in and checked me.

"Oh, we don't have time for an epidural, you're fully dilated," she told me, scaring me beyond shitless.

"No…I'm supposed to get numbed up first," I said in a panic. Even if I could endure the agonizing labor, I had no idea how I was going to be able to push through the ripping, and tearing, and all the other horrifying things that happened on that disturbing video they made us watch in Sex Ed.

"I'm sorry, we just don't have time," she said sympathetically. "Besides, an epidural can make it difficult to push. We want to get this baby out as soon as possible, right?" she asked with way too much pep.

"No, I want to do it without pain," I cried. If I had been in a better frame of mind I probably would have been embarrassed by my ridiculous display, but at that time I just couldn't bring myself to care.

"You'll get through it, sweetheart. Now on your next contraction I'm going to need you to start pushing."

A team of nurses came in and began moving about in preparation for the baby's arrival, but everything started getting blurry. I could vaguely hear Dr. McCarty telling me to "bear-down", but I just couldn't find the strength. _How did I get there? What the hell was I doing in that situation at all?_ My mind couldn't even remember the reasons for any of it, and a big part of me wished I could just disappear and cease to exist entirely.

And then…like every other time I needed him in the past…he was there.

"Edward!" I shouted as he came into the room.

His worried overwhelmed smile lit up my entire universe, and pulled me right back into the present where I belonged.

"You're here," I cried in disbelief.

"I'm here. Baby, you are so amazing, do you know that?" he said in a rush as he grabbed my hand and cradled my face.

"I'll let him handle it from here," I heard Rose say quietly before she quickly retreated from the room.

"I didn't think you'd get to see it," I told Edward emotionally.

My face was covered in tears and sweat, but he didn't seem to mind. He peppered me with kisses anyway, and told me how much he loved me over and over again.

"Bella, I really need you to push now," Dr. McCarty told me gently. It was clear that she had tried to give us a moment for our reunion, but it was time to get back to business.

With Edward by my side, I felt strong again, but more importantly, I had new determination. I wasn't sure how Edward knew I was there or how he got past my dad to get in the room, but I wanted him to see the birth of our baby so much that I was going to do anything possible to make it happen before he was taken from me again.

Several pushes and a possible break in Edward's hand later, Dr. McCarty announced that it was crowning.

"Holy shit!" Edward shouted with a mix of excitement and shock. I loosened my grip on him momentarily so he could get a better look at the baby's head emerging, but I needed him desperately so he was right back with me as the rest of the head came out.

"Ok, lets get these shoulders out and then we'll have a baby," Dr. McCarty told me. "One more big push, Bella."

Edward shifted a little so he could see the baby as well as keep my hand firmly in his, and I just kept my eyes locked on his beautiful awed face as I powered through the final push.

Perhaps my adrenaline kicked on because I couldn't really feel much physically, but when Edward's expression melted into pure amazed adoration, I knew the baby was out.

"It's a boy!" Dr. McCarty announced, and then immediately put the baby on my chest as the nurses rubbed and cleaned him off…but he didn't cry. Everything I read about newborns was that they were supposed to cry after birth to get their lungs cleared and to strengthen their breathing, but as I looked at the perfect little face staring back at me, I wasn't worried. We were having a moment, and crying would have to wait.

Everything in my life had been leading to that. When the world didn't make sense, when I felt out of step and out of place, it was just the path I needed to take to get me to that moment. This was my place. This was what I was put on the earth to do. The baby boy lying peacefully on top of me was my greatest accomplishment, my magnum opus.

I couldn't take it anymore; I was overcome with the greatest level love that I never even knew existed, and I began to cry…as did the baby….as did Edward. We were all crying, all three of us, our little family was in tears which only seemed to make us closer.

It was so surreal, and yet the most real I had ever felt, and there were no words to properly describe it.

The incredible feeling didn't waver as the nurses took the baby off of me and Edward left to go cut the cord, because no matter where we all were physically, I knew our bond was unbreakable.

I watched adoringly as the nurse showed Edward where to cut the cord, and then they wrapped him up and placed him in Edward's protective arms for the first time.

"He's beautiful," the nurse said, but Edward wasn't paying attention to her, he was lost in the amazement that was our son.

After a minute of cooing and continued tears, Edward looked up at me and then walked back over to my side, and gently placed the baby back into my arms.

"You did it, baby," he cooed in my ear.

I shook my head. "_We _did it," I told him, because it was absolutely the truth. There was no way I would have gotten through it without him. "I can't believe he's a boy," I said with a smile as I caressed his tiny little finger that had escaped the blanket.

Edward laughed quietly. "Were you expecting a girl?"

I shook my head. "No…but I wanted a boy so much that I didn't think it would happen."

"Why'd you want a boy?" he asked surprised by my comment.

"Because I wanted a little you."

He smiled at me again, and then leaned in to give me a tender kiss on my lips. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Several minutes later, Dr. McCarty came over to talk to us. "Everything is perfect. Your bleeding is minimal, the baby is healthy, and the cord blood has all been extracted and is on its way out."

"Thank you so much," I said sincerely.

"My pleasure," she said with a warm smile. "Nurse Maggie would like to take the baby to get weighed and cleaned up, if that's ok?"

"How long will he be gone for?" I asked, not wanting to give up a moment of him.

"About ten minutes or so. You'll be moved to a recovery room and your son will be brought to you there."

I looked at Edward and he gave me an encouraging nod, so I told her "Okay."

The nurse took the baby, and I couldn't help but watch her carefully as she placed him in the little plastic cradle and wheeled him out of the room.

"There's nothing to be worried about, he's all labeled up and in good hands," the doctor assured me.

"Labeled?"

"He has a band on his ankle that matches yours to ensure there's not confusion as to who he belongs to."

"Oh," I said with a nod.

"I'll be back to check on you in a little while."

"Thank you," Edward told her gratefully, and then they shook hands before she left the room.

"Did she call you?" I asked, having no idea how else he would have known I was there.

"No…Charlie did," he said, completely shocking the hell out of me.

"Charlie?"

"Yeah…I went to his work last week and begged him to call me when you go into labor. He basically grumbled about it and told me to get the hell out, but he did take my new number. I didn't think he'd actually call, but…thank god he did."

I really had no idea what to think about that, so I decided it didn't matter right then. A nurse came in and took us to a different room, and thankfully we didn't see my dad as we went; I just wasn't ready for that conversation just yet.

Once I was in my new bed, I reached for Edward and he eagerly came to kiss me. His lips felt so good as they danced with mine, that I honestly compared it to the feeling of being able to breathe again after holding my breath for so long without him.

"I missed you so much," I told him.

"Oh Bella, you'll never truly understand how hard it's been to stay away from you."

"I thought you left? Rose said that someone heard you mentioning Chicago?"

"I told Waylon that because I know he's your dad's friend and it would probably get back to him. I just wanted Emmett and Charlie to relax a bit so I could do what I needed to do."

"And what did you need to do?"

"Buy a garage," he said unexpectedly. "Look, I know that I should have talked to you about it first, but it wasn't really something that I could write on a post-it note. I actually wrote out this big long letter for you, but it just…I don't know, none of it sounded right."

"That's ok, the post-it's were perfect. And thank you so much for the bracelet, it's beautiful."

"Well, I wish it could have been more, but…" he let his sentence trail off.

"So…You had enough money to buy a garage?" I asked, trying to understand everything he had been doing since we had been apart.

"No, not exactly. I actually have a partner…a silent partner, but I couldn't have done it without her."

"Her?" I asked with a sudden sinking feeling. I trusted him completely, but I would not be ok with him working with Tanya.

"Yeah…Mrs. Kebi," he said, completely surprising me.

"Seriously?" I asked with an uncontrollable smile spreading across my face. I really didn't understand how I could possibly ever doubt him.

"It was actually her idea," he explained. "I don't know, she never had kids and I think she sort of adopted me," he said with a laugh. "I've actually stayed at their house a few times. Mr. Kebi thought it was strange at first, but I won him over."

"I bet," I said with my grin only growing wider. "So…where's the garage?"

"Here…I bought it from Waylon…Well, technically Mrs. Kebi bought it from Waylon, but you know what I mean."

"But the garage went out of business, so how will you be able to keep it open?"

"It went out of business because Waylon is horrible with his finances. Mrs. Kebi ran her husband's business successfully for thirty years before they retired. The need for a good mechanic is still there so we should be fine."

I nodded absently. "So…you're planning to stay in Forks?"

"Of course. You're here, where else would I go?"

"I was thinking we should run away together…just the three of us."

He pressed his lips and then sat on the bed next to me. "I thought that too for a while…but then I realized that it wouldn't be good for anyone. I don't want to constantly be on the run - What kind of life is that for the baby? Plus, I'd have no way to support you."

"So…what are we going to do?"

He leaned in and kissed my forehead again. "Everything is going to be fine."

"How?" I asked feeling it was a hopeless situation. "My dad is losing the house and I won't have anywhere else to live, so I'm supposed to be moving to Phoenix." I felt my eyes sting with the threat of more tears, but Edward wasn't about to let me cry, at least not from being upset.

"You're not going anywhere…well, anywhere except across town. You and the baby are moving in the apartment with me."

"How?" I asked doubtfully.

"I've been talking to Renee on the phone just about every day for the last month."

"You have…She didn't say anything to me."

"Well, just yesterday I finally got her to agree that you and the baby belong with me. She said she would talk to Charlie, but that since she's still your legal guardian she can give you permission to live with me."

"But can't Charlie still press charges?"

"I can," Charlie said, suddenly jumping into the conversation as he walked into the room. "But I won't."

"You won't press charges?" I asked him. My heart jumped from the unexpected turn of events.

"No," he said quietly while taking a seat on the far side of the room. "I just got off the phone with your mother…and I agree with her."

I was in shock, but it was definitely a wonderful type of shock.

"I've been thinking about it for a long time now, and as much as I hate it…I think you should move in with him," Charlie continued.

"Really?" I asked with more tears – the happy kind.

"Yes…Bella, you have to understand, this isn't the life I wanted for you…at least not for another decade or so, and it scared the shit out of me. But I know you love him, and just as importantly, I know he loves you. It's just going to get harder from here on out, but you're not a kid anymore…and I realize now that you haven't been a kid in a long time, and that's my fault. I shouldn't have left you…I don't know what I should have done, but leaving you wasn't it. I placed too much responsibility on Edward, and that was wrong as well….But I guess it's all pointless to dwell on anymore, because we can't go back. What's done is done, and this is where your life is now. And I'm sorry for keeping the two of you apart. The baby needs both its parents."

I nodded. "Thanks dad," I said quietly. It would be a long time for me to get over everything, but it was going to be really hard to hold any grudges when I was just so happy.

As if on cue, a nurse picked that moment to walk into the room. "Knock nock, someone misses his mommy."

She handed me my perfectly clean little baby all wrapped up in a pale blue blanket and matching cap, and it just reaffirmed my previous thought – being unhappy about anything was impossible.

"Hi there, sweetie," I cooed at him. Edward leaned in and kissed his head, and then kissed mine, and as perfect as the moment was, I could feel Charlie's eyes watching us, so I looked up at him. "Do you want to see him?"

He smiled heavily, then stood and came over to take a closer look. I watched his face as he looked at his grandson for the first time, and his hard expression immediately softened into the biggest grin I had seen on his face in years. "Aw Bella, he's beautiful."

"He is, isn't he?" I agreed.

After a few minutes, Charlie asked to speak to Edward out of the room, so I nervously watched the two of them in the hall as they seemed to be in some sort of deep discussion. Charlie kept pacing around as he spoke so he went in and out of my line of sight, but every once in a while Edward would look in and shoot me a reassuring smirk so I forced myself to relax.

A nurse came in to help me with get the baby to latch on so I could nurse, so she shut the door and I was unable to see Charlie and Edward anymore…I only hoped it stayed civil.

Twenty minutes later the baby had fallen asleep, and Edward came back into the room alone.

"Hey, how'd the nursing thing go?" he asked me quietly. He came over and kissed us both again, and then took his seat by my side.

"Well, I think he likes it more than I do," I said honestly.

Edward laughed. "Well, you do have wonderful boobs…especially now," he teased as he pulled my gown away from my neck so he could look down at my breasts.

"Stop," I giggled. "They belong to him right now."

He scowled. "That's not fair, I've been away from you for months."

I shrugged. "You're just going to have to be patient and wait your turn."

"Months," he repeated.

I giggled again. "Then I guess you can wait a few more."

He smiled sincerely. "I'd wait forever for you."

"I know."

And I did know. Edward loved me, and he'd do whatever it took to keep us together, even if that meant enduring my father's wrath.

"So what did Charlie have to say?"

"He basically yelled at me for a while and told me how betrayed he felt…And then without me saying a word his lecture somehow morphed into support and approval."

"Wow."

"Yeah…I mean, I don't expect things to really be good between us, but he loves you, and really just wants what's best."

"What about Emmett?"

Edward huffed. "I really don't know. Charlie said he called him to say that you had the baby and he was going to come to see you, but when he mentioned that I was here he got pissed. I don't see him getting past this anytime soon…well, _ever_ actually."

"But what about the stem cells?"

"Charlie said he'd keep working on him, but there's not much he can do. Emmett is an adult, they can't force him to do the transplant if he doesn't want it."

"Well," I sighed. "I guess there's nothing left to be done about that…But we do need to give him a name," I said with a smile while looking down at the precious little baby in my arms. I pulled off his hat and leaned down to smell his full head of bronze colored hair, and I easily knew what name I wanted for him - convincing Edward was going to be entirely more difficult.

….

The next day, after signing a bunch of papers, Edward and I brought our little guy home. I was completely stunned speechless when I saw the spare room in the apartment completely transformed from the way Emmett had it when he lived there, into a beautiful nursery. It had everything from a crib and changing table, to even a big plush chair to rock the baby to sleep in.

"I went with the lambs, because, well, you know," Edward explained. "Plus we didn't know if he was a boy or a girl so Mrs. Kebi told me that lambs would be safe for either."

"It's perfect," I said as I looked around the room. It was painted a light blue with white puffy clouds all over, and there were pictures of lambs on the window coverings and crib bedding.

"No," Edward said before running out of the room, and hurrying back with a special little addition. "Now it's perfect." He placed a brand new stuffed lion inside the crib, and I couldn't help but grin.

"That's a little morbid considering the room is full of lambs, don't you think?"

He shook his head. "No way. He can't be constantly surrounded by weak fuzzy farm animals, he needs something that shows strength and manliness."

I laughed. "Ok."

"Trust me, by the time he's one, all these fuzzy baby animals will be replaced with carnivores. I'm thinking dinosaurs…Or we can forget the animal thing altogether and move on to race cars."

"We'll see," I told him, and to be honest, I couldn't wait. The future was so wide with possibilities that I knew every little step of the way was going to be an amazing ride.

Two weeks later we got word that not only did Emmett have the option of the stem cells, but our baby was also a perfect tissue match. I had been right all along, and regardless of whether or not Emmett ever got his head out of his ass to actually use that miracle, we definitely went against the odds and came out on the other side for the better. There was a reason for everything, and the best gift we could possibly have was to live our lives and not worry about trying to figure it all out.

"_One day at a time,"_ Edward had once told me, and we would continue to live that way for the rest of our lives. Planning for the future was necessary, but that wasn't really what the saying was about; it was appreciating the day, and not wasting the precious time we had together. If Emmett's illness had taught me anything, it was to follow your gut and never take life for granted.

* * *

*****A/N: What? Did I seriously leave it there without telling what happened to Emmett or even what the baby's name is? WTH kind of HEA is this? LOL**

****Don't worry, an epilogue will soon follow and it will hopefully answer all your remaining questions. Thanks for reading, I have always appreciated your support! **

***P.S. The baby's birthday was October 2****nd**** as a special request from Jocelyngtz13 – Happy early (or late) birthday! :)**


	29. Epi Life After Death

***A/N: So, I had been mentally debating how to write this and I have a couple different versions, but this one seemed the most interesting. When I was done writing it however, it was much-much longer than I anticipated and I couldn't really cut any of it out, so I suppose it's not a traditional epilogue. But this is definitely the last and final part of this story, there will be no outtakes. Sorry, but I really feel this story is complete and anything else would just be forced.

Thanks for your patience; I hope it was worth the wait.

* * *

Life After Death

_It had been a rough few years, and since I was supposed to die before my twenty first birthday, I considered every day beyond that as my life after death…._

It had taken my mom sitting me down and crying hysterically for three hours straight for me to finally agree to the transplant. My mother was a lot of things, but for her to say that she'd never survive outliving me, just made me realize how stupid and selfish I was truly being. I wasn't punishing Edward by refusing to live, if anything I needed to survive and be well enough to take care of my sister and her baby when Edward screwed them over.

And he would screw them over…it was only a matter of time.

The process of the transplant was difficult, to say the least, but I got through it and was able to finally make it into remission. I spent some time at the Seattle recovery center, and with the encouragement of Carlisle, I decided to go to college.

"You could do anything you want, you have your entire life ahead of you," Carlisle had told me, and for the first time in years, I felt optimistic.

I started out just taking a few units at Washington State, but the stronger I got the more motivated I became to build some kind of life for myself. So I took on a full schedule and continued with my physical recovery, and five years after my transplant, I graduated with honors and was back to my high school weight.

I felt great, strong, and ready to take on the rest of my life, but I suppose there was always something missing; something that wasn't a mystery as much as an impossibly enigma.

I missed my family, I just didn't know what to do about it.

I hadn't spoken to my sister since before she had her baby, and I only talked to my dad briefly a few times since then as well. I had been so angry at Charlie for allowing Bella to move in with that creep that I just couldn't stand speaking to him. By allowing Bella to be with Edward like everything was ok and forgiven, it was as if Charlie had sacrificed Bella to save me, and that was unforgivable. I still would have rather died than to have Bella give up her own life the way that she did.

But despite everything, I wished I had a relationship with my little sister. I couldn't even count how many times I picked up the phone to call her, but something always made me hang up before anyone could answer. Perhaps I was just scared…I really didn't know how I would look in her eye and not hate myself for bringing that douche into her life, and even worse, I had allowed myself to actually benefit from her sacrifice, which was something I'd never really get past.

After I graduated, I got an advertising job in Seattle, and when I lost interest in dating my usual type of women that's only good for one thing, I decided to let my friend Peter hook me up on a blind date. And out of the thousands of eligible women in the city, my buddy thought it was a good idea to hook me up with a chick that was three years younger than me, and not a stranger at all.

"Well, this is a trip," I said as I sat across from my little sister's childhood best friend.

"Wait, you're the guy Peter set me up with?" Rose asked with a laugh.

"I guess so," I grumbled.

She laughed again. "How funny. I can't believe this, it really is a small world. How are you, Em? You look really good."

"Um…It is a small world…_too small_. Uh, I'm doing pretty good though, thanks for asking."

"And your cancer?" she asked.

"Cancer free," I said while looking around the restaurant and trying to think of an excuse to leave. Rose was a nice girl and all, but I really did have a bunch of things I could have been doing other than dining with my estranged sister's friend. In fact, I made it a point to avoid everyone from Forks altogether, because all they every wanted to talk about was the tragedy of me getting sick and my family falling apart, and I was just trying to move on from all of that.

"So….how about them Seahawks?" Rose asked unexpectedly. Maybe she sensed my discomfort, or maybe she didn't want to talk about all that crap either, but whatever it was, I was grateful and I found myself relaxing.

We ended up staying at that restaurant together for three hours….and then we saw each other two nights later….and two nights after that. I kept telling myself that we were both adults now and there was nothing wrong with being friends, but really, she quickly became the first person I'd call in the mornings, and the last person I'd talk to before bed. We just got along so perfectly and it all seemed to click. I didn't even realize how hard I had fallen for her until she told me one day over dinner…

"Emmett, I love you," she said, seemingly out of nowhere. I was so shocked that I just stared at her like a moron. Most girls probably would have been heartbroken by the lack of response they got from an admission like that, but not Rose; she wasn't even fazed in the slightest. "Don't worry, I know you're surprised. But I also know you do love me back, even if you don't know it yourself yet, so I can wait until you're ready to acknowledge it."

And only a few hours later I was confessing my own feeling for her. We moved in together the following month. We got a little condo half way between my office, and her job at the Seattle Times News Paper where she worked as a facts checker. We were really happy together, but every once in a while I'd catch myself wanting to ask her….and one day, that desire became too much.

"So…when was the last time you talked to my sister?" We had never spoken about her, and I was beginning to think we never would, but the more serious we got, the more my family came to the forefront of my mind again.

She looked at me surprised. "Um…A few months ago. Well, technically I got an email from her last week, but face to face it's been a few months."

"So…you've kept in touch?"

"She's my best friend, Emmett," she said defensively. "I am her kid's godmother."

"Oh." I had no idea why I was so shocked about that, but I was, and it just gave me more questions. "So, does she know that we're…together?"

"Yeah, I told her."

"Really? What'd she say?"

Rose shrugged and seemed to try to dismiss the question. "Not much. Hey, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

But since allowing myself to really think about her, I needed an answer. "Why don't you want to talk about Bella?" I asked slowly, really hoping something wasn't wrong that she was trying to hide.

"I don't mind talking about Bella, I'll talk about her all day if you want…but that's not what you really want, is it? Look, everything that happened between you guys, that's your business...not mine. I love both of you, and I don't want to get in the middle of it. So, if you want to know anything about Bella, why don't you ask me for her number, and you can call and ask her yourself."

"I can't do that," I mumbled.

"Why?" she said frustrated.

"Because I just can't."

"Because you're stubborn. Why are you so pissed at her anyway?"

"I'm not pissed at her. I love my sister."

Rose rolled her eyes and threw her hands up exasperated. "_This_ is why we don't talk about Bella," she said as she walked off to the bedroom.

"Can you just tell me if she's still with that prick, or did he ditch her already?" I called after her.

"Yes, they're still together," she yelled back at me irritated.

The truth was, it had been so long since I had any contact with my family other than the annual ten minute phone call to my parents on Christmas, that I often couldn't remember why the rift happened in the first place. I was annoyed by my mom for always being a flake, I was pissed at my dad for what I viewed as him selling my little sister to buy me a cure, and I was upset at Bella for being so stupid as to actually being happy about it. They were all beyond ridiculous reasons, but I suppose families had broken up over less – my friend Liam stopped speaking to his family because they cut him off financially after he got shit grades in college – at least my reasons were better than his, right? But I did miss my sister…and my dad…and even my mom. And if I was really being honest with myself, I'd even say that I missed Edward; I never had as close of a friend since, and I knew I probably never would again.

…

It wasn't long until Rose and I were talking about marriage. She wanted some big elaborate dream wedding, but we both knew that posed a huge problem, and like the coward I was, I suggested we just marry at the courthouse rather than be forced to reunite with people I was too scared to contact.

"Well guess what, even if we got married at the courthouse, I'd still want my best friend there, so maybe you need to just get over it already, and stop trying to ruin my big day…or _our_ big day…whatever, just stop trying to ruin it. We are having a wedding, or we're not getting married at all!" she said angrily. I ended up being forced to sleep on the couch that night.

And I really felt like shit. Not only because I was definitely ruining Rose's dream wedding, but because I really did want my family back, but I just didn't know how to do it. Besides my own anger, which I'd happily put to the side for Rose's sake, I feared my family's anger towards me even more. I had acted like a horrible immature moron, and every year that passed since then, just made that wall between us grow higher and higher. I was in too deep, how the hell would I ever dig myself back out?

So I decided to take Rose out with a group of our local friends as an apology for my most recent cowardly behavior. She was still pissed at me, but we loved each other so much that she could never stay mad long, even if the issue was still unresolved. But since I was horrible at making plans, she decided to call all our friends and make the plans for me.

When we got to the nightclub, we joined the group at a table, and Rose immediately dragged me out onto the dance floor. I hated to dance, but I'd do just about anything for that woman, and she knew it. But that was when I saw him. Edward freaken Masen was several feet away on the very same dance floor, and all my worst fears about him came true. He was messing around behind my sister's back…just as I always knew he would.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked me when she noticed my sudden anger. I didn't respond right away, I was just so locked in my own rage that I knew if I moved a single muscle I'd end up exploding and ripping Edward's fucking head off. He wasn't even being discreet as he grinded against the blond and kept repeatedly making out with her. It was disgusting, and I couldn't stand there for a moment longer and let it happen. "Where are you going?" Rose asked while grabbing my arm and refusing to let me move.

"I'm going to go kill the motherfucker."

"What? Who?" Rose glanced behind her and immediately saw who I was looking at…and then she got pissed to. "What a fucking jerk!" she shouted over the music.

"Exactly, now I'm going to go make him wish he was never born."

"Not him, you!" Rose yelled at me.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Seriously Emmett, grow the fuck up."

"How are you going to get pissed at me because Edward is over there cheating on my sister?"

She crossed her arms in front of her and then sighed. "Look again."

I glanced back at them, and was shocked to see that the blond chick Edward was with….was Bella. _What the fuck?_

"I knew they were going to be here, and that's why I picked this place to come," Rose admitted.

"Wait, you set this up?" I asked evenly.

"They come to Seattle for their anniversary every year, and I thought it would be a good way to break the ice. And since you obviously didn't even recognize your own sister, I'll let the whole kicking Edward's ass thing slide this time. Go over there and talk to them."

I turned and watched my former best friend and my little sister as they acted like they were some young couple in love, and even though I wanted to talk to her more than anything, I just couldn't do it. Not right then, not like that. I hadn't seen her in six years, and there was no way I could apologize for that in a loud nightclub. Thankfully, Rose had never told Bella that we were going to be there, so they weren't expecting us and we were able to leave.

"I'm going to drive to Forks next weekend and talk to her and my dad, I promise," I assured Rose as we left.

She wasn't happy about it, but I think she understood.

…

I had never been more nervous in my entire life, than I was on the drive to Forks. Rose wanted to come with me, but it was something I thought I should do on my own, and she agreed. I wanted to see Bella face to face, so I didn't call her to tell her I was coming; instead Rose just gave me directions to her house and I planned on just knocking on her door. It was sure to be awkward at first, but I didn't know how else to do it.

When I got into the general neighborhood however, I started to get lost. It was a new housing development and the streets were all confusing, so when I drove past a little park, I decided to stop and ask someone for directions. For such a small town, and an even smaller neighborhood, it was a fairly busy place with a ton of kids running amuck, which was actually kind of amusing to see. I didn't know any kids personally, so it was always fun to be at a place like that because it reminded me of my own childhood.

And as if by fate, I happened to look towards a group of apparent moms, and she was there. My little sister.

Just like at the club, I froze and watched her for a few minutes. She was giggling and laughing with some of the other women there, and despite my insistence that she must have had a horrible life, she looked happy.

I took a deep breath and decided that I had wasted too much time already, and then walked over to her.

"Bella," I said awkwardly. I didn't even realize that she was mid conversation and that my interruption was probably pretty rude, but I couldn't really take it back at that point.

She looked at me completely flabbergasted. "Emmett?" And then she smiled and reached out and hugged me. "Oh my god, I can't believe you're here."

It was a surreal moment. I had honestly thought she was going to yell at me and me and tell me to go fuck myself, but she didn't, and I was grateful.

When she pulled out of our hug, she just kind of looked at me for a moment. "How have you been? You look amazing."

"Uh…thanks," I said with an awkward half laugh. "And you're blond."

She grabbed a lock of her hair and looked at it. "Oh, yeah. I have a friend who's going through Beauty College and begged me to be her guinea pig. You should have seen it last month, it was purple."

"And you let her try again? That was mighty brave of you."

"No kidding," she said with a laugh. "Well, do you have time to catch up for a bit, or are you just passing through?"

"I actually came to see _you_. I was looking for your house and got lost, so I thought I'd ask someone for directions and by coincidence found you here."

"Oh…well, cool."

We went to a nearby bench, and uncomfortably sat there for a few minutes in silence. "So…heard you were getting married," she started, obviously trying to find a way to break the ice.

I nodded, and then stupidly continued to look off into the distance, still not knowing what exactly to say to her just yet. I had a three hour car ride and thought of a million things to tell her, but at that moment I was coming up blank.

"I bet you would never have thought to even tell me about it if you weren't marrying my best friend, right?" she asked unexpectedly.

I huffed to myself, and then searched the deep cave of my ass for my pathetic head. "Bella, I'm sorry," I told her in a strange rush that both felt moronic and liberating at the same time.

"Okay," she said with a humorless laugh.

"No…really. I should have…I think I did things wrong…I just…Fuck, how the hell do you apologize to someone for all the shit that doesn't even seem to really make sense anymore?" I asked, mostly to myself. "I mean, I know you did what you did for me…and I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did. _Does that even make sense?_ I was never mad at you, but I feel like I took it out on you and…left you alone to deal with all that crap that came after. I was a selfish prick…I should have…I don't know, taken you away with me, or something."

Her confused expression seemed to get a little angry. "Taken me away, where?"

"I don't know…somewhere I could protect you from all the crap. From dad, who was too fucking focused on me to worry about your wellbeing. From a mom who cared more about herself than her own daughter. From a fucking disgusting jerk who…"

"Ok, Stop!" she shouted at me. "God, Emmett, you haven't changed at all, have you?"

"What?" I tried to think about what I said wrong, and then I decided I needed to backtrack. "No, that's not what I meant, well, it is, but…_Shit_." I took another deep breath. "Okay, honestly…I don't get it. I don't understand you and him and what the hell happened between you. And if I hadn't gotten sick, then you would have never been together, and you deserved so much more than to just settle for someone like Edward because you got pregnant for my benefit. But…I suppose that's not important anymore because what's done is done, and that's not what I came here to say…not really, anyway - I've been so mad at the world for fucking you over, and in turn I fucked you over by abandoning you. I really am sorry."

She was quiet as she considered how to respond to me, and then she sighed. "Maybe you're right…maybe Edward and I would have never grown so close back then if you didn't get sick…Maybe we would have gone our separate ways only to meet back up again years later on a blind date and fallen in love and eventually gotten married anyway," she said evenly while crossing her arms at me. "Why is your relationship with my best friend okay, and my relationship with yours is so wrong?"

"Rose wasn't fourteen when we got together," I told her evenly.

"I was sixteen, not fourteen, and what difference does it make anyway? Would you have rather me out screwing around with the idiots at school who didn't give a shit about me? Because that was what most girls my age were doing. You still have so much hate for him, and I don't even think you know why."

"I just do," I said, practically admitting that she was right. "I've tried to look past it, I just can't. I hate him, and no matter how much I wish I could just turn it off, I can't. He completely betrayed my trust. He took away your childhood, and any chance you had at growing up and going out in the world to find some…all-consuming romance that you dreamed about from those books you always used to read."

"And what makes you think that I don't have that? I love Edward so much, and by you discrediting that, you're discrediting the most important part of me."

I sighed. "Look, the last thing I wanted to do was come here and get you upset."

"I'm not upset, but since you brought it up, why don't you tell me why you did come here?"

"Because…I missed you…and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Well, you can see that I'm fine," she said coldly. "So I guess you can leave for another half a dozen years until your guilt overtakes you or Rose twists your arm into visiting."

"Bella, that's not what I want."

"What do you want then?"

"I want…you in my life again. I want to get to know your son; I've never seen a picture…hell, I don't even know his name or if you had any more kids."

"That's no one's fault but yours."

"I know…but I want to fix that."

She nodded absently while looking at the playground. "Edward and I decided to wait a while to see if we want any more kids; we kind of just love doting on the one we have right now."

"That makes sense…Do you have a picture of him?"

"You don't need one," she said while gesturing out towards the throngs of children running amuck in front of us. "Guess which one he is."

I looked out at the children for a few minutes, when my eye was suddenly caught by a little kid climbing over top of the monkey bars pole. His hair was unmistakable, and well, so was his face. He was a mini Edward with just enough Bella to make him cute, and I found myself smiling at him.

"I don't think you could have hidden his paternity for very long," I told her.

"No, definitely not," she said with a giggle.

"Ah, he's beautiful, Bella," I told her as I watched the kid scoot across the top beam of the play structure. "Uh…is he going to get hurt up there?" I asked worriedly.

She smiled. "Nah, he's a monkey…He's kind of like his uncle in that way," she said suggestively.

I nodded in agreement. I was always physically hyperactive like that as a kid, and I would have said that Edward was too, but really he had always just followed my lead.

"Can I meet him?" I was still watching the kid as I asked, but when Bella didn't answer me, I turned to look at her.

She bit her bottom lip, and then shook her head no. "Sorry Emmett, but….he's at that age where he gets attached to people rather easily. I just don't see the point in you meeting him when you're not going to be in his life."

"Look, I know Rose adores him and probably wants him in our wedding, but more importantly, I'm his uncle and…he saved my life."

She shook her head no again. "He didn't save your life, he was just born. I saved you…me and Edward; we made a choice together which gave both of you life. But the three of us are a package deal, so if you want to be in our lives, I suggest you contact Edward."

"Bella, I - "

"I don't expect you to be the best of friends again," she interrupted me. "But the last time you saw him…the lies you told, the hurtful things you said…At the very least you owe him an apology."

"You want me to apologize to the guy that got my sixteen year old sister pregnant?" I asked slowly.

She smiled heavily before getting up off the bench. "I guess not."

"Bella, I really doubt he'll just allow me to see you guys after everything that happened anyway."

"I guess you'll never know if you don't try."

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked as she started to walk off.

"There's no point to any of this if all you're going to do is continue to blame him for your distance." She started to walk again, but then she stopped and turned back to me. "His name is Ben," she said, taking me aback and making me freeze in place. "Edward's choice, not mine," she added. Without another word, Bella turned and finished her walk back to the woman and refused to look at me again.

I was left standing there completely flabbergasted. _They named their son Ben?_

I couldn't stop thinking about the name for the entire three hours home, and when I arrived back at the condo, Rose's surprise for me just added to it.

"The invitations just came in!" she nearly shouted the moment I walked into the door. But when she saw my face, her excitement dropped. "What happened? I'm sorry, I was just so excited, but I should have asked how your visit went first." She looked at her watch. "But since you were only gone about six and a half hours, I'd say it didn't go very well at all."

"It went fine," I said while just happening to look down at the invitation in her hand –

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of  
Mister Emmett Benjamin Swan  
to  
Miss Rosalie Ann Hale…_

"I saw Bella briefly….You didn't tell me she named her son after me," I said somberly.

"Uh…from what she told me, she didn't pick the name. Besides, we've hardly ever talked about them, and I told you that I didn't want to get in the middle of it. Why didn't you stay long?"

"Bella told me I have to apologize to Edward before she'd let me spend any time with them."

"So…did you go by his garage?"

"No…I…"

"Emmett, even if you still hate him, go at least try. Hell, fake it for all I care. Life's too short to not have your family around, and whether you like it or not, Edward is part of your family."

I thought about it for a few days, and eventually I decided Rose was on to something. I didn't have to not hate Edward, but if I could just tolerate him occasionally, then it would definitely be worth it. I wanted Bella back in my life, and I really wanted to get to know little Ben. So for Rose, and for them, I decided to try. If I could get through one conversation without killing the motherfucker, than it would have been a success.

…

I was actually pleasantly shocked by how good the garage looked. Charlie had told me during one of our strained conversations that Edward owned it outright, and it looked as though he was doing pretty well.

I actually figured he'd be too busy to talk, but I had gotten a late start leaving that day, so by the time I got there it was close to closing and I didn't have to wait long. When the last costumer was gone, I took a deep breath and walked into the office.

He was alone at the desk doing what looked like a shitload of paperwork, and didn't even notice that I had walked in.

"Need some help?" I asked, figuring it was a good way to get his attention. "I have some experience in this kind of work," I said with forced friendliness.

He looked up at me and was surprised, but not entirely shocked.

"Emmett, hey, how are you?" he asked evenly.

"Bella told you I went to see her last week?" I assumed.

He nodded while closing up whatever he was doing. "Yep," he said as he finally looked back up at me. "You look good. Got your weight back up, and everything," he said dryly.

"Yeah…as soon as I went into remission I wanted to get back into shape," I told him uncomfortably. If I had thought my little reunion with Bella was strange, I was definitely wrong, because standing in a room alone with Edward was excruciatingly awkward. I found myself wanting to choke him, but also irritatingly wanting to ask him about his business and if he had been working on anything cool. I hated him more than I ever hated anyone, but there were brief moments when I'd forget and suddenly be back to that time before everything happened, when we were just hanging out and wrenching on cars like nothing else mattered.

Edward nodded. "So, besides your health, how have you been?"

"Can't complain," I told him while I tried to think of what else to say. I cleared my throat. "I saw Ben at the park…he looks just like you."

"Yeah, poor kid," he joked before looking at the clock on the wall as if he was in some kind of rush to leave.

"Do you have somewhere to be?" I asked him.

"Home," he said. "It's been a long day, so why don't you just tell me what you came here to say."

I nodded. He was right; there was no point in stalling or forcing fake small talk. "I want my family back….and Bella said the only way for me to have them in my life again, is if I smooth things over with you…so here I am."

"Fine, consider things smoothed," Edward said coldly before getting up and heading to the door.

"Just like that?" I asked surprised.

"What were you expecting me to say, Emmett? This entire thing was your issue. I understand why you were pissed at first, but I tried to talk to you about it. I apologized for betraying your trust, but I'm done apologizing or even worrying about you. This is my family now, and I'm not going to disappear or move aside to give you time with them. But Bella and Ben are your family too, and I'm not going to keep them from you."

"Even though I tried to keep them from you?"

"I guess that's the difference between you and me, I would never let anyone keep me from my family, just as I'd never try to keep anyone else from theirs. I didn't grow up like you Emmett, I didn't always have a family, not really anyway, and I know better than to take a gift like that for granted."

As much as I wanted to hate him, as much as I tried to hold on to that anger that had defined me for so long, I couldn't deny the truth any more. A picture really was worth a thousand words, and his office and desk area were full of pictures which only further proved his words. Most were of Bella and their son, but there were even a couple with Charlie and Renee in them, and it was painfully obvious how much they all meant to him.

Edward wasn't the loser deadbeat his father was, and I really began to have my doubts that he'd ever do anything to hurt them like I had always feared. But the more I looked at the pictures, the more I realized the truth - I had missed it. I missed my nephew grow from a baby to a kid. I missed countless Christmases and birthdays; first steps, and learning to ride a bike. I missed it all because I was selfish and couldn't get past my own shit to see what was really important, and what it all equated to was the fact that I was the loser I always feared he'd be. I was the one who abandoned my family. He didn't suffer by my absence, no one did but me.

"This…everything, it was all my fault," I admitted to him emotionally. "I just kept thinking that if I didn't get sick….This wasn't what was supposed to happen, you know? I was so mad at you when I found out that you were the one who got her pregnant, but…when she told me that you did it to save me, it just…I couldn't handle it, you know? I really thought you were the one person who knew that I would have rather died than for Bella to lose her childhood like that. I counted on you to make the choices that I would have made, to watch out for her and put her needs first. You and I were so close back then, and I honestly thought you saw things the way I did. I thought….I thought you saw Bella the way I did. I just didn't expect - "

"I never saw Bella the way you did," he interrupted me. "Emmett, I wanted to be in your family from the first time you brought me home, and I wished your parents were mine, hell I wished I was you…but I never saw Bella as a little sister. I made fun of her, and picked on her the way an older brother would, but…it was just to hide the way I really felt."

"And how did you feel?"

"I didn't even understand it until this all started, but deep down I knew…I _always _loved her. All of the girls I dated, every time I screwed around at a party, something would always make me think of her even back then, and I'd just get this…wave of guilt, like I knew what I was doing was wrong, even if it really wasn't at the time. I was always so confused, because I knew I shouldn't feel that way about her, so I buried it the best I could for as long as possible until it just wasn't possible anymore. But if you didn't get sick…if Bella didn't have some sixth sense and knew how to save you…we would have still ended up together…and Benny would have been born at some point because that kid is a force, and nothing could have stopped him from taking this world by storm," he said with a laugh.

I couldn't help but smile by his comment. "I believe it," I agreed quietly. Just the couple of minutes that I saw him playing that day was enough to prove that. "But…I still...I just don't get it," I told him honestly. I was finally past being angry; I was just trying to understand. "I mean, we always liked the same girls, I just can't imagine you…and her…it's just…." I let my sentence trail off as the willies ran up my spine.

"I would hope you didn't see her the way I do," Edward joked.

"You know what I mean."

"Well, honestly, I don't see the appeal in Rose," he told me. I shrugged in understanding, so he continued. "I can name off thousands of Bella's attributes that I love, but the truth is that tons of women have those things in common…but there's only one Bella, and I'll never be able to properly put into words _why _I love her. It's just who I am."

I nodded absently. "Edward….I'm sorry," I said sincerely. And I was sorry. I would always hate how young Bella was, but I was grateful that none of my biggest fears were realized. Edward wasn't going to hurt her, and I really believed they were happy. "For everything really," I added. "But mostly for lying the way that I did, and trying to keep you guys apart. I was an idiot, and I don't want to waste any more time continuing to be an idiot."

"Then don't. Benny's sixth birthday party is next weekend, why don't you and Rose come. _It's a circus theme_," he said the last part mockingly. We both hated circuses growing up, so I completely understood his disdain for the theme.

I smiled. "Thanks…can't wait."

"Look, I gotta get home for dinner, Bella's going to be pissed that I'm so late…You hungry?"

"I should probably get on the road…Rose hates staying alone at night."

"Pfft! Women," Edward joked.

"Exactly. But please tell Bella that I can't wait to see her next week."

"Will do."

We didn't shake hands or even fist bump before parting ways, but that was ok, and even though I doubted we'd ever be as close as we once were, it felt good to not hate him anymore…I even managed to stop hating myself as well. There was no point in wasting any more time with negativity. I was on my way to having my family back, and then I'd marry the most amazing woman I could imaging; saying life was good would be an understatement.

…

I was actually super excited. In fact I was sure that I had never been so excited about a kid's party in my life. Apparently the circus was happening in their backyard, so it was a good thing Rose knew where the house was because I sure as hell would have still never been able to find it.

The house was shockingly big - it wasn't huge, but it was definitely one of the bigger ones in the development. Rose had finally allowed herself to tell me some information on Bella during the car ride there –After she got her GED, she went to nursing school and currently worked in a doctor's office – which was actually really surprising to me since Bella always hated anything to do with needles. But I knew nurses didn't make much money, so from the looks of their home, Edward must have been doing amazingly with the garage.

"Shouldn't we knock?" I asked, getting nervous for the first time in a week as Rose just went for the door handle.

"You might want to, but _I'm_ family," she teased before sticking her tongue out at me.

"Better be careful or I may just bite that thing off," I warned her playfully.

"You'd miss it too much."

"You're right about that."

"Auntie Wose!" a little voice shouted as we walked inside.

"Hey, there's my gremlin!" she squealed back at him as he ran right for her and jumped into her waiting arms.

"I missed you," he told her.

"I missed you too," she replied with a kiss. "Happy birthday."

"I'm six now!"

"I know, you're getting so big."

"Do you have a pwesent for me?" he asked excitedly.

"Of course I do, but you can't open it until later."

I could do nothing but stand there like a moron and stare at the little boy who was conceived to save me. He was a wonder to see, and even without actually speaking to him myself, I could feel an intense bond with him that I was sure would continue for the rest of my life.

"Hey, Aunt Wose, aw you weally getting mawied?" Ben asked as he eyed me for the first time.

"Yep. This is your uncle Emmett," she told him.

The kid shot me a deathly glare that made me chuckle to myself because of how much it reminded me of Bella when she was little. "Why you wanna mawy him, he looks like Shwek?"

Rose and I both laughed at that one. "Well, maybe I'm Fiona," she told him.

"I weally hope you don't tuwn into an ogaw too."

"But green is my favorite color…just like your eyes."

"Oh, Auntie Wose," Ben said with a huff to mask his blush.

"Hey, can you at least say hi to Emmett?" Rose asked him. "He really wanted to meet you."

"Hi," he said with attitude. It quickly became obvious that he had a little bit of a crush on Rose and wasn't happy that I was marrying her, which was hilarious but kind of upsetting at the same time. I wanted him to like me, but it seemed I had to win my way into his affections and prove to him that I belonged with his godmother.

"Hey, where's your mommy?" Rose asked.

"In da back. I wuz just getting a dwink and saw you come in."

"Ok, well let's go out and say hi."

Rose put him down, so he grabbed her hand and pulled her through the house. I trailed closely behind, but couldn't help but look at all the nice things they had decorating the place. It looked very adult-like, which really wasn't what I was expecting, though I guess I had no idea what I was expecting.

Their backyard was even nicer. It was all decked out with clowns and circus tents for the party, but underneath it was lush green grass surrounded by trees with a play structure off to the side. It was actually kind of beautiful.

I was so busy looking around that I didn't even notice that Rose was hugging Bella hello at first.

When they were done, they pulled apart and Bella walked right over, and hugged me too. "Hey there stranger. I'm glad you're here."

I squeezed her back, and it felt amazing. "Me too. Thanks for having me….Um, are we early?" I asked when I saw that we were the only ones there."

"Yeah…but that's perfect, you can help set up," she said, and just like that, it was like the past six years apart never happened. Bella put us right to work hanging decorations and setting up games.

And when she sent me into the house to find some tape that was needed, Edward walked in with a big cake box.

"Hey, you made it," Edward said casually. "And Bella already has you working," he said with a laugh.

I smiled. "Yeah, well I'm thrilled to do it," I said sincerely as I pulled off a streamer that was stuck to my shirt. "You just got back from the bakery?"

"Well I thought about baking the cake myself, but then Bella pointed out that I can't bake, so I opted for having someone else do it."

He lifted the lid so I could see the circus tent shaped cake.

"What's with all the clowns and such, anyway?" I asked disturbed.

Edward shrugged. "Bella refused to let me show Benny _'It'_, so he still likes all this shit."

I laughed. "Did you really want your son to piss himself the way you did after watching that movie?"

"At least he wouldn't like this crap anymore."

"True," I agreed. "Maybe when he's like eight."

I didn't go there that day expecting things to be strained between us the entire time, but I definitely didn't think it was going to be downright easy either. As odd as it sounded, the fact that it wasn't strange was the strangest part. I immediately felt comfortable around them, and even when I saw Edward and Bella being affectionate towards one another, I didn't have a negative feeling whatsoever; actually it almost looked right…like I could finally see their love and it was completely natural. They fit together, and I hated that I ever tried to keep them apart.

Pretty soon the guests started to arrive, including my dad and his fiancée Sue, who was more than a little shocked and elated to see me there; he may have even been crying as he hugged me. Charlie and I practically spent the entire party catching up, and he told me how Edward had basically saved our old family house. He and Sue currently lived there together, but were still working on paying Edward back, even though he refused to take the money.

"So I decided to just keep putting my payments into savings bonds for Benny," Charlie explained.

"That's a good idea," I told him.

We laughed and reminisced and he asked me about my life, but mostly he bragged about the joys of grandparenthood. It was actually an incredible couple of hours.

When things finally slowed down, and the last kid went home, Edward decided that since it was an unusually warm day for October, it was a good idea to bring out the water guns…

"Oh, Edward, no!" Rose complained, already seeing where it was going.

"Fine, don't arm yourself, but you're going to get wet either way."

Bella skipped out of the house, and looked just as excited about the upcoming war as Edward and Benny seemed to be.

"Ok, Masens versus Swans," Bella announced.

"Wait, we're all playing?" I asked surprised.

"Of course," Bella said enthusiastically.

"No, I wanna be on Aunt Wose's team!" Ben complained when we all got up and picked our weapons. And since it was his birthday, we humored the kid. So the teams ended up being Ben, Rose, and me verses Edward, Bella, and Charlie….and it was war. It only took a couple minutes for all of us to get completely soaked, and I couldn't remember a time when I laughed that hard. But beyond anything else, the best part of the battle was the fact that Ben seemed to get over his resentment towards me marrying Rose, which was a definitely relief

Rose and Bella eventually had enough and went inside to change, and Sue followed them in to help start the cleanup, but us men stayed out back and just sat in the sun to dry with a few beers….well, root beer for Ben. There were only three of the reclining chairs, so Ben crawled in Edward's lap and I watched as they just laid back together completely content.

"Hey daddy?" Ben asked him.

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss me being five?"

Edward laughed. "Yeah, but I love that you're six now."

"And when I'm seven you'll miss me being six?"

"Of course, but I'm still excited to see you turn seven…and eight, and all the years you'll become."

"But when I'm seven I get to dwive the fishing boat, wight gwampa?" Ben asked Charlie.

"Well, that's what we agreed on," Charlie replied.

"You go fishing?" I asked him enthusiastically. "Do you think I can come sometime?"

"You wike to fish too?" Ben asked surprised.

"Yeah, of course. Grandpa used to take me all the time when I was your age."

"You knew gwandpa when you wuz my age?"

"Yeah, he's my dad," I told him with a smile.

He looked confused as he tried to figure out what that meant.

"So…you's my mommy's bwother?"

"That's right."

"But you's mawying my mommy's sister?"

We all laughed. "No buddy, Aunt Rose is just mom's friend," Edward explained.

"Oh…well, I guess you can come fishing wif us. But only if you bait your own hook," he said while trying to wink at Charlie.

I smiled. "Well, I'm not sure if I can remember how…Will you help me?"

He looked to Edward for his opinion; when Edward nodded encouragingly, he turned back to me and said – "Ok, I can help you."

And just like that, I knew we were going to be great friends.

….

Over the next few months, Rose dove in head first into wedding planning, and I did my best to make up with lost time with my family. Bella and Edward brought Ben up to Seattle for the weekend a few times, and I must have driven out to Forks practically every other weekend.

Benny was definitely a riot, and he quickly became my favorite little buddy who loved to play jokes on me and demonstrate his latest magic tricks. And I was grateful for the amazing gift of being around Bella and Charlie again, but the biggest surprise I had was just how quickly Edward and I settled into an old familiar camaraderie. It was like the moment I got my head out of my ass, we were able to go right back to what we were before. It wasn't as if we were fixed, but more like there was never a riff between us in the first place…and after only four months of renewed friendship, I was asking him to be my best man in my wedding.

And it was the best wedding I could ever hope for. With my new/old best friend by my side, my little life savior nephew stumbling his way down the aisle as the ring bearer, my parents in the front row, Bella as the matron of honor, and the most beautiful bride I could ask for, life didn't get much better, and I was incredibly grateful to be given a second chance to live it.

**The End**

* * *

*****A/N: Once again, thank you so much for all your time and support. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it **


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